*Rated for naughty words and frank discussion of human reproduction. Lemony version available under same name and title on Archive of Our Own.

Praise and gratitude to animaniacal, a paragon among Beta readers and a helluva an author.

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In this story Kenshin has taken Kaoru's name after marriage 'cause that's an AMAZING idea , totally culturally appropriate and utterly in-character and I love "The Ruruoni Settles" to tiny itty bitty pieces, go read it. And, yes, Canon!Kenshin really does tease Kaoru about her cooking, and Dr. Gensai is sort of a pervert, so says the manga and Watsuki-san's word is law, so please don't get too excited about it.

And so it begins...

...Summer...

Kenshin was horrified. He knew shock was written all over his face, he had no idea what to do, and panic was building in his chest. Yahiko sat still, frozen with horror, chopsticks suspended halfway to his mouth.

Kaoru was crying. Crying. Big, sad, real tears flowed down her cheeks and dripped from trembling lips to plop onto the dining table.

Kenshin wanted to punch himself in the face – if he thought it would make Kaoru stop crying, he would. What had just happened? Yes, it was rude to poke fun at her cooking, but he did it frequently and she had never cried before. He knew that he shouldn't do it, but she was so glorious when she was angry and sometimes the temptation was just too much.

Every time before, she would flare and flash, and a whap to his head later, she would grumble about ungrateful men and then the insult would be forgotten. She was like a summer thunderstorm, she was like lightning in a teacup. She did not get hurt, she did not cry.

"Kaoru-dono, sorry! This one is so sorry!" He put his forgotten tea on the table and scooted toward her, trying to catch her eye. "This one did not mean it, that I did not. It was a joke -"

"A stupid joke!" She half gasped, half warbled her words.

"A stupid joke," he agreed. "Please, please do not cry," he reached for her chin, desperate to dry her tears. She jerked her face away from him, to the side, and her crying continuedt. He looked to Yahiko for help, but the boy's enormous eyes were still focused on Kaoru. The fish fell from his chopsticks onto his lap, and he never moved.

"Beloved?" He had never before addressed her so informally if front of others, but desperate times... "Beloved, please, tell this one why you are so hurt? What should this one do?"

"Nothing!" She bolted to her feet, pushing Kenshin over in the process, and fled the room. Kenshin stayed on his back, blinking at the ceiling, and feeling generally like he had fallen into a dream.

Yahiko whispered, "What the hell was that?"

Kenshin sat up and exchanged traumatized looks with the boy. "This one hasn't any idea, that I don't."

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For the next half hour, he and Yahiko crept silently around the house, clearing the table, washing the dishes, and generally cowering.

"You should go talk to her."

"But this one is the cause of her distress."

"Yeah, so man up and go comfort her."

"This one doubts she wants to see me. But you might be a comfort, that you might."

"No way! She'll kill me."

"..."

"You should go sex her up, that always makes her happy."

"Oro!"

"...Alright, this is too weird! I'm taking off. I gotta go to work anyway."

"Coward."

"Where are you going, Yahiko?" And there in the kitchen doorway stood the source of their confusion, dressed in her training gear, looking as calm and fresh as if nothing had ever happened.

"Uh, the Akabeko?"

Kaoru looked annoyed. "No way! You can't come over here, eat a free lunch, and then skip out on training. The dojo, Yahiko, now!" Her fists were planted on her hips and her face promised pain if he disobeyed. Kenshin stood very still, not even blinking lest he draw Kaoru's attention. Yahiko grabbed his shinai and left the room as though pursued by demons.

"Mou, that kid!" She smiled at Kenshin, as bright as a sunny day. "Ja, Kenshin, we'll be a few hours!" And then she bounced from the kitchen, leaving her clueless husband feeling like he'd been poleaxed.

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Three days later, Kenshin was convinced that something was definitely wrong with his young wife. Maybe that latest crack about her cooking had pushed her over the edge. For three days, he had stood witness to tears, rages, joy, melancholy, and one memorable bout of lust mixed with giggling. Today, though, when she had drunk six cups of water and then fallen asleep at the lunch table, Kenshin decided it was time to ask for help.

He shifted in the uncomfortable Western style chair. Dr. Gensai was currently with another patient, and Kenshin was left with nothing else to do but wait.

"Kamiya-san!" Finally, the doctor bustled in. "What can I do for you today?"

"Ah, Gensai-sensei. This one needs your assistance on behalf of his wife, that I do."

"Kaoru-chan? She's always been in such robust health!" Kenshin did not really approve of the glint the doctor's eyes.

"Yes, normally. And this one does not necessarily think that her health is poor now, but her behavior indicates that perhaps not all is normal, that it does." And so Kenshin told his tale of woe. Dr. Gensai listened, and nodded, and asked several questions.

"Ah, yes, perhaps she should come see me, Kamiya-san."

"Yes," Kenshin frowned. "She is visiting with Tae-dono now; this one will return with her shortly."

Worried, stressed, and frustrated, Kenshin spent the short walk to the Akabeko deciding on how to get his emotionally unstable wife to the clinic. In the end, the walk back was fine, Kaoru treating his request with surprise and then indulgence, declaring that he was being silly and she acting like she was accommodating him.

He suppressed a sigh. Kaoru had been in the exam room for most of an hour and Kenshin's taut nerves were fraying. Why did Westerners enjoy such uncomfortable seating? What was wrong with a nice, fat cushion? And why did Dr Gensai have to have a Western style waiting room anyway?

Finally! He stood as a blushing Kaoru and Dr. Gensai approached. Kaoru had some pamphlets clutched to her chest, and Dr. Gensai was patting her shoulder.

"Now remember, Kaoru-chan, I'll see you next month. Eat right, and drink a lot." He smiled at Kenshin. "Kamiya-san, good evening." The doctor gave him a small bow, which Kenshin returned, then shooed them both out onto the street.

Kenshin turned big, wondering eyes to his suddenly very shy wife. "Kaoru-dono?"

She shook her head. "Not right now, Kenshin, please," and she turned towards home. Kenshin swallowed his anxiety and trailed behind her. She tucked those mysterious pamphlets in her sleeve, and didn't say much of anything.

Upon arriving home, Kaoru headed directly into their bedroom. Kenshin was determined to be patient. He would give her time. He would. He would not burst into their room like a lunatic and demand to know what the doctor had told her. He would not prostrate himself at her feet while begging for answers. He would not overcook the damn rice and burn down the house because he was too damn distracted to pay attention to what he was doing… Damn it!

Dinner was tense.

It was just the two of them and Kenshin was too busy pretending to be serene to make small talk. Kaoru knew him too well, though, and she was watching him with a look of disapproval.

"Alright!" she said, slamming her bowl and chopsticks back on the table. "You," she pointed at Kenshin, "are the most impatient man in the history of men!"

"Oro!"

"I thought that if I kept out of your way for a bit you would relax, but you haven't, have you?"

"Oro?"

"How can you be so patient in a fight, but with news and with presents you're less patient than a child?"

Kenshin sputtered.

"You eavesdrop."

He gasped. "You do it too, that you do!"

"I know that you found your Obon presents and then rewrapped them."

He willed himself not to blush and failed miserably. His mumbled defense was inaudible. Kaoru sighed.

"...I wanted to tell you tonight after we'd gone to bed." He raised his best huge, miserable eyes to her face, and waited. She rolled her eyes.

"...Do you want to go to bed now?"

"Yes!" And he was off his seat, pulling her to her feet and down the hall as quickly as she could follow. And he smiled, walking ahead of her where she couldn't see, because she wouldn't be laughing like this if the news was bad.

He shut their shoji and peeled out of his clothes without thought to dignity, leaving them on the floor for once, putting on his yukata, and kicking their bedding into place with his foot. Kaoru was still laughing, undressing in the soft evening sunshine of their bedroom.

He schooled his face to serenity as he sat waiting on their futon, mostly because it amused her and a little bit because it amused him as well. Dressed in a pretty peach yukata, her hair down straight and shining, she crawled into bed with him.

And now, strangely, she was shy. She picked at the blankets, and couldn't hold his gaze.

"I guess you'll have to get used to my moods, Kenshin." Her cheeks were crimson now and her eyes shyly downcast. She flicked a glance at him out of the corner of her eye, torturing her favorite quilt. He waited. She huffed and seemed annoyed that he couldn't guess, that she would have to tell him. "I'm pregnant."

Kenshin blinked. Oh. Oh. He really was an idiot. A huge, ridiculous smile stole over his face. Of course she was pregnant, this brave, kind woman. This amazing gift of a woman. He tackled her, gently, so gently, to the bedding and rained kisses on her upturned face until she was gasping with laughter.

She fell asleep to his voice mumbling praise, his hands worshipping her belly. The mystery of her fatigue solved, she had yielded without fight and she was beautiful, sleeping in the evening sunlight. Kenshin slipped out of bed to tidy the kitchen, lock the gate, fold their clothes, and when he returned to bed, he continued his idiotic staring.

There was no visible sign of the pregnancy, of course, not yet. Her belly was as flat now as ever. His hand glided across it anyway, stroking her, petting his child through the layers of his wife. He had never really thought about being a father. Oh, he had known intellectually that it was likely to happen, they had never taken precautions against it, and Kaoru was young and vibrant with health. But the reality of it, that she was right then harboring and nurturing a new life within her body, seemed surreal.

A baby. A baby behind his wife's flat belly, that would be part him and part her. A baby that would live in this era, a child to live free of class, free of the need for a sword, a child able to choose his own path. A child of peace, like the swordsmith's grandson Iori.

"Are you still rubbing my belly?" Her voice was drowsy.

"Aa, forgive your foolish husband. It is just a lot to absorb, that it is."

"Mmm, what time is it?"

"Late," he answered. "Are you thirsty?"

"...Yes, and, uh, other things. I'll be right back," and she scooted out of bed with haste. Kenshin laughed internally. Things would be different now, for them both, with her changing body. Not the least of which would be her waking in the middle of the night to run to the outhouse.

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Later that month, Kenshin thought that strangers must think him mad, or merely simple, from the big stupid smile that was permanently on his face. It left when he consciously made an effort to appear properly reserved, but it returned the instant his mind wandered. And his mind wandered constantly, imagining what his baby would look like, if it would have his eyes and his wife's dark hair. Would it be a boy or a girl? Was umeboshi on the list of good foods that Dr. Gensai had sent?

He even smiled through Kaoru's occasionally vile moods. She had never needed caring for more, and Kenshin joyfully threw himself into a regimen of pampering and preparation. He hummed while he made all the foods from the list of approved nutrition. His heart sang as he practiced weaving a sleeping basket for the baby. His eyes were fierce and satisfied as he tested the locks at the gate, and reinforced the dojo's fences.

Yesterday, he had penned a letter to Aoshi, requesting their help in locating Sano. Misao and Megumi were planning visits during Kaoru's last season, to keep her happy and healthy. Misao was pretty handy with those kunai of hers, too, so that was good. Yahiko agreed that he would stay at the dojo during that last season as well.

The heavily pregnant wife of Hitokiri Battousai would be a tempting target, and Kenshin would truly be damned before anyone broke through his defenses to get to her.

Suddenly Kaoru rushed out of the house, stumbling to her knees on the engawa, and he was at her side before the sheet he had been washing dropped into the dirt.

"It's alright, Kaoru-dono, that it is," he crooned, rubbing her back and gathering up her hair while she retched onto the ground. When she was done, he went to the kitchen and brought back ginger water.

"I'm sorry, Kenshin," she sighed. "I really thought I could hold down the soup from breakfast."

"It will pass, that it will. Have some water," he said, and passed her the cup. She smiled for him, bright and content despite her illness; she was a strong woman, his wife, in body and spirit. She leaned against his shoulder and sipped her water, and Kenshin reflected that he never had a better day than any one he spent with her.

...Autumn...

"Mou!"

Kenshin smiled at his wife's ire and watched as she stuck her wounded finger in her mouth, glaring at the needle in her lap.

"Problems, Kaoru-dono?" She glanced at him, finger still in her mouth, and her cheeks pinked. She was adorable, dressed for bed with her dark hair braided.

"No, not really," she sighed. "I can't seem to fit the sleeve right. I've just never sewed such small clothes before." She smoothed the tiny baby garment on her lap. "I keep ending up with puckers in the seam."

"I'm sure they'll be fine, that they will." The tiny clothes were a new addition to their evening routine. Watching his wife sew was always a pleasure, but watching her sew clothing for their child pulled at his heart in a new way.

She packed the little garment away in her basket. "I'm done for tonight, I think. I'll start fresh tomorrow." She flicked a look at him from the side of her eye. "I have better things to do right now."

Kenshin's lips curved. Now into her second season, his wife was becoming bolder than ever. He put down his tea. "Perhaps this one can be of assistance?" He held out a hand to help her to her feet. "This one would be pleased to assist his wife in any way." He gave her an innocent smile.

Her hand stroking his chest was not innocent at all. "I can think of several ways you can assist me, Kenshin," her voice was positively wicked.

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Kenshin hummed as he made breakfast that morning, and Kaoru laughed as she slipped up behind him, hugging him to herself.

"You seem happy this morning, Kaoru-dono, that you do," he said, glancing over his shoulder at her sweet face.

"You should see your hair, Kenshin," she laughed.

"Oro?" He rolled his eyes upwards as though that would help, and saw only the familiar fringe of his bangs.

His wife laughed again, and tugged a strand near his face. "I think your hair is still tired after last night, Husband. I'll brush it out for you after breakfast. What have you made?" And she smiled so sweetly, moving to help him carry the bowls to the table that no one could have guessed what a wild, wanton thing she was by night this season.

Over the breakfast table, they talked of everything and nothing. Kaoru was annoyed with Yahiko's arrogance now that she herself could no longer spar with him. She remained determined that the baby was a boy. Kenshin was pleased by the modest harvest that the herb garden had yielded, and Kaoru was looking forward to when Misao and Megumi would be arriving in ten more weeks.

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Kenshin was surprised to see his hair in Kaoru's mother's mirror. It didn't look tired at all, in his opinion. It looked as though all of it had decided to flee his head at that same time, and was standing on end, caught trying to escape. Kaoru giggled, and ran her comb through it all, and Kenshin closed his eyes and enjoyed her gentle hands. She brushed it until it shone, then tied it back and kissed the crown of his head.

"I'm going to visit Tae today; she said that she and Tsubame-chan have some things for the baby. I'll be back before lunch." She pressed a small kiss to his mouth and left.

Kenshin looked at the man in the mirror with a sense of unreality. The man looking back had calm, balanced eyes. His hair shone with cleanliness and care. His clothing was in good repair, with a wife's fine stitching along the hems. The room behind him displayed a certain degree of genteel poverty, the furnishings old but gleaming with polish. And soon, this man would be a father.

Kenshin bowed his head, and breathed through his nose, and resolved to light a stick of incense today to offer thanks.

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A few weeks later, they were drinking tea on the engawa, watching a rather lovely sunset, and Kenshin was indulging in his new favorite game – trying to feel his baby moving. He was a little ashamed of just how jealous he was that Kaoru had been feeling the baby move for weeks and yet he could not.

Dr. Gensai assured him that this was normal, that the little life within his wife was growing stronger, and that soon the baby's movements would strong enough to be felt from the outside. Kenshin had been waiting to feel those kicks with zealous anticipation. Kaoru had been strangely patient with him on this matter, smiling in that oddly knowing way of expectant women, and allowing him to put his hands and his face all over her belly for hours. She had tried to guide his hungry hands to the best spots, encouraged him to press a little, alerted him when the baby was active, and still he had not been gifted with this one experience that he so desperately wanted.

"Here, Kenshin, try it here." She gently moved his hands to the lower left of her curving belly. "You can push a bit, I'm fine." Kenshin pushed and held his breath, and felt nothing. Kaoru smiled, and stroked a hand through his hair, watching the sunset, allowing him this yearning.

He waited as the sunset changed from orange to pink. He waited as twilight deepened. He sighed. "It's getting cold, Kaoru-dono, that it is." He regretfully dropped his hands. "We should go inside to keep you warm, that we should."

"Mmm, in a minute, Husband, I'm very comfortable, that I am," her eyes laughed quietly. She reached for his hands and brought them back to the swell of her belly. "Just a little longer." His chest ached, and he leaned forward to press a grateful kiss to her abdomen.

And got kicked in the face. He froze completely, both hands against her, his face pressed against her as he held his breath. "Kaoru-dono?"

"You felt that? Kenshin, that's it! That's what I've been talking about." Her hands stroked his head. "Say hello to your son!" There, the flutter came again under his mouth. His chest felt tight from a lack of oxygen, and his back felt cramped from the angle of his body, and his eyes were still open but the white of Kaoru's sleeping yukata swam before him, blurred with tears. His son fluttered under his hands twice more that night, until the cold outside drove them inside the house, and Kenshin's heart was full in spaces he hadn't known were empty.

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A month later, and Kenshin was warm and content, his sleep dreamless. As though someone had flipped a switch, his eyes flew open, slitted open a dangerous amber. His arm was draped over Kaoru's sweetly curved belly as she lay on her side, and she was between him and the closed shoji, the sakabatou resting on her other side. It was a compromise of sorts, as Kaoru desired to be held, and Kenshin needed to be able to see the door, and his right arm was his sword arm. Just a small shift, a few inches, and the cool hilt of the sakabatou was in his hand. He slid silently from the futon and stalked noiselessly to the shoji.

A strong ki was on his engawa, he was sure of it. Someone had stolen into his home in the middle of night, a fighter or swordsman of great strength. They will regret this. He stalked the presence, approaching like a predator, muffling his own ki to avoid alerting the intruder.

"Oro!"

Sano looked up and grinned. "About time, Kenshin! I've been sitting here for seconds, already!"

That morning, Kaoru found them still on the engawa, drinking tea and smiling foolishly. And she laughed, hugged Sano, and slapped him on the head for not writing more often. Sano teased her for being fat and praised her not wasting any time. Then Kenshin made breakfast, because this is what they did and somehow things were a little more right with the world, now.

"Ah, man, I've missed eating a good breakfast! You would not believe some of the weird crap those foreigners eat," and Sano seemed to be trying to talk, and eat, and breathe all at once.

"Mou, your time away hasn't helped your table manners, I see." Kaoru's criticism was worthless with all that laughter on her face.

"So, I figure I gotta lay real low while I'm here," and Sano pointed with his chopsticks because he really was as rude as ever. "Jou-chan, think you can scare up some clothes that'll fit me? I can't be walking around dressed like this if I'm gonna dodge the cops."

"Maa, Sano, there's no need to trouble yourself, that there isn't. This one has helped to take care of that misunderstanding. You don't need to "dodge the cops," that you don't."

Sano got a troubled look on his face, and set his rice bowl back on the table. "Hey, Kenshin, you shouldn't have done that... I don't like the idea of you going to those bastards and asking for favors."

Kenshin raised his eyebrows, and then choose an innocent smile. "This one didn't have to ask for favors, Sano. Uramura-dono was pleased to continue working with this one to clear up the matter." It had taken some time, and work, and a week-long trip, but the issue had indeed been settled, and most importantly for Sano's peace of mind, it had been settled properly.

Sano's face relaxed and he resumed trying to eat all the rice Kenshin owned. "Yeah, I guess that mustache-glasses guy does owe us, huh? 'Bout time all that shit paid off." His sharp brown eyes caught Kaoru's little jump as she dropped her slice of pickle.

"Jou-chan? What's'a'matter'wif'you?" Rice sprayed as he spoke.

Kaoru smiled ruefully and rubbed the curve of her abdomen. "Nothing's wrong, Sano, my son is just saying good morning." Sano's eyes were curious, staring at her while he chewed. Kaoru rolled her eyes.

"Here," she said, pulling Sano's left hand to her belly, laughing at the look on the man's face. And now Sano was trying to grin, and eat, and feel the baby move all at once.

After breakfast, Kenshin started the laundry while Kaoru sat on the engawa, wrapped in a warm jacket, and sewed her ever expanding wardrobe of infant things. Sano followed Kenshin to the wash tub, all loose, loping grace.

"So, does Jou-chan know why I'm really here?" His ability to lounge even while standing was somewhat impressive.

"No, she does not," Kenshin said firmly. "And this one prefers it that way, that I do. It is bad for her to fret, now."

"Any threats?"

"None."

Sano nodded. "Still, though..."

"Indeed."

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