I'm Sorry Sam

Sam slammed the hotel door behind him. He grabbed his hair, pacing before letting out a deep sigh.

Dean and he had been on the road for an exceptionally long time. They'd also had a bad run in the luck department. Motels were few and far between and when they had found one they had been disappointed to find that it held only single rooms with one bed. Now normally this didn't cause much of a fuss. They were used to rooming together since they were kids. John often forcing them together for extra protection. But they hadn't barely a moment's privacy in weeks and they were both getting on each others nerves. This night they were lucky and found a motel that while a little run down, had multiple vacancies. They unanimously decided each would take their own room and wouldn't bother the other until late the next morning.

He tossed his bag on his bed and lowered himself in the withering armchair provided. His head was pounding. He turned off his room's light as he felt obvious sensitivity to it. He would love to lie down but he knew the minute he did, he'd feel even more nauseous than he does now.

He leaned over and opened his duffle, taking out some over the counter medicine that he managed to get at a rest stop without Dean knowing. Sam knew that regardless of how upset and irritated his brother was with him, he'd be annoyingly doting and protective at any sign of sickness.

He'd yelled at Dean a few days ago to stop calling him Sammy. That he was fully capable of taking care of himself, and that's what he'll do.

He rested his head in his hands, praying the throbbing pain would dissipate. After waiting a few minutes for his stomach to settle. He carefully laid down on the bed, wrinkling his nose at the unusual smell and closed his eyes.

Sam woke to a small buzzing noise. He turned and with difficulty opened his eyes to see that it was his phone, a text message from Bobby stating that research had proved futile and the only option was for them to go and infiltrate the ghost town. Damn. He raised his head and immediately regretted it. He barely turned to the right in time to hurl a half a sandwich and coke all over his duffle.

He was aware of his body shaking and the aches and pains setting in even if it'd been a few hours. He whimpered. It was barely 9pm. He couldn't bother Dean for something as stupid as a bad cold. He'd already dreaded confronting him in the morning. 'Oh Sammy why didn't you tell me you were sick? Sammy don't give me that, you need to take all your medicine."

He swears that Dean always becomes some sort of mother-hen the minute Sam sneezes.

Sam found himself on the motel floor belie up about two hours after that. He couldn't really recall how he found himself in that particular position but he couldn't do much about it. He suddenly felt a sharp pain to his side that blinded out his vision. It was so sudden that he couldn't even scream. This can't be the common cold, it was much too intense and while he was used to pain given his job as a hunter, this was pushing it.

Visions and illusions soon filled his head. He fought them, but then the voices started. The voices telling him he was a waste of space, how Dean would be much better off without him, that he was a burden to his brother who always needed to look out for him. The voices were right. He never really had to protect Dean, his older brother always had to be with him. He missed out on so much lugging Sam around.

He had a sudden urge to find his brother. He needed Dean.

How he managed the strength to get up and run out the door he'll never be able to explain. How he was able to pounded at Dean's door, push the girl out of the way and lunge at Dean, who at this point was looking at him in shock and concern, and cry his eyes out, no clue. But he did, and here he was hugging an almost completely naked Dean who even while shocked didn't push him away.

"Who is that? Ex-lover?"

Sam could feel the heat in Dean's eyes, "He's my brother, now get out."

As soon as the girl had left the tension eased out of his brother. Dean turned Sam to him and Sam could see him looking for signs of injury. The minute Dean touched his forehead his eyes widened an as much as Sam wanted to reassure him nothing came out of his mouth.

"Goddamit Sam! How long have you had a fever for? What else hurts?"

But all those questions did was make Sam sob harder.

"Come on Sam, tell me what's wrong. Sammy...I mean Sam."

He looked up and with a pang saw Dean look contrite at the slip up. "I don't feel good."

Dean nodded and moved to stand from the bed which caused Sam to clutch him tighter, "No don't go."

"Shh baby bro, I'm just going to my duffle, I might have some advil at least.", he caressed his face and leaned their foreheads together. "I will not be far but it I need them buddy."

Sam understood at a subconscious level but that did little to alleviate his fear of rejection. However, he bit his lip and let go. Soon enough his brother returned with two blue green pills and a bottled water. Sam took them without complaint and leaned into his brother who quickly maneuvered them to lay more comfortably.

He listened to his brother's beating heart. It was soothing and reminded him of years of comfort and sacrifice.

"Dean."

"Shh, just rest, let the pain meds get the edge off. As soon as your fever lets off I'll take you to the doctor."

He winced, "Dean."

"Yeah?"

"I miss you calling me Sammy."

"Ok...wait, what?"

He made sure to look at Dean's eyes. "I know I can be a pain, and you wanted to have some time for yourself today and I ruined it. I should have realized I was sick earlier."

"You're an idiot! While yeah, definitely should have told me you were feeling bad, you have never been a burden to me. You're my little bro, and while sometimes you can be annoying I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Really?"

"Yup," Dean said popping the 'p'.

Later as he lay in the hospital bed, getting fluids, Sam turned to Dean who was sprawled on the ottoman next to him and smiled whispering, "You're the best big brother ever, and even though I don't usually say this to you when you're awake, I love you."

He settled to sleep easily, not seeing the small smile forming on Dean's face.