Brothers Again
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The air in the impala was so thick it could've been cut with a knife.
x
The two men in the front seat were silent, Dean's gaze focused exclusively on the road and Sam's on the uninspiring country-side that slid past the side-window.
Each one was occupied with their own thoughts; each working through their own regrets, accusations, feelings of betrayal but in the depths of their hearts, as there had been in the seemingly empty Pandora's box when all the evils of the world had been released, lay a glimmer of hope; hope that the love which infused their heart and soul for the brother sitting next to them, would overcome all that had been broken, all that had turned both into hollow shells of their former selves.
Without the comforting presence of the other by their side filling their dreary lives with jokes and fond laughter, they were lost.
x
Dean felt his emotions swirling through him.
The hard façade he showed to the outside world melted into hot tears where Sam was concerned. Dean knew many of his actions towards his brother had been disputable, but all he had ever done since the moment John Winchester had put baby Sammy in his arms that fateful night, had been to try and protect his little brother.
He was well aware he had failed in this so many times, but the intent had always been sincere, always fuelled by the love for his little brother, by his eternal need to keep him. safe
He couldn't remember though when their relationship had been so broken.
Perhaps this time the chain that linked them had been stretched too far, and even the steely links that composed it would crack and break under the strain.
Dean closed his eyes for a second. The tears that were threatening to fill them could not be allowed to fall. He was Dean Winchester and he didn't cry, not even when his entire world was falling apart around him.
Sam had practically denied their brotherhood, his need for family; in a word, Dean's entire reason to exist.
Dean knew he used the word family loosely, for his need was not for some generic 'family', but solely for Sam.
X
x
Sam studied the uninteresting panorama as if it was the most fascinating scenario on the planet.
He still didn't quite understand why he had abandoned his perfectly good car to come and ride in the Impala with Dean. He could have followed on happily behind, avoided the unbearable atmosphere that permeated the Impala.
Yeah Sam, schizophrenic much, he berated himself.
x
He and Dean hadn't seen each other for weeks since his big brother had left with the declaration that he was poison and that isolating himself from all and sundry was the answer.
Maybe his brother was right. Maybe that was for the best.
Once Dean had told him they were stronger together, that they kept each other human; but Sam was convinced now that those were empty words. Oh, Dean had been sincere when he had said them, and Sam had believed them with all his heart, but if those words had been true then how did they find themselves today more apart than ever?
x
Sam thought back on his life, infected with demon blood, death visions, possessed by a demon, addicted to demon blood, possessed by Lucifer, imprisonment in the Cage, losing his soul, and now being possessed by an angel who had used his body to kill.
Sam wondered how he even had a shred of sanity left, but he knew why, it was because of the man that sat by his side.
Dean was his alpha and his omega, his beginning and his end, and was ultimately what kept him sane.
x
That was why he had left his car and gotten into the Impala, because for all his reasoning, his logic and his objections, he couldn't live without Dean.
He had tried to fight against this truth, to disprove it.
He and Dean were adults after all. They could learn to be independent of each other, to overcome their co-dependency, but after all this time, after everything, here he was again, by Dean's side. And you know what, his treacherous heart whispered, it felt so right!
He sighed and turned his head towards his brother, well aware that Dean was mulling over everything just as he had been, and that as usual was blaming himself for all that had happened, all that he had done wrong, but Dean shouldn't have to shoulder the blame; it was on both of them.
X
"Dean" he tried hesitant, not sure of what he wanted to say, only that he had to try and fix this, at least a little.
Dean's eyes never left the road. If Sam said anything remotely emo to him, he didn't know if he could hold in the threatening tears any longer and Dean knew that tears were useless. He had cried copious amounts when he was in hell and they had been of no avail then, and wouldn't be now.
"Listen, man. I.. just don't know what to say," Sam was continuing.
"I don't know how things have gotten to this point. I... never wanted for this to happen, Dean. You're my brother. I once told you I'd die for you and that's never changed but all the crap that's happened to us..."
Dean felt the grip on his already tenuous emotions failing.
"Sam, just don't, please," he managed to get out. "Not ...right now."
Sam lifted his head from his hands which he had been assiduously studying, and glanced at his brother's profile.
A single tear was slipping down Dean's cheek.
He watched fascinated as it reached the stubble of his beard and meandered through it like a stream through the forest.
Dean was crying. His big brother, the fearless Dean Winchester was weeping.
x
"Stop the car, Dean." Sam whispered, the sight wrenching his heart so hard that he thought it would burst.
"Sam," Dean murmured, tilting his head in denial.
"Stop, Dean," Sam said again, and Dean had barely pulled into the side of the road when Sam was upon him, his arms around him like a vise, his head buried in Dean's shoulder.
"I was lying Dean," Sam whispered into the cloth of Dean's jacket. "We are brothers and we always will be. I never meant what I said back there. I was angry but not at you, at the shit that has been thrown down on us, at all of them, the demons, the angels, God himself, but not with you Dean, It was never about you, yet its always been about you."
And on Sam's cryptic words, Dean let the flood-gates open and the tears fall freely He didn't give a damn about anything else but the feel of his little brother in his arms.
They would work this out. They would find a way to make this right. To be brothers again.
X
The enD
