Hello, loves! To make up from my hiatus from "Wedding," here is an angst-filled one-shot! Enjoy xx

PS. If you haven't already, go listen to Susie Suh's "Here With Me." You (probably) won't regret it! Total lovey goodness.

Disclaimer: The characters in this story are based off of Stephanie Meyer's "Twilight" saga. I do not own anything.


"Caught in the riptide, I was searching for the truth.

There was a reason I collided into you."

- "Here With Me," Susie Suh


Everyone agreed, it was a beautiful day for a wedding. The sky above was a piercing blue, so bright it hurt to look at. And it was warm, the warmest day La Push had seen in months. It wasn't until the reception, when the guests migrated to the groom's house, that the weather began to turn. The clouds grew heavy and dark, their swollen bellies hanging low to the earth.

By the time I finally find an opportunity to escape, when the liquor had been passed around more than a few times and everyone's eyes are glassy and warm with laughter as they follow the happy couple around the dance floor, my face aches with the effort of smiling.

I slip the sliding glass door back into place as the wind dances around me, whipping the silk fabric of my dress against my bare ankles. The air is electric, a loaded promise from the brewing storm. My wolf slams against my ribcage, its growls pulsating through my veins. I can feel it like the hollow echo of a beaten drum in my chest, reverberating through my fingertips.

I'd tried. I really had. And I'd done my part, nobody could deny that. I had stood at the altar, watched as she walked down the aisle, a bouquet of maroon dahlias clutched to her chest. I faked a smile and wore the cream satin dress she'd wanted me to and stood beside her as she made her vows. I averted my eyes and pretended each stolen kiss and secret smile and gentle caress of the back didn't effect me. That it didn't pull at me like a riptide. I was drowning in a flood of loneliness, surrounded by these strange faces I'd known my whole life, but couldn't recognize. And no one noticed, because I'd done my part. But now it was too much.

Once I step off the deck, I pull the strappy heels from my feet and tuck them beneath the wooden planks. My toes curl into the cool grass, tempted to be unleashed, to succumb to the craving roaring against my ears. But I don't, I can't. The desire for a sliver of solitude- a moment of peace- burns stronger, more desperate.

I am already at the forest line when I hear the sliding door pull open. I ignore it, I ignore him. Maybe he will pause, change his mind and retreat back into the warmth and music and laughter. Maybe he'll realize that he isn't like me- his absence will be noted. Everyone notices a missing Alpha.

But, he doesn't.

He follows me.

His presence behind me is like a flame, burning hot and bright against my spine. It sparks a flare of emotion within my chest that I choose to ignore.

Broken branches press into the soles of my feet. I take a breath and close my eyes, taking the stolen moment to relish the feeling of him surrounding me and to gather the energy and words to push him back inside, out of these woods and out of my mind.

"Why are you following me, Jake?" I turn towards him as I speak, the words catching in my throat and falling flat between us.

He's standing a yard from me, the sleeves of his white button down rolled up to his elbows, exposing thick, muscular forearms. I trace the prominent veins mapped across his large hands before I pull my eyes up to meet his face.

His eyes are dark as he stares at me, his voice low and deep. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

The wind is fierce now, it grabs at me, pulling my hair loose so it whips against my bare shoulders. My laugh catches on the breeze. "What do you care? I'm fine. I'm great!" I swallow the tears rising in my throat. "My mom deserves happiness." My dad's face flashes through my mind, but I push it down. I've been thinking about him all day. How could I not?

"Don't do that. Don't lie to me, Leah." His brow is furrowed and he's biting at his lip as though there is something that's trying to escape his mouth, something he's fighting to hold back.

I take a step away from him, shaking my head. "I'm not lying, Black. I just need to be alone, okay? Can you do that for me? Can you just leave me alone?"

"You know I can't." He takes a couple steps toward me, but I raise my hands up and he stops in his tracks, standing stock-still before me. His eyes are relentless as they bore into me. I can barely stand it and I look into the surrounding trees to escape his stare. "Talk to me, Lee. Let me in."

"What do you expect me to say that you don't already know? You know how I'm feeling, Jacob. You know that seeing her with Charlie's ring on her finger and not my dad's-" I rush to wipe a tear from my cheek and grasp at the anger that flares inside of me for letting Jake see me like this. I take a breath, "Everyone in this town is blinded by happiness. Everyone is madly in love and getting married and having babies. Now my mom has joined the ranks. And I'm…alone." Another tear falls and I turn my face to hide it, quickly brushing it away. "And it's fine. I don't care. I wasn't made to imprint, maybe I'm broken or some kind of barren mutant cursed to wander these woods alone until the day I die. That is if the Grim Reaper will even take me." I don't dare to look at him, so instead I stare out behind him where I can just make out the rooftop of Charlie's house. My face twists in what I hope is a vicious smile, "It's seriously okay, Black. I'm not suicidal or anything. I'm just mourning this fucking day, okay? I think I'm allowed to do that. So please, just leave me the fuck alone."

I turn on my heel and take a step deeper into the forest before his large hand grabs my forearm and pulls back to him. "No," he growls.

I clench my teeth. "Let me go."

He's so close to me, I can feel his breath against my lips. "Don't you have an imprint to get back to?" That gets him, he loosens his hold on my arm and I hate the wave of disappointment that floods my chest as I turn back towards him. "Go back to Renesmee, Jake."

After a moment, he finally lets go of my arm, but he doesn't step away.

He bows his head and focuses his deep charcoal eyes on me. "You're not a monster, Leah. If you could see yourself the way I see you." He pauses and lifts his head. "Look at me." I reluctantly pull my eyes from Charlie's roof. "You're blessed. I'm cursed, me and all of our brothers who have been struck by imprinting. But not you. You've been saved or you're strong enough to resist it. And you're not broken. You're perfect, Leah. And you're so fucking beautiful, you have no idea. I can't take my eyes off of you."

"Don't play with me, Jake. My heart can't take any more of this." It was the first time I'd admitted to what I'd known for years; I had caught glimpses of the struggle within him that brewed beneath the surface- the battle between his devotion to Renesmee and his attraction to me. And he knew how I felt about him, even though I'd done everything in my power to keep my feelings bottled up inside me, he knew. Yet, we had never spoken about it, until now. And that's what made this so fucked up, that's what makes me livid with rage. How could he do this to me when he knows that in the end it will always be her?

I shove against him as hard as I can, my hands connecting to his solid chest and he stumbles back a few feet. "She's your fuckin' soulmate, Black. Go back to her." I choke on the words, the desperation pouring out of me in waves of helplessness and a broken fragment of hope that scares me more than anything else. My face is wet and I suddenly realize that it's raining, the clouds releasing their burden upon us in heavy sheets.

Jake just stands there, his face a tortured mask. The rain has plastered his hair against his face, he rakes it back with shaking hands. His eyes are pleading as he stares at me and when he speaks his voice is strong and sure. "She's not my soulmate, Lee. You know that." He closes the distance between us again and I step back against the trunk of an old evergreen, his arms coming up to block me in. His heat washes over me. "I can't keep ignoring this- you, us. I've tried for years to convince myself that all my feelings for you are to test my loyalty to Ness, but…" he licks his lips and his eyes drop down to my mouth before reaching my eyes again. "I can't keep pretending." His forehead presses against mine and we stand like that, breathing each other in.

"Dammit, Clearwater. Talk to me." The rain has soaked his dress shirt and it clings to his every curve of his muscular body. My hand betrays me, reaching up to rest against his chest. His heart pounds beneath my palm- fast and steady.

"Let me in that head of yours," he whispers.

"All I ever do is let you in my head, Jake."

Lust and anger whirl like a fog in my mind, leaving me disorientated and dizzy. "You should go," I whisper against his mouth. He's close now. I can almost taste him against my lips.

"Stop trying to push me away." He laughs and it vibrates between us, causing a rush of goosebumps to travel up my arms. "Actually stop pushing me in general, you're surprisingly strong." He rubs his nose against mine. "Let me be here for you."

His hand travels up my side, knotting the fabric of my dress through his fingers as the other brushes the hair out of my face, tucking it behind my ear.

Then a voice pierces through the silence surrounding us.

"Jacob!"

It is Renesmee. "Jacob! Are you out there! It's raining, baby! Come inside!"

Jake tenses around me. His face lifts towards her voice as his hand leaves my body. It clenches by his side and he punches the tree behind me. The impact shakes the tree and my teeth clatter along with it.

"Fuck," he breathes.

We're hidden within a cluster of trees, the porch where Renesmee stands obstructed from our view.

I don't want to hear anything else.

I don't wait for him to leave me.

I unravel myself from his arms, escaping his grasp as I leap and phase into a silver wolf, my mother's dress shredding into bits of fabric that fall all around us like confetti.

I don't turn back as he calls out my name.