Hello readers,
This is my very first fan-fiction ever, so any reviews/comments would be much appreciated. Constructive criticism is welcome as well, but please don't send hate. If you don't like the story you're more than welcome to stop reading it. Please bear with me through a bit of angst and Charming family feels before the real fun starts. The overall rating for this story is still undecided, but I'm setting it as Teen for now. I will do my best to update regularly. I'm excited to see how this turns out :)
The night the darkness claimed her was the worst night of her life. But it wasn't because of the sickening, twisting in her gut or the feeling of heaviness as evil seeped its way into her now blackening heart. It was because of all that she'd been forced to leave behind. Her family, her friends…Killian. The man who had become such a crucial part of her family somewhere along the way. The charming, handsome, thoughtful, brave and infuriating man she'd only just voiced her true feelings for.
Emma knows that technically she wasn't forced to leave them, that she could have chosen to stay, to let the darkness take Regina instead, but she'd be damned if she let that happen again, especially after all Regina had done to redeem herself. And Emma supposes she is. Damned that is. Maybe not in the traditional sense of the word, meaning hell bound, but damned to live out her own personal hell as every day the darkness and despair threaten to overtake her completely. The only thing keeping her sane is the thought of her loved ones coming for her. But it isn't a question of whether or not they'll come, it's a question of whether or not they'll find her. She knows it seems silly, but Emma takes comfort in what she now considers their family mantra; that they will always find each other.
Her biggest concern however, isn't even if they'll be able to find her, it's whether or not they'll be able to save her if they do. Emma has never been the most trusting person, and putting her trust and faith in other people doesn't happen often, so she was surprised by how hopeful she'd been that they'd save her when she first held up the dagger and let the swirling blackness surround her.
She thinks back on her trip to the Enchanted Forest and through time with Killian, when she'd been taken prisoner by the Evil Queen, and how she'd managed to break herself out only to run face to face with him. She remembers his genuine surprise and happiness as he said her name, slightly breathless. She also remembers his disappointment at being deprived a dashing rescue, as he'd put it. Not to mention how his very well fitted suit was doing things to her she was trying very hard to ignore. But then there was what she'd said to him; "the only one who saves me is me." Emma had come so far in entrusting them to save her—"you figured out how to take the darkness out of me once, you need to do it again, as heroes"—only to have her hope be slowly snuffed out. She clings to it tightly, every day, but the darkness has a way of making all her fears and doubts come to the surface and fester like an open wound.
She realizes now that this is what it does, it tears you apart, exposes all of your insecurities and weaknesses. It leaves you drowning in despair while bringing the worst memories that were locked away to the forefront of your mind. Emma understands now how this entire "Dark One" thing works. Before you truly become the Dark One, the seething, overpowering evil breaks you, all the while filling you with hatred and contempt. And that's when it actually happens, after feeling powerless within your own mind, you reach for its power and grip it tightly, so as to never feel powerless again. And then, rather than hating the darkness, you embrace it and you hate all those who've wronged you in any way, big or small. And even with so much power already, you seek more and more and more.
Emma now sees Rumpelstiltskin in a whole new light, and despite all the terrible things he's done, she feels a deep sympathy for what he must have gone through. She isn't excusing him for his actions, for it was he who sought out the Dark One's power in the first place, but she thinks she now understands him a little better than before. Despite the Dark One's curse, Mr. Gold had his good days, and he still cared deeply about certain people. She saw it with Neal, Belle and even Henry.
Emma knows that if she does truly become the Dark One, she'll still love Henry, her parents and Killian—as much as the Dark One can love anyone—but it won't be the same. Mr. Gold lied to Belle, again and again, and when met with the choice to simply be with her or to continue on his path for power…well, he didn't choose. He thought he could have both. Imagining herself become this twisted and greedy, willing to lie over and over to her loved ones sickens her, and she takes that as a very good sign, it means she's still herself, despite how broken she may feel.
She has to be strong for them, she knows this, and so she tries to picture her mother's voice in her mind, telling her to never give up hope. She imagines Henry's proud smile as he tells her that she's the Saviour and that she has to believe in herself. She then thinks of her father and how he would go to any lengths to protect his family. His warm smile and, at times, his overprotective nature, especially when a certain pirate captain comes knocking. She imagines some sarcastic, slightly passive aggressive comment from Regina, telling her to smarten up and get herself together. And then of course she imagines her beloved pirate. His comforting embrace and soothing voice, his uncanny ability to say just the right thing to lift her spirits. His intense blue eyes that carry so much emotion all on their own. His beautifully ruffled, scruffy dark hair. And his smile, oh God, his smile.
Then she remembers her last few moments with him. He wasn't smiling then. In fact he'd looked completely and utterly devastated. Perhaps telling him she loved him right before being separated wasn't the smartest course of action. Killian hadn't even had the chance to respond. Emma hates herself for not telling him sooner. She'd had the perfect opportunity to do so back at the Loft, after they'd toppled onto the bed together and she wonders if she would have even said the words at all if they hadn't wound up being torn apart yet again. She'd like to think she would have, but she can't know for sure. And so, Emma vows that if she sees Killian again, no, when she sees Killian again, she isn't going to hold anything back from him.
She'll tell him how he makes her feel, how much she loves him and this time he'll have a chance to reply. She'll even tell him some of the more…embarrassing thoughts that come to mind whenever he's around…within reason of course. So when he smiles again, she'll tell him just how much she missed that smile…and those lips.
She will survive this ordeal for Killian, and a chance to see him smile again, for her son and her parents. For Regina and their tentative, forming friendship. And Lily, who she has only recently been reacquainted with. And all the residents of Storybrooke who have become like an extension of her family. She still has some fight left in her yet, and there are still people who need saving, herself included, and she is the Saviour after all.
