Disclaimer: Sherlock Holmes and A Series of Unfortunate Events belong to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and Lemony Snicket respectively. Scream and Run Away and the other songs belong to the Gothic Archives
The Bad Beginning
Chapter Four (while Violet is shopping):
While at the supermarket, Violet was walking down an alleyway looking for a good dessert. She was so busy looking at the aisle that she wasn't watching where she was going. The result was that she walked into someone, causing her to stumble and drop the basket of food she was carrying.
"Oh, excuse me, sir!" Violet said, as she straightened up, "I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!"
"It's okay," the man said "Just watch where you're going in future. Here, let me get for you."
He bent down to pick the dropped food. As he did so, Violet registered the man; a phrase which here means 'looked him up and down'. She noticed the man before her had some similarities to Count Olaf. He was a rather tall man, like Olaf. He had a prominent nose, shiny eyes and one eyebrow. However, he was clean and smart; he had a full head of hair which was black and smooth; he was clean-shaven – a word which here means 'had no beard or moustache'– and the shine in his bluish-grey eyes was a cool and calm shine, rather than greedy and angry. His one eyebrow looked as though it was constantly cut in the middle. He was also more physically built than Olaf; a phrase which here means 'he had more muscle and wasn't skinny, like Olaf was.' A black pipe protruded from his mouth and he wore a deerstalker cap on his head, with a coat of matching texture. A deerstalker is the sort of hat detectives might wear. He also wore an Inverness cape, which is a sort of Scottish raincoat. There was something mysterious about this man, but Violet just didn't know what it was. His face was a cold mask, rather untouched by emotion. This troubled Violet. Nevertheless, the man smiled as he gathered up the dropped food. Little did Violet know that this man would change the lives of her and her siblings even more, though I'm glad to say it would be in a much better way than Olaf would.
"There you go," the man said, handing Violet the basket of food, "Try to and be careful in future. Don't want to hurt yourself now, do you, Violet?"
"No, of course not, than-", Violet stopped, "How did you know my name, sir?" she asked.
The man smiled down at her.
"I know everything about you, Violet Beatrice Baudelaire" He said, "14 years and 6 months old; eldest of the three Baudelaire children; amateur, but skilled inventor; you tie your hair up in a ribbon when you're thinking. Your parents were killed in a terrible fire. You, your brother Klaus and your baby sister Sunny are now living with Count Olaf. You are shopping for ingredients of pasta puttanesca and a dessert for afters, with Justice Justine Strauss, of the City High Court."
Violet was amazed.
"How… how…?" she asked weakly.
"Elementary, my dear Violet." The man said.
Just then, Klaus and Sunny arrived.
"There you are, Violet," Klaus said, "Why are you talking to this stranger? Strangers can be very dangerous. A boy once disappeared in 1894, because he spoke with a stranger. The stranger kidnapped him, took him far away and killed him!"
The man chuckled. "You know a lot about a lot, Klaus. Not surprising, seeing the many books you read."
Klaus gaped, a word which here means 'looked shocked'.
"How do you know?" he asked.
"Klaus Julius Baudelaire, I know that you can barely see your glasses, which you've worn since the age of two. You have a photographic memory; everything you read, you remember."
"Ganks!" Sunny cried, which meant something like "Have you been spying on us?". Before her siblings could translate, the man said "No, I haven't been spying on you. I just happen to know a lot about you kids. I know for instance, Sunny Katherine Baudelaire that you like to bite things with your four sharp front teeth. You speak in a series of usually unintelligible shrieks, though your siblings can understand you, where others can't."
Now, all three Baudelaires were dumbfounded, a word which here means 'shocked and stunned'. How did this man know?
"Do you remember that Olaf was interested in your fortune?" said the man, suddenly serious.
"Err… yes" Violet replied.
"Well, he obviously has his eye on it" the man said "So keep an eye for anything suspicious, children."
"Okay" Klaus replied.
"Good! Well, good day to you, Baudelaires," the man said, starting to walk off.
"Name?" Sunny asked. The man hadn't said who he was. The man just smiled and then disappeared around the aisle corner. Then, he poked his head back round.
"The name's Sherlock Holmes," he said. He winked and then disappeared.
"Sherlock Holmes?" Klaus said thoughtfully, a word which here means 'thinking and speaking at the time' "I've read about him! His adventures are told to the public by his friend and associate Doctor John Watson. He's a famous detective who has powers of observation and deduction. I guess that's why he could tell so much about us."
"He's very mysterious," Violet said, "he seems to know Olaf."
"Speaking of Olaf, we should get the dessert for him," said Klaus.
Chapter Five:
When the Baudelaires returned home, they found the man they'd met yesterday, Mr Sherlock Holmes sitting on an armchair in the living room, smoking a pipe.
"Ah, good afternoon, my dear children," he said, standing up and holding out his hand.
"Mr Holmes," Violet said, shaking his hand, "Nice to see you again."
"Pleasure to see you too, Violet," said Sherlock Holmes, "And none of that 'Mr Holmes' thing, please. Just call me Sherlock."
"Okay, Sherlock," Violet said, "Why are you here? What if Count Olaf comes back and sees you?"
"Don't worry about it?" said Sherlock, "He won't be back for a few more hours. I thought I'd drop round to properly introduce myself."
"You're a detective, aren't you?" said Klaus, "So you're, like, some kind of private detective?"
"Close but not quite," said Sherlock, "I'm a consulting detective."
"Hackney!" Sunny shrieked, which meant something along the lines of "Consulting detective? I've never heard of that!"
"Well, of course you haven't," Sherlock said, before her siblings could translate, "I invented the job. I'm the only one in the world."
"So, what does a consulting detective do?" Violet asked.
"Well, when the police are completely baffled, as they nearly always are, they consult me for help," Sherlock said, "people also come to me with their problems to ask me for help."
"I've read that you have amazing powers of observation and deduction," said Klaus "Is that how you knew about us?"
"Well, actually I knew your parents," said Sherlock, "They were good friends of mine. I'm sure you were shocked and devastated to hear of their deaths. Very." He said this rather dispassionately, however, a word which here means 'without sympathy or sadness or sorrow or any kind of emotion whatsoever.'
"Yes, we were," said Klaus.
"Here's an explanation of how I knew about you and your unique skills. All three of you have smart clothing and well-brought-up, suggesting you three come from a rich family.
'Violet, your hands are rather rough, which suggests you use them a lot for building and inventing. Some of your hair looks slightly messed, where you've been tying it up. That purple dress you're wearing looks as though it's been worn a lot; suggesting purple is your favourite colour. As for your name, well, the label of your skirt is sticking out and it says V. Baudelaire. I can tell you're 14 because of your height.
"Klaus, I could tell you're Violet's brother with whom you share the shape of nose and eyes and hair colour. Your glasses have left markings on your nose, showing you wear them all the time. These would, of course, suggest intelligence and a good reader. Your hands have presses on them where you hold the books.. You also have dust on your clothes from several old books. When you told of that time a child disappeared because he talked to a stranger, it showed you have a photographic memory by the way you described it quite accurately.
"Sunny, your gums have irregular bumps and scratches where you've been biting things. I can understand your speech by the look on the face; my knowledge would obviously make you think I've been spying on you. You're unable to walk, suggesting you're a year old.
"All three of you have tiny amounts of ashes on your clothes and in your hair, suggesting you've been at a burnt-down house. Seeing as you weren't with your parents and looked unhappy, it suggested they were dead. I read in the city hall that the Baudelaire mansion had been burnt down and that two people had died; your parents. It also said your full names."
"Yes, our parents are dead," said Violet sadly.
"Indeed," Sherlock said still speaking in that rather dispassionate and indifferent tone, though the corners of his mouth twitched slightly, "Your parents were such nice people. Anyway, I read at the bank that you'd been adopted by Count Olaf. But it was obvious he was mistreating you by the fact you are still unhappy. The ingredients you had at the store were for pasta puttanesca, which is actually quite delicious. Sunny, you've been handled toughly; you look shaken. Klaus, your cheek is bright red. I take it Olaf wasn't impressed."
"Well, Olaf wasn't impressed," said Violet, "He wanted roast beef, but he hadn't told us he wanted roast beef. He struck Klaus across the face and picked up Sunny harshly."
"Really?" said Sherlock, surprisingly calmly, "The blooming nerve of him."
"We've tried talking to Mr Poe," said Violet, "but he didn't believe us."
"I'm not surprised really," said Sherlock, "Arthur's never been a very bright person. By the way, I think he should have that cough looked down, but apparently he's always too busy at the bank. Why your parents chose a guy like him to be your executor, I'll never know."
"He does his best," said Violet, though secretly, she felt Sherlock had a point.
"Anyways, let's get to the subject of Count Olaf," said Sherlock. There was a note of dignity and impatience in his voice. "There's more to him than meets the eye, my dear children."
"Zani?" Sunny asked, which meant along the lines of 'What do you mean?"
"I mean," Sherlock said, again before her siblings could translate, "that Olaf is a sinister and devious criminal mastermind, with a great liking for money. He's very interested in getting his hands on your fortune."
"He's a criminal?" Klaus asked.
"Oh, yes!" said Sherlock, "but Arthur obviously knows not."
"But then, have him arrested!" cried Violet.
"No," said Sherlock, "That wouldn't work; they're too easily fooled. I want to do it myself, to catch him in the act of doing anything devious. So keep an eye for anything suspicious from Olaf. And, remember, Olaf will do anything to get what he wants; anything!"
"Okay," said Violet uneasily.
"Good! And one last thing; don't say anything I've told you to Olaf. If he learns I'm found again, he'll blow it! I assure you! If you find anything suspicious, telephone me at all on this number" He produced a card.
"Okay, Sherlock," Klaus said, taking it.
"Well then, good afternoon to you all," said Sherlock, touching his hat to the children. And he left the house, leaving a trail of pip smoke behind him.
"Can we trust him?" Klaus said, "He didn't really sound sympathetic or kind."
"But he's a famous detective," Violet said, "I'm sure he's trustworthy."
"If you say so," said Klaus, though Sherlock's dispassionate and frosty behaviour rather troubled him.
Chapter Six:
(A/N: when the children are concerned about The Marvellous Marriage)
Klaus took out the card Sherlock had given them yesterday.
"I guess we should call Sherlock Holmes," he said.
"I suppose," Violet agreed and the three children walked into the living room and found the telephone. Klaus picked up the receiver and dialled the number on the card.
The phone was answered on the third ring. "Hello?" said an unfamiliar voice, "Who's there?"
"Sherlock Holmes?" Klaus asked.
"I'm afraid not," said the voice, "This is Doctor John Watson, Sherlock's associate and best friend. Who's this?"
"Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire," said Klaus.
"Ah, yes, Sherlock said you might call," said John Watson, "If you want to talk to him, I'll go get him. Hang on!"
A moment later, Klaus heard the familiar emotionless voice of Sherlock Holmes. "Hello, Klaus. Has Olaf given anything suspicious?"
Klaus told him quickly about The Marvellous Marriage and that Violet was going to be the bride.
There was a moment's silence as Sherlock was obviously thinking. Then he said, "I think you should read up about inheritance law, Klaus."
"You think he's probably cooked up some plan to get our money?" Klaus asked.
"I'm sure of it, my dear Klaus," replied the detective with a chuckle, "I suggest you should try to talk to Justine Strauss. She's a judge; she knows all about the law."
"But she's Count Olaf's neighbour," Violet replied.
"Don't worry, Violet," said Sherlock, "You don't have to tell her why you're reading up on law. Just tell Justine you're interested or something." And before any of the children could ask anyone, the line went dead - a phrase which here means 'Sherlock put down the phone.'
"That was weird," Klaus said, "But I suppose we should go to Justine's house and read on law."
Chapter Ten:
(A/N: while Violet was making her grappling hook)
The Baudelaires could have called Sherlock Holmes for help, but the shock for Sunny hanging in a cage from the top of the tower had made them forget all about Sherlock.
Chapter Eleven:
(A/N: while Violet and Klaus are contemplating their problem in the tower)
Klaus then realised he still had the card Sherlock had given him a couple of days ago.
"If only we had a telephone up here," said Klaus, "we could call Sherlock Holmes and ask him for help."
"But what can he do?" Violet said miserably, "How can he prove Olaf is threatening to Sunny unless I marry him?"
"You're right," said Klaus. They were wrong, of course. They did not know just how great a detective Sherlock Holmes, but they soon would.
Just then, they heard a cry through the window. Violet and Klaus looked down and saw Sherlock Holmes standing in the garden, looking up at them.
"Sherlock!" said Klaus, "What are you doing here? If Olaf sees you here..."
"He's too busy preparing the play," said Sherlock calmly.
"Get us down, please," pleaded Violet.
"I'm afraid I can't," Sherlock replied, once again in a dispassionate tone, "Olaf took away and destroyed your grappling hook."
"If we don't get down, Olaf will steal our fortune through our marriage," said Violet.
"Think!" Sherlock said, tapping his head, "Read about marriage and you'll think of something, my dear Violet."
"But, Sherlock, what do you mean?" Violet said, but the man had turned and begun to walk away without looking back.
"How could he leave us?" said Violet miserably.
"He said to read up about marriage," Klaus said, "Maybe I should. He could be on to something."
"Why should we trust him?" Violet said, "He doesn't seem to care about us."
"Don't judge a book by its cover," said Klaus, sitting down with Nuptial Law in his hands. 'Don't judge a book by its cover' is an expression meaning 'don't judge a person by their appearance'. Sometimes, just because a person may look bad, it doesn't mean they really are bad. Sherlock Holmes may have seemed cold and calculated, but was he really indifferent to the Baudelaires' misery? I am glad to say they will sometime in the future. When exactly they found this out, I can't say at the moment, but they will know, I promise.
Chapter Thirteen:
"Actually, Olaf," said a voice from the audience, "What you tried to do was illegal. That was forced marriage. Both the bride and groom must have be allowed to make the choice whether they want to be married or not."
An old man had walked into the stage. At least, he looked like an old man; until he threw off his disguise.
"Well, well, well," said Sherlock Holmes, brandishing a gun "Count Olaf, we meet again."
Olaf blanched – a word which here means 'he went very pale'. His face wore an expression of mingled fury and alarm.
"YOU!" he shouted "You! Sherlock Holmes! I thought I got you off my tail months ago."
"You can never hide from Sherlock Holmes forever, Olaf" the detective said "By the way, dangling an infant from a 30ft tower in a cage and threatening to drop her is illegal also."
"That's right, Sherlock" Justine Strauss said, "That's child endangerment. You, Count Olaf, will go to jail and the three children will live with me."
"Arrest him!" a voice said from the audience and other people took up the cry.
"Send him to jail!"
"He's an evil man!"
"And give us our money back! It was a lousy play!"
"Hurrah for Sherlock Holmes!"
Sherlock Holmes grabbed Olaf's arm, pointing his gun into his face. "Now, just come quietly and no one need get hurt!"
Mr. Poe took Olaf's other arm and, after a brief eruption of coughs, announced in a harsh voice, "I hereby arrest you in the name of the law."
(A/N: Skip ahead to the part where the lights go out, Violet finds the switch and Olaf vows vengeance and victory)
"There you are, Olaf!" Sherlock Holmes' voice spoke from the darkness. There was the sound of a gun being cocked. Violet gave a cry of terror, but flicked the switch on. The entire theatre was flooded with light. Everyone blinked and looked around. Mr. Poe let go of his wife. Klaus put Sunny down. But nobody was touching Violet's shoulder. Count Olaf was gone. And Sherlock Holmes was pointing his gun at thin air.
"Where did he go?" Mr. Poe shouted.
"They're all gone!" Sherlock cried.
Not only had Count Olaf vanished, but all his associates had vanished as well.
"They must have run outside while it was still dark" Sherlock Holmes cried "Come on!"
He led the way outside, Mr. Poe, Justine Strauss and children right behind him. A long black car could be seen driving away around the corner. Maybe, it contained Count Olaf and his associates. Perhaps, it didn't. All the same, in the blink of an eye, it was gone.
"Oh, drat!" Sherlock cried "He's escaped me again!"
"Don't worry, sir. We'll catch them," said Mr Poe, "I'm going to phone the police immediately."
Violet, Klaus and Sunny looked at one another and knew that it wasn't as simple as Mr. Poe said. Count Olaf would take care to stay out of sight as he planned his next move. He was far too clever to be captured by the likes of Mr. Poe.
"Well, I'd better go" Sherlock said wearily – a word which here means 'depressed from Olaf's escape' – "Watch out from Olaf and remember, no matter Olaf goes, I'll be there!"
"Thank you for your help, Sherlock," Violet said.
"Thank you for warning us about Olaf," said Klaus
"No problem! See you!" Sherlock said, bowing deeply "And take care too, Justine!"
"Thank you, Sherlock!" Justine said.
Sherlock Holmes touched his deerstalker to the children, shook hands with Justice Strauss and walked off, disappearing around the corner. The Baudelaires watched him go. What they didn't know was that they would have many adventures with Sherlock Holmes. And he would indeed change their lives in a much better way than Count Olaf ever would.
The story continues as normal from this point onwards.
The Count has an eye on his ankle
And lives in a horrible place
He wants all your money
He's never at all funny
He wants to remove your face
And you might be thinking, "What a romp this is!"
But wait till you meet his accomplices.
When you see Count Olaf,
You're suddenly full of
Disgust and despair and dismay
In the whole of the soul of Count Olaf, there's no love
When you see Count Olaf count to zero
Then scream and run away
Scream, scream, scream and run away
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run
Or die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die, die
