AN: I haven't finished this story yet, although I have written quite a few chapters already, but I don't really know where it will end yet, so I'll be almost as surprised as you will be.
Let me know what you think about this!
Kat
"Lord Grantham, I am terribly sorry to have to tell you this, but it appears that Lady Grantham has had a relapse." He feels as if the world was pulled from under his feet.
"Dr. Clarkson, you said that she was well again."
"And so I thought. But the Spanish flu is unpredictable."
"And you are sure she isn't just tired?"
"Yes, Lord Grantham, I am. The fever has come back and she is hardly conscious."
"But she will make it through again?" He needs the doctor to say yes because when he thought that his wife might die a few days ago he realized that he could not live without her. She is his life. Not that maid or anything or anyone else. He depends on Cora, life without her would be hell.
"To be honest Lord Grantham, the chances aren't very good. I would suggest you spend some time with her while you still can." He stares at the doctor who only yesterday told him that his wife was well again and who has now pronounced her death sentence.
"That can't be true. There must be something to keep her alive."
"She might live but we can't be sure. All the evidence however" What does he care about the doctor's evidences or what that man has read in some magazine article about the flu. The evidence is based on people he doesn't know, he doesn't care about. But the odds have to be beaten here. He needs to make up for the last year, he needs to show Cora how much he loves her, she just can't die believing that their relationship was anything but ideal.
"I don't care about your evidence. Do what you can for her."
"I will of course. Might I suggest that you make Lady Sybil her nurse maid? It is often beneficial for patients when they are taken care of by family. I will come back tonight."
He needs to find Sybil because Sybil can't leave now, she can't go to Dublin now, she has to stay at Downton. He can't lose his wife and their youngest child practically the same day. So he runs to her room and thanks the heavens when he sees her there, together with Mary. "Papa, what is going on?"
"Your mother", Mary's and Sybil's faces fall at the time and they look almost identical and both of them almost exactly like their mother.
"What about Mama?" He doesn't even know if it was Sybil or Mary who asked.
"She has had a relapse. She is terribly sick. Dr. Clarkson said she might not make it this time." The words fall out of his mouth and he doesn't even think about cushioning the blow for their daughters. "Sybil, you can't leave. Not now."
"Of course I can't Papa. I won't. I'll help you take care of Mama. Until she is well again."
"Or until she is dead", his oldest daughter says and leaves the room without saying another word. He wants to grab her and shake her and yell at her for making such a horrible comment, for being such a pessimist, for being so cold, for being so Mary- like, for being so much like him. But he can't say anything because Mary's behavior is what finally makes him cry and he has to let her leave, he is no fit state to stop her and talk to her and tell her off for believing what he does, for thinking that Cora will die. He feels Sybil putting her arms around him after some time and it is an oddly comforting feeling. At least his youngest daughter didn't run at the prospect of such a tragedy, she wants to face it, whatever may happen. The girl is stronger and more grown-up than he cares to think about.
"Papa, we'll do everything to make Mama better. Not just you and I. Mary and Edith too. I am almost sure that Mary has gone into the servant's hall to announce that Mama is not to be bothered with any household questions and that any issues that need to be addressed should be brought to her attention, not to Mama's." He hopes that Sybil's estimation of her sister's reaction is right; he hopes that she'll help and not shut herself away. "Right now nothing can be brought to your mother's attention. She is hardly conscious. I doubt she knows who I am."
"Papa, there are illnesses that really do make you forget, but it takes rather a lot to forget a person one has loved for three decades as much as Mama has loved you. She would have to be very, very sick to not remember you anymore." He wonders if this is true or if Sybil just says it to make him feel better. It would be like her, it would be like Cora.
"Sybil, what am I going to do if your Mama dies? I can't face the world by myself." He doesn't know what he expects a 22 year old to answer but he hopes that she has an answer nonetheless.
"You will never be by yourself Papa. You have three daughters who all love you very much. We would not leave you alone. I promise. For all three of us." He briefly wonders if this means that Sybil would stay if Cora died and thinks that it would a horrible trade off. Even if Cora were to die, he would allow Sybil to go to Dublin. He can't force her to be unhappy for the rest of her life. But he is beyond thankful that she is staying now.
"Thank you Sybbie." He hasn't called his youngest daughter Sybbie since she was five. But she doesn't seem to mind.
"Papa, let's go to Mama. See what we can do for her. Maybe it will help her if you talk to her." He is scared out of his wits, he hardly knows how to walk or breathe, let alone think, but Sybil's words have a calming effect on him. She has given him something to do. But when they reach Cora's room and he kneels down next to her bed, there is nothing that he can say to her, except beg her not to die.
"Wait a moment," Sybil says and leaves the room. He holds Cora's hands and listens to her ragged breathing and is scared that every breath she takes is her last one. But she keeps on breathing and he keeps on holding her hand.
When Sybil returns, she has a book with her and gives it to him. "Read it to her. I know she likes it when you read to her. I'll stay if you want me to, but I'll leave if you want to be alone with her."
"No Sybbie, stay, please. I am too scared." He looks at the book. "It's Pride and Prejudice."
"Yes. It's her favorite. And I thought something familiar would be nice."
"You are probably right."
Sybil has sat down in the settee by now, put a blanket over herself and she hugs a pillow. She looks so much like the little girl who used to beg him to read to her every night 15 years ago that he has to fight an urge to get up and kiss her forehead. He does get up though and sits down on the bed and then begins to read. He still holds one of Cora's hands and he thinks that her breathing becomes more even over time. Maybe Sybil is right and something familiar does help. He looks over at his daughter and sees that she has dozed off. He keeps on reading nonetheless, hoping that Cora can hear his voice and be soothed by it.
Her mother is about to die. Or might be about to die. But that can't happen because what is she supposed to do without her? She might always put up an act of being an independent woman who needs no one's help, but that isn't true. Just the fact that she knows that if she wanted to, she could talk to her mother, that her mother wouldn't laugh about her still loving Matthew and wouldn't despise her for keeping it up with Richard is a comfort to her. But if her mother dies that comfort will be gone. She loves her father dearly, and except for in her looks, she is almost an exact copy of him, but there are things she needs her mother for, there are things she needs her American mother for, who doesn't care about keeping emotions bottled up, at least not in private. She is allowed to cry in front of her mother, her mother will comfort her and she is about to cry about the whole Matthew-Lavinia-Richard fiasco and she needs comfort. She knows that her father wouldn't stop her crying, he would probably even hold her, but he wouldn't be able to comfort her the way she hopes her mother will. She could of course talk to Sybil, Sybil would listen and try to comfort her because Sybil is not only a copy of their mother in looks, but in most other aspects as well, but her little sister has so much on her plate. She wishes she had fought for her and Tom instead of saying nothing and hoping that Sybil would change her mind. She knows what it is to be unhappily in love and her little sister has the chance to be happy and she should fight for it. She will talk to her father about this, once they are sure what will happen to her mother, one way or the other. She wants to help as much as she can, but she isn't good at nursing, she learned a little about it during the war, but it is Sybil who is the expert, she really doesn't have any clue. But she can take over the running of the household, she has been trained for that all her life after all, and now it might actually come in handy.
So she goes into the servant's hall and watches them all rise. "Please", she says, "don't get up."
"My Lady, how can we help you?" It is Carson who asks.
"Lady Grantham has had a relapse. She is not to be disturbed on any account. All matters concerning the household should be brought to my attention."
"Very good my lady." Nothing is 'very good' she thinks but keeps silent.
