A/N: I do not own any of the characters in this story, nor am I making money off of them.


Welcome back, Steve. How was London?

Not what I expected.

Oh? How so?

Did you see Thor?

Yes. We met at a pub. Apparently he goes there a lot.

And did you give him the letter?

Yep, though there really wasn't a point.

I thought the point was for him to give it to Loki.

It was, Doc. There's just one problem. Loki 's dead.

I'm sorry, Steve. I'm so sorry.

Are you? Everyone else I've told is giddy with joy.

I'm sure that's not true.

It is true. Thor was the only one who seemed to show any sign of sadness.

Well, who all have you told?

Fury. Natasha. Clint. A few other people at S.H.I.E.L.D.

Tony Stark and Bruce Banner?

No. Not yet. I'll let S.H.I.E.L.D. do that.

Why don't you tell me about the meeting?

I got there early. He came in, happy to see me. He ordered a beer. I apologized for not being there when the whole alignment thing happened. He told me that it worked out okay so there was nothing to apologize for.

I asked him how he was and why he was back on Earth. He looked sad. He told me he was here for Jane. He loves her. He had just lost his mother. She was killed keeping Jane away from the bad guy. Apparently there was something in Jane that the guy, Maleketh I think he said his name was, wanted. And his mother died fighting him off. Gotta admire that.

I offered my condolences.

He told me Odin had offered him the throne. He declined. He had been away from Jane for too long, didn't even have a chance to visit her when he was here before. Can't say I blame him for choosing the girl.

I asked how Dr. Selvig was doing. He was the only one of Thor's friends I had met. He hasn't been doing so good. While Thor was telling me about him, I pulled out the letter and had it folded in my hands. Honestly, I probably only got about half of what he was telling me as I worked up the courage to bring up the letter.

He finally took a breath, and in that brief moment I stopped him. "Thor? I didn't just ask you hear to talk. I need a favor," I told him.

"Of course," he said. "Does it have something to do with that paper in your hands?"

"Yes," I replied as I tried to flatten it out. "Please don't ask me why, but I need you to give this to your brother Loki." I slid the envelope across the table to him.

I couldn't look at him. I just kept looking at the envelope that had 'LOKI' written on it in my handwriting.

"I'm sorry," he said. "This is something I cannot do."

I looked at him then. "Why not?" I demanded.

His eyes brimmed with tears. "Loki has perished. He died saving my life."

"What?" That's all I said. "What?" I felt sick, like I had just been punched in the stomach. And believe me, I know what that feels like. Your breath leaves you. The world wobbles, feels unreal for a moment. You can't catch your breath. Tears come into your eyes. And all you want to do is collapse onto the floor.

Thor was talking, probably telling me again, but I couldn't hear him, not until he kept repeating my name. "Steve. Steve. Are you all right?"

"He's dead?" I managed to get out. "He can't be. He can't be."

He looked at me like my mother used to when I'd come home bruised and bloody. "You are not relieved?"

"Relieved?! I was too late. I'm always too late." I could feel the tears prick at my eyes, and I hated myself for being so weak.

"I do not understand," he said. "Too late for what. Steve? Are you all right?"

And then his initial words finally sunk through. "He died saving you?"

Thor looked down in pain. "Yes. A dark elf was about to kill me. Loki stabbed him from behind. Then the elf turned and pulled Loki to him, impaling my brother on the weapon sticking out of his chest."

I don't remember what I said, but Thor looked at me in surprise. I could feel the tears coming, and I put my hand over my eyes so I could compose myself.

He thanked me. He thanked me for caring. Apparently everyone else he had told was happy about the news. I decided to risk looking at him, and he was crying but with the most grateful smile. He asked me about the letter.

I pulled it back towards me. "Doesn't matter now," I said.

"Please," he said.

So I told him. Not everything but I told him that I had met Loki a long time ago, that he had been different then. So different that I didn't recognize him when we met again. "What happened to him?" I asked.

He didn't know. Well, he knew part of it, had already told us about it before.

And what was the reason?

He grew up learning to hate Frost Giants. Then one day he discovered he was one. That would probably screw up anyone.

I'm not sure why, but I asked Thor if he could put the letter on Loki's grave. That's when I learned there wasn't one. He was left on some desolate planet to rot.

You sound angry.

Yeah? Well what should I sound like?

I don't know. What do you think?

Well, you would say I should sound like I feel. And I feel angry. So I suppose angry is exactly how I should sound.

Did you sound angry to Thor?

Yeah, I did.

I know why he left Loki there. He came to save Earth. Can't blame the guy for that. But someone should have gone back. Someone should have gotten him.

Stupid thing is, even if they had, there still wouldn't have been a grave. They burn their dead in boats and send them whoosh over the edge of their world.

I'm sorry. I know it was a big step for you to decide to give that letter to Loki.

It shouldn't have been.

I wish I would have remembered him sooner.

Where is the letter now?

Thor has it. He wants to show it to Odin, to show that someone cared for Loki once…still.

When he asked to do that, I panicked. I couldn't remember how much I put in there. I told him, "No."

He asked me, "Why not?" And then he looked at me, stared at me, and I knew he knew. "Oh," he said then smiled. "Did he know?"

"Back then, yes," I said. "I don't think he remembered me this time." I slid the letter across the table to him. "Read it," I told him. "If you think Odin will benefit from it, then give it to him."

He asked me if I was sure. I nodded. "It was one night. Not a lot happened. But it was special to me. I just wanted him to know that," I said.

Thor put the note in his pocket and said he'd read it later. And that was that.

Actually, it wasn't. He started telling me about his brother, stories from when they were little. Kinda made me wish I had a brother. Really made me wish I had known Loki better.

What was Loki like as a child?

Well they both sounded like handfuls. Loki gravitated more towards his mother, learned his magic from her. He was manipulative, cunning in the way children sometimes are. But from what Thor said, they were inseparable, always had each other's backs.

I told him more about the Loki I remembered.

It was nice, almost like our own little wake. We toasted him, and Thor told more stories. I'm honestly not sure if I should believe any of them, but they were…very entertaining.

Such as?

Sorry, Doc. You wouldn't believe me if I told you.

So what now?

Now? Thor and I agreed to meet up every three or four months, keep Loki's memory alive…the good memories.

And the guilt?

Oh, it's still there. Thor told me I shouldn't feel guilty, of course. He said there was nothing I could have done. Apparently, there was no way I could have gotten Loki to stay. It was his job to keep Thor out of trouble, and more than one day on Earth would be courting disaster.

He was surprised actually that Loki and I didn't have…you know.

Sex?

Yes, sex.

I told him that was probably because of me. But he said…Oh, what did he say? Uh, something like, "If Loki wished to lie with you, his silver tongue would have had you begging for it. No," he said. "The fact that Loki did not use you in that way means you were quite special to him."

Have to admit that made me feel good. It also hurt a little. Bittersweet, you know?

Yes, I know. I'm proud of you, Steve.

That's great, Doc, but I'm not doing this to make you proud. I'm doing this so I can keep working. But if you're proud enough to say I don't have to come anymore, then, hey, I'll take it.

Did you know Tony Stark is having panic attacks?

I'm not Tony Stark. Tony Stark is not a soldier. I am.

There are plenty of soldiers who have difficulty adjusting after returning from war.

Yes, I know. I've seen it first hand. But Tony had it worse than me. He flew a nuclear bomb into space and almost died.

You flew bombs into the ocean and did die…or at least hibernated.

That's different.

How?

I was prepared to give my life. We were at war. I had known for a while that that could be the price. Hell, I was carrying a shield with the Red, White, and Blue. If that didn't make me a target, I don't know what would.

Tony…Tony didn't have the luxury of time to get used to the idea.

Aftermath was different, too. When I woke up, the world had changed. When he woke up, only he had.

You don't really believe that, do you? The world had just learned there were aliens. New York was attacked. You don't think that changed the world?

Okay, Tony changed more than the world did.

Do you respect Tony Stark?

I do now.

But you didn't before?

He was Howard's kid, so I knew he was smart. And all the stuff I was given to read said he was. But he was wasting his life, his talent. I respected his mind. I didn't respect him, because he didn't respect himself. At least that's how it seemed to me.

So what changed?

We went to war together. I saw a different side, saw what wasn't in the papers. I saw Howard Stark only with something to prove.

In other words, you go to know him.

Yes. I got to know all of them. Tony, Bruce, Thor, Natasha, and even Clint to a certain extent.

And you respect them?

I do.

Do you respect Loki?

Yes. He was smart, really smart. Gotta respect that. And it took all of us to defeat him.

And the Loki from before? Did you respect him?

Yes.

And yourself?

Yes. Is there a point to this?

Do you respect authority?

As long as they aren't being stupid, yes.

You sound like Director Fury.

Thank you.

I'll ask again. Is there a point to this?

There are some people who see you as a potential threat.

I'm sorry to hear that. You can tell those people that as long as they try to live up to the American ideals, they should have nothing to worry about.

Some would say that's a lot to ask.

If they think supporting liberty, justice, equality is a lot to ask, then maybe they should see me as a threat.

You won't make friends with that attitude, Captain.

I'm not here to make friends.

Good. Directory Fury will be glad to hear that.

I thought you couldn't tell the Director anything we discuss.

Not directly, but I can give him my impressions.

And what are your impressions?

Well, I can't really discuss that. But I can tell you that I believe you should remain in the field.

Thanks, Doc.

You're welcome, Steve. Was there anything else you wanted to talk about today?

Uh, no. Nope, I 'm good.

Okay. Well, how is your journal going?

Good. It's mostly sketches. I didn't think you'd mind. You said it could be anything I wanted.

I did. Did you bring it with you.

No. Sorry.

That's fine. Be sure to bring it next time.

Yeah, okay. I will. Thanks, Doc. See you…next week?

I don't know. Do you think you can survive for two whole weeks without talking to me?

Ooh, that's gonna be hard, but I think I can manage it.

Fine. Tell Jack to schedule your next appointment for two weeks from today.

Will do. See ya in two weeks, Doc.