Disclaimer: I do not own Haruhi Suzumiya. But if I did, the possibilities would be endless...

Chapter 1: Espers and Toothpicks

Sigh, here's another one of my weekends off wasted. At least I wasn't last again.

Today is Sunday, which just happens to be Haruhi's "Abnormal Scavenger Hunt Across the City" or whatever she wants to call it this time.

As I glanced over at Mikuru, I noticed her wearing little clock earrings, a crimson blouse, and a yellow skirt. She wore a pink jacket on top. She looked like a girl waiting for her double date, with me and Haruhi here. But her eyes told a different story. Red-eyed, fidgeting and on the verge of tears, Asahina Mikuru looked like a very nervous time-traveler.

Haruhi, on the other hand, had her beige coat on top of a green and white top, and tight, black jeans. Her hair held the same yellow ribbons and headband she wore everyday, but at the back of her head I couldn't help but notice a rather, hot-looking, ponytail. She looked my way, and I turned to a certain alien coming our way.

Yuki Nagato, of the Data Integration something or other, approached with her school uniform on, as usual. Doesn't she go out shopping or anything? I did see however, a slight twinkle in her eyes as she got closer. Hmm...

The four of us waited for 15 minutes. Then the all too-familiar Esper was crossing the street. Koizumi was dressed in jeans and a red shirt and sandals. Casual much? Haruhi turned to Koizumi and pointed.

"Late. Penalty," she said in a calm tone of voice.

How come he doesn't get yelled at when he's late, but I am?

"Because! He's a higher rank than you!" she retorted.

Do you even remember what that rank was?

"That's not important right now!" Haruhi yelled. "C'mon let's go!"

"Sorry for any inconveniences," Koizumi apologized. He glanced at me and looked me in the eye. "Something came up."

That something, just happened to be Closed Space. Haruhi was acting all prissy the other day. I just thought it was her time of the month. Wonder how many Blue Giants he fought? I'll get the details later.

We walked to our usual rendezvous spot/café and found an outdoor table. A waitress came by and took out orders. I had the Peach Mango smoothie, Haruhi a latte, Koizumi ordered a coffee, and Mikuru took a strawberry banana smoothie with whipped cream and cherries. Yuki, of course, took a while to order. But it only took her 3 minutes to order an apple shake, instead of 5. The waitress came back, minutes later, and Haruhi started her monologue.

"O-kay! Time to pick teams!" she pulled out the toothpicks. "Team A (Marked) will take North, while Team B (Unmarked) will take South!"

I picked one and glanced a Mikuru's toothpick. Unmarked. Damn. I looked around at Yuki and Haruhi. Both unmarked too. Oh God, hell no. I slowly turned to the other end of the table.

"I look forward to working with you," the Esper smiled. Anyone want to trade?

"Ugh, whatever. Look, just...don't rape each other when you're looking!" And with that, she stomped off, dragging the two girls by the collars of their shirts.

"Nooooooo...!!"

I'm sorry, Asahina-san, but I'm hating this predicament as much as you are.

A/N: Well there you have it, the first chapter. Sorry for it being so short. I write the story down first in a notebook, so it can't get all long without filling up the whole notebook.

These are the original words intended to be in the story. If I plan to submit this to a superior, note that the words will be changed to "screw around".