Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or its characters, and make no profit from writing this story. South Park & Characters are property of Matt Stone & Trey Parker.

Under the Sea

by DragonSapphire

/ - denotes flashback

-

Kyle was sulking in his cave after his mom, of all possible merfolk in the sea, had caught him at the water's surface, and dragged him back down by his tailfins, ears still ringing from her loud admonitions.

/"Why can't you be more like your little brother Ike? You never see him up there, waiting to be caught by some fisherman's hook or harpoon or Poseidon knows what! He is perfectly content to stay under the sea where he belongs. How are you ever going to become a respectable lawyer if everyone thinks you've got your head in the clouds, Kyle? You know I'm only looking out for your best interests./

Kyle had been watching the sunrise over the still horizon and basking in the warmth of its yellow-orange glow. He was so in awe of the beauty of the outside world when all he'd ever known was cold, dark, and wet. He knew for a fact Ike came above the surface to shoot down noisy pelicans and seagulls with a slingshot he'd found washed up on a beach, but somehow he was sly enough to have not been caught yet. However, Kyle, with his emerald green tail and wild ruby curls, stuck out like clownfish in a school of minnows.

/"But I want to breathe, Mom!" he had argued, even knowing his pleading would fall on deaf ears. "I'm suffocating under here and every day is exactly the same as the one before it - water, water, and oh hey! More water."

"Don't be ridiculous, you are not suffocating, Kyle. Maybe you just need to clean out your gills. Are you using the volcanic pumice stone I gave you? It's very expensive, you know."

"My gills are fine! It's this damn sea! Do you even know what snow looks like, mom? Or rain, or any of the seasons?"

"Language!" Sheila clucked. "I don't need to see snow to know I belong down here. Do you know how enormous the entire sea is? You have miles and miles to explore underwater right in front of you, and you're safe here! How could you possibly want more?"

"You don't understand. I want to be where the people are! I want more than just this life!"

"We are your people, bubbeh. Now, I'll hear no more of this. You are forbidden to go anywhere near the surface, do I make myself clear?"

"Crystal," Kyle sighed, but he'd twisted his fingers together behind him in a silent promise that he would reach the surface again, no matter the consequences./

How could life under the sea possibly compare to life above it?


"I think I see a ship in the distance!" First Lieutenant Stanley Marsh shouted, binoculars pressed to his eyes as he pointed off the starboard bow at a faint speck that looked like a stray cloud. "They could be whale poachers!"

"Oh my god, Stan. Seriously, you guys. Who the hell even hunts for whales anymore after what happened to that giant dick and Captain Ahab guy anyhow?"

"It's Moby Dick, Fatass. And there are plenty of people still hunting whales! It's your duty as prince to put a stop to it!"

Prince Eric Cartman yawned loudly, swinging gently in a hammock tied between the ship's masts, as he signaled his servant to bring him another mojito concoction he'd recently discovered at some foreign dignitary's boring ball. Those Conquistadors certainly knew what was up, even if his second-in-command insisted that he be a stick in the mud and had dragged him out on this lame scouting mission to catch non-existent whale hunters. He only agreed to come since the excursion got him away from the kingdom and all of the whiny, needy commoners that came crying to him for more food or lower taxes or not to behead their husband/wife/goat, blah blah blah.

"Butters!" he yelled, "Hurry it up! You'd better not be talking to that damn crab again!"

Butters came scrambling up from below deck with a suspicious bulge in his front pocket, which waved a gleaming red pincher in the gap the crustacean must have made in the seam. Butters was going to have fits if he lost that stupid crab again. The last time he'd barely rescued it in time from Chef, Cartman's personal cook, who had been despairing of the same fare of cheesy poofs and a new Italian cuisine called pizza Cartman had discovered on a trip abroad and had demanded every day since.

Butter had saved the crab from a boiling pot of bisque, named him Kenny, and they'd been inseparable ever since.

Cartman was going to boil Kenny himself if he caught Butters off in a corner talking to it again, the crab cupped in his palms and brought close to his face as he whispered earnestly into his hands. Butters was totally going to catch crabs himself if he kept up the unnatural relationship for much longer.

"H-Here you go, y-your Majesty," Butters said, running over with a tall clear glass garnished with bright green mint leaves at the bottom.

"Took you long enough!" Cartman snapped, reaching out for the drink, which is when - of course - Butters tripped and sent the glass and its contents smashing to the deck.

"Oh hamburgers!" Butters cried, and Cartman just sighed, too tired to string the useless boy up and flog him again.

"Butters, go swab the poop deck," he said dismissively instead, after Butters had swept up the mess and tossed the shards overboard. Cartman had been starting to get lightheaded from all the mojitos anyway, so he was feeling charitable.

"O-Oh. Again?" Butters said fretfully, glancing over to the area indicated with an anxious expression. "But I already cleaned it this morning, Prince Eric!"

"Well clean it again, Butters! My stomach has been off lately - I think Chef has been messing with the pizza recipe so he doesn't have to make it anymore. I'd bring gloves if I were you."

"Okay, Eric," Butters said sadly as left, patting his shirt pocket as he did.

"That's Prince Eric to you!" Cartman called as Butters retrieved a mop and bucket and got to work. "Or Your Supreme Royalness, Master of the South Seas and five-time Reigning Champion of the kingdom's annual pie eating contest, His Lordship, Prince Eric Theodore Cartman!"

Cartman swept his hand out in a grandiose gesture indicating the entire world was his oyster and he was damn well going to make it his bitch. And then he noticed the sky ahead and choked.

The specky cloud Stan had spotted earlier seemed to have gathered friends in the past few minutes, and was now a roiling, threatening grey mass that sent sparks of lightning shooting towards the rapidly diminishing gap between them.

"Uh, fellas," Butters broke in hesitantly, staring off towards the oncoming storm. "I don't know much about sailing, but I think maybe we should turn around now? My dad will ground me if I'm late getting back."

Stan had already started racing around the deck, pulling in sails and yelling orders at the crew, which was comprised of Prince Eric, Stan, Butters, and Chef, since the ship was fairly small and they'd only planned on a short excursion. Oh, and there was Kenny too.

Basically they were fucked.


Kyle finally pried off the remora fish his mom had stuck on his tailfin in order to report back all of his activities to her and make sure he didn't venture into no merman's land. He used an assortment of human tools he secretly hoarded in the back of his cave to threaten the fish into releasing its suckers and trapped it in an intricate bowl made out of coral, which he inverted and placed a large stone on top of to keep the remora from escaping and tattling until he returned. He was desperate to see the sun after weeks of house arrest, and barely spared a moment to grab his clamshell satchel before he was swimming towards the sparkle of sunlight reflecting off the waves so fast he could feel his insides twist with the sudden change of pressure.

He breached the water with a shout of triumph and shook salt water out of his hair, which immediately poofed up and tangled into wild curls as the warm sun dried the thick red mess. He turned his face towards the wonderfully brilliant light and was met with the great hulking sight of a ship as the large wooden vessel nearly ran him over. He scrambled out of the way and watched the ship pass just overhead, completely enthralled by the size and impossibility of something so big that could float and move so effortlessly over the water.

"Humans!" Kyle gasped excitedly, feeling an illicit thrill spike through him as he saw several figures moving on the deck after he carefully emerged to watch.

He'd never been so close to an actual floating ship before, although he'd seen plenty of sunken ships and a few of their poor doomed passengers. His mom expressly forbade him to go anywhere near, so of course he combed all of the shipwrecks he could find and hoarded their treasures possessively. Or at least, whatever odds and ends were left after the sea witch had scoured the ships first, usually taking the bodies and doing only Poseidon knew what with them.

Kyle treaded water and watched the ship gradually getting smaller and smaller in the distance, and for a moment his heart pounded in contemplation. If he stayed right where he was, then the ship would sail away and no one would ever know how close he could have come to possibly being spotted, but he could still claim with all honesty that he hadn't been out looking for the humans, technically.

Before his mind was even fully made up, Kyle struck out and kept pace with the ship until he pulled up next to a loose swath of netting that draped over the side of the ship. He reached out and grabbed a handful before he could second guess himself, hauling himself up and towards where he heard voices above.

"Oh hamburgers!" he heard someone call, and Kyle barely had time to duck when a light-haired human tossed something sparkly overboard. Kyle reached out and snatched a shard as it fell past him, nearly dropping it with a shout as the sharp glass sliced his finger. He tucked the fragment away in his clam shell pouch anyway, and sucked absently on his bleeding finger as he watched the humans in fascination, particularly the larger, handsome one that everyone else seemed to defer. Kyle stared at him, instantly impressed and captivated by his "Supreme Royalness, Master of the South Seas and five-time Reigning Champion of the kingdom's annual pie eating contest, His Lordship, Eric Theodore Cartman," even though Kyle wasn't quite sure what pie was, but it sounded dangerous and heroic.

He wasn't sure how long he observed the humans for, but he was startled when a bolt flashed overhead along with a loud clap that signaled a sudden, gusty deluge that blew Kyle right off the side of the ship where he was thrown by the vicious waves and winds. He ducked under the roiling waves, and warred with his own instincts to turn tail and flee back home, knowing he'd been gone long enough already that his mother was going to actually turn him into sushi as soon as he returned.

Then lightning struck again and a loud crack Kyle could hear even underwater nearly deafened him as a thick length of jagged wood suddenly speared through the water and straight at him. A harpoon! Kyle thought in panic as the wood clipped his shoulder when he didn't move out of the way fast enough, sending a crimson cloud of blood from the wound that - combined with his already injured hand - would signal every single shark within miles to his location.

Kyle had already turned away when heavy objects started hitting the sea around him, sending up great founts of water and obstacles he had to duck and dodge to keep from getting clobbered again. When the water cleared enough to see through, Kyle realized some of the objects falling into the sea were bodies. They were still living, from the way they thrashed and clung to the scraps of wood that were all that was left of the ship. Apparently the vessel had been struck by lightning and was being ripped apart by the waves right before Kyle's eyes.

Kyle resisted the urge to help, knowing he was endangering the humans even further the longer he stayed and bled out, certainly alerting sharks to where the men were floating helplessly like waiting entrees. He couldn't hesitate any longer, needing to get home and bandaged up before he ended up eaten himself. With one last glance at the stranded humans and silently wishing them luck, Kyle swam with determination, keeping an eye out for the telling dorsal fins of a predator.

He must have gotten only half a mile when he saw the first sleek body of a grey shark cutting through the water with impossible speed. He was caught out in the open with no possible chance of out-swimming the dangerous creature, who was as long as he was but had to weigh twice as much.

Fortunately for Kyle, the shark appeared to be alone and seemed willing to ignore the merman for the time being. Unfortunately for the humans, it had its eye on bigger and better prey.

Kyle cursed himself as an idiot a thousand times over as he flipped over and took off after the shark with his head buzzing and his heart pounding. What the hell was he even going to do - punch it in the nose and hope for the best? He was as defenseless as the humans, with his only advantage being that he could see the shark underwater and there was no chance of him drowning.

When he reached the humans, the shark was almost ready to take the leg off one of them until Kyle grabbed for a chunk of wood, similar to the one that had cut him earlier, and jammed the pointy end at the shark's flank with all of his strength. The wood didn't pierce the tough skin, but the shark thrashed and turned to snap at him, the lethal rows of teeth missing Kyle's arm by inches.

"No you don't, you ugly fucker!" Kyle yelled, jabbing at the shark's slit eye and connecting as the creature let out a piercing bellow. Kyle's victory was short lived as the shark lashed out and caught him across the abdomen with its strong tail, knocking the air out of him as he doubled over and dropped the stick as the shark retreated, but Kyle dreaded there would be more, and soon.

The humans seemed to have pulled together several large scraps of wood and climb onto their makeshift raft in the interim, and Kyle chanced a look when he thought they would be too distracted to notice him poking his head out of the water, grateful for the passing of the storm as the waves began to settle. He counted three humans and a crab, which is what he saw onboard the ship when he'd been spying on the crew earlier. He felt a wave of relief until he noticed the fourth human was a very large and dark-skinned man he hadn't seen before, and they were all calling for Prince Eric, who was apparently nowhere to be seen.

Kyle felt panic well up in his throat as he dove back under and searched frantically through the wreckage for the one human that Kyle had taken a keen interest in the brief time he had seen him on deck, proud and striking, and apparently missing.

He had just about given up the search after nearly getting concussed by more wood and briefly trapped in fishing line, when he finally spotted a figure in the distance struggling with a mass of netting that had tangled around the person which was preventing them from swimming. The net was tied to an enormous pole that was starting to sink under the water, dragging the helpless man down with it. With a start, Kyle realized the person must be the lost prince, too far away from the raft to be seen or heard.

For a moment he struggled against the voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his mother warning him never to be seen by humans, and absolutely forbidding him to interact with them - a law meant for all merfolk and punishable by banishment or worse. Usually a mer sighting meant death for the human or humans who spotted one, but if this human was already doomed to die, either by drowning or by shark attack, what did it matter if he saw Kyle?

Kyle approached the man quickly but cautiously, and Prince Eric yelled in fear when he felt Kyle's hands brush against him, taking in a mouthful of water for his troubles. Kyle dodged the other's flailing limbs and pulled at the ropes frantically, cursing when they refused to give and the prince began to sink, both of them drawn farther and farther away from the surface with each passing second. Kyle didn't know how long humans could hold their breath underwater, but judging by the way Prince Eric was starting to go still and turn blue, Kyle guessed it wasn't long.

Kyle knew with a sinking realization that he would never be able to untangle the rope in time, and Prince Eric's stunning brown eyes were beginning to slip shut. Kyle let go of the rope and swam towards the surface and drawing in a great lungful of air before diving and swimming back to Eric. He was nearly unconscious when Kyle grabbed his face between his hands and pressed their lips together. Prince Eric's eyes shot open in surprise, and fortunately so did his mouth. Kyle breathed air into his lungs before the prince could pull away, returning his shocked gaze and holding their mouths together even when he ran out of any more air to give him. Kyle blushed and pulled away, turning back to the task at hand and determinedly not looking the temporarily revived prince in the face.

He pulled viciously at the rope and winced when the harsh fibers cut open his finger again. And then Kyle remembered. His finger! He dug frantically in his satchel and pulled out the shard of glass, which he immediately placed against the rope and began sawing. He nearly cried out in relief when the first strands snapped and he worked relentlessly, cutting through the others piece by piece. Regardless of Kyle's efforts, he seemed to make little headway in order to stop every minute or two to replenish the prince's air supply, and the trips to the surface and back were taking longer and longer as Eric continued to drop further into the watery depths of the sea.

He had nearly cut away the final piece of rope anchoring Prince Eric to the mast, when he felt a disturbance in the water, and swirled around to find the biggest great white shark Kyle had ever seen barreling straight for them. He froze like a guppy caught in an angler fish's light, clinging to Prince Eric who was limp and still against him.

The shark was nearly upon them when Kyle recalled the glass in his hand and stabbed at the great white before it could close its massive jaws around his midsection and bite him in two. The glass lodged into the shark's snout with a spray of blood, knocking the shark off course as it violently shook its head, temporarily blinded by pain.

Kyle used the diversion to yank frantically at Eric's arms, pulling him upwards and crying out in helplessness when they were jarred to an abrupt stop by the single length of rope still tangled around Eric's foot. Kyle let go and scrambled at the knots with his fingers, which he could have easily cut through if the glass he'd been using wasn't currently embedded in a fucking shark. He saw the shark circle them and prepare for its second charge, not as easily deterred from its meal as the first had been. He only had time for a quick prayer that his mom didn't kill him if she ever found out he took on two sharks single-handedly in order save the lives of humans, only to get himself eaten in the process.

Kyle closed his eyes and dropped the rope to wrap himself around Eric's unmoving body, pulling as hard as he could while bracing for impact. Eric was nearly yanked out of his arms as the shark bit down with a snap, and for a moment Kyle feared the shark had gone for Eric instead, who was admittedly the bigger and juicier morsel. The prince was suddenly lighter in his grip, and Kyle didn't open his eyes as he held the man close and swam frantically for the surface, terrified that he was only dragging half a body along with him and what remained of Eric's lower half was shark chum.

Fortune seemed to finally be on his side, although possibly too late, as Kyle and Eric surfaced and the merman spotted land not too far off from their current location. Eric was pale and unresponsive, and Kyle sent out a fervent prayer to the gods as he ducked his head under to access the damage. He was startled when he saw the prince was fully intact with only a severed line of rope trailing from his boot, which the shark must have bitten through and accidentally freed him.

Kyle nearly went weak with relief, but he knew he couldn't afford to delay since the shark was still somewhere out there, angry and hungry. He tucked Eric against his chest and swum towards land until his lungs and tail burned, refusing to stop or slow down even though his spine prickled in fear, awaiting attack from below at any moment.

It felt like eternity had passed when Kyle bumped into solid rocks and boulders as he finally entered shallow waters, knowing they wouldn't be completely safe until they were completely out of the water. He heard a splash behind them, and glanced back before he could stop himself, seeing a grey dorsal fin break over the waves and approaching swiftly. Land was possibly twenty feet before them, but the distance stretched like eternity. Kyle shoved Eric away from him and towards the beach, hoping the waves would carry his human the rest of the way as Kyle turned, preparing to sacrifice himself to the shark so that Eric could have a chance.

Kyle was too exhausted to fight, but his death would at least be quick, if not painless. He pressed fingers to his lips, recalling the taste of Eric's mouth and wishing he had taken one last kiss with him as he closed his eyes and waited. Kyle was completely bowled over as a sleek form knocked into his side and chirped shrilly in his ear in a familiar chatter. His eyes flew open in shock to see a dolphin swimming in happy circles around him, decorated with a bridle shining with the royal colors.

His family's colors.

Oh god. His mom. Kyle was still dead.

"Kyle!" he heard a voice call, and Kyle startled when it was the light tones of his little brother and not the banshee-like shriek of their mother.

"Ike!" Kyle cried out, seeing several more dolphins jump over the waves with the younger, dark-haired mer clinging to the back of one of them. "Oh my god, am I happy to see you!"

"I bet!" Ike said, as he came closer with his dolphin, grinning hugely at his own daring rescue. "You're seriously fucking lucky I went looking for you before mom or dad did and found that remora you'd locked up. I can't believe you went off to fight sharks and save humans! That is seriously fucking insane, bro. Mom would have a cowfish if she found out!"

"Yeah..." Kyle sighed, and then jumped. He was supposed to be saving humans!

"Chill. Albert's got him," Ike cut in before Kyle had a complete meltdown. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he went through all of that only to let the prince drown mere feet from shore.

"Did you see the other humans? There were four on a raft." Kyle asked suddenly, feeling a pang of guilt for only remembering them now when he'd left them defenseless and completely unsuspecting of the sharks.

"Yep! I snuck out half of the pod from the stables when I saw the shit storm you were headed into. They're already pulling them on land a few miles down. I don't think they saw either of us, which means maybe mom won't completely scale our tails when she finds out. Six dolphins are kinda hard to hide though, sorry." Ike shrugged, not looking too apologetic even though it was likely neither of them would ever see the light of day again.

Kyle watched as Albert nudged and rolled Eric onto the beach, feeling unbelievably grateful to his little brother as the human uttered a weak moan and flipped over gracelessly, coughing out salt water. He knew his time was up, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from the other's prone form, sprawled out and shivering in the sand. The humans would find him soon and bring him back home, no doubt, and that would be the last Kyle would ever see of him.

He barely managed to stifle a sob at the thought, feeling helpless and trapped by his stupid fins and the stupid rules he had to live by because of them. If only he'd been born human, then he could be with the prince and make sure he would be okay.

"Dude," Ike said softly, laying a hand lightly on Kyle's arm just below his wound, which was now beginning to heal over, scoured clean by salt water. "We had better go before mom rallies the entire kingdom to go looking for us."

Ike brought his fingers to his mouth and blew out one short, piercing whistle. The dolphins called back cheerfully and surrounded them in a protective ring to escort them back home. Kyle nearly allowed himself to be guided back with Ike's hand still on his arm, when Prince Eric shakily pushed himself onto an elbow and called out towards them.

"Ey! Gay fish! Get the hell back here! You've got some explaining to do!"

Ike snorted with laughter and clapped Kyle on the back as the other mer couldn't help making an offended noise at the prince's crude summoning. "Got yourself a catch there," Ike teased, before he gave Kyle a push towards shore. "Go ahead. I'll tell mom and dad...something. Good luck, gay fish."

Ike laughed again before disappearing with the pod under the water, and Kyle was left alone with the prince, who was slumped on his side again but staring intently out at Kyle. Kyle felt nervous chills break out over him, irrationally more terrified now than he had been fighting off sharks, but he obeyed the call before he could psych himself out, taking the chance Ike had left for him to pull himself awkwardly ashore and over to the other prince.

Kyle saw Eric's eyes widen when the deep green of his scales flashed in the moonlight, feeling bashful under the other's stare. He stopped a few feet away, feeling gritty sand scrape his palms and sand already gunking up his gills, but he doubted the breathlessness he felt had anything to do with sand, and everything to do with the stunned, heated gaze the prince fixed on him.

"C'mere, fish boy," Eric murmured, holding out his arms, and Kyle rolled his eyes in exasperation at the terrible nicknames before he flung himself into the other's waiting embrace.

Their mouths connected without the buffer of water and the threat of death hanging over their heads, wet and unbelievably hot as they wrapped arms around each other with Kyle sprawled out half on top of Eric. Kyle felt breathless and helpless with desire, like Eric was still sucking all of the air out of him, and he could only hold on and let him.

All too soon, Eric started growing heavy in Kyle's arms, and his kisses became tired and sloppy as the brief burst of adrenaline gave away to sheer exhaustion. Eric gave a groan of protest when Kyle reluctantly pulled away and stroked fingers across his forehead, pushing damp brown hair to the side as Kyle pressed one more kiss to the corner of his mouth and nudged up close against Eric's side with an arm thrown protectively over his waist.

Eric grumbled a bit, but he drew Kyle closer before he closed his eyes and almost immediately began snoring. Kyle rested his head on the prince's chest and listened to the wonderful sound of his heart beating, wishing that this night would never end so he could be in his beloved's arms forever. Kyle stayed curled around Prince Eric to keep him warm throughout the night, stroking his hair and singing softly until the dawn he had loved so much until this moment lit up the sky in streaks of vibrant purple and orange much too soon.

The breaking of the sun also heralded voices off in the distance, gradually coming closer and closer until Kyle realized they were calling for the man he'd been falling helplessly in love with while the other slept, watched over and protected by one whose people were known for killing and eating humans themselves. Well, at least they had until Kyle's mother had mandated no contact with humans whatsoever after Sheila's own parents, the former king and queen, had been killed by poachers when Kyle was only a baby. Most merfolk ate fish and plant life now, with the except of a few like the sea witch who tended to stick with the old ways, as the taste for human flesh had yet to fade. Or so the rumors went.

When Kyle heard the crunch of sand under many boots, he knew he could delay no longer. He pressed a brief but heartfelt kiss to Eric's mouth, soft and pliant in sleep, before he pulled himself away and dove back into the chilly water, heading home without a glance backward, even though he'd left his heart on that beach.

With a human.