My name is Shuichi Shindou. My friends call me Shu-chan or Shu-kun, and occasionally Mr. Shindou. I'm 19 years old and am fronting a J-Pop band called Bad Luck. My idol is none other than Ryuichi Sakuma of Nittle Grasper and am terribly and undeniably in love with the famous novelist with a bad attitude, Eiri Yuki. He rarely tells me he loves me but when he does; he's always holding onto me tightly, like he's afraid he'll lose me. I like those hugs. That's when he's nice to me. But also when he's close to breaking...I hate it when he breaks. When he cries, I feel helpless...all I can do is sit there and hold him; let him use my shoulder to cry on. Lately, he's been crying a lot...and he leaves the house a lot. He never says why. He just does...

"Yuuuukiiiii~!" I called as I entered our home after a long day of recording. "Yukiiiii~?" I started in the house; pushing the door closed behind me. I looked around at the untouched living room and kitchen; then towards the stairs. "Yuki?" I asked more worriedly; starting up the stairs. I couldn't hear anything. I peeked down the hall and noticed no lights were on. "Yuki..?" I called again; fear ripping through my body. I started down the hall and opened every door; no sign of disturbance or Yuki. I opened our bedroom door and found a locked drawer broken into. I peered inside and pain ripped through my chest. Yuki's secret gun was gone. I began to panic. "Yuki! Yuki, Yuki; where are you?!" I screamed; leaving the room and looking in the rest. I found his study and gulped; the last room to be searched. I slowly pushed it open and saw a stain in the carpet. My heart leapt to my throat as I followed the stain towards his desk. "Yuki-" and then I screamed.

I must've fallen back and hit my head because I don't remember going to the hospital. I sat up in the hospital bed and gripped the sheets; the last image in my head fresh. Yuki with a gun in hand and blood coming from his mouth. I started sobbing and curled up; the sheets held to my face. I sobbed and cried until I couldn't cry anymore so I kept sobbing. I buried my face and just made pitiful, heart wrenching noises until my voice grew hoarse.

"Shuichi..." came my best friend's voice. I looked up at him, at Hiroshi Nanako, the guitar player for Bad Luck and I broke down all over again. He came over to my side and held me; rubbing my back and holding me. "Oh Hiro...it was h-horrible..." "Shh...take a deep breath...what happened?" Hiro asked. So I listened and told him what I saw; breaking down yet again. He went silent and held me closer.

"Mr. Shindou? May we talk to you?" asked a doctor, a nurse close behind him. I nodded slowly and he smiled softly. "Please tell me, what was your relation with the man you came in with?" "M-man...?" "Yes...the one with the gun." 'Yuki...' "H-he's my lover..." I whispered as fresh tears started. The doctor nodded. "I see. Well; you should be happy to know that he is in stable condition. We found no evidence of physical harm on his body. The blood we did find was due to stress. He will recover just fine." the doctor replied with a smile. I let out a happy noise and clung to Hiro. "Yuki..." I breathed. "Now, we need to discuss your health. I'm afraid you are not so lucky...you have sustained quite a bit of damage to your brain when you fell." he said. I frowned. "I fell?" "Yes. And you hit your head pretty hard. We were afraid we were going to lose you during the surgery." "S-surgery?" I gasped. "Yes. You need rest, Mr. Shindou." I looked to Hiro and he nodded. "Rest up. I'll talk to you later, alright? "A-alright..."

I laid back as everyone left the room and thought of Yuki. I thought of our first date, the one in Disneyland and smiled. I could still feel his arm around me. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

I can't exactly remember what I dreamt of but I do remember that it was horrifying. Blood everywhere and Yuki saying "Fuck you." I sat up, wide awake in a dark room and shivered. I felt really cold and sick; stepping out of bed. I looked at the IV in my arm and grabbed it; whimpering and pulling it out. I pulled out everything that was attached to me and ran across the room; panicking and crying. I wanted Yuki to come and save me. I needed Yuki here with me...