CAUTION: Contains spoilers.
A/N: I'm still exorcising my angsty-Sherlolly demons. This is sort of a companion piece to 'Sixes & Sevens' and is set during TEH when Sherlock's eating chips by himself, in the dark at 221B. The opening conversation is based on the L&O:SVU episode 'Infiltrated.' Hope you like it :)
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I Still Need You
…
Just say I need her
As roses need the rain
And tell her that without her
My dreams are all in vain
If you should chance to meet her
Anytime anywhere
I was a fool to leave her
Tell her how much a fool can care
And if she tells you
She's lonely now and then
Won't you just say I love her
And want her back again
-'Just Say I Love Her,' Dean Martin
…
"...Molly…Molly…Molly…"
"Who's Molly?"
"What?"
"You were mumbling her name, who is she?"
"Did I say anything else?"
"All I could make out was 'Molly,' come on, spill, who is she?"
"No one."
"It didn't sound like no one."
"That's because she's not," Sherlock muttered to himself as he shoved another chip in his mouth.
That particular conversation had taken place several months ago when he'd woken himself up by talking in his sleep. An unfortunate slip considering he was sharing a room with one of the lesser members of Moriarty's network.
Sherlock had then spent the next couple of weeks on edge, worried about what else he might have revealed and trying to come to terms about what his mumbling had revealed to himself.
He already knew that he missed her, missed everyone in fact, but he hadn't realised how deep his loneliness had run until that moment. He hadn't realised how much she mattered.
What a shame that the realisation came too late, he thought bitterly as he ate another chip.
Today had been a mistake, he should never have taken her along with him as his assistant. But he'd wanted just one day with her, one perfect day before he had to give her up forever.
Only now he wanted more than just a day, he wanted what he'd always wanted: he wanted forever.
"Selfish," he censored himself, plopping another chip in his mouth.
She deserved to be happy and if she was happy with this…Tom person, then he wasn't going to stand in her way. And yet the look in her eyes after he'd wished her well haunted him, made him wonder whether she truly was happy or if he still had a chance.
He sighed heavily and tilted his head back against the headrest to stare at the ceiling; the problem was he wasn't sure which option he wanted.
He wanted her to be happy, but he really wanted her to be happy with him. Only he wasn't sure that he could make her happy.
She deserved to be happy, but he certainly didn't deserve her.
He sighed again, his return was meant to be easy: he would see John; John would forgive him and they would be as they were before. Then, he would see Molly; Molly would have waited and he could finally give up all pretence that she didn't matter.
But none of his carefully laid plans and imagined scenarios had worked out the way he'd thought or wanted.
John was still angry with him and Molly had moved on.
He closed his eyes at the last thought, a little ashamed by how deeply it hurt that she belonged to another.
"But you can't do this again, can you?"
"No," he murmured, slowly opening his eyes, "you can't. But I wish you could."
His throat constricted painfully as he blinked back his tears and when he next spoke, his voice was barely above a whisper.
"I still need you."
