Disclaimer: I don't own Eragon or anything associated with the Inheritance Cycle. Nor do I own any of the games, books, DVDs or series/movie quotes that may come up in this.
Claimer: I, SussieKitten, own this plot and the story. Borrow or steal my plot, my original characters (Aksel) or story and I will report you. I also own my version of Saphira/Thorn/Shruikan/Glaedr's human appearances, as well as my characterisation of good!Durza and Tornac.
Warnings: Male and female homosexuality. Heterosexuality. Bisexuality. Swearing or strong language. Humoristic elements – beware of crack. Weird pairings – watch out for surprise crack pairings. If any of this disturbs you, click on the "back" button. I won't tolerate any flames.
A/N After recent events in Norway, my dear home country, I needed a little uplift. This story is just cracky and ridiculous enough to provide that. I haven't been able to write in two or so weeks, but I'll get back to it soon. So I have decided to post this story while my creativity, as well as myself and my country, recovers.
This piece was inspired by a story I once read by my good friend Chasyn. Sadly, it is no longer on Chasyn's profile. It was taken down years ago. However, I fell for it and now, years later, I'm doing my own rendition. A crack heavy Inheritance Cycle rendition, mind you.
Again, as I said above; look out for surprise crack pairings. Not everyone is going to be paired up with the person you might (naturally or otherwise) assume they're going to. Consider my story Love Songs (They Kill Me) [aka, the proper title that FFnet refused to let me post!] a sort of prelude, pairing wise, to this. Here you'll see things like that more on paper, just in email form.
Also, all the people in this are good. That means that both Shruikan and Durza are good people, though Durza can be a bit of an asshole. You'll see what I mean later. And, as usual, the ages range from 20-21 (Eragon, Saphira, Aksel) to 23-24 (Murtagh, Thorn, Tornac) to 26-28 (Durza, Shruikan, Glaedr).
I'll throw in an email explanation in every chapter so there's no doubt as to who is who. Eragon: nolotrjks. Murtagh: chiaroscuro. Saphira: sapphira. Thorn: ild_drage. Aksel: dAftpUnk. Vanir: V23_Th90. Arya: btrthnarwn. Nasuada: nas_blk. Roran: r_gson. Katrina: LadyLuck. Tornac: gnixes. Durza: drkshde. Shruikan: sh_darc. Glaedr: iMaestro.
Not all of these characters appear in every chapter, but there will be references to them or maybe even group emails sent to people. This way you can do a quick-check to see who is who and who is being let in on what gossip.
Also, dear readers; do remember to read the subject line. It's usually a part of the actual message, and if it's not, then there might be a joke in it. You'll see what I mean.
Finally (I promise), a little note on my dividers in this story. :: means a separation between emails/text messages in the same chain. -:- means that a new email/text chain is taking over for the previous one.
You may now carry on to read this...monstrosity.
DECEMBER 2011: PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS A REWRITTEN VERSION OF THE ORIGINAL CHAPTER.
College is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. It is a chance to meet new people, make new friends, challenge yourself and experience what it is like to be considered an adult by your peers.
College is also, of course, hell on earth. Depending on the course you choose, you may as well have sold your soul to the devil. There is always that one essay you forget about, the bricks masquerading as your textbooks, and that one professor whose class you just know you're going to fail because he keeps making you fall asleep.
A student's diet is known to include a cup of coffee every morning and ramen noodles for dinner because, let's face it, you can't afford anything else. Despite whatever loan or grant you are given or have applied for, somehow the money seems to disappear the moment you get it.
But if you are lucky, the friends you make or already have will be a vital part in your survival of the college suck-fest. No matter what, they will always be there with shenanigans to make you smile, a shoulder to cry on, someone to study with and someone to relax with that one lone afternoon in November when you're finally caught up with all your work.
All these things and more make up the part of your life called your college years. Here, why don't we take a closer look into the lives of a group of friends at Carvahall University College and see how they fare.
RESTRICTED ACCESS
CHAPTER ONE
Eragon loved his friends. Really, he did, but sometimes he questioned his own sanity when it came to the company he kept.
Or rather, one particular company he kept. He was stuck with Murtagh – they were brothers after all. But Aksel was another thing entirely. Aksel was...well, Aksel.
And that day he decided to live up to his reputation.
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: OMG
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.09 PM
Attachment: p90867
OMG, I just saw teh hottest guy evah! 3 check out the pic, you will not regret it! those pants should be illegal.
...
I take that back! dear God, do not make them illegal! I would just die. TTATT
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
Eragon wasn't sure what to believe. Sure, Aksel could be a little...eccentric at times, but seriously?
He slowly began to write out a reply.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:OMG
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.12 PM
...Aksel, why are you sending us pictures of some guy's ass?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
A few minutes later, he felt himself sigh in relief. Saphira had answered. She would know what to say to this nonsense.
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject:re:re:OMG
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.13 PM
I agree with Eragon, though his butt is nice. I'll give you that, Aksel.
::
...Or maybe not.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject:WTF?
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.15 PM
SAPHIRA! WHY ARE YOU ENCOURAGING HIM?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: duh
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.17 PM
lol, thnx Saph. anyhow~ I'm sendin' it cos he's my next stalker victim~ I will have that ass. :3
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: dAftpUnk, sapphira
Subject: AKSEL!
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.20 PM
you are such a perv. why am I friends with you again?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject:re:AKSEL!
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.21 PM
duh. cos you love me~ ;)
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
He twitched.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject:re:re:AKSEL!
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.22 PM
I DO NOT
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: Boys
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.24 PM
- let's calm down. Aksel, does this behind have a name?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: le sob
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.26 PM
it does, but I do not know it! :'(
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: ...
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.27 PM
and how long have you been stalking this guy?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: re:...
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.29 PM
one hour and twelve minutes. :3 we're in the library now. hurr~
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:...
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.30 PM
there are no words
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: Idea
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.31 PM
Maybe you should try to say hi?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: re:Idea
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.33 PM
HAHAHHAHAHA.
no, I'd die. I'm not prepared yet! I'll say somethin' stupid and scare him away forever! and I really want that ass!
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:Idea
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.34 PM
who says that's not going to happen anyway?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject: Eragon!
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.35 PM
That wasn't very nice.
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: lol
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.37 PM
it's ok, Saph. I know Era loves me. ;)
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:lol
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.38 PM
do not
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: Honestly
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.40 PM
Boys, don't forget – class in thirty-five minutes. I'll meet you there. We can talk more then.
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: re:Honestly
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.42 PM
copy that! c ya later! I'm off to stalk some more~
Amnesia the Dark Decent: creepy music + darkness + breathing + falling book = AAAAAAAAARGH!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira
Subject: re:Honestly
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.43 PM
seriously, why am I friends with him again?
The Fourth Rule (Ian Caldwell & Dusting Thomason): really good, but I really wish it had had a more conclusive ending
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks
Subject: re:re:Honestly
Sent 09.15.2010, 1.44 PM
Oh, Eragon.
-:-
Eragon had prayed that the topic would be dropped after class. But apparently God wasn't answering his prayers. As usual.
Dammit.
"So, is he cute?" Saphira asked.
Eragon reminded himself that it was wrong to hit women. Also, Saphira would only hit him back, and she hit hard.
"He's a hunk of man-beef," Aksel clarified. "Not Shruikan man-beef, but definitely like Murtagh-class man-beef."
"Oooh."
"Do we have to talk about this?" Eragon wanted to hit himself when he heard the whine in his voice.
"If you only went and got yourself a boyfriend then we could coo over him," Saphira said seriously. "Until then I have to live vicariously through Aksel's sex life."
"You have a boyfriend!"
Saphira just smiled.
Eragon wondered again why he was friends with these people.
-:-
Murtagh often wondered how it was that he knew so many people. Frequently he blamed his roommate and his little brother. Thorn was one of the friendliest guys in the world and people had always flocked around Eragon.
Somehow, associating with them had landed Murtagh right in the middle of a huge friend circle. He refused to count the people he knew. If he just ignored the number then he could go around pretending to still be his old anti-social self.
Of course, ignoring the issue didn't mean he could ignore people. Apparently that was rude.
So, when one of his acquaintances emailed him, while he was on his laptop even, Murtagh had to answer.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro, iMaestro, drkshde, nas_blk
Subject: Thursday 09.30
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.28 PM
The professor contacted me earlier. The rehearsal has been rescheduled from 1 pm to 2.30 pm. I hope this won't inconvenience anyone, but the room was booked at the last minute.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
Murtagh made a mental note to write down the information when a second email popped up. He crocked an eyebrow. Since when was Vanir of the chatty sort?
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: PS.
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.30 PM
Tell that annoying friend of your brother's to stop stalking me.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
Murtagh wanted to laugh. Oh, this was priceless.
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: V23_Th90
Subject: re:PS.
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.33 PM
Who, Aksel? He's harmless. He probably thinks you're cute, for some deranged reason.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: re:re:PS.
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.34 PM
Very amusing. Just tell him to stop.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: V23_Th90
Subject: re:re:re:PS.
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.36 PM
Why don't you tell him yourself? Or are you scared to actually talk to the kid? He's only half as crazy as he looks.
Also, why are you signing with your name and number? It's fucking weird.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: re:re:re:re:PS.
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.39 PM
It's an automatic setting. I don't bother to turn it off just for the occasional email to you plebeians.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: V23_Th90
Subject: Weirdo
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.40 PM
See above.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: Plebeian
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.41 PM
See above.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: V23_Th90
Subject: ooooh
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.43 PM
Really mature, Vanir. You really nailed me there.
Hah. You wish.
You can deal with Aksel yourself. Unless you're too scared to. *smirk*
::
From: V23_Th90
To: chiaroscuro
Subject:
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.45 PM
We shall see.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: V23_Th90
Subject: re:
Sent 09.27.2010, 11.46 PM
Bring it, scaredy-cat.
-:-
There were times when Tornac really wondered why he had agreed to room with Durza Shade. One, the man was clearly insane. Two, he was hot. Three, he rarely believed in clothes around the apartment. And four, he seemed determined to bang his way through the entire campus.
Thankfully, the first statement cancelled out the second and third one. Then again, as much as he could appreciate Durza's physique, Tornac went more for men that were cuter.
There was only one exception of that rule, and they had both agreed never to talk about that time again. Besides, it allowed Tornac to focus on his new 'crush'.
That day was just like any other. Tornac let himself into the apartment and rolled his eyes at the sound of moaning. He walked over to his room and kicked the door shut.
A little music cancelled out the pornographic moaning in the background and booting up his laptop gave him something else to focus on.
The minute he checked his emails, Tornac even forgot he had a roommate.
"Oh, Aksel."
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks, gnixes
Subject: HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.06 PM
apparently my stalkin' skillz are somewhat lacking. desperate help needed! TTATT
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
From: gnixes
To: dAftpUnk
Subject: re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.16 PM
Then why don't you ask your sister? Didn't she stalk down that gf of hers?
S1, ep.11 Scarecrow – Dean: "Dude, you're fugly."
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: gnixes
Subject: re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.18 PM
yea, she did, but dude – so not askin' my sis for advice on catchin' a dude.
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
From: gnixes
To: dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.19 PM
You have a point there, young grasshopper.
S1, ep.11 Scarecrow – Dean: "Dude, you're fugly."
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: gnixes
Subject: re:re:re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.20 PM
ya think?
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
He chuckled softly. Aksel really did know how to land himself in impossible situations.
"What now?"
Tornac jumped. He turned around in his chair to see his shirtless roommate lounging in the doorway.
He was sure he had closed the door.
"Finished with your meal?"
Durza crocked an eyebrow slowly.
"I'll take that as a yes."
"Hn." Durza pushed himself away from the door frame. "I have a late shift."
"Remember your keys, then. Letting in two rutting rabbits at 2 AM is no fun when you're not allowed to join," Tornac said and pouted.
Durza snorted and left him sitting there.
Tornac watched him go and added another mental note. His roommate was also weird. And didn't believe in underwear.
-:-
Saphira wanted to sigh. She loved her friends dearly, but there were times she really wanted to hit those boys over the head.
Thankfully she loved them too much for that. She settled for replying to Aksel's distraught email instead.
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.30 PM
He caught you, huh?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.32 PM
...yeah, kind of.
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: dAftpUnk, sapphira
Subject: re:re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.33 PM
dude. fail
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: re:re:re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.35 PM
I know. TTATT
help plz? Tornac was of no help at all, dat ass.
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
Saphira laughed quietly to herself. Of course Tornac would be of no help. He and Aksel were too similar, especially when it came to their perverted humour and inability to stalk.
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: re:re:re:re:re:HELP!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.38 PM
I would think so, after everything he's done to catch attention to his stalkee and still nothing.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: dAftpUnk, sapphira
Subject: WHAT?
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.42 PM
what stalkee?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: re:WHAT?
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.43 PM
SECONDED!
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
Saphira rolled her eyes. She was not about to spill Tornac's secret. That was his job.
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject: Men!
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.46 PM
Whatever. Just tell him you like him. Maybe even ask him out?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: ...urrr
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.48 PM
he asked me to stop stalkin' him. somehow I doubt I'll be getting a date out of him anytime soon...
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
She sighed. She looked at the calendar quickly before writing out a reply.
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject: Friday
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.50 PM
Oh Aksel. How about a film night this Friday (the 15th)? We will even agree to watch one of your horror flicks.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:Friday
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.51 PM
...we will?
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:Friday
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.53 PM
Yes, we will.
So what do you say, Aksel? Chinese, lots of ice cream and snacks, and a flick of your choice?
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: 3
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.54 PM
I love you guys. it's a date.
Amnesia the Dark Decent: oh GOD, that wasn't there before!
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira
Subject: I hate you
Sent 10.13.2010, 02.56 PM
just so you know
::
Saphira laughed.
-:-
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: favour
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.21 PM
I need a teeny tiny favour, oh dearest brother of mine. that guy I saw you talking with yesterday – what's his name?
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
Murtagh stared at his screen to be sure he was actually seeing what he thought he was seeing.
Was his brother really asking about Vanir? Vanir?
This had better not mean that Eragon was interested in the guy too. Murtagh would hate to have to kill the guy. Vanir was sometimes useful when it came to studying, no matter how smug the bastard was.
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: re:favour
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.24 PM
Oh God, don't tell me you have a crush on him too. Aksel was pathetic enough.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: Murtagh!
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.27 PM
no. eww. I prefer my men to actually be nice. you're the one with the fucking bad boy complex
I'm asking for Aksel. not because he asked me, but because I want to talk to this jerk
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
"Low blow, little brother."
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: Oh, baby brother
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.31 PM
It amuses me to no end how you can say "fucking" but rarely call someone anything worse than jerk.
And if he wants to know, he can mail me himself.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: fuck off
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.33 PM
he's scared shitless of you, and you know it
just tell me already!
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
Murtagh smirked. Oh yes, and he was damn proud of that too.
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: Promises, promises
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.37 PM
Fine, fine. Vanir Therr, 26, bastard/snob extraordinary. Biology major. Plays the violin for culture credit. I'm sure you can find him on the university website.
Tell Aksel to start crushing on someone more sensible.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: EWW!
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.38 PM
stop being such an asshole, Tag
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: You know you want it
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.40 PM
Can't. It's in my blood.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: NO!
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.41 PM
why am I even related to you?
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: Denial is not just a river in Egypt
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.43 PM
I guess you got lucky. *smirk
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: STFU
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.45 PM
I'm so telling mom on you
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
From: chiaroscuro
To: nolotrjks
Subject: Try me
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.46 PM
See above, squirt.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: chiaroscuro
Subject: You die
Sent 10.16.2010, 07.48 PM
you'll regret that, asshole
Duma Key (Stephen King): trippy. definitely. but still, interesting
::
He chuckled. "Do your worst, little brother."
-:-
From: nolotrjks
To: V23_Th90
Subject: Hello
Sent 10.16.2010, 09.02 PM
We haven't been formally introduced, but I am Murtagh's little brother Eragon. You may also know me as your ex-stalker's best friend.
You, sir, are an asshole.
Good day.
-:-
It had taken a lot of courage – and boredom – for Eragon to actually send the email to Vanir the day before. But Aksel was one of his best friends, even though he was a total ditz, had appalling taste in men and desperately needed a brain filter. He did it for Aksel.
That courage vanished the instant Eragon saw that Vanir had replied. He had to take five minutes to gather the necessary courage to open the email and read it.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: nolotrjks
Subject: re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.11 PM
I was indeed wondering when your brother was going to introduce us, however indirectly.
Pray tell, what have I done to deserve such a Murtagh-esque insult?
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
Eragon stared. Was this guy for real?
He glared. For that, he was not about to be 'nice'.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: V23_Th90
Subject: re:re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.18 PM
You called Aksel a bottle-blond man-bimbo with sub-average intelligence, appalling fashion sense and below-par looks who must be stupider than he looks if he thinks you would bother to even acknowledge his presence.
I have six things to say about that
1. That's his actual hair colour
2. He's not a man-bimbo, and also, by saying this you're negating your fifth "statement"
3. His major may be music, but he's at the top of his music history class. You can ask the TA Glaedr for more information, as he has been to more than one of Aksel's classes
4. He doesn't have a style, which makes him interesting, unlike your obvious and boring Oxford nerd look
5. Negated, as seen above. He actually is rather attractive. Why he bothers with you is beyond me
6. Negated since you actually did acknowledge his presence
To sum it up, you are a stuck-up, self-centred snob.
Next time, try to take a leaf out of Murtagh's book while insulting someone. Maybe you'll actually do it right.
::
From: V23_Th90
To: nolotrjks
Subject: re:re:re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.21 PM
You must have taken at least pre-Law. I'm impressed.
I do whoever object to your characterisation of my person. I am not a boring Oxford nerd and neither am I a stuck-up, self-centred snob.
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
From: nolotrjks
To: V23_Th90
Subject:re:re:re:re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.27 PM
I beg to differ.
1. You wear Oxford shirts, cardigans, blazers and slacks. Who are you kidding?
2. Your email consists of the chemical elements Vanadium and Thorium. Again, who are you kidding?
3. You went straight to defending yourself instead of commenting on my characterisation of my friend, who you wrongfully accused of said statements
Also, I did take pre-Law, and that you're impressed does not impress me.
::
Eragon nodded. Smug asshole. Who did Vanir think he was?
::
From: V23_Th90
To: nolotrjks
Subject:re:re:re:re:re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.30 PM
You continue to impress me. How about a coffee sometime?
-Vanir T.
673-24-901
::
He stared. Then he stared some more.
Say what?
::
From: nolotrjks
To: V23_Th90
Subject:re:re:re:re:re:re:Hello
Sent 10.17.2010, 04.32 PM
No. Try to approach me, and I will sic Murtagh on you.
Good day.
-:-
Saphira was reading a book for her literature class when her laptop let out a tinny thrill over her music. She looked up. She didn't expect to hear from Aksel or Eragon after the movie marathon on Friday, but God only knew how those two could get themselves into trouble if she wasn't there to watch over them.
She marked her place in the book and made to get up, something that her boyfriend immediately disapproved of.
"No," Glaedr protested and pulled her back against him. "Stay here. It can't be important."
She giggled. "It could be Eragon or Aksel."
"It's probably something from the groups you're subscribed to," he said and nuzzled her cheek. "It can wait."
"Glaedr."
"It's cuddling time. No interruptions allowed."
She shook her head and slipped out of his arms.
She arrived in time to get Aksel's answer to Eragon's original email.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: Advice
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.02 PM
Aksel, stay well away from Vanir. he's a stuck-up, self-centred asshole that cares about no one but number one. he's not worth it
Skellig (David Almond): oddly moving
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: whut?
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.38 PM
you spoke to him?
Amnesia the Dark Decent: WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?
::
Saphira crocked her eyebrow and immediately started to type. Oh, those boys.
::
From: sapphira
To: dAftpUnk, nolotrjks
Subject: re:whut?
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.40 PM
Seconded. When did you do this, Eragon?
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:whut?
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.43 PM
I emailed him. bribed the address out of Tag
I insulted him, he was impressed and fucking ASKED ME OUT! no, just no. forget about him, please, Aksel
Skellig (David Almond): oddly moving
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: WHUT?
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.45 PM
you have his address and you didn't share? bad dog! gimme!
Amnesia the Dark Decent: WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?
::
From: nolotrjks
To: dAftpUnk, sapphira
Subject: re:WHUT?
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.46 PM
NO! just stay away from him. you'll thank me one day
Skellig (David Almond): oddly moving
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: sapphira, nolotrjks
Subject: PWEASE!
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.49 PM
he is the perfect lovechild of my two fiction crushes – Severus Snape and Shaun
Hastings. I MUST HAVE HIM!
Amnesia the Dark Decent: WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?
::
Saphira had to giggle at that.
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: ...
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.52 PM
you are seriously disturbed, Aksel
Skellig (David Almond): oddly moving
::
From: sapphira
To: nolotrjks, dAftpUnk
Subject: Boys
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.54 PM
Let's not argue here, though I have to agree with Eragon on your obsession of snarky men, Aksel.
I can set you up with a guy, ok? A much better guy than Vanir.
::
From: dAftpUnk
To: nolotrjks, sapphira
Subject: re:Boys
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.56 PM
there is no one else! I must have him, or no one at all!
Amnesia the Dark Decent: WHAAAAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUCK?
::
From: nolotrjks
To: sapphira, dAftpUnk
Subject: re:re:Boys
Sent 10.17.2010, 07.59 PM
then I vote for no one at all
Skellig (David Almond): oddly moving
::
Saphira was typing a reply when she felt an arm pull her back. "Glaedr."
"I want my Saphira back."
She bit back a giggle. "I was in the middle of something."
"No you weren't. Let them sulk. They're both adults. Sort of." Glaedr kissed her nape. "Come back to the couch."
Saphira sighed and gave in. "Fine. But you owe me."
"Your wish is my command."
She giggled. "Dork."
TBC
A/N Before I throw in a dozen explanation about this story, I have the pleasure to announce that this story is a) completed already and b) has as many as 18 chapters! Some as about this length, though some are shorter.
This email set up is based on what I'm used to, in case you were curious. Hopefully it isn't too hard to follow.
I was originally going to leave this up to you guys, but I think I'll post this just for the heck of it. And so that you'll all know that yes, I'm alive and kicking. I don't want to leave you all hanging for too long. So that means I have 18 chapters to upload while my creativity recovers. I can't say for sure what my updating schedule will be, as my computer is going in for a check-up very shortly, but with a completed story I can just borrow mom's comp and do the work there.
Also, I'm sorry about the upcoming info dump, but I figured it was better to overshare than undershare. Other than that, that is all for now, guys! I hope to see you guys soon with, ah, "normal SK" stories.
Penname explanations:
Nasuada, Roran and Shruikan's are pretty self-explanatory. They both have a part of their first and last name in their penname. (Nasuada Black, Roran Garrowsson, Shruikan Darc).
In this universe, Glaedr is something like a musical genius, hence his penname with the word "maestro" in it. He's also a little bit of an Italian geek because of his musical interest.
Arya and Eragon's pennames are both related to Lord of the Rings and can be seen as a sort of jab at the Inheritance Cycle. Arya's, which is explained in a chapter, is read as "Better Than Arwen". I'm not saying that Arya is better than Arwen, but I couldn't help myself when creating her penname. It was just too perfect. Eragon's is also explained later, and is read as "No Lord of the Rings Jokes". That's a play on his name, Eragon, which is very similar to Aragorn.
Tornac's penname reflects back on his perverted personality. Backwards gnixes becomes sexing.
Durza's is also a sort of jab at the Inheritance Cycle. His name is read as "Dark Shade". It reflects his dark personality, not to mention that his last name in my AUs is Shade. Also, I do enjoy making fun of the Inheritance Cycle.
Saphira's is also pretty explanatory. It's a mix of Saphira and Sapphire.
Thorn's penname gave me a chance to be more creative. The worlds "Ild Drage" in Norwegian mean "Fire Dragon" which is a perfect name for Thorn, considering his colour in the Inheritance Cycle and the fact that he's a dragon.
Aksel's is a shout-out to the band 'daft punk', which has the awesome song "Around the World". It's also a sort of explanation of Aksel's character. He can be punk-ish and people would definitely call him a bit daft, though I think he's adorable.
Vanir's also self-explanatory if you know the periodic table. I didn't, so I had to look it up. I was lucky enough to find two elements that fit Vanir's name. Eragon brings it up in an email, but I'll repeat it here. V23 means element 23, aka Vanadium. Th90 means element 90, aka Thorium.
Katrina looks at herself to be a very lucky lady, even if her chosen spouse is Roran. There is no other explanation, really. I just came up with it and thought it fit her.
Murtagh's penname is linked to art. Chiaroscuro in art is characterized as a strong contrasts between light and dark, usually bold contrasts affecting a whole composition. Or so wikipedia tells me. It reflects back on Murtagh's character, a dark outer shell protecting a light fragile soul. It's also a shout-out to one of my favourite original fiction series, where one of the books is called Chiaroscuro.
Explanation for the messages under Aksel, Eragon and Tornac's emails:
Aksel plays a lot of video gaming, so his messages contain the video game he is currently playing and what he feels about them. Sometimes there is a link connected to certain scenes and/or walkthroughs.
Eragon reads a lot, and in this instance I've allowed him to share some of my torment on the course literature I've had these past two years. That means they contain the book he's currently reading and what he feels about them.
Tornac's messages are self-explanatory. He decided to become a hardcore Supernatural fan, so his messages are quotes from certain episodes.
