-Sung to the tune of the Hallelujah Chorus- IIIIIIIIII don't own it! IIIIIIIIII don't own it! I don't own it! I don't own it! I do-on't own it!

Thank you, and enjoy…

What Demyx Wants (and Leon Gets)

By: KitsuneArasi

Leon was not happy today, and it wasn't just his usual Leonitude (Trademark Squall Leonhart. You infringe on the copyright, and a very unhappy gunblader makes a house call.)

Oh no. Today there was a reason.

And by all the stars, if he didn't want to kill Cloud for laughing at him for it.

His comrade, his ally, his friend had laughed at his problem.

The little blonde bastard actually laughed!

…On the other hand, it was better than Yuffie. The ninja had actually left him to clean up the nosebleed that was testament to her dirty thoughts, perverse grin firmly in place.

Aerith thought it was cute.

And by all that made Leon, well, Leon, this was not cute.

This was annoying.

Attractive.

Annoying.

Cute.

It's not cute, dammit! It's annoying!

You're right. It's not cute.

Thank you.

It's adorable.

You asshole! You're supposed to be me!

Exactly. So I know better than anyone exactly what you want to do to shut him up.

O.O

Hmmm?

You know what? I hate myself.

That why you never get lai-?

Stop right there.

Fine, fine. But you'd better do what I say. I can personally make sure you don't sleep for the next four weeks.

Son of a bitch.

We came from the same mother, dumbass.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!" Leon threw his head back and screamed.

And the musician walking only a few paces behind him, ceased the strumming of what sounded like his own twisted version of 'Kokomo' on his sitar, and moved to stand in front of him.

The dirty-blonde's instrument disappeared and he put his now (and hopefully forever) ungloved hands on his hips, leaning forward in his own nonchalant way. He was wearing baggy jeans and an unbuttoned, obnoxiously colored Hawaiian shirt, the better to irritate the gunblader in. The headache he himself received from the colors of a shirt he would normally have liked was a small price to pay.

It was just so funny to see how people reacted to the humorous clash between him and the brunette. He did so enjoy these visits.

But anyway, back to the present. He leaned forward, that same doofy grin on his face as he asked, "You all right, Leon?"

"…" The brunette stood straight once more, opting to glare at the dirty blonde rather than keep up his 'Why Me' pose. He added in a growl for good measure.

Demyx's eyes flashed. Ooh. Primal. "Did you just growl at me?"

He grunted an affirmative, then, "What is it you want, Demyx?"

"Hm?"

"You come here three times a week at least and spend most all of your time following me around. What do you want?"

"What do I want, huh?" Demyx adopted a grin he'd learned long ago from Axel. Most would call it 'Psychotic'. Axel called it 'Fun'. Roxas called it '$$#'.

He whipped out his sitar once more and plucked out an absurd, jerky tune before singing along in a voice made high, obnoxious, and slightly feminine by effort,

"Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,

So tell me what you want, what you really really want,

I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really really wanna zigazig haaaa."

Demyx stopped playing and let his instrument disappear again. He looked at Leon with his own original grin and waited.

"What the hell was that?!"

"Think it was Wannabe by the Spice Girls. They're dead news now. Just another teen pop trend. They're good for other things, though. 'Specially This."

"And what's 'This'?"

"A distraction for This #2."

And Demyx proceeded to lean in before the other man could blink, pressing their lips together nicely.

Leon's eyes widened for a split second before he realized exactly what was going on. Demyx braced himself to make it difficult for Leon to push him off, wrapping his arms tightly around the taller man's shoulders.

But Leon didn't move. He simply grunted something into Demyx's mouth and started tapping his foot. Demyx broke the kiss, nervous now at the odd look in the gunblader's eyes, "W-what?"

"Who the hell taught you to kiss?"

"Huh?!"

"Forget it. I don't care. You're about to get a crash course."

"First: Pushing your lips against another person's does not count as a kiss."

"Wh-why not?"

"Second: A real kiss has depth and passion. You have to mean what you're doing."

This coming from the Ice Man.

"Third: Your tongue is your friend. Doesn't matter how many times you bite it-it's not going anywhere. So use it."

Did he really just-

"Fourth: Use more motion. Makes things a whole hell of a lot more interesting."

What's that supposed to mean?

"Fifth: If we keep this little session going, things are going to get heavy. You are not leaving me alone with my hand anymore. Got it?"

Meeeeeeep?

"Good."

Leon wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, joining their lips again the right way, and bringing them close enough together that Demyx was now all too aware of the problem that came along with his little visits.

And oh, would he ever love having that problem become his, too…

xXx

And indeed, there were problems. For more than two people, in fact.

Yuffie nearly passed out from blood loss.

Cid couldn't concentrate enough to get any work done.

Aerith thought it was cute, chuckling and doing all she could to ease her poor, blonde fiancée's grumbling on the noises they were making, finally managing to distract him with a nice little encounter of their own.

Demyx had serious issues walking the next morning, managing a duck-like waddle that even Huey, Dewey, and Louie made fun of and cursing sexual tension all the while.

Leon nearly got himself 'Dance, Water, Dance!'d back into bed each time he tried to get in a quick patrol.

And the most grave sufferers of all…

The Moogles that walked in on the pair haven't quite managed a believably unscarred 'Kupo!' for months.

(La Fin)

I think this one was my most favorite. Ever.

Hope you liked it, too. XD