It was a relatively normal morning (normal for South Park, anyway) at the South Park high school. Students flitted around hallways. It was still ten minutes before the first period. Craig Tucker arrived at school relatively early that day, which was uncharacteristic of him, and without his boyfriend beside him, which was even more uncharacteristic. Once he had his things he would need for the first period in his backpack and the rest stowed away in the locker, he closed it shut and turned around, leaning on it casually and looking around to see if he'd spot one familiar golden haired boy. Which, if he were nearby, shouldn't be difficult, he thought, given the fact that after Tweek has hit his growth spurt, he stood six feet tall, mere two inches shorter than Craig (who was easily the tallest boy in their class), thus disspelling the myth that coffee stunts one's growth, and combined with his radiant blonde hair, he didn't exactly blend in. And indeed, soon he really saw his boyfriend as he elbowed his way towards Craig through the flow of other students.
Craig's expression shifted from his usual chill-apathetic to delighted, pushed himself off the locker he was leaning on and made few steps forward, but as he saw Tweek's face, his happiness faltered. Something was wrong here. Tweek usually looked like he was on edge, less often unfazed or actually genuinely happy, but the absolutely furious look Craig now saw on Tweek, who was striding towards him at fast pace, clutching his phone in his right hand, his left hand balled into a fist, he hasn't that seen since they were in fourth grade.
"Hey Tweekers, what's the matter?" Craig tried, but Tweek didn't say anything, he just closed the distance between them and stared Craig hard in the eyes with the same scowl for a split second. What happened next, Craig couldn't possibly have prepared for.
THUD! Tweek's left fist collided with Craig's left cheek, sending him stumbling back towards the lockers. The entire hallway went eerily silent and everyone's attention turned towards the couple.
"What the hell dude? What's wrong with you?" Craig shouted while holding a hand onto his hurt cheek, pulsing with pain in place where he was hit.
"YOU KNOW GODDAMN WELL WHAT'S WRONG! MIND TELLING ME WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!" Tweek shrieked as he thrust his phone towards Craig's face. Once Craig saw what Tweek was showing him, all color from his face has drained.
On the touchscreen there was a photo of Craig, making out with some unknown guy at the Stark's Pond.
Clyde and Token, who were standing next to Craig, watching the whole exchange with dropped jaws, and also saw the picture, now glared at Craig with utter disgust.
"Tweek, wait, you don't understand!"
"Oh, what's there not to understand, you cheating fuck! Who was it, Michael?! Or someone else this time?"
"Tweek, listen, I..."
"Is it because I'm not good enough for you? Or because I'm not attractive enough for the super hot Craig Tucker? Huh?"
"It's because you overreact like this!" Craig finally retorted with harsh tone. The crowd of people who have gathered around gasped in unison.
"You're always completely paranoind and neurotic and you go into hysterics over insignificant shit all the time! I've had enough of it! Okay?"
Tweek's lip quivered as he was processing the news. „So that you cheat on me, behind my back, is insignificant according to you? What else is 'insignificant'? Did you sleep with him too?"
"Tweek…"
"DID YOU SLEEP WITH HIM?!"
„I'm done talking about this. And I'm done with you."
Tweek's eyes filled up with tears. „So this is it? After eight years? You just throw me away like that?"
"Yes. Goodbye Tweek. It's over." Craig ended the conversation with one cold, emotionless sentence, and walked away, leaving everyone staring in disbelief.
Once again, Tweek was walking away from a breakup with tears in his eyes, only this time, he didn't break out a wide grin once he was in the clear.
Then, the inevitable happened.
"Bwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!" Clyde finally broke down. "Token! Tweek and Craig broke up! I can't believe it! Wwwaaaaaaaahhh!" Clyde sobbed loudly as he threw himself into Token's arms.
"I know, Clyde. I saw it too." Token sighed as he held the distraught Clyde, who was clinging on him for dear life, and patted Clyde's back reassuringly. "There there buddy. It's gonna be okay."
"No it's not gonna be okay! My OTP is over! Waaaaaah!"
"Clyde, please, stop crying. You can't do anything. Come come," Token tried to soothe his bawling friend, although he himself felt sorrow over the end of the South Park's longest lasting young couple. Lasting until this fateful morning. He needed to take Clyde's mind off the sad breakup and onto different things. "I'll get you tacos for lunch, just please, stop crying."
Clyde heaved one heavy sob, then sniffled one quiet! "Kay.."
…
That day, nobody knew where Tweek was after that dramatic breakup. Rumors spread around that Stan, Kyle, Butters, Wendy and Bebe tried to console him afterwards, but to no avail, or that he locked himself in a janitor's closet, refusing to come out of it, where he'd spend the whole time silently weeping in sorrow for his lost love. Actually, not lost. Taken away from him by force.
But nobody could confirm this. Only thing know for sure was, noone saw where he went. As if he'd vanished.
Craig on the other hand didn't shy away from the crowd. Noone would talk to him after finding out what he's done, but he'd simply walk and sit through the rest of the day, defiantly, looking apathetic, remaining indifferent towards the angry glares everyone would shoot him.
…
The sad news spread fast. Within next minutes everyone at South Park high learned of the recent development, and after several tweets have been posted, the whole town new what has happened and once more descended into despair.
The general mood of South Park's residents has hit a new all-time low. It was worse than last time when Tweek and Craig broke up. It was worse than when the Indians, I'm sorry, Native Americans, were about to level the whole town to build a super-highway for their casino, worse than when Chef died, worse than when everyone in town lost their Christmas spirit. The relationship of Tweek and Craig was everyone's inspiration to love each other, they were the town's most precious couple, a showcase that South Park is a progressive place, not the same old hick town where they would ridicule the two boys for their love, instead they held them in highest honor. And now it was gone. It was all gone. Poof.
The Asian girls were drawing sad pictures of Tweek and Craig, ones that would immediately be ruined by the tears falling from their eyes.
Mayor McDaniels has declared a minute of silence. All traffic has stopped for one minute. All flags were lowered to half mast. School teachers wouldn't teach anything, they just sat in silence, looking down, and so would all the students. That's how bad it was. Nobody knew what to say, so nobody said anything.
PC Principal was at a loss. He didn't know what to do. Being completely PC and progressive, he would support Tweek and Craig every way he could, since they were gay, but how could he support them, when their latest actions cause the town's spirits to descend lower than the bottom of Marianas Trench. He contemplated for a while longer, until finally making a decision. He pressed the talk button on the microphone.
…
The voice of the PC principal coming through the school Tannoy system woke everyone from their depressive thoughts.
"This is the school principal. Everyone, staff and students are to assemble immediately at the school gymnasium. Especially students Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker. Unless you bros want twenty years of detention, you better get your asses there. I want Mr. Meryl, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Adler to set up the speakers and a microphone. I repeat, everyone to the school gymnaisum immediately, especaially Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker! Mr. Meryl, Mr. Mackey and Mr. Adler, you bros set up the speakers and a microphone, or it's detention for you. Over."
…
For the first time in history, the school assembly at the gym was strangely silent. Only noises were of people moving in, the footsteps or the shuffling of people finding their seats, but no sound of chatter whatsoever. Not even Leslie's advertising. Yet, the whole school was there. Even some parents of the students, Tweaks and Tuckers included, have arrived. The local television company has sent over an SNG van complete with a camera crew, with the intention to broadcast the assembly live on the news channel, nationwide.
The noise inside the gym has changed as PC Principal walked in, and quiet murmur among the crowd has risen, as Tweek and Craig followed behind, keeping a ten feet distance between each other.
PC Principal walked up to the microphone, while Tweek and Craig stood behind him, both looking angry and facing away from each other.
PC Principal took the microphone and addressed the school assembly.
"Alright everyone. We are here because of a tragic event that shook our entire school." The students and teachers were nodding in sadness. The Asian girls, Wendy, Bebe and Clyde were silently crying. PC Princial has turned towards the perpetrators of this whole mess and shook in anger.
"Bros, what you did was not cool! Craig, bro, you can't just cheat on your boyfriend like that! Do you undestand? And Tweek, it's not cool to overreact and physically attack him for it, okay bro? You two got something to say?"
Tweek and Craig looked up at the PC principal, who was handing them a microphone. Craig took it, then exchanged one intense look with Tweek, still keeping his distance. Their bore into each others eyes for five seconds. What happened next would go down in history.
The crowd gasped loudly as Tweek and Craig closed the gap between them fast, afraid they would tear each others' eyes out, but what happened next, no one expected.
Tweek cupped Craig's face and Craig embraced Tweek, microphone still in hand, and their lips connected for the deepest kiss ever witnessed. The gymnasium went silent. Once again, all trafic has stopped, but this time, not only in South Park. The whole Times Square was watching the event on big screen. Several cars crashed into each other, but their drivers got out not to inspect the damage, but to get a better look at the screen. Nobody knew what to make of it. And then, as Tweek and Craig separated their lips, Craig lifted the microphone to their mouths and they both shouted in unison:
"April fool!"
…
"And with more news live from South Park, here's our reporter Chris Swollenballs. What's the situation like, Chris?"
"Tom, absolute mayhem is perhaps the most apt term I would use to describe it. Several ambulances and psychologists had to be sent over to South Park high, luckily no major injuries, just several Asian foreign exchange students that have fainted, one of whom has had a minor consussion as a result, one very distraught boy who had to be sedated with high doses of tacos, someone said that a student named Kenneth McCormick has been trampled to death in the uproar, but no one is sure so far. According to PC Principal, the perpetrators, Tweek Tweak and Craig Tucker, will not face any disciplinary action since they are gay and they want to be supportive, and the whole thing was only meant as a joke, but I hear from each boys' parents that there is a possibility that they will be grounded for two weeks. Back to you Tom."
"Thank you Chris. We will keep our viewers updated with the situation from South Park. In other news …"
…
"You fucking assholes, I can't believe you fooled us like this. Do you have any idea what I had to put up with the whole day?" Token fumed.
"Um, ngh, no?"
"I had endure Clyde's crying and buy him five plates full of tacos to get him to stop bawling for a while! I had to spend fifty bucks for tacos, and another ten for dry cleaners! My Armani shirt was completely drenched by his tears and snot! Oh you're gonna pay!"
"C'mon Toke, that's pocket change for you. And if you said something, I could clean the shirt for you. I'm terrific at doing laundry."
"No way, you'd ruin it even more. And it's not about the money, it's the principle that matters. You two have no idea what's it like when Clyde sets off the waterworks."
"Actually we do, he's our friend too you know."
"I'm still fucking pissed dude. You two aren't getting away with this."
…
"Oh man, I can't believe it got so much out of hand, ngh! It was supposed to be just a simple April's fool!" Tweek rambled as he lay on couch, spooned by his boyfriend.
"Well, we should have expected that, this is South Park after all." Craig said. "Why did I have to be the cheating asshole again? I'm lucky they didn't kill me."
"I can't believe they still ship us so much. Did you see Clyde?"
"Yea, I saw him. What a crybaby. And I can't believe you actually fucking punched me. That shit hurt, man."
"Ack, I'm sorry dude," Tweek said and turned around, and pressed one healing kiss on Craig's slightly bruised cheek and smiled at him. "But I had to. You know how bad you act if you don't get into the role fully. They wouldn't buy it otherwise."
"Geez. Couldn't you .. They would totally buy it. Maybe I can't act like you can, but did a good job photoshopping that picture, didn't I? You saw how Token and Clyde reacted."
"Well, okay, but, still..."
"Dude, you know what a mean left hook you have. Don't ever do that again or I'll sue you for domestic violence." Craig said playfully. "Couldn't you have bitch-slapped me instead or something?"
"Ngn, no man, that would be too girly. No way, too much pressure."
"Ah, still worked up over the fact the Asians ship you as the uke, huh?" Craig smirked
"No I'm not!" Tweek screeched. "Besides, what the hell do they know, about our relationship, and what we do in bed. They don't know the half of it."
"Yea you totally are not over it. But hey, it makes sense, you know. It's not as if you don't like my dick inside you. And you're still the cutie. My adorable blonde Tweekers,"Craig teased. "And I'm the bad boy hottie and also the cheating asshole. It wouldn't make sense for them to ship me as the uke."
"It wouldn't make sense for the asshole to be the bottom?" Tweek chuckled.
"Yea.. oh, wait. That's … Damn. You got me."
"Well, let's see who bites the pillow tonight. Not it!"
Craig smiled as Tweek pushed himself on top of him, and Craig pulled him down for a kiss.
"I love you Craig."
"I love you too Tweek."
"Not an April fool this time?"
"Not an April fool."
…
Heh, sorry folks I know it's not 1st of April anymore but I just thought of this while working night shift from 1st to 2nd and then another one from 2nd to 3rd and I couldn't write it down while I was at work and also had to sleep some time;). Hope you liked, let me know in the reviews, if not, let me know too.
