Author's Foreword
The tale of Severus Snape was beautifully written by Rowling, including its end. Although I was incredibly sad and extremely weepy about Snape's death, it was appropriate he died to hopefully find peace and happiness in the afterlife that he was not permitted to enjoy in life.
Despite this, I would, as many other fan writers and readers do, like to imagine what would have happened had he survived the ordeal with Voldemort. With Lily and Dumbledore dead, Harry safe, and the Dark Lord truly defeated, what direction would the life of Severus Snape take?
Abused, manipulated, frightened, rejected, and unloved, with what had been his life mission now at an end, where would he go? What would he do? Is he ruined forever, or would he be able to find value in a life after the war?
This is what this story explores.
Content and Writing Procedures
This story contains graphic sex scenes and adult situations. Possible cursing and graphic violence may be included. If you are under the age of 18, you should not be reading this story. There are plenty of age appropriate stories elsewhere for you to enjoy.
If you are looking for immediate smut, I'm afraid you may have to wait for it. This is Severus Snape we're talking about. Undoubtedly he's a virgin, and he's not one to thaw quickly. He is, after all, still in love with Lily.
The portrayal of Severus Snape is based not only on Harry Potter canon, but also on Alan Rickman's brilliant representation from the film adaptations. It would be appropriate to picture Alan Rickman as such in this story. I based the physical appearance of Odessa Gayle on a younger Cate Blanchett, but I won't be offended if you conjure your own idea of what she may look like.
Also, do not expect key characters from Harry Potter to play any more of a part in this story than to help move it along. This is Snape and Odessa's story, and their's alone. No other storylines will be explored.
Check back on chapters periodically. I review my work frequently and correct errors as well as reword sentences to help the story flow better. Additionally, I may post a chapter only to add or change some parts later during my review, if I deem it better for the explanation of the storyline and portrayal of the characters. I don't want to wait on putting out a chapter simply because I have not 'sat' on it long enough, if I can help it.
Reviews
To flamers and trolls I say this: hater's gunna hate. I don't care.
I welcome and encourage all constructive criticism. There will be readers out there who will know certain aspects of the HP Universe better than I, and I welcome your corrections. I want to stay not only close to canon, but to the spirit of who Rowling intended Snape and her other characters to be. My hope is that this will be one of the best S.S. fanfics that you have read.
Disclaimer
The Harry Potter franchise in its entirety belongs to its respective owners. I do not list them here because I do not know who owns what. None of it belongs to me, however. Any poems or lyrics belong to their respective owners. The character of Odessa Gayle and her story is entirely of my own creation. If you for some reason want to play with her, just ask first. I am making no gain, monetary or otherwise, from writing this fan fiction. This is purely for the enjoyment of myself and its readers. Thank you.
Prologue
*And I don't even know how I survive
I won't make it to the shore without your light
No, I don't even know if I'm alive
Without you now
This is what it feels like.
Severus Snape did not expect to survive the war. If he were honest with himself, not only did he not expect to survive, he also did not want to. When Lily died, he was in the depths of despair. When he believed Voldemort defeated the first time, he was at a loss of what to do with his attentions having spent the majority of his life in the company of Death Eaters, plotting at first to aid the Dark Lord's cause, then spying for Dumbledore.
But Albus gave him the solution: watch after the Boy Who Lived. Voldemort would return. Severus would need to spy. So he lived for that day, using his anger, despair, and love for Lily as motivation to continue on. For once the war was over, whether the Dark Lord won or not, Severus knew he would not be alive to see it, so he did not dwell on what to do if he did.
But he did survive. Somehow, some way, Severus Snape survived Voldemort. He was barely holding on to life when he was retrieved. He was told, when he finally regained consciousness, that it took weeks and weeks for him to recover, far longer than it should have using magic. Severus knew why. He simply no longer had the will to live. He didn't even know why they had saved him. He was the enemy, after all; or at least he was in their minds.
Of course he stood trial. The Ministry of Magic, however, already ascertained his memories from Potter; the trial was merely a formality. Despite protests, he was declared innocent. It was conditional, however. Severus had to name names and give details of his work and of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's operation if he was to escape Azkaban. He gave, dispassionately, all the information they wanted. That's not to say he cared whether or not he went to Azkaban. If he would have been convicted, he would have gone without a fight. It didn't matter to him whether he was free or not. He hadn't be free ever since he took the dark mark, and he somehow always knew Lily's rejection and death would not be enough punishment for all the mistakes he made in life. Record of his memories were to be kept confidential. Naturally, people in the ministry couldn't help discussing it and soon rumors both true and untrue of the former Hogwarts' professor spread.
Hogwarts was nearly finished being repaired when he recovered from his injuries. Minerva McGonagall was given the task of Head Mistress when it reopened. All surviving students and professors were welcomed back, and most of them did indeed return. Except for Severus Snape. Despite Minerva's coaxing and protests (having been cleared by the Ministry, they could hardly deny her selection of Snape, even if throngs of witches and wizards were set against him), he turned down the post of teaching either Potions or Defense Against the Dark Arts. Most professors were silently relieved.
Potter and other members of the Order tried to visit him several times at Spinner's End. Severus avoided them on all accounts. It was true he had grown to care for Lily's son over the years, realizing him not to be so much like his father after all. Despite the fact, he wanted nothing to do with the boy. He wanted nothing to do with any of them. If was bad enough he had to put hexes and enchantments on and around his residence to keep angry mobs away.
Away. He had to get away. To where, he didn't know. Anywhere in the world had to be better than here. Oh, if only he had died…
*This Is What It Feels Like, performed by Armin Van Buuren.
