Hey guys! I was asked by a few people who loved Carlisle in The Missing to please write something from his point of view, so here you go. I do hope you enjoy.
Thank you to my beta, Darcysmom. My prereaders, Nikki, everydaybella,cullenboyz and Lynz. All mistakes are mine,
As usual, none of this is mine and no copyright infringement intended.
I will leave you to read.
~.~.~.~.~.~.~
I watched my son's face crumple in pain as he begged us to leave. I watched him deliver a speech so well rehearsed that he couldn't hide the fact that this was killing him on the inside. I could see the storm that was brewing in his eyes, the choices and agony that were tearing him apart. They left me selfishly torn as well.
Despite the warning bells that were ringing so loudly deep inside me, I'd stand by my son. But where does this leave me with my newfound daughter? What about her? Where was her choice in all of this?
Edward's decision was like a newly sharpened knife cutting through the freshly made family I once proudly held together.
As the family began to formulate plans for our departure, I was left alone in my study, wondering about the special, human girl that I had grown to call my daughter. I wondered if she would be okay, if she would forget us after everything, and, hopefully, forgive us for what has transpired. I selfishly didn't want her to forget us, but even I knew she would be deeply hurt by us leaving. She was losing her mate and a part of her heart. I knew what it felt like to have to leave a mate behind. I knew deep down that no good would come of this separation for Edward and Bella. They had always been fated to be.
And yet, I couldn't bring myself to turn my back on my son, the son I had saved, the son I had turned all those years ago.
Torn. I was so unbelievably torn. I was still leaving family behind, even if the best of intentions were behind it.
It didn't feel right. Not at all.
Her blood that was spilled the other night, the scent of it hung around the house like a burial shroud, reminding me of the fragility of human existence and Fate's cruel hand. And yet, that pivotal second that decided her fate, also handed her a punishment. She was losing all of us, all due to one single drop of blood.
I looked around my study and pulled certain books from my shelves and placed them into boxes. It felt so empty to be doing so. I never should have had to do this.
My frozen heart wanted to at least stop by her house and say goodbye to my last daughter, but my head told me not to. I had to lessen the hurt somehow, and this—sadly—was my way of doing it. A part of me knew that if we all said goodbye, it would just harden the blow that much more.
I hated myself for it.
Our flight up to Alaska to visit the Denali's was quiet and reserved. No one in my family talked, and we were all missing a key member. Edward. I couldn't bring myself to imagine the hurt he must be feeling right now after leaving his mate. Bella and Edward shared something special, that even with my past with Esme, I highly doubted that even I knew the depth of the pain he was now feeling. I hoped that he wouldn't stay away from her for long, but I worried this would be the end of them both.
My eyes roamed over each member of my family and finally landed on Esme. She was entirely too quiet as she looked out of the plane window. It was times like these that I wished I had Edward's talent of reading minds, but deep down, I had an inkling as to what my wife and mate was feeling. She was probably thinking along the same lines that I was. That we had failed our son and daughter, that we should have fought more, but what could we have done? Edward had always stood by our sides whenever something went wrong for one of us, I couldn't deny him this. I felt that I owed him. I was stuck between a rock and hard place. I secretly agreed with Edward's thoughts and reasons that Bella did not belong in our world, but because she was his mate I never said anything. And now, I had to give my son what he needed, even at the expense of hurting my last daughter. She probably felt as lost and heartbroken as I did after having lost two of our family. She probably feared, just as I had, that our family was forever broken.
I wanted to hold her, console her, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. My own selfish hurt was all I wanted to wallow in at that moment. I've never felt such crushing emotions before, and I've never shied away from holding my wife.
It seemed that I was failing everyone, not just Edward or Bella, but everyone. I had nothing to offer them. Usually I was the thinker, the one who planned things out for our family, but I had nothing. I was just...empty.
Once we landed in Denali, we made our way to our cabin. Everyone went their own ways, not a word spoken between us. As I sat down, the quiet became suffocating.
My fingers itched to call Edward and tell him that he needed to fix this, but I owed my son to at least let him do what he thought was right. I couldn't meddle, no matter how much I wanted to. I doubted that I could even make him change his mind anyway.
He was long gone, doing whatever he thought he could do. It hurt my heart to know that he felt he couldn't be with us, stay with us, when he so obviously needed us the most.
As I stared at the wall in front of me, my mind wandered to Isabella. I wondered what she was doing and if she was okay. The longer I stared, the more I came to miss the new daughter I had come to love as my own. And yet, despite that new found love for a new daughter, I failed her. I failed her as a father and a friend. I couldn't shield her from the heartbreak, I couldn't save her from the hurt that our family had caused her. I wouldn't be there to hold her, comfort her, talk to her. I didn't even say goodbye.
As days passed, the farther I seemed to drift from my family and my sense of being. My worry over Edward and Bella eclipsed everything. Deep down I knew that this had to be fixed, but what could I possibly do? Could I bring myself to betray my son and his wishes, just to mold this family back together again? Could I bring myself to go back to Forks and beg Isabella to forgive us and help us when it comes to Edward? It was selfish of me to want to do those things, but my heart knew that Isabella was the key to my family, and I couldn't lose my son.
My hands grabbed at my phone a few times, Isabella's number coming up often and me closing the phone back up again, unsure if I should even place the call. Surely, she must hate us by now since none of us said goodbye.
We owed her that, and we selfishly kept it from her.
Eventually, my heart hurt and my brain wouldn't shut off with my worries and stresses, that I gave in and went to my love, my wife, Esme, and broke down and mourned the family that had fallen apart right in front of me. We held each other, and we whispered words of love and encouragement to one another as she ran her hands through my hair and kissed me wherever her lips could reach. I let myself drown in her love as resolve and determination grew in me.
I would somehow make things right with Bella and Edward. I would bring this family to where it needs to be and should always be. Failure was not an option.
~.~
It was now two months since we had left Forks and our daughter behind. Two months of wondering, waiting, and hoping. Two months of no contact from Edward. Alice would get glimpses, but nothing solid to really go on. My heart was shattered the longer he stayed away.
Another snowstorm had taken over Denali as I stared out the window, wondering what my son and daughter were doing, where they were, who they were with. If they were okay, or if they needed me. I missed both of them more than I ever thought possible.
I let out a heavy sigh as my phone went off in my hand, the vibration never letting up. I answered to an obviously shaken Alice.
"We need to go. We need to see her. Now, Carlisle. I don't care what Edward says or wanted."
"What if she doesn't want to see us, Alice? There isn't much I can do, if that ends up being the case."
Alice sighed. "Trust me, Carlisle. We need to see her. I can't see everything, but I know that this will be the catalyst to bring everyone home. But right now, right now I see a very scared girl hopping on the back of motorbike in Port Angeles. I honestly don't know what to make of it."
Home. I could bring them home. That small, simple word...home, spurred me to get a move on. I grabbed my phone, quickly booking flights to Seattle and booking a rental car to drive to Forks.
When we had left Forks in September, I never thought we would come back. I had hoped for it, wished for it even, but never thought we would ever actually be back. As I drove past the welcome to Forks sign, I was glad for it. I would at least get to see my daughter again, if only for a little while.
Charlie's house was dark when we pulled up, his cruiser gone. Christmas lights hung in the window as a lone human's heart beat let us know that Bella was home.
I am not sure how long I stood out there on the front steps with my hand poised to knock on her front door as nerves set in. Eventually, I gave in and knocked, and as I waited, my hope for a future began to take a slow building hold. I listened as Bella made her way down the stairs, she let a sharp intake of breath when she looked out the peephole before opening the door.
Immediately, I wanted to grab her into my arms and hold her. She looked so exhausted and frail. I wanted to tell her that I was here to make everything okay again, that I was going to fix him and bring her mate home to her, that I was going to do a better job than I had before. I wasn't going to let her down this time.
Her eyes roamed and grew wide as she took my presence in, taking notice of the remaining family members waiting out in the cars. I watched the hope dim in her eyes once she realized that Edward was not with us. Her shoulders slumped in defeat as she opened the door wider to allow me to come in.
I silently followed her in to her living room. It was awkward and no one knew just where to begin. Not even the all-knowing Alice could tell me what to do or say in this situation.
My fingers yearned to grab her and hold her, comfort her as a father and friend should, but I held back. I wasn't sure where we stood with her, and I didn't want to push my luck. So much was riding on this visit.
Her thin arms wrapped around her middle, as if she was trying to hold herself together. I held back a lone sob as I took her appearance in. This was not the shy girl we left back in September, she was merely a shell of her.
Bella lets out a meek hello as she sat down and gestured for me to follow. What could I possibly say that would make her believe me, make this better?
"I am sorry, dear girl, that I never said goodbye."
She looked up at me, tears brimming in her tired eyes.
"I know you have no reason to trust me, or even believe in anything I say or do right now, but I've come to make you a promise, Bella. A promise I will not break, even if it takes my last day on Earth to complete."
I had her complete attention now, her eyes were trained on me, but she remained silent.
Nervously, I ran my fingers through my hair as I thought of my next words. "The promise to make this all better. I promise to bring you home, my daughter."
Her breath hitched at the mention of me calling her daughter, and my long dead heart yearned to hold her, make her see that I mean my words. I knew that I had no right to call her that, it just came out, it just seemed...right.
"I won't take much of your time and I know you probably want nothing to do with me or my family, but I am going to fix this, Bella. Some how, some way, okay? I will bring Edward home to you."
I could smell the salt in the air from her tears as her sobs took over.
Quickly, I stood up and went over to her, kissed the top of her head, unable to hold back my affection to my youngest daughter and whispered, "This is my vow to you, Bella. It is a vow I will keep until I bring Edward home to you."
Leaving that house, leaving her behind again, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. All I wanted was to pack her up and take her with me, but I knew I couldn't. She had Charlie and school. I had a promise to keep, and a son to find.
Once back in Denali and miles away from my daughter again, I pestered Alice daily for any sign that she had seen Edward. He was being smart, and making last minute decisions so that Alice couldn't see him. Every time I asked Alice for a an update, and nothing came, you could tell the knowledge that Edward was keeping his whereabouts from her, hurt her deeply.
This taking a tremendous toll on all of us. I only hoped that the strain would not be too much for this family and Bella.
Finally, shortly before Christmas, Alice received glimpses that led us to believe Edward was somewhere in South America.
Hope became my new best friend as I called Bella and let her know our progress and that we would be visiting her shortly because I had a plan.
On the flight back to Seattle, Alice received another vision, this time it was of a receipt with Rio De Janeiro written on it, which, at best, seemed entirely odd.
Once we landed, Alice decided that she would be the one to pick up Bella this time, that it would be a better idea to have this visit back at the house.
The wait for Bella to arrive was oddly nerve wracking. I wanted to see her, alleviate any worries or fears she had, but I also wanted to go and find Edward as well.
As my Mercedes came up the drive, and Bella's heartbeat filled my ears, I knew we were slowly coming onto the right path.
"It feels so weird being back here. I don't think I can even look at it the same anymore, Alice." Bella's voice seemed so unsure as she walked closer up to the house. Alice tried to comfort her by placing an arm around her, but the closer they got to the house, the more rapid Bella's heartbeat became.
Bella gave us a small, sweet smile as she came through the door. Her appearance hadn't changed much, she was still entirely too small for her height, her hair had lost its sheen and the dark circles under her eyes were more pronounced. I began to worry over her, wondering if this was all too much to her, but I chalked it up to Bella's broken heart.
As I gazed upon her, I made her another silent vow, that I would make sure her heart mends and that we never leave her again. She belonged with us for forever, no matter how Edward felt.
I stood up and walked over to her, offering her my hand. She shyly took it as I led her to the couch in the sitting room and had her sit down next to me.
"I made you a promise, Bella, and I can happily say that I've upheld that promise. Alice had a vision of Edward in Brazil. She thinks Rio de Janeiro. She saw a receipt with the date October 17th, and the name of a rental company, along with a possible house address. We plan to head there shortly after we leave here to go and look for him. We WILL find him, my daughter, I promise that much." Bella's heart skipped a beat at the mention of my calling her daughter, but I also noticed that she flinched every time I mentioned Edward's name. It was almost as if it hurt her to hear his name, for me to speak of him. I missed her smiles when it came to Edward. I hated seeing pain flash across her brown eyes.
Esme sat next to her and held her close. "I don't want to ask anything of you, because you certainly owe us nothing, but..." Esme sighed and ran her hands down Bella's hair gently. "We ask if you could give us a shirt with your scent, and a vial of blood, just in case. Alice only had one vision, and since then absolutely nothing. Carlisle fears he may be losing it and has refused to fed."
My mind went back to Alice's vision of Edward. His clothes were torn, the discoluration under his eyes indicated he hadn't fed much, if at all. He wandered aimlessly down a dirt road before the vision cut out again. I knew then he wasn't taking much care of himself, if at all.
Bella nodded and stood up to take off her over shirt, her hand kept the undershirt, a tank top on. She handed it to Esme, who then put it into a plastic bag. She turned towards me and spoke in a soft voice, "I will do anything you need me to do if it means you could bring him back. I want him better, whether it's with me or without me." She held out her arm for for me to take the blood, obviously nervous at the idea of needles having to be used. "Please take as much as you want. You know I'd do anything for Edward."
I went about collecting the blood, making sure to be careful, to not let a single drop fall. I took my time bandaging it up, prolonging my visit with my sweet girl just a bit more. I placed her precious blood into a cold ice chest to carry onto the plane, luckily we had reserved a private jet for our flight to Brazil.
We all thanked her profusely before we left. I promised her constant updates as we searched for him and I promised to call as soon as I could once we found him. She just nodded her head and her arms went around her middle again as we left. Once I closed the door, I let out a long sigh, and a prayer in the hopes that the next time I was at this house, I would have Edward with me.
~.~
It had been three days since we landed in Brazil. We have searched nearby forests and came up empty. We then decided to map out certain parts of Rio for each of us to take, in the hopes that more area covered, the greater chance we would find him.
We came up empty with every search.
Each call to Bella was becoming harder and harder to make. It got to the point where I could tell in her voice that she was slowly beginning to give up, that she believed that we would never find him. The pain in her voice set my sights on a wider search, a better search. I needed my girl happy.
We had been walking in a more run-down neighborhood on the east side of Rio when Alice got another vision of a house and set off running toward it.
Once we finally came upon the run down house, we could make out a faint trail of Edward's scent, but it was probably from months ago. I hoped that wasn't the case.
It was dark out, which was really the only time we could search in Rio without being noticed. It was just after one in the morning when I stood on the steps wondering what my next steps would be, if I should go ahead and go in, and hope to God that he was in there, or wait it out, and hope that he comes out.
I paced back and forth, unable to come to definite decision.
I huffed and looked down at my watch, I had be so caught up in searching for my son, that the days flew by for me.
It was January 28th, 2006 when I finally opened the door to the house.
I could smell his scent as I walked into the house. It wasn't strong, but wasn't incredibly faded either. I wasn't sure what state I would find my son in, I just hoped that he would be in here, that my search for him was over, and that Bella would have him back again. I stepped over the threshold, opened the door, and found...nothing. It was empty. As I wandered through the house, I heard the softest, quietest whisper, "Bella." And I knew then that I'd found my son. I just wasn't prepared for the sight of him.
My breath caught, a sob remained stuck in my throat as I fell to my knees and crawled toward my son. His clothes were in tatters and he was perfectly still, not moving, barely dragging in breaths. If I didn't know better, I'd have thought him dead. His dull eyes stared up at the ceiling, never blinking or moving. My hands clutched at his shirt as I tried not to let out a loud sob at the sight of him.
I wanted to grab and shake my son as I saw him lying there, completely motionless, barely breathing on the dust ridden floor. A dead rat, drained of its blood, laid next to him. His hand still gripped it. I wanted to tell him that everything would work out and be okay, that Bella needed him and was waiting for him, that she loved him. But I fell to my knees once I reached him. And for the first time in over two centuries, I prayed.
I prayed that he would come out of this okay, that he would wake up from the trance he was in. I prayed for my son and newfound daughter to find the love they shared for each other again as I ran my fingers through Edward's hair, willing him to come back to us.
He was unusually still and calm. Soft whispers and sobs broke through his dry lips.
Over the course of the next few days, we tried everything to get him to acknowledge our existence. We dripped animal blood into his mouth, water, anything that could bring him sustenance, but nothing really worked.
Worry started to take hold deep inside of me.
What if I couldn't wake him up? What if I couldn't save him from this, from himself?
As February rolled in, I pulled out the pint of Bella's blood and began leaking droplets around him. Her shirt was placed under his head in the hopes that her scent would be strong enough on it that it would wake him up. The most we got out of him were louder murmurs of her name and I love you's whispered.
I decided I needed to make some drastic choices, so I called Bella, gave her the latest update on Edward, and then placed the phone near his ear as she began to talk. Her soft voice, cracking with underlying hurt as she tried to hide the pain as she spoke through the phone.
"Edward? Do you remember the time in our meadow? That time that we declared ourselves to each other? The lion and the lamb? I wasn't scared then, I was so excited, excited that we were finally being honest with one another. That you felt something for me, just as I had felt something for you. I think I loved you even more then. To be honest, I think I fell in love with you that first moment of Biology, when your eyes met mine."
He stirred a bit, his hands twitched at this sides as her voice continued on.
"Do you know that I miss you? That all I want in this world is to see you again? I don't care the circumstances, or what we are to each other, just that I get to see you again."
A broken whisper broke through, an agonized filled call of Bella broke through Bella's voice. She halted her one sided conversation and sighed, 'oh, Edward, I love you'.
"I love you, Edward. I don't think I could ever love another. Please, Edward. Find me, find our love. Come back to me."
I grabbed the phone and began to say my goodbyes to Bella, that I was sure that we would see her soon. Her sobs began take over the phone, and I noticed then, that Edward had shifted and tried to move closer to the sound of her sobs.
We were getting somewhere.
I hung up and placed my phone back in my pocket as I decided to force Edward's mouth open and drop the remaining drops of Bella's blood into his mouth. It was risky, but I knew it would be worth it.
And it was.
On the dawn of February 7th, my son finally opened his eyes again, finally moved and breathed in a lungful of air. The first thing he asked for was Bella, and I knew that we would be okay, that we would come out of this.
Once I had him fed and he seemed a bit stronger, I began to tell him my theories and what I had done and how I had found him. It was a lot for him to take on all at once, but I knew Edward, and knew he would want to know everything immediately.
As soon as the others went to hunt themselves, I pulled my son into my arms and held him. I refused to let him go. I just...held him. I needed it as much as he did, maybe even more.
Never again would I allow him to run from his fears, never again would I let him walk from this family, for he was such an important part of it.
The joy I felt as I watched him get better and stronger, was simply indescribable. He was becoming a much stronger man in my eyes, as he made sure to be all he could be so that he could return to Bella.
I thought to myself that the scare of his hallucination had made him more sure of himself, more confident in himself and his love for Bella. I knew he still had a long way to go, but he was getting there, and the pride I had for him was pouring out of me with each new stride he hit in his recovery.
On the trip home to Forks, I sensed a change in him. He was happier, his smile wider and the love that poured out from him and showed in his eyes made me sure that he was never going to hurt Bella again, that this was it, that his returning would bring him everything that he may have wanted before, but wouldn't allow himself to have.
Their reunion made my dead heart swell, the way she ran to him, the smile that overtook her face, was what made all of the hurt, the struggles in the past few months all worth it.
I had my family again.
I had my daughter.
But most importantly, we were fixed and healing.
We no longer had a few missing pieces.
We were finally whole.
