Okay, so I have been on this site for months and haven't posted anything. I want to apologize to those who I have talked to about my ideas over the months I have been a member. Therefore, I would like to dedicate this one-shot to THGawesome and PurpleBoo. Please go check out their stories! This is the first fanfiction story that I ever wrote, and there are plenty more where this came from, but I have to revise them. I don't have a beta, but I should get one...
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games, but I do own this laptop.
I hope this doesn't suck too bad and reviews are always accepted! Enjoy!
Haymitch takes us up a beautiful curved marble staircase that, once you reach the top, has a long hall with worn carpet on the floor. Two double doors stand open as if welcoming us into the first room we see. The ceiling has to be at least be twenty feet high. Designs of fruit and flowers are carved into the molding and petite, fat children with wings look down upon us from every angle. Vases of blossoms give off a scent that makes my eyes itch. The room was made for our use, but we're barely there long enough to drop our gifts. Haymitch yanks our microphones from our chests and stuffs them under the sofa cushion, and then waves us on.
As far as I know, Haymitch has only been here once, and that was the Victory Tour decades ago. But he must have a remarkable memory or reliable instincts because he leads us through a maze of twisting staircases and increasingly narrow halls. At times he has to stop and force doors open. By the protesting squeaks of the hinges you can tell it's been a long time since anyone has used them. After a while we climb a ladder to a trap door. When Haymitch pushes it aside, we find ourselves in the dome of the Justice Building. It's a large place filled with broken furniture, piles of books and ledgers, and rusty weapons. The coat of dust covering everything is so thick it's clear that it hasn't been disturbed for years. Light struggles to enter through the four grimy windows set in the sides of the dome. Haymitch kick the trapdoor shut and turns on us.
"What happened out there?" he asks.
Peeta tells him about the occurrence in the square. The whistle, the salute, our hesitation on the verandah, the murder of the old man. Everything. "Haymitch, what is going on?"
"You might want to ask Sweetheart here. It'll be better coming from her," Haymitch says nodding towards me.
I disagree. I believe it will be a hundred times worse coming from me. But I relent and tell Peeta everything as calmly as I can. About snow, the unrest in the districts. I don't even omit my kiss with Gale. I tell him how we are in jeopardy because of my trick with the berries. "I was supposed to fix things on this tour. I was supposed to make everyone believe that I acted out of love and calm things down. But I obviously messed up. All I have done today is get three people killed and mow everyone in the square will be punished."
I feel so nauseous that I have to sit on the worn out couch, despite the exposed springs and stuffing.
"Then I've made things worse, too. By giving them the money," says Peeta. He suddenly strikes out a lamp that sits precariously on a crate and knocks it across the room where it shatters against a wall.
"This has to stop. Right here, right now. This game you two play. You tell each other secrets but then from me like I'm too stupid or weak or inconsequential to handle them."
"It's not like that, Peeta-" I begin.
"It is like that, Katniss!" he yells. "I have people to protect too! Family and friends in District Twelve who'll be just as dead as yours if we don't pull whatever this is off. So, after the arena, after all we've been through I don't even rate the truth from you?"
"You're always so good, Peeta," Haymitch says. "So smart about how you present yourself in front of cameras. I didn't want to disrupt that."
"Well, you really overestimated me. I really screwed up today. What do you think is going to happen to Rue's and Thresh's families? Do you think that they'll get our winnings? Do you think I gave them a bright future? Because I think they'll be lucky to survive the rest of the day!" He sends a statue rocketing across the room. I've never seen him this angry.
"Peeta, stop it," I yell. Him being mad at me and throwing things isn't going to help our situation at all. And to be honest, it's making me kind of nervous.
"No," he shouts. "Even in the arena you two had some kind of system worked out. Something that I wasn't apart of," He says quieter. He sounds kind of hurt. Great. Now I've hurt him again.
"Look, Peeta. I don't think you're too stupid or inconsequential to handle these secrets. I don't keep them from you to hurt you," I say finding the floor more interesting than his eyes.
"Well, then why do you," he says sounding resigned.
I sigh. "Katniss, tell me," he says.
When I don't answer a second time he make a move to leave.
"Wait," I call out. He turns to face me and once again I look down at the floor.
"Damn it, Sweetheart. Just tell the boy so I can get the hell out of here," Haymitch says, annoyed. I had forgotten he was he here.
"Because...because I don't want to hurt you more than already have," I say quietly.
"What do you mean, Katniss," Peeta says.
I sigh again. "Do you think it's easy to tell someone that they have to pretend to be extra in love with you because if they don't President Snow is going to kill your best friend. All while knowing that they aren't pretending. While knowing that they really love you. It's hard. And I've already hurt you enough."
I am shocked. I never let anyone know how I am feeling. I sneak a glance at Peeta. He looks shocked too, but quickly recovers saying, "That doesn't matter, Katniss. You still need to tell me what going on so I can still be prepared to handle it."
"Dammit, Peeta! I couldn't tell you! That look you had in your eyes when told that I wasn't really in love with you crushed me! I didn't want to see that look ever again. That heartbroken look haunts my dreams. It shakes my very soul. I couldn't do it. I was too afraid. I don't know how to handle...feelings the way you do. I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, but I couldn't handle being the cause of your pain yet again. I don't think you're weak, but I know a person has their limits. I didn't want to push you to yours," I say remembering that crestfallen look. A single tear falls into my lap. I wipe it way quickly.
When I look up, Peeta and Haymitch look shocked shitless. I would laugh, but I am too depressed and broken to do so. Instead I get up and say, "I really am sorry. Bye."
Once I get to my room I finally allow myself to cry.
I end up crying myself to sleep and by the time I wake up it's time for dinner. I don't even bother making myself look presentable. When I make it downstairs I see that everyone is already there. I think Effie makes a comment about my appearance, but obviously I don't give two shits.
I just sit down and begin eating my food. Dinner is filled with Effie's continuous complaints about my hair. I am about to tell her to shut the fuck up when Haymitch beats me to it.
"Effie, shut the fuck up. You can see she doesn't give a damn, so just leave her alone."
She gasps over dramatically. "Manners!"
Haymitch mutters, "Manners my ass." under his breath. I have to fight a grin. I glance over at Peeta who has been oddly quiet. I see him staring at me with an unreadable expression on his face. It slightly unnerves me so I turn away in time to catch last part of Effie and Haymitch's argument.
"I'm sorry the last time I checked I didn't give a shit about what you thought." Haymitch says
"You shouldn't talk like that in front of a lady! It is rude and offensive. Perhaps I should teach you about manners." Says Effie.
"Perhaps you should shut up and let me enjoy my drink," He says taking a sip. "Or better yet you can go up to my room and-"
He doesn't get to finish because Effie has already scurried out of the room shrieking something along the lines of "Manners!" and "So inappropriate!"
I allow myself one small smile while Haymitch laughs. I'm shocked Peeta doesn't join in. I turn to look at him and I see that his eyes are still fixated on me. I try to stare back, but it begins to get to awkward and I turn away, clearing my throat. I get up and walk to my room, shutting the door tightly behind me. I sink to the floor.
Why was Peeta staring at me? Did he know I was crying? I scoff. "Why do I even care," I think aloud. I get up and take a shower. After changing into my pajamas I get into bed and attempt to get some sleep. I begin to doze off when I hear a knock at my door. I get up and make my way towards the door. Peeta. He's standing at my door in a blue bathrobe with his pajama pant peeking out of the bottom.
"Can we talk," He say nervously.
I nod grabbing my robe, and let him into my room. I pray this doesn't end with me crying or hurting him more.
So! That is it! Don't kill me! I'll decide whether or not to update depending upon what you guys say. Tell me what you think and REVIEW! First reviewer gets a shout out! Thanks!
~Jade
