"So. It's your first day here, huh?"
"Yes, but I will not be here long- my father will rise and rain sulphur and fire upon this land and your tiny mountain town will be engulfed in the burning red flames of damnation."
"Oh, well, gosh. If I did that I'd get grounded."
I stare at the small blond child before me for a moment. A word I've never heard before... Interesting. "What is this 'grounded'?"
The boy rubbs his knuckes together nervously. "Bein' grounded is what happens when you do something bad. It's how you learn your lesson. I get grounded a lot, because I do a lot of bad things. I'm a troublemaker, I am. Haven't you ever been grounded?"
"No, I get rewarded when I do bad things. Saddam always says that when I grow up I'll be big and powerful and rule the planet, just like him. My dad doesn't really like the fact that he's encouraging me to grow up evil, but I don't know where he thinks he gets off, since he is the Prince of Darkness. He's such a fucking hypocrite."
"Oh? Who's Saddam?"
"My father's boyfriend."
The boy looks at me, wide-eyed. "Your father's boyfriend? I didn't know dads could have boyfriends!"
Damn, this kid is weird. "Anyone can have a boyfriend."
w
"Really?" He sounds incredulous. How the hell has he survived in this world for eight years? He's way too fucking innocent... He must have dial-up or something. "Do you have a boyfriend?"
"No. I am much too busy plotting the destruction of earth's world religions to have time for a boyfriend." It's sort of true, I guess. I mean, if I had a boyfriend, I would make time for him, but since I don't it doesn't matter.
"Well, I think you should get a boyfriend. You seem really lonely."
Where the fuck did that come from? "I'm not lonely. I'm just busy."
"Busy sitting by yourself in the corner of the playground, alone, lighting your schoolbooks on fire?"
"They're not my books." I look into his crystal blue eyes. They're super-reflective, and I can make out my dark shape in them. I realize he's smiling.
"If you're going to make fun of me you can just leave before I light you on fire!"
That scared him. He jumps back about a foot and stops smiling, but doesn't leave.
"I don't want to make fun of you. I came over here to cheer you up."
"Cheer me up? I'm fine! And I'm certainly not lonely."
"Oh. I'm sorry for assuming... I just thought, well, I'm a little lonely, and you looked lonely, so I thought maybe we could be lonely together."
"That is, by far, the gayest thing I've heard all day," I say, rolling my eyes, but I can't help but smile. "Fine, you want to spend time with me, you can live with the consequences."
"Oh good! I've got a new friend!" His smile is going to stretch farther than his cheeks, any second now. He looks like the top half of his head is going to fall off, he's grinning so hard. Normally, something like this would revolt me, but for some reason, today I don't mind.
"What's your name, anyway?"
"I'm Butters."
"Damien."
A/N: Ashika here! I hope you liked what you've just read. I'm not quite sure if I'll write more or not, so I'm going to call it a one-shot for now. No one ever puts these two together in a situation. My theory is that this is because both Butters and Pip are blond, and since in the show Damien links with Pip, no one thinks to involve Butters at all, because there'd be too much blond-ness to go around. Might burn Damien's eyes out or something.
