(Whee this used to be one of my quizilla story-quizzes..)

It was a bright and sunny day in Ithilien. The birds were singing as Faramir returned home from the landmine store to stop those damn trick-or-treaters...(Eowyn's idea) As Faramir walked in the door he heard the sound of breaking glass, a thud, an "ow..", and the sound of footsteps going toward Minas Tirith. He screamed like a girl. He couldn't help it. It was his nature.

Faramir dropped to the ground. He had tripped. Over Legolas. He said "Legolas, why are you on my floor?" and to that Legolas responded "Duh, because the cupboard is full." Faramir was scared. This reminded him all too well of last Thanksgiving, when Arwen had...you do not wish to know, trust me...

Faramir walked into the kitchen. He reached for the cupboard handle. Then he heard a crunching noise. He thought to himself "oh no! That thing in there has eaten my wife!" Then he heard the noise of a chip bag beimg crumpled up. Then the all-too-familiar sound of a match being lit. Then he heard a scream. "..." thought Faramir. Then he decided to be brave. He opened the cupboard and was burried in a wriggeling avalance of hobbits, who had not bathed in quite a long time. He had trouble breathing, for Sam had sat on Faramir's chest. He tried to free himself from his smelly little prison, but the hobbits quite liked their new futon. Then finally Faramir managed to fight his way out. After the horrible situation Faramir was scared, and smelling of the hobbit's newly attianed fungus.

Faramir screamed at them. "You short bastards ate my wife!" Frodo said to Sam " Who ees thees strange, strange little boy?". Faramir was confused. "But...we know eachother...AND I HAVE NOT BEEN A LITTLE BOY SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY!" he yelled at the short little...man-hobbit.

Sam quickly told Faramir that Mr.Frodo was not entirely well. For the ship to the Undying Lands had been eaten by tarantulas before it reached Valinor. He had found Frodo washed up on the beach clinging to a Sweed for dear life. Faramir responded "Where did he get the Sweed?". Sam said that that was irrelavent.

Soon Faramir knew Eowyn wasn't eaten. He also found a note from her which said she had run off to be with Aragorn. It also said, and I quote, "I am gonna be with Aragorn, he is as hot as you are afraid of pottery." Faramir thought to himself"That's not good." for he had a great, great fear of pottery. But it wasn't his fault. When he was five, Boromir thought it would be funny to drop the vase full of moldy frogs(alive ones) on his head.

Then Faramir decided to do something. First he had decided to lay down and die. But Pippin said "Don't do that! It will leave a stain on this nice carpeting." So Faramir decided to plot. To plot against Aragorn and all of his kin!