Notes: Hi guys... It's been a while, I know. Here, have a story!
The moment Emma stepped though the door she felt a chill slide down her back. It was icy and it skittered across her flesh in a most unwelcome manner. If houses could have moods, the mansion would be somber.
"Kid," Emma called out, poking her head into the living room first, because it was closest.
There was no kid, or Regina for that matter, in the living room but a disembodied Henry voice floated to her from the kitchen and she followed it with squeaky strides, her boots still on and damp from her walk up the drive. Regina would be pissed, of course, but Emma had other things on her mind. She found Henry sitting at the kitchen table, homework he was obviously not doing spread out in front of him.
"Ma," Henry just about groaned when he saw her, sounding dejected and looking worse. "I screwed up so bad."
Emma felt her heart lodge tightly in her throat and she had to swallow thickly as she crossed to the seat next to Henry and sank into it, resting what she hoped was a comforting arm around his shoulders. They were tense and she gave him a gentle squeeze for good measure, trying to project a confident calm the way Regina always did in moments of crisis.
"I'm sure it's nothing we can't fix." Squeeze. "Let me just find your mom and then you can tell us everything and we'll handle it, ok?"
Her confident calm was clearly broken because Henry's face became more dejected and the unhappiness he was radiating somehow increased. "Mom's upstairs. Resting," Henry offered through his frown.
Emma looked towards the stairs uselessly, then returned her gaze to Henry when Regina failed to magically materialize at the stop of the stairs just because Emma wished it. Regina was tireless and unwavering - she didn't rest. Henry just returned her gaze helplessly, being no help at all.
Emma took a deep breath then tried again. "Henry, what happened?" It was one of her finer mom moments when she managed to refrain from asking instead, "What did you do?" She'd have to tell Regina after they fixed whatever needed fixing.
"I screwed up," Henry repeated miserably. "We were arguing about freaking dinner," Emma refrained from scolding him over his language choices, perhaps losing mom points on that one. "I don't even know why I was arguing. Her roast is awesome but I saw this commercial for pizza this afternoon and I've been craving it ever since and I just wanted to order one for us but she'd already started dinner and she said-"
Emma dropped her arm from Henry's shoulder to his hand and squeezed. "The point, Henry."
"I told her I liked it better when you had your own place so I had somewhere to go when she was being a tyrant." Henry finished, quietly.
Emma swallowed thickly, again, while trying to look like that wasn't the most terrifying thing Henry could have told her. "Then what happened?" Emma asked cautiously, trying to gauge what type and how much damage control was going to be necessary.
"Then," he sighed, "she set the timer and said she was going to lay down before dinner."
Emma waited a beat but Henry just sat there, looking at her expectantly, his abject hope concerning since Emma had no idea what to do. "That's it? She didn't say anything helpful?"
A negative head shake was her answer and she swore under her breath, fully aware Henry could hear her and not caring. She wouldn't tell Regina that, though.
"Ok, look. Here's the thing," Emma began, winging it entirely. "I know you didn't mean it, and your mom knows you didn't mean it, but that was still a pretty shitty thing to say and probably hurt her a lot." Emma stared down her son meaningfully. "Like, a lot, a lot. And she's been hurt like that so much already that she's going to try protect herself, whether she means to or not."
Henry's eyes widened, almost comically. "She's not that person anymore, Ma. She wouldn't-"
"No, not like that - not anymore. We know that better than anyone. But she's hurt now, and sad, and maybe scared some too so she's gonna retreat a little. Or a lot." Emma pasused as she considered. "Probably a lot. It's important that we let her for a bit, even if it makes us feel bad, or worried our scared ourselves. Because she needs to take some time to feel safe with us again and capable of protecting herself."
"From me?" Henry was so striken by the thought that Emma almost broke, but she stiffened her upper lip and shook her head in the negative.
"Nope, from us. She risked a lot when she let me into her life the way she did and you brought me into this when you implied that you and I might be better off on our own. I spent a lot of time trying to take you away from her, sort of, and that's not something you can just get over. Even when you've moved past it. So she's gonna be feeling pretty alone right now and there'll be some distance between all of us for a little bit."
Her hand had drifted from Henry as they talked and she returned it now to his hand, still resting on the table. "I need you to be supportive until she feels safe again. Can you do that?"
To his credit, Henry thought about it before finally nodding his assent.
"Ok. Good. Now-"
"Emma," Henry interrupted before Emma could begin to describe the plan she didn't have. "She still loves me, right?"
Emma couldn't get her answer out past the lump in her throat, and before she could try again, Regina's voice floated in from the direction of the stairway sounding normal only if you didn't know what to listen for. "I will always love you Henry, no matter what. Never doubt that."
"Mom!" Henry was up in a flash and wrapped around Regina in the most desperately desperate hug Emma had ever seen. Clearly she hadn't explained the 'give her space plan' very well.
"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I don't even know why I said-" The sound of tears was creeping into his voice and he stopped abruptly, but didn't let up on his hug for a second.
Regina's hand swept against the side of his head that wasn't buried against her chest as she locked eyes with Emma. They had a brief non-verbal exchange where Emma tried to figure out how bad the damage was and Regina tried to convince Emma that everything was fine, and then Henry was pulling back and Emma was scowling at the huge pile of nothing that she had learned.
"I'm sorry Mamma," Henry whispered and the glint of tears that sprung to Regina's eyes at the rarely used term of endearment was hard to miss. But they didn't fall, because Regina didn't waver, even when she was wavering. Instead she just offered a whispered 'I love you' in return then guided Henry back to his seat.
"We have to talk about what you said, Henry. You're one of the two things in this life I value," Emma sucked in a surprised breth but Regina continued on as if she hadn't, "And I've given you the key to hurting me quite thoroughly. You know that, and which words will hurt me most effectively, and you deliberately chose to use them anyway."
Henry's shoulders dropped, and he offered no defense. Which was wise, of course, because there wasn't one.
Despite Henry's distress, Regina somehow managed to continue, though her tone did soften in deference to Henry's obvious turmoil. "I've been down that path; I know where it leads and so do you. That's not the kind of person we raised you to be."
Emma's breath hitched again and this time Regina swept her hand briefly over her back, and Emma knew that Regina had included her intentionally. For someone who'd been a part of nothing for most of her life, being included in something as amazing as this family was incredible, and not something she'd ever be able to hide. So she leaned into the caress for a moment, savoring it, before it disappeared as quickly as it had started.
Henry missed the exchange, head still bowed. "I know. I'm really sorry."
"I know you are Henry. But with great power…" Regina started and Henry's lips twitched up just a bit as he finally looked at her, pulled out of his shame slightly by the (not really so) surprisingly popular refrence.
"...Comes great responsibility." He finished after a second.
"That's right," Regina concluded with finality and Emma blinked in surprise when she realized that Regina was closing the matter.
"Uhm, Regina? Maybe a punishment or something?" Emma blurted without thought. Henry nodded in agreement, clearly looking for something to help him atone for his mistake.
But Regina just shook her head at both of them. "Sorry sweatheart but, as you're often reminding me, you're practically an adult. And for adults the consequences of our actions are all the punishment or reward we receive."
Emma flinched along with Henry, recognizing that as the worst punishment of all.
Her entire speech to Henry about Regina needing space not withstanding, Emma hovered incesently for the rest of the evening, though she was mostly subtle about it. Because in addition to everything else, Regina was a brooder, and Emma feared letting her get too lost in her own thoughts where things could easily became muddled and dark and scary.
And if Regina noticed she made no mention of it. So Emma scooted her chair closer to Regina's at the table when her back was turned and helped with the dishes afterward, so close that Regina had a hard time maneuvering in the small space left to her. They watched TV after Henry went to bed, and Emma managed to slide impossilby close before the second commercial break. Regina was stiff and tense next to her in a way that remined Emma of their early time together, after they were enemies but before they were friends - when they were nothing more or less than Henry's moms. But Regina didn't move away, so neither did Emma.
It wasn't until after Emma had drifted off to sleep, a hand tangled slightly in Regina's lose shirt, that she managed to slip her grasp. When Emma woke later, alone in their bed in a room so dark it had to be the middle of the night, she flung herself onto her back and considered. What she'd told Henry was absolutly spot-on true - Regina would want space after the day's events, and Emma hadn't been letting her get it. She knew that as certainly as she knew the sun would rise in the morning. Regina needed the time and distance to lessen the hurt and dampen the instinct to protect herself; to remind herself that she was safe with her family that loved her, despite a few well chosen hurtful words.
Emma rolled out of bed and shuffled off in search of her anyway.
Emma underestimated her stealth as she entered the kitchen and padded up next to Regina at the open oven so she was surprised when Regina turned right into her, dumping a tray full of steaming and delicious smelling cookies right into her abdomen. Not as surprised as Regina though, who swore "Jesus Emma!" in a high pitched squeek, the quick fright loosening her tongue.
Regina scowled at her as she tried to gather up cookies before they escaped onto the floor, possibly the most truthful emotion she'd displayed since Henry's outburst hours earlier. "What the hell are you doing up?"
"Looking for you. Our bed was cold," Emma hedged slightly while sticking mostly with the truth.
Regina opened her mouth, and Emma could feel the snappy retort, but it never materialized and Regina just sighed instead. And finally, Regina was wavering and Emma didn't like it at all.
"I couldn't sleep so I'm making cookies," Regina supplied in a voice that hitched and increased Emma's discomfort. "I'm sorry if I woke you."
"You don't have to be sorry," Emma blurted, catching Regina's arm before she could turn away fully and place the rescued goodies on the counter. "Why don't you come back upstairs and we'll snuggle and see if that helps."
"I don't..." Regina tapered off, and looked lost, and Emma's heart bled just a little. She knew the feeling, and hated it with every fiber of her being. She hated it even more on Regina.
When Regina didn't continue her thought, Emma edged closer and stowed the cookies safely on the counter. "Maybe a hug?"
Regina paused, deliberating slowly, but eventually closed the remaining distance until she was tucked in under Emma's chin and engulfed in warmth and security by strong arms. Regina shivered and Emma whispered into her hair, "You're cold baby, come back up to bed."
"No," Regina sighed, then used the strength she'd gained from the hug to pull away from it and Emma. "I'm going to finish up some things here. You go." Regina back away and wrapped an arm protectively across her middle and Emma could see the walls forming.
And maybe it was because it was late, and she was tired and worried and cold herself, but that's what broke her - Regina wrapping her own arms protectively across herself instead of trusting Emma's arms with the task. "I'm smothering you," Emma sputtered through tears falling suddenly. "I know you need space. I told Henry and I'm trying so hard but all I can think of is you sitting on your bed, squeezing your heart so hard it cracked and I just can't do it."
"You're heart is mine," Emma continued fiercely. "Mine, Regina. And I don't know that you can take care of it right now. Not better than me. So I'm smothering you, even though I don't mean to."
Regina stared at her through her outburst and for a long while after, and Emma just stood there, crying silently despite her attempts to stop. But finally, dark eyes softened and Emma could breathe again. "You aren't smothering me," Regina breathed into loose blonde locks as she fit herself back into Emma's embrace, always open to her. "You're loving me and I'm just a foolish broken woman too selfish to realize it. I'm sorry my love."
Emma's relief was so overwhelming that she let Regina's harsh self criticism slide. "Don't be sorry. This is new for both of us." Emma paused in internal debate then added hesitantly, "It's new for Henry too."
"I know that. I just worry..." But the words wouldn't come and Regina finally gave up and shrugged helplessly. "I just worry."
Emma knew Regina's fears. She mumbled them nightly when nightmares claimed her and would hint to them in daylight hours when she was feeling particularly vulnerable. "I know you worry about your history with Cora, and your choices with Henry, but I can promise you that you don't have to."
When Regina froze, even her breath stilling in her chest, Emma knew she was right.
"She's in me Emma," Regina shuddered out on an irregular breath. "She's always been in me, even before I became her she was there, and she's in me now. And you gave me this perfect little boy that she'd never touched, and what if I let her get to him? Through me."
"You didn't."
"I believe what I told Henry. The consequences of our actions are our punishments but we both know I can never pay for what I've done. What if it's Henry that's destined to pay for my sins with his beautiful heart?"
"Regina-"
"I couldn't live with that."
Emma tightened her hold, feeling strong again even as Regina crumble against her. "That's not what happening. Henry is beautiful and a wonderful young man but he's also a teenager. His smart mouth got ahead of his filter today and that sucks but that's all it was. It was our teenage son having a teenage moment - not a single thing more."
"You can't know that." But Emma heard hope under the doubt and fear and she grabbed at it with all that she had.
"I can and I do," Emma responded confidently. "I know you Regina, better than I know anything or anyone else in this world. You are stronger than Cora. You always have been, and you always will be. You are."
"Do you promise?" Regina mumbled into Emma's shoulder, desperate to be reassured.
"I promise."
And it was that simple. They stood there, Regina clinging to Emma in the middle of her kitchen that smelled like chocolate chip cookies and love, believing that she was somehow strong enough to protect her almost perfect son from the evil that had nearly broken her over and over again.
Because her soulmate promised.
Notes: Well, I had kinda stopped, then this started writing itself, then I sorta stopped again, then a couple of people left some lovely comments and suddenly I'd finished. Hurray! It's seems a little like two stories in one, but it is what it is, and I don't hate it, so hopefully you didn't either!
