Valley of Tomorrows
Summary: Follows the storyline of Townhouse Incident and beyond through the eyes of Rafael Barba. How will healing take place and their worlds change after Olivia's life is at risk – again. Will they be able to work through whatever demons resurface? Will their worlds ever be even remotely the same? Established Barson.
Disclaimer: I don't own Law & Order: SVU, any of the characters, or any of the storylines referenced from the television show. I am making no profit off of this work of fiction. Any names, places, or events having similarity to real life occurrences are simply coincidence. Title comes from the song Valley of Tomorrows by Needtobreathe.
A/N: First fanfiction in years. I'm a Barson fan... and Tuckson from Manhattan Transfer really drove me nuts, so we're going AU from Townhouse Incident on. Enjoy, friends!
Chapter One
Rafael adjusted the sleeves on his suit jacket as he walked out of the DNA conference, shaking his head at the missed call and text message from Dodds, informing him they needed him at the precinct. If nothing else, it explained why Olivia never made it to the seat he'd been saving for her. She'd never made a snide remark or bothered to nudge him carefully so no one would notice. Yet, the text message explained it all.
She was never one to walk away when her squad needed her.
As he took a cab to the precinct, Rafael mused about his life in the last several months. His friendship with Olivia had continued to develop until the day, about six months ago, when he sat with Noah on his lap, laughing as the toddler spilled another Cheerio on his too-expensive-suit to wear around a child and Olivia's eyes lit up as she realized someone else loved her son indescribably.
Everything changed that night. They laid Noah down for bed, Olivia reading him a bedtime story as Rafael sat to the side, smiling involuntarily at her soothing voice, the kiss to her son's forehead. He had bid Noah sweet dreams before leading the way back to the living room. Liv fell onto the couch, making room for him. As soon as Rafael sat beside her, she kissed him gently.
It took another two months before they put a label to the comfortable relationship they'd found, but the unspoken rule was that thy were each other's and he had taken no issue with being a permanent fixture in the lives of Noah and Olivia each evening and most weekends. Though, the day he made her talk about it, Olivia pushed back as hard as she could, saying she didn't want to ruin what they had by complicating it. Rafael, however, couldn't leave it be.
"If I'm going to be part of Noah's life, I want it to be real, Olivia," he'd argued simply, standing across the room from her with his arms crossed. "I want to know that I'm in your life whether we fight over something petty or things have been going swimmingly for months. I can't lose either of you, so I just need your word."
Liv had spent a few moments staring at the door to her son's room. Rafael hadn't given her any reason not to trust him. After all, he knew absolutely everything she'd been through with Lewis, he knew almost all of her darkest secrets, and he didn't judge. He didn't run. He didn't ever hurt her – even when he was horribly forward and needlessly harsh with his honesty. He would never intentionally break her – not mentally, emotionally, or physically. In his mind, there was no reason why this commitment should be so hard for her.
"Okay," she'd said with a simply shrug. "You're my boyfriend, but we don't need to make a big deal out of this."
Rafael smiled as he walked up to squad room of the 1-6th. Her squad didn't know yet, though it would have to change soon – he was certain. He was ready for a next step. Something Rafael Barba had never pictured himself being ready for. He wanted to be Noah's father and Olivia's knight-in-shining-armor until the day they died. He wanted more than just a key to her apartment and standing invitation – he wanted them to be a family together. He also didn't want to be silent about it at work anymore. Life was too short; it wasn't worth hiding from the truth.
Dodds ushered him through the door to watch the interrogation taking place. He noticed that Olivia wasn't visible, but he figured she was caught up on something. She always had work to do. Even with a toddler at home and relationship being nurtured, she found a way to get lost in taking care of the next victim. It was one of the things Rafael both loved about her and wished he could change sometimes.
His mind was in a different place as he offered his affirmation of the squad and asked for Olivia. It was a common question, Rafael figured, that wouldn't ever elicit concern. He needed to confirm all of the details with their commanding officer. Quick meetings between the two of them would never be uncommon.
It took seconds, however, for everything to change and move into hyper-drive. Carisi talking to Lucy, who didn't seem to process Barba's presence as anything unusual in her own fear, reading her text message, feeling nauseous at the name of William Lewis, trying to call Liv with no answer; it all moved faster than he liked as they sprang into motion, Dodds ordering the team to go check out the house as he notified 1 P.P. of the development, ordering a trace on Olivia's cell phone.
Rafael murmured something about needing to check on something at his office before calling Liv's cell phone again as he walked out of the squad room, waiting to see exactly what he could do to help her.
"Answer your damn phone, Olivia," he hissed into the receiver as he heard it fall to voicemail again.
The rest of the day seemed to last for years. After Rafael had initially found out that she was being held as a hostage, he made his way to the crime scene and did whatever he could to help. He couldn't be too testy, but his Cuban heritage helped. So did his reputation. Barba knew he could pull off any number of sarcastic, snippy, or angry remarks and still seem completely normal to those around them. Everyone knew that he and Olivia had a friendship, so it only made sense that his awareness of the situation was heightened – similar to her squad, but entirely different at the same time.
Entirely different.
He was receiving regular updates from Lucy and every phone call where he could hear Olivia's voice, even for a second, evened his breathing. As long as she was alive, they could get through this. He silently prayed that Olivia stuck to the script instead of turning into a hero. Noah needed her to stick to the script. His breath caught in his throat as he thought about the toddler at home with Lucy. How would they tell Noah about his mom? Worse yet – who would take care of him? Rafael hated that he didn't have those answers, that the conversation had never come up. That he hadn't forced it.
It wasn't until he heard someone shout that they were coming out at the Garden Level that he stopped thinking to himself and walked out onto the street, tucked behind Carisi with his eyes trained on the woman walking out, a hand connected to each of the kids and a gun to her head. Barba swallowed hard, forcing himself to stay calm, cool and collected.
Liv could do this. He believed that whole-heartedly. That knowledge, however, didn't do anything to abate his fears. Nothing about this situation was normal or comfortable, and some small part of him wondered how close she was to breaking. He could see the fear radiating off of her. Very few probably could, but he was the one watching the closest when William Lewis had questioned her in court. He was the one who had walked through the nightmare of reliving those four days of trauma over and over as they prepped for trial. He knew her – inside and out.
Her voice shook slightly as the kids ran from Joe and Barba felt himself let out a deep breath, watching as Olivia played her cards. He kept reminding himself that she was trained for situations like this. If anyone could survive them with grace and elegance, it would be her.
Rafael looked away for a split second, running a hand over his perfectly tamed hair before shoving his hands back in his coat pockets. That's when the shot came and he hadn't seen what was happening. His stomach dropped and he could have sworn that he was going to vomit as he forced himself to look. Expectations were low. He was preparing to see Olivia on the ground, hurt. Yet, she wasn't. She was covered in blood, but she was safe. They were running to her and the only thing Rafael wanted was to take her into his arms and assure her she was fine, but he couldn't make himself move. He wasn't a member of her squad, he wasn't even a member of the NYPD. He was their ADA. He had helped where he could, but the reality was that he wasn't currently needed on scene.
She was asking about Noah. He reached for his cell phone again, ready to have Lucy bring Noah to them when Fin stepped over. "We're taking her to the hospital to get checked out," he told Barba. His voice was rough, laced with the frustrations of the day wearing him thin. Barba could hear it in all of them, but no one else was talking just to him. "Then they'll need her statement. You know the drill, counselor. But she's okay."
Momentarily Rafael wondered if Fin was telling him as more than a friendly courtesy, but he quickly dismissed the thought. No one knew, as far as he was concerned, and he could pass anything off as a friendship. He sighed, nodding slowly. "Good work today," he continued, shocked by how tired he sounded. The adrenaline had kept them all moving – the need to protect one of their own overwhelmingly present. Now came the moment where everything fell. Now, they were free to feel.
Barba felt the hand on his shoulder for a fleeting moment before he was alone in the middle of the street again, surrounded by many of NYPD's finest, combing the scene. Olivia was already in an ambulance with Tucker. While Rafael wanted to be there, he knew better. He accepted a ride back to his office where he would gather his things and take a cab to Liv's place. It was the only option. The only logical thing was to scoop Noah into his arms and wait for her to walk safely through the door.
As he walked into his office, Rafael gathered a couple of case files. It was going to be a long, sleepless night. He was almost positive. The only reprieve would be if Olivia was so tired sleep overtook her. Even at that, Rafael didn't think he would be closing his eyes. He needed to protect her. He needed to hold her.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he fished it out, his lips turning up at the corners as he noted Olivia's name flashing across the screen. He desperately needed to hear her voice, to know for himself that she was truly alive and safe. He quickly accepted the call, leaning against his desk, one arm draped haphazardly over his torso.
"Barba," he answered, but his voice wasn't firm and forceful. It was filled with a gentleness that Rafael reserved for Olivia. It wasn't his victim voice, it wasn't manipulative, and there wasn't a hint of sarcasm. It was filled with love and longing.
"Noah," she said simply. He could hear the tears in her voice, but she seemed steadier than he had initially expected. "I called Lucy and told her you'd watch Noah until I got home."
"I'm on my way there as soon as we hang up," he stated agreeably, not certain if it was the time or place to even ask how she was. She would be home soon enough, he figured, but he still needed to know. He reached for his briefcase before moving toward the door, preparing to lock the door behind him. "I'll give him his bath and make sure he gets to bed. We'll be okay, I promise."
"No, no," she insisted from the other end and Rafael sighed, not certain what Olivia wanted from him.
He sighed, "Okay. We'll wait up for you."
"Okay," she agreed. "I have to go. They need my statement."
Rafael stepped outside onto the street, looking at the people walking by before poising himself to wave down a taxi. "We'll wait for you," he assured her again. "I love you, Liv."
He knew she couldn't answer. Not until they'd disclosed their relationship would she be able to agree with him publicly, but he could say it all he wanted. He heard her release a slow breath, though, and knew that she was relieved. He hung up the phone, hailing the next cab that came by and giving the address.
"Thanks again, Lucy," Rafael insisted, watching her as she left the apartment and walked down the stairs, slipping into her brother's car. She often got a ride from him and he felt safe knowing she was in her car. He turned back to the living room, watching Noah play with his new doctor's kit and sighed softly. He'd eaten, according to their sitter, and seemed content. It was already past the toddler's bedtime, but Liv clearly needed him to be accessible when she got home.
However late that may be.
Rafael walked to the kitchen and started brewing a pot of their dark roast coffee. He'd slipped out of his coat and suit jacket, removed his vest and tie, and had popped the top button on his checkered shirt. As he pressed his palms into the counter, he let out a deep grunt, unable to scream and curse at his total frustration from the day.
He didn't even have words to describe all of the emotions he had been forced to experience, but if it had been stressful for him, he couldn't imagine Olivia's state of mind. He pulled back from the counter, rolling up his sleeves before rummaging for his favorite mug. It had been Olivia's, navy blue with a white NYPD across the front. Simple, but it had quickly become his when they were home.
He left it on the counter by the coffee pot and wandered back to the living room. Noah toddled over to him, latching onto Rafael's leg. Originally, Rafael wasn't sure about the tiny human who had to have all of his needs provided for him. The ADA would have preferred to have contact purely with independent, capable people who could get their own snacks, but Noah had grown on him in ways he couldn't describe.
Reaching down, Rafael lifted Noah into his arms and ran a hand over his hair. He kissed the child's forehead gently, sitting on the couch and keeping Noah close.
"Mama?" Noah asked innocently, his voice quiet and questioning, eyes searching around the apartment. Occasionally, this happened. Liv would call and ask Rafael to watch Noah until she was home. Rafael had taken to the job quite nicely, but this seemed so different, and he was certain Noah could tell. The toddler let out a quiet yawn, his cheek falling into Barba's shoulder.
He smiled softly, trying to keep himself calm so Noah couldn't sense any anxiety.
"Yeah, little man. Mama will be home soon, I promise," he murmured, rubbing Noah's back as he heard the coffee maker start to bubble and release steaming liquid that would have to wait for a little while longer. "She had a bad day," Rafael explained, knowing the words were, in some ways, above Noah's head. "But she's going to need us to be strong for her when she gets here. She's going to need you, buddy."
Noah nodded, his small hand reaching to grasp Rafael's shirt as he started to drift off in the ADA's arms. He glanced back over his shoulder at the coffee pot, starting to fill up and sighed gently.
Yes, the coffee was going to have to wait longer than he'd hoped, but Rafael didn't count it as too much of a loss. Besides, what he could use at the moment wasn't truly coffee. He needed something stronger. He needed scotch.
