80 Things I Am Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts

*I know there's a million and two of these on FanFiction but I really, really, really, really wanted to write one of my own.

So enjoy! :)

Warning: Extreme stupidness.

1. I will not refer to a hippogryph as "Horseybird".

2. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley`s forehead.

3. Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda.

4. I am not allowed to call Umbridge "The Queen of Toads".

5. -Even if she really is.

6. I will not "barrow" a prefects` badge for Peeves.

7. I am no longer allowed in the student laundry.

8. -Or the teacher laundry.

9. -Nor am I ever allowed to cast an invisibility charm again.

10. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey`s Skele-Grow with pumpkin juice.

11. -I will not replace professor Snape`s pumpkin juice with Skele-Grow.

12. -It was not an honest mistake.

13. Gryffindor courage does not come in bottles labeled Firewhisky.

14. -Charming the label does not change anything.

15. I am not allowed to eat chocolate frogs in potions class.

16. -Even if I have enough for everyone.

17. -Emptying a bag full of them onto professor Snape`s desk to prove it is unacceptable behavior.

18. First years are not to be feed to fluffy.

19. I am not authorized to sell incriminating pictures of faculty to students.

20. -Giving away the same pictures free of charge is also frowned upon.

21. I will not use my socks to make hand puppets of the Slytherin house mascot.

22. I am not to threaten Rita Skeeter with a can of raid.

23. It is inappropriate to refer to DADA teachers as "canaries in a coal mine".

24. I will not ask professor Sprout where the jolly green giant is.

25. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, it should not put down Fred and George Weasley as my greatest influence.

26. -Voldemort is probably not best either.

27. Professor McGonagall does not have an inappropriate relationship with Mrs. Norris.

28. Professor Flitwick has heard all the "Swish and Flick" jokes before and is very, very tired of them.

29. First year Slytherin and Gryffindor students are not to be used as Christmas decorations.

30. I am no longer allowed out of my dorm when visitors from the Ministry are here.

31. I am never allowed to use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.

32. -Or tomatoes, oranges, plums, watermelons, or any kind of food item.

33. Portable swamps are not funny.

34. Mrs. Norris does not like playing with blast-ended skrewts.

35. -Neither does McGonagall.

36. No part of the school uniform is edible.

37. -I am not allowed to make any part of the school uniform edible.

38. Singing 99 bottle of potions on the wall repeatedly will result in a detention.

39. I am not allowed to sell students tickets to get into the chamber of secrets.

40. -Especially if it is a one-way ticket.

41. Throwing fanged Frisbees in the great hall is not allowed.

42. I will not say that Harry Potter's godfather has "taken the veil".

43. It does not matter if Fudge is going on vacation; I will not comment on how the Minister of Magic is "packing".

44. I am not allowed to hit bludgers at spectators.

45. Or the referee.

46. The house elves are not there to do my homework.

47. Neither are the ghosts.

48. The four houses are not the Morons, Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

49. Professor Snape`s problem is not that "he needs to get laid".

50. Robes are acceptable school wear.

51. -Bathrobes are not.

52. Cornelius Fudge does not enjoy being called "Fudgie the Whale".

53. I will not use the marauders map for stalking purposes.

55. Yelling "Accio Dobby" is not the proper way to get house elf assistance.

56. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

57. It is mean to scare first years by yelling "I'm melting! I'm meeeeeeeltiiiiiiiiing." while they are in the showers.

58. I will not start a rumor saying that professor Snape sings "I'm too sexy for my robes" while in the shower.

59. I need to stop telling the first years about the time the Hogwarts Christmas tree ate a student.

60. Professor Snape is not a vampire.

61. -Therefore I should stop throwing garlic at him.

62. Calling Voldemort "Baldemort" is never a good idea.

63. Arthur Weasley`s flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and put back together in Snape`s classroom.

64. Asking professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.

65. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.

66. Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.

67. Or "Eight is Enough".

68. I will not offer professor McGonagall lasagna.

69. The song "Ding Dong the Witch Is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.

70. I am not allowed to dance naked in the great hall.

71. -Or on the grounds.

72. -Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

73. Draco Malfoy does no appreciate being called "Ferret Boy"

74. -Or "Blond Boy Wonder"

75. Bungee jumping off the astronomy tower is against the rules even if it is not written anywhere.

76. I am not allowed to refer to Dumbledore as "The old guy in a dress".

77. I will not go to class Skyclad.

78. It is not appropriate to trade first years between houses.

79. Using the "Petrificus Totslus" curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the house means you should watch your back until June.

80. –Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.

Kind of stupid I know but I was in a funny mood and wanted to post something.

Review and tell me how it was! :)