HMoN
§Loss of My Everything§
By Muirnin CocanDisclaimer: I neither own nor claim any other rights in the characters and other concepts created for Glee. I make no money, nor do I seek any commercial advantage from this work. As such it constitutes "Fair Use" as defined in 17 U.S.C. §107. FAIR USE " Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use."
Author's Note: Welcome! To the first annual Hummelberry Month of Neglect not unlike NaNoWriMo where you try to write an entire novel in 30 days or at least write 50K words in the month of November … Hummelberry Month of Neglect is a daily posting whether it be updates to current stories or if it's just quick one shots for myself they will be designated as HMoN both in the chapter or story title.
I got accused of writing chapters that were too long when I wrote over 8,000 in one story … coming from the land of Harry Potter and my group of favorite writers … that actually would have been short given that we all normally try to write 10,000 words minimum for a chapter … but I had to remind myself that I am writing for a different genre here and so I actually made 3 chapters out of the initial one I had written for this … Yay! 3 days worth of HMoN … anyway here you go … I challenge EVERYONE Hummelberry Month of Neglect lets get more HUMMELBERRY whether it be Romantic (yay) or Friendship (sigh) into the world …
Having come from my delusional mind … this is a Hummelberry ROMANTIC story … anything Glee related belongs to Ryan Murphy and Fox … and remember I am an addict when it comes to reviews … I beg of you … FEED MY ADDICTION … its better for the body then some of the vices out there …
Chapter 01 - UP ON THE ROOF
HUMMEL-BERRY LOFT, BUSHWICK, NY
Sometimes when dealing with sorrow or with grief … the impact of that can be in someways miniscule and in otherways it can be devistating. Somedays you have no idea what could trigger such an overwhelming reaction but then there are the otherdays … the ones that most everyone has … that just happen and they are the outcome of a really shitty day.
No matter what reason would cause a person to feel that they are at the end of their rope there is always hope … or at least that's what the experts say …
When you've experienced the loss of your everything … Whether it be that one person you held closest to you … That one exquisite and special treasure … that you have loved above all else … perhaps the one man you truly loved …
Or maybe just an exsistance … like the loss of the part that you had been born to play …
Or perhaps it took the shape of the impact of a death of someone you loved …
Perhaps it is the criticism in the form you didn't expect … or perhaps all of those things happening in a very short period of time … It takes its toll on you and you just buckle …
Taking a long drag on the slender cigarette between her fingers … the tears still making tracks down her cheeks …
This is the situation that found Rachel Barbra Berry sitting on the wooden chaise they had placed up on the rooftop patio just up the steps on the fire escape that was just outside of her bedroom in Bushwick.
Endulging in her old tv addiction … enabled of course by Kurt's TVLand addiction … She had come across a tv series she had not seen in its first run so when she saw that it was on their cable network and could see all the episodes she got hooked on Ugly Betty. She had identified with the woman … Kurt had even jokingly commented that was because they both had the same fashion sense … she had dressed very similar to the lead character, only with less butterflies.
It was during an episode during the third season of the show that they had thrown an after party up on their rooftop and Rachel had wondered if they could have that kind of extension to their home. Venturing up the fire escape … sure enough there was enough area up there that she had created a raised garden for her vegetables as well as an area to dine as well as sunbathe. It was their own outdoor secluded oasis.
The hardest part was getting all the building supplies up to the roof but with Kurt's skill at finding bargins and the fact that their father's had paid for the building they used their own money to improve on the property. Ironically it took a crane to get all the building materials up to the rooftop and they spent a couple of weeks working on the building until it was exactly how they wanted it to be.
She had taken to hiding out there to indulge in two of the vices that she had taken up shortly after Finn had been killed earlier the year before. Her devistation to his death had been just one more pound on the peg of her life … driving her further down into the depths of her own personal hell.
She had flown back to Ohio for his funeral … but had held off going back for the memorial that Mr Schue had set up until the last moment … she caved at the end and flew back and stuck by Kurt's side for as much of the time as she could. So far the only person she had really spoken to had been Mr Schue when she disclosed that she didn't even think she could sing again …
At first she had taken to spending time out on the fire escape as a way to hide in plain sight. Then she had ventured up to the roof … and even with the weather turning cold as they neared the second holiday season since Finn's death again … she didn't feel the cold like she normally did … she was turning numb to the cold … the pain … the medication the doctor's had given her to relieve her anxiety helped … not that she told her roomates about seeing the doctor …
She had stopped caring about herself … had anyone noticed that she wasn't following her normally strict vegan diet? That she was imbibing more than she had in the past? That her vices were a bit more severe?
She took one last drag from the cigarette … killing it and disposing the butt with the pile that was in the ashtray at her side. She took another long drag of the bottle of Glenmorangie 25 year old Single Malt Whisky … idolly thinking that her fathers' would have commented that bottle at least was old enough to drink … Hell it was older than she was by a few years …
In her mind she normally had an argument with herself that to spend that much money almost her entire amount of her share of the rent for a single bottle of the delectable nector was obscene but did she care … all she wanted to do is to just become like the old Pink Floyd song …
Yup … her mind was now beyond comfortably numb … she just wanted to stay this way forever … as the tears started to flow down her cheeks again.
The sound of Kurt's voice calling out to her caused her to turn her head to the sound. She saw Kurt's handsome face as it appeared over the top of the ladder access.
"Honey … you do know that it is freezing out here right now."
Patting the folded blanket next to her she said "Got my blanket right here. Turned the heater on too." Pointing to the hanging ceiling heater/light combo that was a little ways away in the portico structure behind her.
"Then why aren't you sitting under the heater rather than out there on the chaise huh?" Kurt asked.
"Wanted to see Finn Hudson … that's the star he bought me for Christmas a few years ago … if it's dark out here I can see him …" She said pointing at the stars not that she had ever been able to find the exact star that was Finn.
Looking around he marvelled at the wonderful area that they had created up there on the rooftop. The large wooden portico had a outdoor heater hanging from the top that normally lit the entire area … They had a large hanging platform that had a mattress and cushions for extra seating as well as a dining table and the oversized chaise lounge that Rachel was in at the moment.
The safety aspect was secure as only their fire escape gained any access to this large open area … "Did you reuse the raised beds with winter crops?" Kurt asked as he sat down and stretched out next to her still surprised that they had found a lounger that would hold two of them … all three if they were really snuggled up close. Grabbing the folded blanket he spread it over the pair of them.
"Yup sure did …" she slurred, "there's brocoli and cauliflower over there ... and got some fennel over there ... along with some leeks and some um ... parsnips ... yeah that's it ... parsnips ... Oh and look over there ... the pumpkins are ready for harvesting ... make some pumpkin pies and soups and who knows maybe we can carve one for Halloween." She had been swinging the bottle around as she pointed out the different planting beds.
Kurt nimbly pulled the bottle out of her hands as she swung it the last time … "Enough of the small talk doll … what's going on with you?"
"Hey give me that … I have no idea what you are talking about Kurt. Now may I have my bottle back … I paid a lot for that and want to enjoy it." Rachel said as she reached over him to get the bottle back.
Wrapping his other arm around her and pinning her to his chest he replied "You can have it back after you tell me what is going on with you …" He looked into her tired brown eyes as they opened wide at the very forward action Kurt had taken to keep her from running away.
"I already told you I have no idea what you are talking about …" Rachel said as she tried to get out of his embrace … Kurt showing how much stronger than she had ever imagined. "You are holding me too tight …" she slurred.
"And I am going to keep holding onto you to let you know you are not alone …" Kurt said emphatically thinking this was a continuation of the grief she had existed upon when his brother died. "We both lost a lot when Finn died … but I know you Rachel … this is more than just about my brother … there's something else going on … so talk to me."
Rachel just shook her head "I can't …" the tears she had tried to keep held in started betraying her as they fell down her cheeks.
Kurt just held on to the woman in his arms just rocking her softly and slowly trying to get her to stop crying. When she wouldn't talk about Finn's passing he understood … he knew the devistation she was going through but until she was able to voice it there was very little that either of them could do … or say.
"Sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere … I will be here for you always." Kurt said tenderly which had the unfortunate side affect of sending Rachel into another crying jag. "Ah … now I see how this is … this is definitely about me … especially if you are going to cry that hard over what I just said …" Kurt held her even tighter trying to keep from having tears of his own fall at the thought of causing her this much pain.
How long they lay out there on the chaise Kurt had no idea. Rachel had stopped crying and was now sleeping in his embrace. He knew she wasn't sleeping well at night even though it had been 3 weeks since she had been released from Funny Girl.
After performing for 14 months in the show she felt she was born to play, the director Rupert Campion felt the need freshen up the show and to recast the role giving it to a completely different actress. She had performed brilliantly at least to Kurt's thinking she did and he would know he had seen it about 20 times in the first 4 months that she had been doing the show.
Even their friends had been shocked when out of the blue Rachel just didn't go to the theater anymore. It was during this time that Santana had chosen to move out of the loft and in with Dani as they started a life of their own. Blaine, Tina and Sam all had an apartment as well as Artie in the building that HummelBerry Creation owned.
Since the HummelBerry Loft was THE only access to this rooftop area they didn't worry about their friends coming up there and disturbing their solitude. The timing of this emotional crash coincided with the pinky-swear promise that he, Rachel and Santana had made two years before.
The vibration of his cell phone caused Kurt to sigh … well there was one way to disturb their solitude he guessed. Looking at the text it was from Artie.
'Blaine called … said that nobody is answering your door – wanted to know if you guys wanted to go out to Callbacks tonight?'
Kurt quickly texted back 'Rachel and I are going to have a quiet night – we'll do Callbacks another night' he hit the send button and waited to get the reply he was expecting.
'This is because you and Blaine broke up isn't it?'
Blaine still didn't understand what was going on between him and Rachel and had made sure that he told all HIS friends about it. 'No its not about our break up; He just doesn't approve of the amount of time Rachel and I spend with each other … I'm not leaving her just for him.'
'Well Kitty will be here next week – can we at least have a gathering at my place while she's here?'
Kurt smiled as he thought about the blond bitch of a Cheerio who had stolen Artie's heart. She would be gratuating the following June and Kurt knew that she would be in moving in as soon as she could get there. Artie had even looked into a school she could transfer to but his mother had suggested to let them see how well they did with the separation to see if it would really work.
Now they had the evidence that the relationship between Kitty and Artie was solid and would last for many years.
'I'll talk to Rachel and we will see what we can come up with – But we should be able to come to your happening.' Kurt smiled as he used the term from the 70's that meant party.
'Good to know – Oh BTW – Blaine's still trying to get a hold of you – did you block him?'
'I'm ignoring him right now – because he is getting annoying – again and I really wish he would stop using you as a go between and make sure that you show that to him as well.'
Kurt could just tell that Blaine was there in Artie's apartment trying to find out what was going on with Kurt and Rachel. While Blaine adored Rachel he hated the fact that the former high school kicker cared more for the tiny brunette than he did his fiancé and that is what started the entire fight between Kurt and Blaine causing an end of their love story.
"Who are you texting?" the soft voice said snuggled into Kurt's chest.
"Artie … I guess a few of our tenants in the building don't like that when we are up here we are unaccessable to them." Kurt said looking down at the tiny brunette. He ususally used the term tenants for Blaine otherwise he would have used the word friends.
"I actually fell asleep …" Rachel sleepily commented "I could get used to this … you are way too comfy."
"Well I am sure the amount of Scotch you consumed didn't have anything to do with that either." Kurt said with a chuckle then got annoyed when his cell phone vibrated again looking down at the text he literally growled in anger.
"Whoa … You don't normally growl Kurt. Who's got you angry now?" Rachel said sitting up a bit more from Kurt's relaxed hold on her.
"Blaine … I wasn't going to tell you but he and I broke off the engagement and are no longer together …" Kurt said as he began anger texting a reply but was cut off by Rachel putting her hand over his as he was trying to type out the message.
"Whoa! Kurt … starting a reply back with 'You Mother Fucker' is not a good way to reply to what anyone says to you." Rachel commented sounding a lot more sober than she had a couple of hours before.
"They wanted us to go to Callbacks tonight but I told them no because I wanted a quiet night in with you … I didn't want to be around Blaine and all of his accusations about why he and I are not together anymore. He actually threatened to involve Mercedes in this … can you believe that?" Kurt said angrily.
"What the hell did he say that would cause you to react like this?" Rachel asked.
"Like I said I wasn't going to talk to you about this right now …" Kurt said as he rubbed his hand over the top of his face then shaking his head he picked up the bottle of scotch and took a long swig.
"That bad huh?" Rachel blinked … surprised at the fact that Kurt actually took a drink which he normally didn't do.
"Well I don't think it's bad but you may not like it … Ah Shit … ok here goes … you remember right before you got Funny Girl … you, me and Satan did that pinky-swear that we would stay here for two years before calling it quits …"
"Yeah that was just after you got into NYADA and started working at the diner …" Rachel responded.
"Well I had told Blaine about that … but he was like, 'well your two years are up next month so why don't we get a place of our own … away from this building' and I told him no, I wasn't moving way from this building since that would be a waste of money seeing as you and I own the property. I told him that I liked living with you and was in no hurry to get married." Kurt said taking another swig from the bottle.
"I like living with you too … I was afraid that you were going to leave when the two years were up …" Rachel said visably relieved that part of her fears were unfounded.
"Because of the amount of time that you and I spend up here away from everyone else, Blaine started accusing me of some stuff …"
"Some stuff? Like what?"
"That you and I were having an affair up here … you know that we were engaged in sexual relations?" Kurt said.
"He thought that? But Kurt you're my best gay … why would he …" seeing a look on his face that was so confusing to her "Kurt? What's going on." Rachel suddenly trying to get more of an answer than what Kurt was giving her.
Taking another swig he confessed "Rachel you know I love you … what you don't know is" he took a deep breath "It goes further than that I've actually … oh hell I've fallen in love with you … the thought of not having you in my life scares the living shit out of me and Blaine knows this … he feels threatened by you and figured we were 'up there fucking our brains out' as he put it. The thing of it is … I don't want to be with any woman other than you … you spelled it out in my yearbook … you're my soul-mate … and I am yours …" Kurt finished as the tears he was now trying to hold back began to slide down his cheek.
Rachel stared at him for only a moment then leaned up and captured his mouth in a kiss that swiftly turned passionate. They continued to kiss for quite a while but the moment that Rachel felt the hardness of his erection growing against her thigh she knew the truth of what he was saying.
"I never dreamed … never knew that you could ever feel like this about me Kurt … I've fallen in love with you as well and not being able to be with you near about destroyed me" Rachel said as Kurt began to kiss her again.
"You will never be alone again …" Kurt said between their kisses.
A few minutes later a ringtone that both of them knew 'Hell 2 the No' was that Blaine had indeed called Mercedes and she was wanting to talk to Kurt.
"You can always tell her the truth" Rachel said whispered to Kurt.
"You are on speakerphone … Hello Mercedes" Kurt said as Rachel piped up with "Hello Mercedes"
"So Blaine was telling the truth? You broke up with him because of the Diva?" Mercedes voice said scathingly.
Author's additional notes: I decided to do my own Hummelberry Month of Neglect … by featuring my favorite couple in postings every day for the month of February … I have abandoned any 12-step program for my addiction to reviews and being a review whore and so … I beg of you … please feed my addiction … You all are the best … So be constuctive … throw out ideas … thanks for reading it and remember …
FEED MY ADDICTION! The box is right here …
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