List of characters under the Buffy spell

Morgan - Buffy

Hunter - Spike

Bree - Anya

Robbie - Xander

Alisa - Tara

Raven - Faith

Sky - Willow

Killian - Giles

Cal - Angel

Kithic are holding a circle. Morgan was daydreaming, and when they came out of the circle something was seriously wrong...

Morgan: Um - it wasn't me?

Robbie: Got to say it Morgan, but it's always you. Whatever it is.

Hunter (more to the point): Bloody hell Morgan, what've you done this time?!

Morgan: What about you? You never swear!

Hunter: Sure I bloody well do.

Morgan: No you don't. I've read Seeker. You made up long poetic speeches about laundry.

Hunter: *Gasps* That was meant to be in the bloody Council's bloody confidential files!

Sky: Um, Hunter?

(He argues over her)

Sky: Hunter?

(Raven delivers a karate chop that leaves him gasping. Raven looks at her newly powerful arms, suddenly awed by her new strength - then shrugs and does it again. And again. Till Morgan pulls her off and accidentally throws her into a wall.)

Morgan: Er, oops?

Raven: Er, oo- no wait a minute, what am I saying oops for? I enjoyed that. (Hunter is crawling to his feet in the background. She hits him and he falls back down again. Then she hits him again for good measure.) Anyway, someone please listen to Sky!

(Sky pulls herself up timidly and straightens her nerdy top that has suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The top she had on before has gone, but the changeover scene has been missed out because SOME readers aren't perverts.)

Sky: Um, Hunter? Your hair.

(Hunter runs a hand over his spikes.)

Hunter: Bloody hell.

(Everybody dashes for the mirror in the hall. Alisa is caught in the crush and suffocates. That gets her out the way then.)

Morgan: Oh my goddess, I know what I did!

Hunter: Well that's a first.

(Raven kicks him in the balls for variety. He takes it hard.)

Morgan: Oh my goddess, we're all - Buffy characters!

(Another mad dash for the mirror so everyone can see which one they are. Since Hunter is out cold and Alisa is dead it is less of a crush this time. Instead, we have Bree tripping over a loose floorboard and the resulting injury when she hits her head on the floor kills her.)

Robbie: *gasps* Nooo! The sex - the sex...

Sky: We have to reverse the spell.

(Everyone nods.)

Sky: Any more mad dashes for the mirror and we'll all be killed. Morgan?

Morgan: Hey guys, this probably isn't the best time to tell you but...I can't. I've been trying the last ten minutes.

Sky: Of course!

Everyone: What?

Sky: She's Buffy. Buffy is incompetent at magick. Therefore, she can't do magick. In fact, none of us can apart from me and Alisa...Alisa?

(Everyone looks down.)

Morgan: Hey guys, I'm like, getting this total urge to go to the graveyard.

Raven: Yeah, I get it too. There's something important...something we need...

Morgan: Yeah like, but I don't get what it is.

Raven: Pencils!

Robbie: Pencils?

(Raven takes a pencil and stakes Hunter.)

Raven: See?

Morgan: My muirn beatha dan! You staked him!

Robbie: Hey, don't worry Morgan. We can get you a new one from the pet shop in the morning, just like we did with Cal.

Sky: Yeah! We can even give him a little funeral in the garden!

(They go to the graveyard. Morgan and Raven are stocked up with pencils, and for some bizarre reason, one wax crayon. They get there and find...)

Morgan: Killian!

Raven: In tweed!

Sky: What happened to you?

Robbie: I'm...guessing he's affected by the Buffy spell?

Killian (seriously pissed off): What spell? This is not funny! I'm in tweed for God's sake! I went out to get a drink and...and...

Sky: What?

Killian: I had a cup of tea instead! *sobs*

Sky: He's Giles.

Morgan: I figured.

(Just then the ground starts to shake. A small stormcloud forms and Cal drops out of the sky naked.)

Morgan: Cal! Cal... (She stares.)

(Cal looks down at himself.)

Cal: Damn! *magicks up some clothes* *Morgan sighs*

Morgan: Er...*tears face away*. Didn't I kill you?

Cal: Ah, but I'm a Buffy character now. Buffy characters never die. Just temporarily. Which means...

(He snaps his fingers. Alisa and Bree walk up and take positions behind him.)

Robbie: Bree! *clicks fingers* *Bree starts to walk up to him*

Cal: Oi! *clicks fingers* *Bree turns back*

Robbie: *clicks fingers*

Cal: *clicks fingers*

Robbie: Hey, this is kinda cool! *clicks fingers*

(Bree is now turning in circles so fast she begins to drill herself into the ground.)

Hunter: I'm back! *slugs Cal* Spike's too fit to die.

(Bree is freed and runs to Robbie. They begin a passionate make-out session on the floor. Everyone looks at them weird then subtly edge forward away from them.)

(Hunter runs to Morgan.)

Hunter: Hand me a pencil, love! I'll save you!

(Morgan throws him one. He snatches it out of the air and stabs it into Cal's chest.)

Cal: *whines* Moooorgan, don't you love me any mooore? Argh, I'm melting, what a world...

(Hunter takes a closer look at the stake.)

Hunter: A wax crayon? Okay, who's bloody smartarse idea was that?

Robbie: *raises hand* Er, that would be mine. *smirks*

Cal: *stops writhing in torment* A wax crayon? Oh fu- I mean, I knew that. I was just testing you.

Hunter: *takes pencil* *stakes Cal*

Morgan: Cal! My true lo- *backs off from Hunter* I mean, yippee.

(With the permanent death of a character, the Buffy spell breaks down. Everyone is restored to their normal selves.)

Sky: *brushes herself off* Thank the Goddess for that. Raven!

(Raven is making out with Killian.)

Raven: Hey, you like him too, don't you?

Killian: Everyone likes me!

Raven: Come join us!

(Raven, Killian and Sky make a threesome. Morgan and Hunter shrug and have 'celebratory' make-out session.)

Alisa: But what about meeeee?

(Since this fanfic is the author's, and the author doesn't like Alisa, a huge anvil for no apparent reason falls out of the sky and randomly drops on Alisa's head. Everyone cheers, then returns to making out.)