Disclaimer: I don't own

Part One

Solo missions are the kind that I prefer most.

I am allowed to do what I think is best, when I think it is best and there is absolutely no-one around to argue with me about the decisions I make.

That was why I thought a few-months undercover operation wouldn't be so bad and could actually prove to be quite interesting.

The mission itself was anything but interesting, staking out the main part of the job and the village itself was quiet to say the least.

Just my type of scenery, or so many would say, wouldn't it be for the fact that after a few months even I get bored with myself.

Luckily for me things were about to change and get interesting for sure.

Although I could never have expected that the one person to ensure that change of scenery would be Sasuke Uchiha.

"Why did you take me here?"

I always knew that Sasuke Uchiha was many things, a cocky bastard definitely one of those things. But I had never considered him to be ungrateful.

"Why?" I raise my eyes from the cigarette-smoke I was watching and lazily regard the black-haired, pale-skinned young man in front of me. "You were passed out and bleeding."

A sigh passes his lips and the look that crosses his face is somewhat weary.

I can't help but frown at that, lifting my cigarette and taking a slow drag while my eyes never leave his features. It looks like he is trying to come up with something to reply, something to convince me that I shouldn't have taken him with me.

If he'd just needed a place to stay that might have actually worked. But since I'm not about to let anyone, not even Sasuke no matter what he did in the past, bleed to death in the middle of a forest I'm certain he won't persuade me to change my mind.

Suddenly Sasuke turns his head away, the blanket rustling softly as he turns his body away from me too. "I'm Sasuke Uchiha. I killed my brother, left the village and betrayed every friend I could have had. Why do you care?" His voice is rough, a bark almost meant to scare me off but the sadness in his tone is also lingering.

The way he is sitting in bed now is almost saddening. The once so very proud Uchiha seemingly shying away from me and wondering why someone would even bother saving his life. Truly, what has become of him?

I snort at his words, lifting my chin slightly in what I know must look like cockiness and allow smoke to pass my lips in little puffs. "Thank you would have sufficed." I talk slowly, my tone a drawl almost.

I am not sure, since I actually don't know Sasuke all that well, but judging his words I must say that they painfully imply that he'd rather seen that I had just let him die under that tree.

Tempting of course, considering the way both Naruto and Sakura are still convinced that one day this man in front of me will return to the village. It is an almost sickening delusion they imagine their selves to be in.

Because how can they believe, after seven years, that Sasuke would have any desire left to return to Konoha? Even if he wanted to, being able to return isn't something he can easily to at this point.

Seven years after he left the village he has what one could call a criminal-record that isn't pretty. And even though for the past few years no to little news about him has reached us, that doesn't erase everything he did in the past.

And they, unlike Naruto and Sakura tend to believe, are unforgivable to the persons that get to decide whether or not he returns.

Besides, if Sasuke returned willingly and with the Hokage's and Council's approval that still doesn't mean that things will return to normal.

Things will never be as they used to be and I think that those that hold the hope that it will, are fooling themselves.

"I am not thanking you."

Sasuke's voice disturbs me from my musings and I raise my eyes to look at him while taking another drag of my cigarette.

He has turned to look at me again, his face impassive yet his right hand, the one he probably thinks I can't see, is clenching the sheets if only lightly.

"No, you are obviously not." I sigh softly and rub my forehead with the back of my hand. "You would rather have wanted that I had let you there to die, wouldn't you?"

I want to berate myself for asking Sasuke this. It isn't any of my business and I am not usually this curious a person.

But Sasuke Uchiha has always been an enigma, one of the few persons I didn't immediately understand and now that he is bound to bed with a concussion in my bed I find that I want to figure him out now that he isn't trying to kill me. Yet.

Sasuke grits his teeth and lowers his second hand to clench the sheets tightly, knuckles turning white before he turns to watch me, eyes flashing in what seems to be anger. "I'm just saying, I am a missing-nin whom you know won't hesitate to kill. Shouldn't you want me dead?"

Sasuke's tone is surprisingly calm considering the way he looks. It is probably something he has wondered many times, said to himself many times and that by now the words come almost like an automatic response. Something like saying you are fine when asked how you are doing.

It is quite sad, a bit pathetic too perhaps, that Sasuke would question me about saving his life. That he simply can't accept the fact that I am not like him, that I do not just let people die.

Or perhaps there is some part of him that wants to die. A part of him that believes there is nothing left to live for, not after the things he's done.

A loud sigh passes my lips. "Oh man," I find myself muttering before taking a drag from my cigarette to calm down my brain. Really, here I am pitying a world-wide criminal who feels like he wants to die.

But that is because, in truth, I am not faced with that criminal. In front of me sits Sasuke Uchiha, alone in this world and probably feeling guilty beyond believe. It is Sasuke that wishes himself dead, the same Sasuke that I played with when we were younger and the same guy that I actually liked as a kid because he didn't talk a lot.

And him asking me if I want him dead, if it isn't normal that I want him dead has me laugh almost cruelly so.

"Isn't wanting yourself dead bad enough?"


"When can I leave?"

A sigh passes my lips and I look up from the scroll I am reading, a frown on my face. "In case you haven't noticed, the door is over there." I point a finger into the direction of the front-door, which is quite easy seeing that the only separate room in this upstairs apartment is the bathroom. "It isn't locked and I certainly am not keeping you here."

It isn't that I necessarily want Sasuke to leave. After three months of being by yourself and having no-one to really talk to since there's no-one you can trust, it is nice to have company. Company that can't harm you for he's hurt.

Besides, I have found Sasuke to be relatively good company. Don't ask him what he did all the past years, why he got hurt and why he wants to die and conversations are actually not that bad.

Not once has he asked after Naruto and Sakura and not once have I offered him information about Konoha and what's happening now.

Perhaps it is an un-spoken agreement we have come upon. Don't ask about things we both know and we can pretend that he isn't a world-wide criminal and I am not supposed to kill him or take him in.

One could call it ignorance, it probably is, but we are both in need of someone we can call an acquaintance, someone that understands that being alone for too long an end starts eating at you.

Granted, Sasuke is not as bad as he might seem. He doesn't complain, doesn't talk about idle things and he isn't prone to prying into my life and what I'm doing at this place. Put that together with a quick mind and an almost cynical view on life and conversations are quick, full of wit and interesting to say the least.

"You know very well that I can't even make it to the door." Sasuke's voice drops to a low grumble as he speaks, pursing his lips almost like he's pouting.

It is a small transformation Sasuke seems to have gone through since the first day I brought him here and he just woke up. Now, three days later, he is less angry and gloomy with life in general and what I think is the real Sasuke is finally shining through.

A nice change and I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't like to get to know this side of Sasuke a bit better.

"Then why ask?" I raise an eyebrow, my lips curl up into a small smile as I can't help but wonder why indeed he is asking.

Sasuke rolls his eyes at me and my – apparently – silly question. "I just want to know when I can get out of bed."

A snort passes my lips at his words. "Until you stop feeling dizzy when you stand up? You're the one that stays in it, I'm not telling you too."

Although I am not really sure whether or not he is merely talking about the fact he has to stay in bed. For while I might like to have Sasuke around that doesn't mean he feels the same way about our current situation.

An almost disappointed sigh passes Sasuke's lips and his eyebrows furrow together in a small frown. "So, you haven't got any experience with this kind of thing?"
I raise an amused eyebrow. Experience with this kind of thing? I wonder exactly what kind of thing he is referring too but my guess it is not the fact I have a criminal hidden in my bed while I'm on an undercover mission.

"Last time I checked I wasn't a medic-nin." It's a bit of a cheeky reply that has the possibility to piss Sasuke off yet I don't find myself caring much about that. He is the one asking me childish questions that he knows very well I can't answer properly.

A soft grumble passes Sasuke's lips at my answer and with a soft sigh he lies down again, turning his back to me like an angry little kid and mumbling: "Since you are no help at all, I am going back to sleep."

"Mature," I mutter with a roll of my eyes at Sasuke's behaviour. Although it is a bit annoying that he is acting like this, I do like the fact he feels comfortable enough around me to actually behave like this.

And then I suddenly frown. Before today, he hasn't asked how long it will take for he can leave or until he can get out of bed. To me, that can mean either two things. Or he wants to leave badly, my company probably the main reason for that, or he has someone that he needs to meet up with.

Trying to look un-interested by turning back to the scroll I was reading before I let silence fall over the room for a few minutes before glancing up at my companion and casually informing: "Why the hurry to leave? Someone waiting for you somewhere?"
I can see Sasuke's jaws tense slightly at the question, an obvious sign he is annoyed to say the least. The flicker of slight disappointment that crosses his expression is masked almost completely by a cocky grin and a tilt of his chin.

But when our eyes catch each other, the attitude is dropped almost immediately and a heavy sigh passes his lips while his shoulders slump almost as if burdened by the entire world.

He knows I can see right through him.

"I don't need anyone around." His tone is flat, empty although it shakes just the tiniest bit and when his lips curl up into a smirk it is almost as if he is forcing himself. "I've found that I get around best when I'm alone."

I freeze for a moment at Sasuke's words. Although it were the words I had expected, truly hearing them is still a bit of a surprise.

Right away I wonder how long Sasuke has been alone and what he has done all this time. For when alone you don't run an underground crime organisation intent on attacking Konoha or another village.

"So you've been doing petty jobs on your own?" My eyebrows draw together and I lean my head to the side, watching Sasuke closely as I wait for a reply to my curious question.

A snort passes Sasuke's lips and he shakes his head. "Revenge apparently gets boring after seven years." He mumbles and it is easy to read in-between the lines.

He either gained what he wanted to when he left the village or gave up ever finding it yet now he has nowhere to go and no-one to return to.

"And this doesn't?" It's not what I wanted to ask, now what I wanted to tell him but the words have left my mouth before I even realize it. I just can't help but wonder what exactly he is doing now and what he himself thinks will become of himself in the future. Certainly considering the state he was in when I found him...

"This was anything but fun from the beginning, Shikamaru." Sasuke snaps and he turns to me with flashing eyes while his hands draw into fists that clench the bed-sheets. "But you know just as well as I do that there are little places I can go."

It is true and even though he's done it to himself and I should hate him for what he's done to both my village and my friends I can't help but feel for him. Feel bad for him and hope that one day he'll have some place where he can just live the rest of his life.

A strange thought that I would want that for him yet I don't often question my emotions and am not thinking this is the right time to start wondering.

"Well, until I'm called back to Konoha you are welcome to stay here." A strange offer considering who we are and what our relationship is but I want company and Sasuke is good company unlike what I had thought.

"Whatever," Sasuke rolls his eyes at me and lays back down onto the bed.

But I can see the way his hands loosen on the sheets, the way his lips curl up just the tiniest bit and I can't help but smile at Sasuke's silent thank you.


Even after having Sasuke stay with me for a little over a month now I can still say that I find sunrise a ridiculous time to get up.

Why Sasuke does it is completely beyond me although I guess it has something to do with stupid family traditions. Must be the negative side of being expected to be the best at everything you do.

At first I tried turning over and going back to sleep whenever I woke up when he moved outside to train on the small field at the back of the house. But even though he doesn't make much noise that can filter into the room through the opened window and my bed is always so comfortably warm that I want to stay in it forever curiosity won me over one day.

It is what killed the cat, or so they say, but I must admit that I feel more like the cat that got the cream.

As mentioned earlier, it is not that hard to get along with Sasuke and now that he seems to have warmed up when it comes to talking to me and telling me about what he's been up to and where he's been, liking him was something I had expected to happen.

What I hadn't expected, though, was to feel attracted to him all covered in sweat and panting while brushing a hand over slightly flushed cheeks.

When training, I found, Sasuke looks exquisite.

His pale skin always shimmers just slightly in the light of the morning-sun that falls over him while he moves through his routine and even more so when the first beads of sweat start rolling down his taut, perfect muscles and abs.

So after having seen Sasuke work out once, it was like he was luring me and I went like a willing siren, watching him every morning without so much as a grumble passing my lips.

The fact I am attracted to him and am always overcome by the urge to touch him doesn't bother me. I am of the belief that there is little to nothing that can be done about your emotions and what kind will be directed at which person so I don't try to argue with myself.

Instead, I simply enjoy these moments and watch him as much as I can. For even if he is to return my feelings, it isn't likely we will ever end up together.

He can't return to Konoha even if he wanted to and I refuse to forsake my village for anyone.

"That is not watching."

I raise my eyes from the patch of ground I looked at while being wrapped up in my thoughts and I raise an eyebrow at Sasuke's words. "Offended I find the grass to be more interesting than you?"

Sasuke chuckles and crosses his arms in front of his chest, raising his chin and looking at me with that trade-mark cocky grin of his. "With all the looking you've been doing I think a break isn't all that unwelcome."

I press my lips against each other and I am quite certain a small flush is spreading across my cheeks. I realized that he must have noticed the way I've been looking at a pretty long time ago and deep down I am surprised that he hasn't spoken of it until now.

It makes me wonder why. Perhaps because he doesn't care but after a month of living together who knows, maybe he ended up liking me.

Leaning my head to the side I study Sasuke silently for a few seconds.

Maybe, I tell myself, I should just make a move. Make it obvious that I am attracted to him and that I hope that those feelings are returned.

If my attraction isn't returned it's not as if I will be heartbroken and the chances of running into Sasuke when I leave for Konoha are none-existent.

"Getting bored with me?" I ask, raising an eyebrow.

I know it isn't exactly a question that will let Sasuke know about my feelings but the way he replies will tell me a lot.

Sasuke chuckles and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Bored?" He echoes me and then his lips curl up into a smirk. "Now why would I when having someone watch you all the time with lingering eyes is so very good for my self-confidence."

I snort at his cocky answer and push myself away from the wall I've been leaning against ever since stepping outside. "Well maybe I've given you too much of a good thing, then." I make my way over to him with small yet quick steps, pushing my hands into my pockets and when I stand in front of him slouching my shoulders slightly while leaning my head to the side with a grin.

Sasuke clacks his tongue against the roof of his mouth and he shakes his head at me with a smirk playing on his lips. "How presumptuous of you, Shikamaru." His tone is amused above anything else and with a chuckle he steps forward. "To so openly assume that I consider it a good thing."

I must admit that I feel slightly excited because of how close Sasuke is standing. Not only because I can now feel his body-heat radiate off of him, blanketing me in an almost fuzzy feeling that leaves me reeling slightly.

Because his close proximity isn't just nice because I can almost touch him. The thought that excites me too is that while I might have closed the most distance between the two of us, Sasuke himself is the one that took the last step forward which has him standing well into my personal-space.

And while I don't mind that, would have him this close to me all the time if I had a say in things, the fact that apparently he doesn't mind being this close to me either is enough to have my heart skip a beat.

The soft chuckle that escapes Sasuke before I've even argued with his statement indicates that he must've noticed my momentarily excitement.

When I look up at him, though, I will my heart to calm down, fight the blush that's threatening to grace my cheeks and in a tone that I know sounds brash I say: "I am actually quite sure I am not wrong in my assumption, though."

When I hear the puff of breath that passes Sasuke's lips, almost like a barely-there gasp, I feel my heart skip a beat and suddenly the urge to touch him, kiss him, is even greater than it was before.

"And why is that?" Sasuke raises an eyebrow, he shifts slightly in his spot and leans his head to the side while pursing his lips together slightly.

He is nervous, I realize suddenly.

Why, I have no clue but the way he stands in front of me is certainly a nervous one. He is usually so cocky, overly-sure of himself in a way that many loathe but now it is very apparent that when it comes to emotions Sasuke can be quite insecure.

Perhaps my lack of nervousness at this moment is brought forward because I have had many persons in my life that loved me. Of course, my parents don't love me in the same way I hope that Sasuke will, but the emotion is somewhat comparable. And while I know what it feels like to be loved – and to be rejected – Sasuke probably doesn't really knows those feelings. He knew them once, and they are probably memories he'll carry with him forever, but what he is feeling at this moment – whatever that is – is probably new to him.

It has me realize that whatever is going to happen from this point on will be dependent on what I am going to do.

I allow a faked sigh to pass my lips and I shake my head, raising my eyes to meet Sasuke's and I feel a small thrill go through my body when our gazes catch.

Hazel meets black and I am quite sure that I am not the only one that is taken aback by the sudden emotions that whirl throughout me because of such a simple action.

Rather than be taken aback, though, I quirk my lips up into a smirk. "Why is that?" I echo his words and shake my head with a chuckle. "You really are a troublesome guy, Sasuke."

Sasuke huffs at my words and he lowers his arms only to place his hands against his side in an almost defensive stance. "Troublesome?"

"Very troublesome," I murmur, my tone having dropped to a low tremor.

Then I decide that I really can't wait any longer.

After taking a small breath in an attempt to calm the nerves that suddenly worked their way into me, I reach out to lay my arms around his shoulders, hugging him slightly closer to me. I lean forward, making sure that when I murmur my next words my breath ghosts over his ears. "Because the way you've been allowing me to watch you the past few weeks tells me that this is something we both want."

Sasuke's shuddering breath ghosts across my cheek, sending a shiver down my spine, as he pretends to be confused about my words. "This, Shikamaru?"

I resist the urge to sigh loudly and roll my eyes at Sasuke's words. They're rather ignorant and evasive considering how close we stand and the way he's been acting.

"Yes, this." I murmur in reply and, shoving aside all doubts that could have lingered and ignoring the nervousness threatening to overwhelm me, cup his cheeks in both my palms and lean forward to kiss him.

The first thing that comes to my mind is that his lips are chapped and he tastes like toothpaste.

But those un-important, ridiculous thoughts are shoved to the back of my mind the moment that I feel those chapped lips move against mine. The feeling ignites a rush of excitement to go through me and my mind gets fuzzy quickly, banning all rational thoughts from my mind.

I place my arms around his shoulders to hug him close and when he presses himself closer to me I can't help but groan in both excitement and surprised happiness.

Wanting to take as much as I can get while Sasuke might be confused and acting on impulse rather than thought, I lick Sasuke's lips and slip my tongue past his lips the moment he parts them slightly.

It's like an electric bolt spreading through my body when his tongue rubs against mine and with a soft sound passing my lips I press myself a bit tighter against his body.

Kissing Sasuke is getting addictive real quick and when he pulls away from the kiss I rest my forehead against his shoulder, still holding him close and already wanting more.

"Shikamaru," Sasuke's voice is soft and slightly hesitant when he speaks although hints of surprise and lingering happiness can be found in his tone as well.

He is uncertain, even though his tone isn't necessarily nervous I do recognize it and it is understandable. Anyone would be nervous in this kind of situation and the fact that Sasuke probably doesn't know anything about these situations and feelings mustn't be helping him.

"I don't care, Sasuke." I murmur against his shoulder.

I don't care that you don't love me, I don't care that you are a criminal, I don't care that this will never be a relationship and I don't care that we will part ways soon.

"Okay, want to go inside?" Sasuke suddenly asks, his cocky tone back in place and he squeezes the arm he's taken a gentle hold off while kissing me.

And while we go back inside I realize that he knows.

He knows what I just told him and he feels the same way.

This'll be a fling, nothing less than a way to satisfy our sexual urges and shared attraction and when the time comes for us to leave there will be no strings attached and no future ahead for the two of us.

And that, for us, is just fine.


Two-and-a-half weeks later both Sasuke and myself have fallen into the depths of hell and now doom awaits us.

The moment a letter arrived for me I knew I was called back to the village. I didn't even need to read the contents of the letter to know that.

And if things had been just fine the way they were that wouldn't have been a problem at all.

After four-and-a-half months away from your village, your family and friends you start to miss home and long to return.

But what began as just a fling had throughout the weeks grown into something more and we were both afraid to truly admit it.

But the letter arrived three days ago and I couldn't permit leaving a day later than today. I would be back too late, questioned about that fact and coming up with excuses would be troublesome.

But the moment I give Sasuke the keys to the apartment, for which rent has been paid for six months so there was still a decent amount of time left during which he could stay at the village, he scoffs. "You really expect me to stay here?"

I raise an eyebrow at those words and I shove my hands in my pockets. "Why wouldn't you?" I ask. I have a hunch and perhaps I am unfair for asking this but I want to hear him say the words. Want him to admit that he will miss me as much as I will miss him.

With a huff Sasuke crosses his arms in front of his chest and he looks at me with a raised eyebrow. "You really need to ask?"

I can't help but chuckle at his reply.

Here I am, standing at the door with my bag and ready to leave. Probably to not see him again for a very long time and we are both afraid to admit what we want most. Isn't that a bit tragic?

It's not as if not admitting it will dull the pain when I leave and it definitely will not make our feelings go away.

"I love you," I say bluntly then, putting my bag down onto the ground and I take a quick step forward to embrace Sasuke, burying my face in the crook of his neck and breathing in his scent.

"Shikamaru!" Sasuke hisses at me even though his arms are quick to wind around my waist and his hands settle comfortably against the small of my back and he leans his head against mine.

"Troublesome Uchiha," I scold softly and then pull my head away so I can look him in the eyes. "Saying it won't change anything and I want to be sure I hear from you when I get back to Konoha."

"I..." Sasuke starts but he falters and shakes his head, lowering his eyes. "I can't, Shikamaru." He mutters.

I feel my heart clench and I clench one of my hands into a fist. "Can't what?" My voice drops to a mere whisper and nerves rage through my body as I wait for Sasuke to clarify exactly what he can't.

Sasuke takes a breath and raises his eyes again, looking at me almost as if he feels guilty. "I can't say that."

"I..." Now it's my turn to falter. I hadn't expected him to be able to say the words even though I did know that he felt that way towards me. But now, hearing him actually say that he couldn't say it was a slight disappointed that I hadn't expected to feel.

"That... doesn't mean that I won't miss you." Sasuke's voice is barely audible when he speaks and he lifts a hand to cup my cheek.

I lean into the touch right away and sigh. "We're fools."

"We are," Sasuke agrees softly before leaning down and kissing me one more time before I leave.

TBC.