Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Rating: M, because I'm paranoid.

Pairing: Clint/Coulson

Warning: swearing, suicide attempt, violence, angst, bickering, kiss and make up, comic reference.

Info: I publish the sequel as stand alone.

A./N.: Okay, it's the first Avengers fic I started to write, and the fourth I actually finish. I started the story the same time I started "Talk at cross purposes" so they are a little similar at times. The ideas I had didn't fit together so I decided to write two stories.

I hope you do like this one, too.

"Talk at cross purposes" and "Broken wings" were both inspired by REO Speedwagon's "Time for me to fly"

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I've been around for you - been up and down for you
But, I just can't get any relief
I've swallowed my pride for you - lived and lied for you
But, you still make me feel like a thief
You got me stealing your love away 'cause you never give it
Peeling the years away, and we can't relive it
Oh, I make you laugh and baby you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

You said we'd work it out
You said that you had no doubt that deep down we were really in love
Oh, but I'm tired of holding on to a feeling I know is gone
I do believe that I've had enough
I've had enough of the falseness of a worn out relation
Enough of the jealousy and the intoleration
Oh, I make you laugh and you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly

"Time for me to fly" by REO Speedwagon

:::::::::::::::::::

„What do you mean with ‚I want to end our fuck buddy relationship?" Clint yelled.

"I don't want to continue" Coulson simply said.

"Why all of a sudden?" he didn't understand.

"We had fun, and I have to agree that you're good in bed, but it's time to end the little game between us" Coulson waved his hand in dismissal.

"We had fun? Just fun?" Clint was beside himself.

"I'm looking for something serious, if I find the time. I'm too old for games" Coulson kept his emotions in check "and you can jump back to your unstable relationships. Your track record is legendary. Tony would be proud"

"Do you call me a slut?" Clint's jaw dropped.

"What else would you call someone like you?" slipped out of his mouth.

"I- I thought" Clint choked on his words.

"What did you think?" Coulson frowned slightly.

"I think I should leave the team if you're not able to have some faith in me" Clint blurted out.

"Okay" Phil stated.

"Okay?" Clint's heart constricted painfully "That's it? Just okay?"

"Report to Hill, 8 a.m. tomorrow morning" he stared at Clint.

"You can't…"

"I can and I just did. Wasn't it your own wish anyway?" Coulson felt sick.

Clint opened and closed his mouth before he stormed out of the office.

Phil leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes. He breathed heavily "Damn"

It wasn't what he wanted at all; he just wanted to end their nightly meetings but Clint woke emotions in him he couldn't handle. The young man was infuriating, loud, childish and pushy, but he owned the gentlest soul Phil ever met.

Phil fell in love with Clint ages ago and was happy to spend some time with Clint after work but a relationship based on sex wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a steady relationship with the archer but he never showed any interest and Phil was sure he wasn't even able to enter into engagements. Clint was known for one night stands and he couldn't remember that he had a partner for more than a week.

It was too painful to have him in his bed just for sex, that's why he decided to end it.

He wanted to protect his heart but it wasn't his intention to banish Clint from his life.

"What have I done?" he buried his head in his hands "I send him away" he never felt so alone.

:::::::::::::::::::::::

Clint spent hours on the range but his beloved bow couldn't sooth the pain away.

He thought he was in a relationship with Phil, he thought it was more than just sex.

They spend as much time together at work as possible. Clint bought his favorite coffee every day, he reminded Phil to eat. They sat together in Phil's office and ate their lunch while they talked. They flirted all the time and he was sure Phil felt the same but he was wrong, obviously.

Phil had kicked him out. Out of the team, out of his life.

~ What does life mean without him? It was always about him.

I tried to be nice to people, I tried to be less annoying, I tried to care for him. I'm not used to care for someone. Nobody ever took care of me, what did I do wrong? I did what I thought was right. I joined the Avengers to stay by his side. I have to share his attention but at least I had it.

I shouldn't have slept with him. I should have stayed away or I should have seduced him longer, make my point clear… Nonsense, he doesn't trust me at all.

I'm not a whore. I didn't even sleep with most of them. We went out and parted. I only bedded men who resembled Phil and that was before I went out with him. I was always faithful. I'm so screwed. What do I do from now on? I can try to be the perfect little soldier Phil always wanted but that's what I'm doing for years, trying to be good enough for him ~

Clint thought about all his options and made emergency plans just in case.

He trained without his protection gear; it was his way to punish himself.

He had failed; He had destroyed the only relationship he ever treasured.

He tainted everything he touched, some things never change. His fingers stung, the string of his bow had cut into his skin.

His back ached from overuse.

"Ahhh" he threw his bow away in frustration and raged, hurting himself even more. His nails cut into his palms and his throat hurt from screaming. The pain was welcome but not strong enough to overpower the pain in his heart.

:::::::::::::::::

"Ma'am" Clint stood ramrod straight. Head high, eyes front.

"Agent Barton" she nodded "I was informed by Agent Coulson that you're not part of the Avenger initiative any longer, is that right?" she was curiously fishing for information.

"Yes, ma'am" he said simply.

She frowned "Can you tell me why Agent Coulson decided to take you off the team?"

"No, ma'am" he said.

"What happened to your hands?" she eyed his hands.

"Practice, ma'am" he avoided lengthy answers.

"I don't know what you're playing but don't ruin my unit, do you understand?" she warned. The young man meant trouble and she wasn't happy to have him on the team.

"Yes, ma'am" he almost saluted.

She nodded and gave him a file "Read it and meet me at 10 a.m., dismissed"

He nodded curtly and left.

She let out a heavy sigh, not sure what to think.

Clint sat on the roof of the building, reading the file. He felt good up there, it was rather quiet and he was alone. The height was almost as soothing as his bow but not even his bow was as soothing as Phil. He missed Phil and it was just the first day.

"Bolivia, nice" Clint mumbled everything but enthusiastic. He remembered a time Phil, Natasha and him stranded in Bolivia. Their cover got blown and they had to hide for three days. Clint had spent the three days on a roof near their hiding place, in the blazing sun. He kept them safe from up there, while Natasha kept Phil alive who got shot. A bullet had hit his shoulder and he developed a fever because they had no chance to provide proper care.

The rescue team needed three days instead of hours because their little mission offended authorities.

Clint had talked with Phil to keep him awake; he learned to appreciate the radio.

His earpiece was his only connection to Phil while he observed the surrounding.

He trusted Natasha enough to know she would keep Phil safe no matter what but Clint needed to talk with the older man. He needed to make sure he was still alive and breathing. That was the day Clint realized his stoic superior was more than a friend. These new feelings had confused him and he needed some time to work through them.

"What happened?" Clint didn't flinch, he had sensed Natasha's presence minutes ago.

"I don't want to talk about it" she sat down next to him "Spill it"

"No" he gave her a glare.

"You know you can trust me" she tried.

"I know" he said simply.

"Clint" she sighed "Let me guess, you did or said something stupid and Phil teaches you a lesson"

He chuckled, pretending that she was right "I'm grounded for a while. Daddy doesn't want me to play with my superheroes anymore"

She laughed "What have you done? And how long?"

"I was a little too annoying" he clicked his tongue "and I don't know for how long. Could be days or weeks"

"I give you a week to piss Hill off and obtain pardon" she patted his knee, her pager beeped "I have to go"

"See ya" he watched her go.

He took a deep breath; praising himself for the great act "I'm so insincere it's scary" Clint looked at the sky, envying the birds and clouds. They weren't bound to duties and loyalty, they were free.

::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Hawkeye, status report" Hill said icy.

"No contact, ma'am" he replied shortly.

"Engage hostile targets as they appear!" she clarified.

„Copy that" Hawkeye rolled his eyes, he had understood his part of the plan the first time she told him. That was the third. Clint wasn't sure but had the feeling that she thought he was stupid.

She ordered one of her agents to keep an eye on him.

"With all due respect ma'am but I'm capable of shooting a target on my own" Clint kept his tone neutral.

"Radio silence" she reminded him.

Clint swallowed hard; Phil never treated him like that. Sure he was professional enough to put him in his place but he let him talk when he could and he talked to Clint when he got the chance.

Clint hated it to be alone and he was sure Phil knew that too.

~ I miss his voice, his smooth and calming voice. Maria might be on the other end of the radio but I still feel alone. She doesn't care about me; she doesn't want to put up with me. Phil cares for me; he makes sure I know that I'm not alone. Even during radio silence he makes sure I can hear him breath. It always warms my heart and reminds me of what I'm fighting for.

No not cares, cared. I blew it and he's gone. I am alone ~

He narrowed his eyes and made his shots. Direct hits. Mission accomplished.

"Get the data, Hawkeye provides back up" she said, Clint frowned. That wasn't part of the plan, at least not the version he got "Copy that" he agreed.

Three heavily armed soldiers blocked their way "Take them out"

"I'm up here and they're already in, I can't see them" he forgot the masquerade he put up.

"Get your ass down then" she ordered. Clint disliked her even more. Phil had at least some respect concerning Hawkeye.

He left his nest and searched for the perfect spot to provide back up. He climbed up the building they were invading and entered the two story building from the roof.

"I'm in" he informed.

"Silence" was the answer he got.

Hawkeye searched for more enemies and took them out, getting hurt in the process.

Based on the confined space in some rooms he had to use hand to hand combat. One enemy cut him with a knife at the side of his rips. Not visible due to the dark fabric of his vest.

"Got the data. Back to the helicarrier" came the order and Clint hurried back, worried she would leave him behind.

No one noticed his injury; he made sure to hide his side with his arm. In case wet spots became visible. Hill wasn't interested in his well being and didn't bother to ask her men if they were alright. One more indication that she didn't give a damn. Phil would have dragged his sorry ass down to the infirmary, but Phil wasn't there. He had to protect himself again.