Secrets By Mystic Rose (Formally Petra)

Disclaimer: I.SOB.do not own any of the characters or.sniff.Voyager. I regretfully must give all credit to Paramount.

Author's Note: I was watching reruns of Voyager (like I do everyday, yes I have no life) when I saw the episode when Tom supposedly leaves Voyager. I couldn't help but notice B'Elanna was completely oblivious to his leaving and being the hardcore P/Ter I am had to do something about it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Everything in Engineering had come to a sudden halt, every face was glued to the monitors and the volume was turned up. B'Elanna had tried once to get their attention but was promptly shushed by the rest of her crew. Figuring she wouldn't be able to get their attention until the broadcast had finished the chief Engineer gathered around one of the less crowded monitors to see what all the excitement was about. What she saw instead almost knocked the wind out of her. There was Neelix trying his hardest to keep a strong front but the tears in his eyes were to obvious to miss as he was saying his final farewell to Tom Paris. The mixed emotions that created a huge lump in her throat surprised her. After all the fights and bickering between them, all the obvious come on's she had rejected and somewhat more subtle invites to diner and the holodeck that were also rejected, she was going to miss him. She was truly going to miss him. The moment was over in a minute and soon Engineering was back to its usual efficiency but somewhere in the very back of her mind B'Elanna couldn't help but shake the feeling that his loss would haunt her for longer than she'd rather admit to anyone, including, no-especially herself.

By the time her shift had ended in engineering he had already left the ship. She could have taken a few minutes to see him off but she hadn't, maybe her missing him was just a temporary thing, an emotion that had never truly been there just thought up in the moment. It was a good lie she could tell herself but she knew it was just that-a lie. So then why hadn't she said goodbye to him? 'Why do you think coward?' Her inner voice mocked, 'You're afraid to. You're afraid to make a scene. Afraid to let him or anyone else know that you'll miss him. You'd rather go the rest of your life with him feeling that you never really cared when you did and that's the way you'll spend the rest of your life, never letting anyone know how you really feel about them. You're such a coward!' 'That's enough!' B'Elanna rebelled against what she had just told herself. 'He's gone and there is nothing else I can do except get on with my life. Just forget it ever happened and keep moving.'

She barely even thought of him the next few days and kept her mind on her work even when she knew that he was coming back. Even when everything was over, when the plot had been revealed and it was clear that Tom was staying for good she still stayed quiet and distant from him, just like she had done before he'd left. But inside she knew that she was glad he was back and maybe one day she'd tell him so. But not today. Not yet. But one day.

FIN So what'd ya think? Please R&R cause I live for feedback.
Mystic Rose