Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any related merchandise nor am I trying to make any money with it. All recognizable characters and ideas belong to Masashi Kishimoto.

Prologue

‚Knock, knock, knock'

The noise was drilling itself into his head.

'Knock, knock, knock'

Why couldn't it just stay silent? Silent like the house. Silent like the clock he had accidentially smashed when he had mindlessly stumbled against the sideboard. Silent like his mother. Silent like dea-

'KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK'

"Ey, I know you're in there! Open up!", a boyish voice yelled angrily.

"Oh, come on Itsuma, let's just go", another boy moaned, " if that stuck up idiot doesn't care about being too late to the graduation ceremony then why should we!"

Some muffled grumbling followed until a feminine voice spoke up hesitantly. "Actually, Daisuke, I think Itsu is right… I saw him entering the house earlier. And it's not like Naruto to be late. Ever."

"Don't know, don't care but if we're not going right now then it's us that's going to be late. Just get one of your mutts to take a message to someone who actually cares", the boy said dismissively.

Fading footsteps told Naruto that at least one person was leaving.

"Come on Hana", the other's, Itsumo's, voice sighed, "let's get going. And don't listen to Daisuke. You know he could never stand Naruto."

The voices flowed away, the sound of the front porch falling close assuring Naruto that he was alone again.

Alone.

A strangled gasp escaped him. Not quite a sob. His body jerked forward slightly as if to hold in any other emotions that threatened to spill out. The unwilling movement caused a tightly rolled up scroll to rustle against his black, soaked shinobi pants. He looked down at the piece of parchment that was lying in front of him.

Red liquid was staining the left side of it, the same liquid that had drenched his pants, clung to his hands and was pooling on the living room floor.

Blood. His numb mind helpfully supplied. Lots and lots of blood. A person that had lost that much blood couldn't possibly be still alive, it continued to lecture in a textbook voice.

His eyes followed the puddles of liquid life to its origin. And backtracked immediately as if scorched by a white hot flame.

Naruto looked back down at the scroll and began to unroll it, slowly, automatically.

He didn't want to read what she had written but neither could he look at her flaming red hair fanning out behind her and getting dark with blood; at her porcelain white skin that could do nothing to hide the dark rings under her eyes or her withdrawn face; at her slender hands with the fingers curled securely, unmovingly around the handle of the tanto that she had plunged into her own gut.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the scroll, Naruto did his best to block out his dark surroundings, the heavy, metallic smell of blood and began to read.

To my dear son,

Do you remember what I told you about being a Shinobi? Ah, of course you do. There is nothing quite like the mind of those they call a genius.

'The village always comes first' was the first lesson that I drilled into you when you expressed the wish to become a ninja and I am sure that you haven't forgotten it.

But, this letter and what I am going to do, are not about you and your accomplishments or anything present. It is about your Tou-san and me and about the lives we threw away.

You already know that your father was Namikaze Minato, Konoha's Yondaime, and also one of the reasons why your heritage should be kept secret for the time being.

Today in the Academy they teach that the Yondaime was the hero that killed the Kyuubi no Youko and saved the village at the cost of his life. I don't know if they have simply repressed the truth or if they have really come to see him that way. Let me tell you the real story.

The nine tailed kitsune demon is, like all others of his kind, a being made of pure elemental chakra. It has no definite form or body, only a sentient spirit to preside over and use the chakra. Therefore, it cannot be killed by any normal means. Your Tou-san knew that and worked a way around it.

I am no Master of Seals so I can't tell you the specifics but Minato created a Sealing Technique that could seal away the spirit and the Yang chakra of the demon fox into a newborn child with not yet developed chakra coils. The Yin chakra would then be stored in a special sealing scroll.

You were born on the 10th of October seven years ago, only two days and a half after Kyuubi's initial attack. The Sealing Technique was ready to be used and yet I can assure you, that you have no demon jailed in you.

Can you already see where this is going?

They don't call you a genius for nothing, my little darling.

It was supposed to be you.

When Jiraiya came to the hospital to take you, the medics had already given up hope for my life and declared me dead. Hokage's wife or not, in all the chaos and death nobody had any more time to devote to me than absolutely necessary. But when Jiraiya took you out of the crib I found some last strength and pleaded with him to get Minato to me one last time.

He did so and when your Tou-san came I begged him to spare you, to spare our child. I made him promise to go and think about it one last time. When he came back a few hours later he examined you and declared that your chakra coils were now already too developed. You were unfit for the ritual.

I found my will to live in this and was eccstatic, he defeated.

It took another day until the next child was born. Her father was already dead, her mother died minutes after the birth. Minato elected her to be the Jinchuuriki of Kyuubi.

When I left the hospital with you I realized what devastation that one day delay had wrought: 167 civilian deaths, 214 dead Shinobi and the outer part of Konoha was destroyed.

And somehow, word had gotten out that I had held up Minato, that he didn't want to use his own son, that my selfishness and his hesitation had cost the life of hundreds.

Had I not had you to look after, I would have committed seppuku on that very first day. But I bore the stares and the whispers for nearly a year until they started to malign you too. That was when I decided to leave for the outer areas of Hi no Kuni.

The rest you know. I trained you when you first asked to become a ninja at the age of four, I came back to Konoha for your Academy classes – even if under a false name -, I loved you and watched over you.

But even if they don't recognize me anymore and have elevated Minato as hero, I know the truth about the lives we sacrificed. Had I died that day, so many people would have been spared. I am sure that I was meant to die. This knowledge is destroying me, Naruto.

Now that you are a ninja, an adult in our world, I am being selfish once again. I cannot live with so much blood on my hands any longer, with so much shame and dishonor. I have escaped death for too long but now I am going willingly.

Remember, the village always comes first.

Live well and don't forgive me.

Your mother

Naruto didn't know how long he had been sitting alone, the words of his mother playing over and over in his mind. He never heard the voices outside the house or the sound of the front door being forced open . He only looked up when a person squatted down next to him and the lingering smell of death was overpowered by pipe incense, crisp clothes and warmth.

"Come with me, Naruto", the Sandaime said caringly and Naruto felt a wrinkled hand falling on his shoulder, "let's get you to the hospital first."

Naruto stood with the Hokage and noted distantly how the drying blood flaked off his pants and made them stiff and uncomfortable.

His hands were steady as he rolled up the scroll again and followed the Sandaime out without question and without looking back even once.


tbc

Well? How did that sound like so far? Was it good? Bad? Any comments or critiques?

Please review and tell me, constructive criticism is always welcome!

ginoeh