Title: Finding a Way Home

Pairing: Literati

Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, the characters or any of that good stuff.

A/N: This takes place right where the third season left off. I was a little disappointed and needed more. So, I decided to write my own fic. I've already posted this at s-h.org. Hmm.. What am I missing? Oh, some of the timing is off in this part. But it'll turn out much more organized later. Yup. Well.. it should.

Jess Mariano sat on the roof of his father's house, staring out into the Pacific Ocean. The moon made the water glisten, as he gazed past the horizon. His face was expressionless as his right hand gripped the cordless phone. Without looking down, he began to dial the number he knew so well. After a short pause, a recording came on. He had memorized it by now.

"Hey! You've reached Rory's cell phone. I'm off backpacking through Europe with my mom"

"Her beautiful mom!" Lorelai shouted in the background causing Rory to giggle.

"I'll be back in Stars Hollow on August 10th." Rory continued.

"If we don't join up with a band of gypsies first!"

"Mo-omm stop!" Rory finished as a beep sounded, signaling the end of the message.

Jess hung up the phone and brought his eyes to stare at it as he held on tight. He sighed. He didn't quite know what he had expected to get out of this, something that had become a nightly ritual. Rory had been in Europe for two weeks, something he was well aware of. Yet, he still called her cell phone every night, knowing she wouldn't be there to answer. He called now because he was afraid of talking to her. Afraid of having to hear her voice, her pain and the tears she must've been holding back the last time they spoke. Even then, he hadn't the courage to speak. It was supposed to be such a happy day for Rory, and Jess wished he had been there.

Rory would be back in a week. Jess knew he didn't have much time left. In a few days, he wouldn't be able to hear her voice before going to bed. It was something that he needed. Hearing her happy like that made him feel better, but at the same time it hurt him deeply. He wouldn't dare call when she returned. He would no longer be able to call just to hear her voice. No, the only way he would be able to hear her again was if he called when she was back in Stars Hollow, and he spoke. That wouldn't work though. At the sound of her voice, he could picture her face in his mind as clearly as if she was right in front of him. The mental picture of Rory left him choked up. He could picture her the whole time during that last phone call on her graduation day.

Jess Mariano, the rebel of Stars Hollow, the boy that couldn't care less about anything, had built up a wall around his heart so high, that the thought of it crumbling scared him. Although, he would never admit it. Inside, there was a feeling he couldn't explain, but all the same, he knew what it was. It was the only thing in his life that Jess was sure of. He didn't know if his current living arrangement would work, if he'd ever see Rory again, if Luke would accept him again, or if he could ever get the strength to bring himself to tell Rory how he truly felt.

Jess sighed once more and looked out towards the ocean. As the waves crashed onto a wall of rocks, he held the phone against his chest and closed his eyes. He whispered something under his breath, that was barely audible.

"Rory.."

******

Lorelai and Rory walked casually down a street that was full of shops and boutiques.

"I can't believe we actually just did that!" Rory said shaking her head. "What if they saw us?"

"Don't worry about it. I made sure they were distracted." Lorelai smiled as she looked back to make sure no one was behind them.

"Well, that's one more thing we can check off our list." Rory replied.

They continued walking down the street looking for a place to sit. As Lorelai began to list off things they should do next, they passed a book store. Rory glanced over and saw a small, shiny object that caught her attention. A silver mirror was placed on top of a book, a book that she knew too well. Even with the title covered, she knew exactly what book it was.

Lorelai had noticed Rory wasn't right next to her anymore. She turned around and saw her daughter staring intently at the bookstore window. Lorelai knew there was something there that had Rory in deep thought, she just wasn't sure what it was.

"Hey Rory. Remember me? Your mother and inexperienced, yet super fun tour guide?" Lorelai announced as she stepped closer to Rory.

"Oh, sorry, Mom. I was just looking at something." Rory replied, partly startled. She hadn't realized how long she had been staring at the display. She quickly returned her gaze to the book.

"Okay. Well, do you want to go in?" Lorelai asked, now standing directly in front of the bookstore window.

"No, it's fine. Besides, didn't you say you were hungry?" Rory answered, finally pulling herself away.

"Sweetie, Momma's always hungry. But, if you meant did I need to get some food in me before I collapse and take you with me, then yes." Lorelai smiled.

Rory laughed. She turned to follow her mom down the street, but not before she looked back at the window. Her eyes fell upon the book once more. Lorelai began tugging at Rory's arm.

"Come on, Mommy needs nourishment. Nothing too healthy though."

Rory sighed as a worked inside lifted the mirror and took the copy of Howl with him. She continued on down the street with her mom, their arms linked.

"How about coffee and some croissants?"

"Oui!" Lorelai giggled, "I'm getting better at this."

*******

Jimmy watched as his son climbed off the roof. A son who he knew practically nothing about. He had left Jess long ago, without so much as a "good-bye", or "see you later". Now Jess had done the same to someone that meant a whole lot to him. Jess didn't have to say anything, but Jimmy knew. He remembered what it was like, and he could see it.

"Hey." Jess greeted Jimmy, who was standing on the porch.

"Hey. What were you doing up there?" Jimmy asked, hoping to get Jess to open up.

"Nothing."

"Oh, it's just that you've been going up there a lot lately."

"Yeah, well, I'm studying to be a roofer." Jess said, ending the conversation, as he walked into the house.

Jimmy stood there. After all this time apart, his son was with him again. Yet, Jess seemed miles away at moments like these. Jimmy couldn't be too sure because Jess wasn't exactly the type of person who would open up and show his emotions to the world. The only thing Jimmy could think of was if Jess would be happy here, or if there was something back in Stars Hollow that could make Jess' life that much better.

***

The morning sun shone brightly in through Jess' window as he slowly began to stir from bed. He hadn't slept much the previous night. Not that he'd been able to in a while. He had been thinking about Rory. He imagined what it would be like if he had another chance, if he hadn't left, or if he went back. If he went back. Jess quickly shook his head, trying to rid his mind of the idea.

There was no way he could go back. Stars Hollow wasn't his home. If he went back, which wasn't even an option in his mind, the town would be out to get him. He had broken Rory Gilmore's heart. He wouldn't be able to stay with Luke, because of how things were left, and the deal he had broken. Taylor owned so many apartment buildings in Stars Hollow, there'd be no way he'd even get an application. Besides, Rory was going away to Yale. Why would he go back to Stars Hollow, if she wasn't even going to be there? There was nothing there for him. Stars Hollow wasn't his home.

Jess pushed the light blanket off himself and rose from bed. He walked over to his mirror and stared at himself for a moment.

"Jeez, Mariano, snap out of it." He said as he shook his head again.

He then grabbed some clean clothes and took a quick shower. Once he was done, he grabbed a book and shoved it into his back pocket. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair as he walked out the door.

********

Lorelai and Rory sat quietly at a small table outside a restaurant. They both looked very alert and had confused expressions on their face.

"Do you hear it?" Lorelai asked, breaking the silence.

"Shh. I think I do." Rory replied and strained her ears to try and listen better.

Lorelai waited for Rory to hear what she had already heard. After a few seconds, Rory looked at Lorelai, wide eyed.

"Whoa! You're right! It does sound like him." Rory said, agreeing with her mom.

"See. It's scary, isn't it? A French Taylor. I feel bad for this town." Lorelai said as she took another sip of her coffee. "The coffee isn't as great as I thought it'd be. I'm starting to really miss Luke's coffee." Lorelai set her cup down, and circled the rim of her cup with her finger.

"Me too. But, we'll be back home in a few days. The first thing we'll do is go to Luke's." Rory smiled just as a waiter brought over their sandwiches. She leaned back as he placed her lunch in front of her. "Merci." The waiter nodded and left. The girls each took a bite of their sandwich.

"So, are you sad we'll be back home soon?" Lorelai said between bites.

Rory thought for a second. "No, not really. I mean, it'd be great to stay longer, but we have to get back. I have to get ready for Yale and everything. And, I know it seems weird, but I kinda miss Stars Hollow"

"Yeah, I do too. It's really weird. You must be so excited about Yale."

"I am. It'll be the first time I'm away from home."

"I'll miss you too much." Lorelai pouted.

"I know, Mom. I'll miss you too, but I'll be back every weekend." Rory said reassuringly.

"I know, sweets. But it's just not the same. I'll be coming home to an empty house, everyday."

Rory pauses to think as she takes a sip of coffee. "We can make a Rory doll."

"Huh?"

"Yeah. A life size doll of me. You know, so the house won't seem as lonely. You could talk to it when you miss me too much."

"Uhh.. like a cardboard you? That doesn't talk, eat, sleep, watch movies, or drink coffee. No, thanks. It's a little creepy. I'll just call you."

"Good, I was hoping you'd say that." Rory laughed.

"Evil. This is how I know you're my daughter." Lorelai stared at Rory, and smiled. "So, do you know where Paris is going yet?"

"I'm not sure. She left me a message on my cell phone. But I didn't listen to it."

Lorelai nodded. They finished their lunch, and sat for there for a while enjoying the nice weather and their coffee. A couple sitting at a near-by table, were kissing. Lorelai noticed Rory's gaze was directed their way.

"Hun, are you okay?" She asked not sure if she should've.

"Yeah. I was just.. thinking." Rory shook her head slightly, looked at her mom and smiled.

Lorelai smiled back and asked, "You ready to go yet?"

"Yeah, I'm done." Rory got up and pushed her chair in. "Feel like taking a walk?" Lorelai nodded.

They both left the restaurant and headed for a park that was only a few blocks down. Rory was determined to enjoy the rest of her vacation, and to try her hardest to avoid any thoughts of Jess.

The park's pathway was lined with colorful flowers and trees that towered high above, creating a nice shaded retreat from the summer sun. Lorelai and Rory walked in silence, taking in their surroundings.

"It's so beautiful here," Rory said as she took in a deep breath. "The flowers are so pretty. They really take good care of this park."

"Yeah. I could sit here all day with a nice cup of coffee. It's really peaceful too. A very nice place to go when you don't wanna think about anything." Lorelai gave Rory a quick knowing look, then returned her gaze to the path before her.

"Are you implying something? Because there's nothing I'm trying to avoid thinking about. So whatever you're getting at, you're wrong."

"Whoa, okay, okay. I didn't mean anything by it. It was just a general statement. No need to get all defensive." Lorelai stated, as she threw her hands up.

Rory sighed and looked at her mother. "Sorry. But you're right. There is something I don't want to think about."

Lorelai looked at her sympathetically, knowing what was coming. She was slightly unsure if she should continue, but decided it would be best. "Does this something have a name?"

"Yeah. You know, talking about it requires thinking about it."

Lorelai smiled and placed her arm on Rory's shoulder, leading her to a nearby bench. "True. But maybe that's what you need. Maybe you think about it too much, and talking about it will help you think less about it. That way it won't be stuck in your head."

"I don't know." Rory sat on the bench, with Lorelai next to her. She was silent for a moment, and then spoke finally. "Why did he have to leave like that? I know it's been over a month, but I can't help it. I have to know."

"Do you hate him?"

"No." Rory shook her head, showing that was something she was certain about. "No, I don't hate him. I hate the way he left. I can't hate him. I.." Rory's voice trailed off.

Pausing for a slight moment, Lorelai looked down and then back at Rory. "Do you love him?" A part of her didn't want to know, but she wanted to help Rory through this.

"I.. I don't know. I really cared.. care.. cared.. Ugh! It just hurts." Rory put her head in her hands, unable to figure out how she felt exactly. But she knew, deep inside, she knew. She just couldn't bring herself to say it. Not aloud, and not to anyone but him.

Lorelai draped her arm around Rory once more, and pulled her closer. She rested her head on Rory's and sat like that for a moment. "It's okay babe. You'll figure it out."

"I hope so. I need to let it go, but I can't. Why does it have to be so hard?" Rory said, sitting up and pulling her hair out of her face.

"So we can grow?"

A small smile came across Rory's face, "Yeah, maybe. I hope he's okay. And that he finds whatever it is he's looking for out there."

"I'm sure he's okay. He's a big boy."

Rory nodded. They sat there in silence a little longer. Rory's mind was filled with questions she wished she could answer. Would she ever see him again? Did she want to? If she did, would she be able to tell him how she felt? What would she do if he didn't feel the same way? There were too many unanswered questions she needed to deal with. Right now wasn't a good time for all this. She was supposed to be enjoying her vacation, she was starting Yale soon, and she was going to be on her own soon. This was definitely not a good time for all this to be happening. But who got to choose when things like this happened?

"Ready to go? We gotta pack so we can move on to our next adventure." Lorelai said shaking Rory out of her daydream.

"Yeah. I'm ready."

A few weeks later...

Rory sat on the edge of her bed looking at her almost empty room. Her book collection had been gone through several times. She had chosen a few books she especially enjoyed to take with her. She could always get more when she visited. Her clothes were folded and neatly sitting in her suitcase. She walked over to the suitcase that lay by the door and zipped it closed. She was going to miss her room. She had been so accustomed to it all these years.

Rory was getting ready to leave for Yale. She still thought it was funny. It was strange how all your life you could want something, and when it was right in front of you, you could choose another option. All her life, Rory Gilmore had dreamed of attending Harvard. Yet, here she was, standing in her room, making sure she had everything she needed, to go to Yale.

"Hun, you got everything? I need to get the stuff into the jeep." Lorelai shouted from the living room.

"Yeah. Everything's packed." Rory took a look around again, her eyes setting upon her desk. She walked over to it, and opened the top drawer. Inside was a small picture turned upside down. She picked it up and hesitated for a second before turning it over. When she looked at their faces, smiling and happy, she slowly smiled. Jess had his arm around her shoulder, and her hand rested on his. She stared at it for a few minutes, thinking of their time together. She had chosen him over Dean, and it was something she'd never regret. As much as she hated to admit it, considering the circumstances, she had fallen for Jess Mariano.

She shook her head. No. She refused to do this to herself. Jess had left her. He didn't even say good-bye. No. Rory was on her way to start a new chapter in her life; one that didn't involve Jess, no matter how she may have felt about him. She needed to move on. It would be hard, but she wanted to forget about all the pain she was going through, no matter how much she still cared for him.

"Rory, honey, Luke's here." She heard her mother call out. Quickly, she put the picture back in the drawer and shut it. Just then Luke appeared in her doorway.

"Are these the ones?" He asked pointing to the suitcases that were by the door. She nodded and he took them with him. Once he was gone, she opened the drawer again and took the picture out once one. She sighed as her finger traced his face. Without giving it a second thought, she put the picture in her handbag. She'd let go when she was ready. As much as she needed to move on, there was a part of her that needed to hold on to what little she had left of Jess.

As Rory zipped her bag shut, Lorelai walked into her room. "Ready to hit the road kiddo?"

"Yup. All set." Rory replied, forcing a smile.

Rory took one last look at her room and then followed Lorelai out the door.