This is just a little something which came to mind as I watched Dean's struggle throughout the seasons. You can see so much depth in his character, and it's portrayed so well on screen as are the subtle sub plots. I really enjoy delving into the mind of the creator and the charater, so this is a little something I simply had to get out!


It should have been me, damn it Sammy, what the hell happened?

The look of sheer terror and quiet understanding sealed the deal, his wide eyes met Deans. The silent drips of the hell hounds blood clashed violently against his pale skin.

He would be the one to take the trials; he would be the one who laid his life down in the end.

It should have been me

Sam read the spell, recited the oath to end his life. He tried to convince him day after day that it would be alright, and that life would go on after the gates were closed, both of their lives.

Dean tried as best as he could to stand by his brother's side, to swallow the guilt and offer a brave smile.

Deep down he knew it was a lie, his sickly desire to be the hero, to die for a cause nagged at him like an infected thorn in the side. Only he wasn't a hero, he was anything but.

It should have been me

Their brotherly love seemed to become a ball and chain which brandished the inadequacies' which they so eloquently displayed. Their constant bickering became a tiresome event, one which neither brother cared to admit. Dean knew the darkness within him was as poisonous, if not more so, than Sammy's.

He saw the blood on his hands; he knew he had killed more innocents than he cared to admit to. It was no Sunday lunch talk after all. Instead he followed along like a good little puppy, waiting for the spark which he knew would blow up in his face.

It should have been me

Bobby, and even Sam on most days, tries to convince Dean otherwise, that he's good, that he's fighting for the right cause and that his feelings are misdirected because of the hell he'd been through, literally. Dean knows this isn't true, he also knows that Purgatory was a place where he learnt more about himself and the demons inside than in all the years hunting by his brother's side, or in his father's name.

Those he hated more than anything became his only friend, an ally when there was no one left; his own brother had turned his back, a fading memory which will forever leave a deep and ugly scar.

Dean had been through hell, he had been deep within the belly of the beast, covered and drenched in its blood. His torture ended when he gave in to the darkness which pulsed through his veins, the pain numbed only by the deep satisfaction he gained in ripping deserving souls apart. Deserving souls like his own, but he got out and now Sam was going in his place.

It should have been me

He knew there was no denying what was coming. Sammy was going to finish the trial, he was going to die and Dean knew that despite whatever evil trickled in and ebbed itself in his brain, Sammy was his brother, and he was meant to protect him and he failed. Dean knew, it never should have been Sammy, it should have been him.


Thank you for reading, please let me know what you thought :)