"Alfred why…? Never mind, I don't want to know."
"Know what?"
"Why…oh God, I know I don't want to hear this."
"What, Arthur?"
"Alfred, why are you purple?"
"Is it purple? I though I was more bluish."
"No, it is definitely purple. Purple all over. Now why?"
"Oh, well, um. I got in a fight with Lovino."
"You got in a fight with Lovino and turned purple?"
"Yeah, well, we fought in a wine vat."
"What?"
"You know, one of those great big old fashioned wine vats."
"And why in hell did you two get in a fight in a wine vat?"
"Well, I wanted to see if there still were any places that pressed grapes with feet, so Feliciano and Lovino took me and Mattie to this little spot. And I wanted to try it out, only Lovino said I wasn't doing it right, so he got in too. Then we started throwing grapes at each other."
"You threw grapes at each other."
"Yeah, and then we started wrestling. You know, Lovino can sure put up a fight when he wants to."
"Oh bloody hell."
"And we nearly pulled Feliciano in too because he kept running around and trying to pull his brother out. Mattie managed to get us to stop, although his bear fell in."
"It doesn't come out, does it?"
"What?"
"The purple."
"Oh. No. I tried about three times."
"Alfred, do you realize what you've done? Not only could you have damaged international relations with someone who likes you, but the conference begins tomorrow, and the leader of that conference is currently dyed head-to-foot purple! Nobody will be able to do anything except stare at you and wonder if America has gone even crazier than normal!"
"Not just me."
"What do you mean?"
"You haven't seen Lovino."
Last year, Google celebrated Lucille Ball's 100th birthday by showcasing a few clips from I Love Lucy. Watching them brought back some great memories, and before I knew it, the grape stomping scene in "Lucy's Italian Movie" inspired this little dialogue-only ficlet. I had it posted on my tumblr, but I figured I put it here as well.
