Disclaimer: Dirge of Cerberus, or any of the characters in it, do not belong to me, nor does the idea of using a jukebox for a shop.
Jukebox
Vincent stalked slowly toward Rosso, offering his best death glare in response to her arrogant smirk.
"Ah, still alive, I see? And you call yourself human," she taunted through the dramatically whooshy camera angles.
"More human than you," Vincent spat back, getting slightly dizzy from all the spinning.
"More human than I?" Rosso threw her head back and laughed her most menacing evil cackled. "Tell me something I don't already know, darling. I'm a Tsviet; I traded away my human weaknesses for power long ago. It is the path I've chosen, and the path I'll tread, till I've sucked all life from this pitiful world! And I'm not going to let you get in the way." Seemingly following the camera angles, she began to circle him. "You've lived long enough, Vincent Valentine, and I'll make sure you don't come back this time by slicing you into pieces!" She raised her double-bladed gun thing and the fight began.
Vincent dodged her bullets by flipping into the air and somersaulting all of three feet away from his initial spot. Raising Cerberus, he fired several rounds before needing to dash behind a pillar to avoid being killed. Vincent cursed as he examined his shoulder, which now had a bullet lodged deep into it.
Reloading, he jumped out and began to shoot again. Rosso dodged nearly every shot he fired at her, moving faster than he had anticipated, and then began to shoot at him again. Several more bullets entered into Vincent's body. He fell to the floor, gasping curses and insults at the Tsviet, and then again when he realized he had run out of potions before entering the fight.
It was then that he saw it, the beacon of hope in an otherwise hopelessly difficult battle. The jukebox! The jukebox held potions and high-potions! With the wonderful supply he just might survive this fight. Now all he needed to do was get there.
He looked up just in time to roll out of the way of Rosso's blades he hadn't seen her throw at him. Vincent jumped to his feet and made a mad dash toward the Goddess-sent musical device.
"Wait!" he shouted at Rosso as she prepared another assault on him. She froze instantly and lowered her weapon as Vincent began to press a few buttons on the Jukebox.
"What do you think you're-" she began, but was cut off when a short tune floated through the air.
Duh duh duh duh DUN DUN duh da da
The small shop produced a high-potion like a vending machine. Vincent drank it down before entering the combination again.
Duh duh duh duh DUN DUN duh da da
Rosso came to stand next to him while examining the shop.
"Why is it a jukebox, anyway?" she asked.
"To be honest, I have no idea," Vincent answered while sipping his second high-potion. While the Tsviet was still examining the jukebox, Vincent raised Cerberus again and opened fire, releasing a total of 12 bullets into her back.
Now it was Rosso's turn to fall to the floor. "You cowardly bastard…" were her last words before she faded away.
"Hmph, bitch." And with a dramatic whirl of his cloak, Vincent was gone, onto the next stage of his very own, very difficult game.
A/N: Why is the shop a jukebox? Does anyone know?
This was Part 1 of the short parodies conjured between me, my sister, and my friend after I spent 20-some frustrating hours playing Dirge of Cerberus. I managed to not throw it out the window! Go me! Anyway, there is a part 2, 3, and, thanks to my sister, a part 4 which will be posted as part 2. So let me know what you thought, and if you liked it, stay tuned!
