DISCLAIMER: I don't own Twilight. Or the one song by CSS. Who bother me. Also, I don't mean to insult people who claim to be 'emo.'


"Music is my boyfriend!" Edward sang, dancing around the manor. It was more tolerable than you might expect, as when he was ten, his mother had made him take tap-dancing lessons, but it was still, without a doubt, annoying as hell. He continued to sing. "Music is my girlfriend..."
"Edward, you are despicable," Bella said. "You know how much I hate that song and those girls with the sexy accents."
"But I love sexy accents," Edward sobbed as a tear came to his eye.
"What?" Bella asked in an annoyed tone.
"It amazes me how insensitive you can be, Bella!"
Edward went to emo out in his room.
"Not again," sighed Bella.

Bella was sitting at the Cullens' kitchen table, stirring some coffee. With a spoon. It was unknown to her why the Cullens even had a kitchen table, or coffee, or even spoons, because they were vampires, of course, and didn't use any of them. But who cared, seeing as they were so damn rich anyway?
"Howdy," Alice, who was not on crack, said, looking like a female version of Billie Joe Armstrong.
"Shut up," Bella snapped at her.
"Someone got out on the wrong side of the bed today. Now, I'm not going to beat around the bush here, but hon, why are you so glum today? You should be happy as a lark."
"Cut the idioms, Alice. And since when have you called me 'hon?'"
"Whatever. But why are you feeling down?"
"Well, you see, Edward's gone emo again."
"Oh no!"
"Like hell, oh no."
"Well, on the bright side, he does look hotter emo."
"Alice!" Bella gasped in horror. "You're his sister!"
"Somewhat," said Alice. "Not technically. Anyway, what do you think we should do to remedy this situation?"
"That's what I came to ask you."
"Well, I might suggest sneaking up on him," suggested the disastrous-haired female vampire.
"Will do." Bella went off to study the emo Edward in his natural habitat.

Edward was in his room.
Being emo.
Bella walked in just as her beloved boyfriend was dying his luscious, weird-colored copper auburn hair black.
"NO, EDWARD!11!!//1?" SHOTED BELA
"I'm sorry, Bella," explained Edward, "but there is a black hole in my soul, so I'm dying my hair to match."
"Well, that's dumb."
"You jest."
"No, actually. Look at my face. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M JESTIN'?!"
"Fine. I'm going to go to La Push and me and Jacob can bop like bunnies."
"I KNEW THERE WAS SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN YOU TWO!"
As Bella exploded into a hissy fit, Edward halted dying his hair and knelt down on the floor to look for his eyeliner.