Author's Notes: A revision. All standard disclaimers apply, I own nothing and make no money. Enjoy the horror that is Mary-Sue! Cry, fangirl, cry.

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On the first of September, a damp, rainy day – a prelude to winter's chill, students of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry gathered on platform 9 3/4. The platform was crowded with students and their families; chaotic with trunks, trolleys, cats, and owls. One could hardly move. Every few moments another student or two would tumble, bag and baggage, through the barrier, adding to the throng. Occasionally a cloud of steam would burst from the train, obscuring the crowd.

Ravenna Wyatt stood off to the side, one of the few parentless students. She was waiting for her friend and fellow Ravenclaw; Marlene Atwood, to appear. Her trunk was bulky and she needed help getting it aboard. It was a sort of start-of-term ritual for the two girls, helping each other with their luggage. They had been good friends since they were little girls, and that friendship hadn't lessened in the five years they'd been at school together.

"Where are you?" Ravenna asked of her broom, which -- not being Marlene -- remained stubbornly silent. Her cat, Skeeter, placidly licked his privates. Ravenna sighed and slouched over the handle bar, feeling slightly annoyed.

Suddenly, an eerie quiet descended upon platform 9 3/4. A chill wind blew across the platform, parting the clouds of obscuring steam. Ravenna looked up just in time to see some one come through the barrier followed quickly by another. The first was the familiar figure of Marlene. The other was somebody Ravenna had never seen before. It was difficult to tell from across the platform, but she appeared to be very tall and thin, with a bust that didn't quite match her other proportions. In fact, Ravenna thought she looked rather like a pole with a couple balloons tethered on. What was Marlene doing? Ravenna waved, "Marlene! Hey, over here!"

The other girl noticed her friend waving. She tried to turn away, but the tall girl saw and grabbed Marlene by the arm. She began shoving her way through the crowd towards Ravenna. She had a sudden sinking sensation in the pit of her stomach, like she had just made a terrible mistake. The pair quickly reached the end of the platform and the strange girl was revealed to not be so tall really, but was wearing a pair of red platform-soled boots. She also had very long hair that might have been pretty if it wasn't such an unnatural yellowish blonde. She also had it streaked with every possible neon color; pink and blue and green and purple.

Ravenna was overtaken with a deep feeling of foreboding, but tried to make a good first impression. "Hello, Marlene. I hope you fun at the World Cup." She turned to the strange girl. "My name is Ravenna Wyatt." She extended her hand, and paused to allow the new girl to introduce herself.

The fraudulent blonde sneered in reply, and began looking around over the heads of the crowd. Her face would have been attractive if not for the thick layer of foundation two shades to light for the skin under it.

Marlene looked frazzled, "Ravenna I'm so glad to see you, she—"

"Lyk werez harry potter?!1" The stranger said.

Ravenna looked taken aback. "Excuse me?" She said as politely as she could manage.

Marlene looked like she was going to cry. "Ravenna, I don't know what to do she's—"

"is this were we lyke gett teh trane, or som $&!t?" She stranger spoke again with her extremely exaggerated American accent.

"What?" Ravenna asked.

"wen do wee get no the trane? I rilly wanna see harry pottter cuz hez sooooooooooooooo famus ad hotttttt!!!11!!111!" The stranger exclaimed.

Ravenna looked nonplused, "What language does it speak?" Marlene looked horrified. Ravenna turned her friend. "Who is this person?"

Marlene looked helpless, "she's my cousin. Her mum just got a divorce from this American man and they don't have any money. So my mum and dad said they could come stay with us. And they wrote a letter to Dumbledore and he said she could go to Hogwarts, and, and –"

"OMG!!11!!1! Their he iz!!!1!!!!!!1" The American screeched. She pointed down the platform, and bounced up and down in excitement. "OMG!1!! OMG!!!!!2 OMG!!!11!" Her bosoms -- barely contained in a white patent bustier -- wobbled alarmingly. The famous Gryffindor boy was indeed down near the other end of the platform. He was, as usual, accompanied by his friends: Hermione Granger and Ron Weasely.

"Calm down!" Marlene hissed at her cousin, then turned imploringly at her friend. "She's obsessed with Harry Potter."

"I see. Why does she keep saying O.M.G.? Is that an acronym for something?" Ravenna asked, and wondered if the girl's mother knew she was out of the house dressed in torn, baby-blue fishnet stockings and a bright green spandex skirt that was much to short, and hugged her thin hips so closely that her bones showed clearly through the fabric.

Marlene looked utterly embarrassed.

Ravenna sighed and felt the first twinges of a headache. "Does she at least have a name?"

"Maria Suellen Mairi Susannah Mariel Suzette Black." Marlene's cousin interupted in a single long breath then continued staring at Harry Potter.

Marlene made a strangled noise.

Ravenna blinked uncomprehendingly for a moment, shook her head and decided to think about it latter. "How lovely, now, if you'll hop to, we need to get our things aboard." She looked, and realized that the other girls had no luggage with them. "Where are your bags?"

Marlene looked like she was going to cry. "I told her, that the trolleys aren't magic – and you have to pull them." She looked imploringly at Ravenna, "our bags are still up on the other platform, and she insisted that she would make them follow us. She waved her wand at them, and when they didn't move she said it took a minute for the spell the work, then she pushed me through the barrier, and, and…."

Ravenna shushed her friend in the most soothing manner she could manage. "Calm down. You and her take my bags in and find a compartment. I'll go and fetch the trolleys. Alright?"

Marlene hugged her friend, gratefully. "Thank you so much. I don't think I could deal with this on my own."

"No trouble, just get her aboard and help me get the stuff on when I get it back here."

"Right!" Marlene affirmed, and went to corral her bazaar relation.

Ravenna set off across the platform, weaving quickly through the steam and the rapidly thinning crowd. "Let's just hope she isn't in our House." Ravenna muttered to herself as she reached the barrier to the next platform. She went through to platform 9 and found the two abandoned carts, thankfully unmolested. Marlene's familiar trunk was nearly buried under a complete set of glittery neon-pink and blue, tiger-striped luggage. The second cart held Marlene's little grey cat in her cage. Beside that was a large, unfamiliar tortoise-shell cat in a carrier. Next to all that was an enormous chartreuse harp-case, the rolling kind that people use for big concert harps. A racing broom was propped against it, and the tatty canvas duffle that Marlene used for her Quidditch things had fallen to the side. How on earth was she going to get all this back? Ravenna sighed, "right, then. Let's get this mess on the train." She grabbed the more heavily loaded cart and began dragging it toward the train.