I wish I could remember it, that once in a life time thing that made me whole. Without it I'm nothing but broken glass, waiting to be swept up by a hollow broom thrown away into the forgotten pieces of existence. With one piece of the puzzle missing, the rest is lost with no light in the darkness to show it the way out of the abyss.
I used to have It all, when I could remember what "it all" was. I know it was a first, it was something that had never happened to me before, or I'd never seen it before. Something new that made my world spin around a lot faster. It reached to the core of my brain and the bottom of my heart. Like a curious fish venturing into the unknown of the deepest depths of the sea. Once it got to the end of the road and could end no further, it simply searched around the area it had, nipping and biting at the walls holding it. It did so again and again. Poking and poking. I just couldn't get it out of my head.
It was a memory, something that happened to me. Whatever happened in it changed my entire life. I think there was something added to my world, a physical being. This person was always smiling, never stopped. After we met we played together all the time, eventually he became a piece of me. When he went, the piece was stolen. The scraps of memory I have left aren't enough. I actually remember more now, he was a boy. Like me in many ways, maybe that's how I got attached to him so easily.
That's why this moment was so important: because of him. There's still so much I'm missing. I only remember what this boy looked like: Short, spikey hair, blue eyes and the biggest smile I've ever seen. I can't even remember his name. Even though I might have known him my whole life. Losing one small memory makes me feel as if I've lost everything I ever knew, let alone when I met him.
How can something be this important in someone's life but so impossible to remember? I'm trying so hard, but there's nothing coming to me. The only clue I have is this boy, besides that I'm nowhere near solving any of this and remembering the piece that makes me whole.
I can't sleep anymore. I do sleep, but I don't dream. Resting isn't as comforting as it once was. It's like my brain cells have died and my heart has stopped beating. When I wake up in the day, do my chores, go to school, I feel like a zombie. There's no life in anything in my world anymore. I look at all of my family and friends and see nothing but shadows, and a small group of people in an ocean of humanity.
This memory is the key, when I discover it, the door will be opened once more. Instead of being a frozen, lifeless, walking corpse, the warmth in my blood will return, melting the ice and freeing me from my bitter cold prison. I'll be able to touch things and not just analyse the texture, but I'll feel what I touch, like the smoothness of skin or the bliss of a hug, for the first time in years.
I'm starting to remember, the memory is chaining together once more⦠the pieces of the puzzle are being filled, things are beginning to make sense. Am I whole once more?
I was a lot younger when the moment happened, I still had so much to learn about the world. I hadn't realized how good a friendship could be. How much it can make you feel that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and no need to hide anything.
In fact, I think that was the overall lesson I learned from that memory; friendship, and it was all thanks to that boy. It was a day of bitter coldness, I was walking home buying my Grandma's shopping. On the way I tripped and hurt my ankle. I was only little. I was really upset about it. The street was deserted and it had started to rain, I felt so alone, as if I had no hope of getting home and that no one cared about me.
Then out of the storm I saw a figure run towards me, a glimpse of hope, a shining light. It was him: The boy. He crouched next to me and said "Hey! Are you ok?" I sniffed, my nose was getting quite runny in the cold, and put on a brave face. "Yeah, I'm fine thanks for asking." I replied. "Well, I'm not about to leave you to walk alone in this weather, I don't think I would anyway, you seem a really nice person." He said. For so long it had felt like I didn't have a heart, that I was to be a heartless monster for all of my life, but he made me feel like I did have a heart.
Walking in the rain, he wore a white and red hood. I sneezed. He turned around at me, asked me to hold the bags he was carrying for a second, so I did. He took his hood off and put it over me. "Here, you can wear this until we get closer to your house."
We had soon approached my house. As much as I was glad to get out of the cold, I was sad to end this walk with the boy, we talked and laughed about our mishaps and adventures we'd had in the little time we'd been in school. I loved spending time with him. He was worth walking in the rain for and we were to have many walks after this, but that's where it all begun.
As I went into my gate, I traded his hood for the rest of my Grandma's shopping. "Thank you so much for all your help." I said to him. I put the bags in one hand and put the other out for him to shake. He reached over the gate to warmly embrace me, giving the warmest hug I'd ever had in my life. My heart raced as I felt his beating against mine. When he begun to walk away his smile was extremely optimistic. I was amazed at his open minded behavior and extremely friendly personality. "No problem" He replied and grinned in return. "Well, see you around." He said and started to walk away. I leaned against the edge of my fence as much as I could and shouted "Wait! What's your name?!" He simply responded "Don't worry, you'll see me around, I'll tell you then! Sorry to leave in such a rush, but I've got to get home before I start sneezing too! Bye!" and with that he vanished into the darkness of the storm.
I'd never been treated so nice by a complete stranger. It was as if I wasn't a stranger to him. As if somehow he knew we were going to meet. Maybe it was destiny.
I remember now, that was the moment. I can feel again. Oh, thank god I can feel you again... Sora.
