It was raining. And raining hard. The kind of storm that makes you scared and wanting to hide under your bed. But Spencer didn't care. She didn't mind the rain going trough her clothes, she didn't mind the mud in her shoes, she didn't mind her hair getting wet.
It was a very sad day for her. It wasn't any special day, there wasn't any reason for her to take a walk through her past, but she did it anyway.
She just missed Ali.
Spencer slowly made her way to Ali's grave and she just broke down. She missed her hair. She missed the way she could get trough her nerves. Spencer knew Ali was someone who was worth the fight. She felt home with her in her arms.
She missed the late night talks and the morning kisses. She missed their fights. Spencer laughed when she remembered that stupid flirting competition with Ian. She remembered who difficult was for her to get Ali open her heart. She missed her sarcasm. She missed her smell.
Spencer tried so hard, every day to move on, but she just couldn't. She just couldn't accept the fact that she was gone. She didn't even knew how she had lasted this long without her. The nights where the worst. When Ali was around and Spencer couldn't sleep she would call her and then Ali would be in her arms and she could have a peaceful sleep.
That's when Spencer felt anger going through her body. Ali, after the pool party where she talked about immortality, she promised to Spencer she would never go away from her. She promised she would never leave her alone.
"You promised Ali. You promised you would never leave me alone" Spencer said between sobs. "You don't even understand how hard is to live without you, you don't even know, if you loved me like you said you did you would still be here Alison. You would be here standing next to me. If you loved me the way you said you did you would understand how hard it is to say goodbye.
"Sometimes I wonder, if you were here, would we still be together? Sometimes I wonder if I even knew You. Would you give up on me? If you loved me like you said you did.
"It's so hard Ali. I can't love you any more, I have to move on, but I can't. Every time I close my eyes I see you and those stupid big blue eyes, every time I am with someone I am afraid of falling for them because I couldn't risk losing them like I lost you. And I also think I can't fall for someone else."
When Alison was in Spencer's arms she felt safe, she felt home. Alison felt like she could be herself when she was with her, she felt like she could forget about A, she felt loved. She felt like someone really liked her, not feared her.
Ali realized then, when she saw Spencer at her grave, that she was her only true love. She was the only person she cared about, she would die for her, and she did, everything she did she did it for Spencer, and she couldn't lose her, not again, she decided then she would tell the world she was coming home.
