Hello everyone! This is a little story with main characters Kuchiki Byakuya and Abarai Renji and I warn you it's shounen ai, meaning there is romance between these two -male- characters!

Hope you enjoy it ^_^

I do not own Bleach!


"What do you go home to?"

Chapter 1: Anger and Shame

It was snowing pink and white cherry-blossom petals turning everything into an airy dream with the translucent shades of all colours floating over the clear sky. The shadow flickering caused by the hundreds of petals made the noble Shinigami drowsy as he stared at spring blooming in the gardens of his manor.

A mirror glittered where the pond with the well-fed koi fish was, ripples rushed over the new-born grass as a breeze flowed above it creating the illusion of a green sea. Birds flew into and away from the bright pink trees flying into circles and in pairs filling the air with their love.

The black-haired man sat cross-legged at the wooden veranda standing on higher ground than the gardens with the bitter aroma of his tea filling his nostrils. He took a sip and, after sensing that no one was in ear's reach, heaved with a silent sigh.

Today was the day his beloved wife had died…

Kuchiki Byakuya placed the cup of tea beside him and let his eyelids close shutting him off of everything that occurred around him…

He saw her deep purple eyes smiling at him and making his heart beat so fast it felt like bursting out of his chest, and his skin shiver with a torrent of goose bumps when she'd touch him absent-mindedly. Kuchiki Hisana always had a way to make him feel so aroused and enthralled, though most of the times it was unintentional. She always smiled innocently and there were never any deeper intensions behind her actions. Maybe that was what had drawn Byakuya to her; this purity of hers, her simple yet magical way of dealing with things and her innocence when she commuted with society.

Being a Shinigami and having grown up surrounded by them, Byakuya had learnt to see beneath the surface from a young age. He was taught that nothing happened without a reason and there were always hidden intensions. Byakuya learnt to read between the lines in order to distinguish lies and treasons, conspiracies and threats. Being suspicious of everyone and everything kept him from getting hurt and, above all, tainting and endangering his family's name.

Until he met Kuchiki Hisana, a lost soul wandering around Inuzuri district in the south of Rukongai, who taught him to seek pleasure and happiness in the simplest things…

But now she was long gone, letting some of her purity and beauty appear along with the cherry-blossoms each spring. And on this day every year, he'd give himself the freedom to think of her without guilt…

Byakuya opened his eyes noticing that he was rubbing his fingertips on his palm, something that he did every time he felt angry. He furrowed his thin brows realizing his true feelings and was surprised, since he'd only feel sad, heartsick and vulnerable this day of the year. But anger; he hadn't felt it since the day she had died in this very manor…

But, fortunately, one of his treats was his ability to control any kind of emotion that would overflow him.

Byakuya stood up and headed towards his private rooms where his white haori was neatly folded on a shelf and his Zanpakuto was placed on the wall protected in a black sheath.

At his office, Byakuya was not surprised not to find his lieutenant there.

Besides it was still morning, though Byakuya felt like being up for an entire day already. He couldn't sleep till late and so was one of the first to wake up, even before the maids.

Closing the door behind him, the captain of 6th Division walked over his desk placing his katana on a stand for this use he had by the wall under a big window. The soft flow of his Zanpakuto's soul's energy filled him for a split moment when he touched the light purple handle. Senbonzakura's warmth calmed him and he began his work in silence.

But, as he was filling in reports his lieutenant had left behind for over a month and organizing the selection of new officers that would take place the following week, Byakuya caught himself simmering and glaring at nobody. His mind was stuck on the times he had arguments with Hisana, something that was mostly caused by the elder members of the Kuchiki family who insisted that having a non-noble in the family would only bring misfortune. Yet even in those moments, Hisana was unable to show any bad emotion on her face- or just able to keep them only on the inside. Sometimes this made Byakuya mad. But he'd never show it. He'd just keep quiet and talk through things as he had learnt to.

It was a little before midday when his crimson-haired lieutenant finally showed up, earning him an ice cold glare from the captain.

Abarai Renji paused at the door meeting the noble's metal grey glare.

He chuckled nervously.

"Ehm, good morning taicho!" the tall, broad-shouldered man walked to his office placing his katana clumsily on the desk.

"I believe it's past the time to wish someone good morning!" he said with his casual, emotionless tone.

Renji flinched with the obvious sarcasm directed to his absent punctuality.

"Ah, yeah, I'm… sorry!" Renji rubbed the back of his neck and walked over to his captain standing in front of his desk. The dark-haired man didn't even glance at him as he spoke.

"What is it?"

Byakuya noticed the anxiety in the man's posture the way he clenched his right fist, as if holding tight on his katana, and his straightened back.

"I apologize for being late, taicho! You see… it was Yasutora's birthday yesterday and the guys, they prepared this surprise party for him, so…"

Byakuya stopped his work and finally looked up into the lieutenant's chocolate brown eyes feeling this wave of anger inside of him increasing with every minute. And his lieutenant's irresponsible ways only made it worse.

"I never requested an explanation for your being late, Abarai." He said not taking his eyes off his.

Renji's gaze flickered as he was being observed so closely by his captain, who would usually avoid long eye contact. His fingers grabbed the sides of his hakama.

"I'm sorry, I… thought I ought to explain myself. But…" Renji bowed at his captain. "I promise it won't happen again, Kuchiki-taicho!" he announced formally and waited there hunched for his captain to excuse him.

But Byakuya simply stared at him. How his tribal tattoos covered his forehead and even popped out of the collar of his kosode, how some red strands fell over the bandana with flowery pattern and how long his eyelashes were as he blinked looking down.

Byakuya furrowed his brows.

"No problem. Just finish with your work which is over a month old now. You have some catching up to do." He said, and after meeting Renji's surprised look did he realize that his voice had sounded softer than usual.

A pink blush appeared over the crimson-haired man's face who quickly turned around to hide it.

"Hai, taicho! Thank you… taicho!" Renji said and sat behind his desk avoiding eye contact with his captain.

Renji bit his lower lip as he tried to remember the details of a one month old mission and leaned on his elbow gazing at the blossomed pink trees outside the window. He watched petals floating in the air disappearing up in the sky and heard the lively song of birds. But not a glimpse of that mission came into his mind. He couldn't concentrate as his head was swirling from last night's booze.

He should have guessed something like this would happen the moment he heard Matsumoto, 10th Division's lieutenant, was invited. So now, here he was with a terrible headache and the strongest desire to go and take the longest nap under the spring's breeze.

He glanced down at the empty report. He couldn't even remember the aim of that mission, let alone the date. Maybe he could just do the math, write down the date of one month ago and ask any of the other seated Shinigami if they had a clue.

Renji sighed and brushed a palm over his face pulling down the bandana. Strands fell over his eyes while his head felt as heavy as a gigantic boulder over his shoulders. He took his hair tie off and at once felt lighter taking off the tightness of his high ponytail. Leaning back on his chair he shut his eyes and groaned tiredly forgetting where he was and who was staring at him.

Regretting for drinking so much last night, Renji brushed all of his fingers through his long, straight hair and felt like falling asleep at the very place when he was snapped out by his captain's sharp and deep voice.

"Go away, Abarai!"

Renji flinched and raised his brows as he looked at his captain focusing on his paperwork.

"Huh?"

Byakuya didn't raise his head as he glanced at him.

"You come late, you try to make excuses and then you're ready to fall asleep right in front of your captain. I said go away before I add your name on the reclassification's list!"

Renji quickly tied his hair up and walked over to his captain's desk straightening his back with difficulty.

"I'm very very sorry, taicho! I lost track, forgive me! Three cups of tea and I'll be back to normal, taicho! Sor-!"

"Renji, get out, get some rest and return tomorrow on time!" Renji flinched with the obvious cold and hostile tone of the noble's voice not attempting to hide his disappointment.

His captain rarely showed his true emotions and so witnessing this hostility directed towards him pierced his chest like a million blades. He lowered his eyes furrowing his brows and exhaled loudly.

He wanted to apologize again and again feeling deeply ashamed for acting so irresponsibly. It would have been better if he had arrived an hour later than acting this way in front of him. As a result, he mentally slapped himself a thousand times until he actually felt his cheeks burn and bowed deeply at his captain, hoping he'd read the shame he was carrying.

The last thing he wanted was to be taken from his seat beside the head of the Kuchiki clan…

Renji was walking over a pebbly road under the beautiful cherry-blossom trees with his eyes lowered ever since he left the office. He wanted to bang his head on a wall and crack it open from this wave of shame that ate him.

This feeling was so intense it had replaced the headache from his hangover and cursed himself under his breath.

"Dammit! Damn sake, damn beers, damn parties!" he walked heavily with his grip tight around the dark red sheath of his katana.

When he found himself far outside the barracks of 6ht Division he halted and shouted at the sky.

"Idiot, idiot, idiot!"

Some passing by Shinigami stopped in their tracks and looked at him with worried frowns.

"What's your problem?" he growled at them. The men exchanged glances and left staring at the crimson-haired angry man.

Renji considered of heading back, but he knew that his captain would just kick him out the hard way, and that would only worsen the state he was stuck into at the moment. In no time, his name would be added in the reclassification's list, one where names were suggested from Shinigami newly graduated from the academy and names of seated who'd be promoted- or not- and removed.

If his name were added, it would only mean that he'd be removed from the seat of lieutenant, since there was no way up in the ranks. Renji gritted his teeth and continued walking as far away from the barracks as possible until he could no longer sense the noble's irritating reiatsu.

It was past midday and the sunrays had become hot against his skin when Renji found his best friend under the shade of a blossomed tree on Mount Koifushi in the west of Rukongai.

Kuchiki Rukia was resting against the tree's truck while a breeze caused some black strands to caress her pale forehead. She looked so small against the big tree.

Renji smiled as he crept closer trying to restrain his spiritual flow. He hid behind the tree and held still not wanting to wake the petite Shinigami. The moment he attempted to grab her shoulders and scare her, he froze when he heard her sharp voice.

"Don't even dare doing it!"

Renji gapped.

"Dammit!" he muttered.

Rukia looked at him over her shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" she asked with that constant frown shadowing her purple eyes.

Renji crawled beside her and pushed her to lean against the tree's trunk as well.

"Nii-sama kicked you out?" she asked.

Renji simply nodded.

"You deserved it!" she chuckled relaxing that frown on her small forehead.

Renji clicked his tongue.

"Shuddup! I'm already feeling bad as it is! Don't rub that wound!"

Rukia punched his forearm teasingly.

"Let him be! If you ever make him mad I'll kick your ass! Especially on a day like this…" she muttered the last sentence with a grief tone drawing Renji's attention.

"And what day might that be?"

Rukia smiled sadly as her eyes wandered over the hill filled with clouds of pink blossoms.

"The day Nii-sama is not himself!"

Renji furrowed his brows in question.

"When is Nii-sama not his self?"

He suddenly remembered the hostile tone in his captain's voice when he ordered him to leave and how he had never actually seen him so filled with emotions. Being used to that man's stoic face, having seen that irritation and anger towards him made it all much worse. Because it meant that either Renji had really done something beyond forgiveness, or, like Rukia implied, something was wrong with the always-in-control Kuchiki Byakuya.

Renji blinked many times wondering what the captain was doing at the moment.

"What-" Renji began, but Rukia cut him short.

"I'm sure you can think yourself what's going on!" she said coldly and stood up with a light jump. "And don't treat Nii-sama as if he's a statue or something. He's a soul like you, like me, like anyone. Behind that mask of a Division's captain and a clan's head, he's also a human soul!" and turned his back at him disappearing from his view with flash steps. Renji sighed angrily punching the ground beside him.

And then he remembered what each coming of the spring brought and what made both Kuchiki-taicho and Rukia so gloomy and short-tempered along with it…

Wondering if indeed that was possible, Renji felt even more ashamed for forgetting that today was the day Rukia's older sister and Kuchiki-taicho's wife had died and sank in his own pitiful world cursing himself and his irresponsibility over and over again until he felt exhausted and until he felt that he had paid back even a hint of the disrespect he had showed not only to Rukia and Kuchiki-taicho, but to Kuchiki Hisana as well…

At lunch break, Byakuya leaned back on his chair glancing at the opposite empty desk for the millionth time in a few hours. He diverted his grey gaze away trying hard to shove away all those troublesome thoughts he had been having about this crimson-haired man. Even though it was this day of the year, he suddenly found himself thinking of Abarai Renji of all people…

Byakuya grabbed the corner of his desk tight while his energy flowed towards it subconsciously until he flinched hearing the cracking sound of wood breaking into pieces.

"Hmm!" he mumbled noticing what he had done and scolded himself for being unable to control his feelings today effectively. With a sigh he stood up and decided to take a stroll in the gardens to take his mind off that man.

The morning breeze had subsided causing all those floating pink petals to follow the force of gravity and create a soft blanket over the grass and roads.

Byakuya saw the image of Hisana sitting by that pond with the koi fish as a baby-pink petal was resting on her jet black hair like a feather. He remembered the smile she had given him when she had felt his fingers on her head taking the blossom away and handing it to her. He had felt peace…

"Nii-sama!" he turned to see his adopted sister giving him a genuine smile. Byakuya kept his eyes on her a little longer than usual observing the resemblance she held with her sister, yet the so different personality and air she gave out.

"Rukia." He looked back at the gardens.

"I was wondering if you'd like to have lunch with me! If Nii-sama has time of course! I-I wouldn't want to you to waste any of your precious time with me!" she grinned stuttering as she did every time she addressed him.

Byakuya didn't look at her as he replied.

"I'd love to!"

Rukia was taken aback gapping when he looked at her from the corners of his eyes causing her to flinch.

"Eh, perfect! Thank you! Though… I must warn you that my cooking is not the best!" she chuckled scratching the back of her head nervously.

Byakuya's lips curved creating the illusion of a smile, though it looked more like a smirk, but Rukia had learnt to notice when he was smiling.

She smiled wide and together they headed to the Kuchiki manor.

Byakuya had insisted that he'd cook, sending the maids away and preparing a quick, but wealthy meal in no time in front of a dumbfounded Rukia.

They placed the meal on a low table by the veranda and prepared some green tea.

"Ah, this is so beautiful!" Rukia clasped her palms together as her eyes sparkled watching over the numerous dishes Byakuya had prepared.

The dark-haired man motioned Rukia to sit and he followed.

In the meantime, Renji had just woken up from a nap under the cherry-blossom tree finding himself literally covered with pink petals. He brushed them away and was shocked to even find some underneath his uniform.

He took off his kosode to get rid of the tickling petals. With a sigh he rubbed his lower jaw hearing his captain's cold and hostile voice again and again bringing back the anger and shame he felt towards himself.

"Then do something!" he growled at himself causing some birds from a nearby tree to fly away with fear.

Renji put on his uniform again and decided to go back to the office and convince his captain of his worth in the Division, though feeling anything but confident as he rushed back to Seireitei with flash steps. As a result his speed decreased until he was dragging his feet the moment he passed through the West Gate and headed towards the barracks of 6th Division.

To his relief, Kuchiki-taicho was not in the office, yet Renji froze in his tracks letting his captain's intense print of reiatsu overflowing all his senses, surprisingly calming him down even though just the thought of him all this time had agitated him so much.

Renji had learnt since his childhood years in Rukongai to tolerate all kinds of emotions, were it anger, depression, hatred or irritation. But the one feeling he could not stand was shame. It tore him apart to realize that he had showed disrespect, especially towards people who he knew were leagues superior to him. Just like Kuchiki-taicho was…

Because he was the man he wanted to surpass and admired at the same time.

Kuchiki Byakuya was the only Shinigami that had made such a great impact on him from the first time he had laid eyes on him. He couldn't determine if it was his comfortably tickling yet amazingly sharp warmth of his reiatsu, or the strength of his metal grey eyes. If it was his stoic posture and emotionless but commanding depth of his voice or the elegant features of his face and body. All he knew was just the presence of that man made Renji feel so small and weak, but filled him with the confidence to fight harder and harder in order to become like him.

Renji touched his back on the shut door and slid down collapsing on the floor with a groan of desperation.