Title: All the Regrets
Author: Fatebegins (http:// fatebegins. livejournal .com/)
Rating: NC-17 / M
Pairing: Puck/Kurt (Purt/Puckurt).
Summary: Kurt slept with Puck... but woke up with Finn. Kurt gets pregnant and thinks it's Finn's. Jealous!Puck moves away. 2 years later, Puck comes back and finds out that Finn left Kurt while he was pregnant and baby!Hummel looks NOTHING like Finn (The original post: http://community .livejournal .com/puckurt/ 454625 .html)
Disclaimer: No Glee don't belong to me or to fatebegins, this history is not mine! But I have permission to post it here!
Warning: AU, postMpreg (no Mpreg in this), Slash (but you know that!)
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
"Is drinking so much a good idea?" Artie watched Kurt down his fifth - or was it sixth? - rum and coke doubtfully. The countertenor was swaying on his feet already.
"It most certainly is a good idea!" Kurt slammed his now empty glass against the table and dropped into a vacant seat. "Ugh, I hate this town."
"Uh…okay?" Artie replied. He kind of liked Lima, Ohio.
"It's like…." Kurt's speech slurred, his words almost unrecognizable. "It's like as soon as we got back here, Norpe, no Noah, ish all over her again."
"Her?"
"Her." Kurt pointed in the direction of the patio, his entire body swinging from the force of his gesture. Artie had to wheel over very quickly to stop Kurt from almost rolling off his chair onto the floor. "This must be about the sexs."
"You mean sex?" The tips of Artie's ears turned red, he really didn't want to discuss anyone's sex life.
"Yeah or the lack of sexs." Kurt's expression turned mournful. "Puck was a meanie to me in school, and the furniture and the chairs… now he's my boy…boy…" He frowned trying to think of the word.
"Boyfriend?" Artie supplied.
"Yeah! He's my boyfriend and I lurve him." Kurt sighed dramatically, reaching sloppily for more rum. "But when he wants the sexs I says no 'cause I'm scared." Kurt squinted looking at the makeshift dance floor on the patio where Puck was currently dancing awkwardly in the midst of Santana, Britney and Rachel. "S'no mohwak now 'cause I don' like it."
"Oh-kay." Artie patted his friend. "You've definitely had too much to drink, Kurt."
"No, nuh-uh." The alcohol filled Kurt with warmth. It made him feel good and it definitely did not make him jealous that his boyfriend was dancing with the same stupid bitches he'd fucked while they were in high school four years ago. Kurt blinked. The alcohol definitely did not make him meaner, either. "It's like…we do stuff ya know? He touches me all over, always wants to y'know? Mm… Noah loves it when I blow him and he tastes s'good I don' mind…. "
"Oh God, no!" Artie clapped both hands over his ears. He didn't want to hear this. It was weird enough that Kurt had come back from college paired up with the resident jock who'd tortured them throughout high school but to hear such intimate details? Yeah. He'd rather die. It was time for reinforcements. "Hang tight. I'm going to get your boyfriend to take care of you."
Kurt didn't answer and Artie had to struggle not to burst into laughter. Kurt was dozing, face pressed against the table comically, between a slice of cake and a plate of shrimp.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
Puck's lips twisted into a wry smile as Artie explained the situation to him. Looking past Artie and into the house, Puck could clearly make out the figure of his boyfriend on top of the table. "Thanks for telling me, man. I got it from here."
Long legs eating up the short distance quickly, Puck let himself into the house and walked over to Kurt. The younger man was snoring adorably, his long lashes fluttering as he dreamed. A shot of love raced through Puck as he carefully lifted the slight man into his arms. Kurt didn't wake but snuggled closer against his chest, his fist clenching in the soft material of Puck's tee shirt.
"Wow, so is he like an alcoholic now?" Quinn came up behind him, her face twisted up judgmentally. Puck could just tell she wished Kurt was an alcoholic and wanted to hear all the sordid details.
"He barely drinks and when he does it's fruity, blended shit." Puck said. "That's why the hard stuff got him like this."
"Still, seems like he has a bit of a problem."
"No, he doesn't." Steel laced through his voice and Quinn giggled nervously. "Do you have a spare room or something where we can stay the night?"
"We?" She looked confused for a moment. "Oh yeah! You and Kurt are a thing now right? You know, Rachel told me that but I still find it unbelievable. You were such a stud in high school."
"Who says I'm still not?" Puck challenged then laughed. "Nah, you're right. Kurt's basically all I need." Embarrassment flooded through him when he heard his own words. "You tell anyone I said that and -"
"You'll throw a slushie in my face?" Quinn teased. "Got it."
"Just…." Puck let out an exasperated sigh and hefted Kurt closer. "Do you have that spare room or not?"
"Sure do." Quinn started up the stairs motioning for Puck to follow. "Come on, Prince Charming, your suite awaits."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
The minute Puck closed the door behind them, Kurt started stirring in his arms fitfully. Puck laid him down on the bed, watching him settle down for a few minutes. Kurt was so gorgeous, his innocence only highlighted in sleep. After a few minutes, Puck headed out to get a bottle of water and some aspirin, Kurt would definitely need those in the morning.
When Puck returned, Kurt was still lying on the bed but his eyes were open - and holy shit - his cock was out and hard. Kurt was squeezing himself languidly, legs wide spread and feet flat against the bed. Puck nearly had a heart attack when he heard Kurt moan his name softly.
"Having a little fun?" Puck voice came out thick with want. He closed the door behind him.
Kurt's overly bright eyes darted across the room before focusing on him. "Yeah, feels good." Kurt licked his lips slowly, his eyes never leaving Puck's. "Been thinkin' bout doing this all day."
"Have you?" Puck settled himself down on the bed, reaching to replace Kurt's fingers with his own. As hot as Kurt's self loving was, Puck was jealous enough that he wanted his hands to be the only ones on Kurt's skin. "Did you want me to suck your pretty cock? Make you come?" He stroked Kurt's hot flesh firmly, flicking the head of his cock with his thumb on every upstroke.
Kurt squeezed his eyes shut and gave a sweet moan. The sound went straight to Puck's own hard cock, making him drip in his jeans.
"Wan' your mouth." Kurt's voice slurred and Puck realized that his boyfriend might still be a little drunk but he couldn't bring himself to care. He had Kurt naked and willing and he'd be damned if he was going to walk away hard.
Puck rolled over onto his elbow, his hand still jacking Kurt off slowly, and licked his way into the slender man's mouth. Kurt's tasted like sweet rum and sugar, his tongue pushed back against Puck's, tangling as they kissed. Puck drank in his gasps, sucking his tongue into his mouth. Kurt turned towards him, his hands ripping off Puck's shirt, buttons popping off when Kurt got too frustrated.
"More." Kurt demanded against his mouth, canting his hips. "Noah, please…need you."
"Okay, I'll take care of you baby." Puck began kissing his way down Kurt's slender neck, marking the white skin with bruising kisses and playful scrapes of his tongue. He paused to play with Kurt's tender nipples, sucking them deeply into his mouth before Kurt keened and pushed down on his shoulders. He wanted Puck to go lower.
His shoulders forced Kurt's legs further apart as he licked his way down Kurt's flat abdomen. Puck dipped his tongue into Kurt's sensitive navel, feeling the slighter man shiver at the touch. One hand played between Kurt's legs as Puck slowly laved Kurt's cock with the flat of his tongue, sucking on the tip gently. Bitter sweet flavor exploded across Puck's tongue and he groaned, increasing his suctioning efforts, trying to pull Kurt's essence from his body. The taste of his boyfriend never ceased to arouse him beyond belief. Kurt cried out underneath him, his thighs trembling on either side of Puck's face as he mewled his pleasure.
"Noah, you… lube?" Kurt pulled Puck's head up insistently, until he could see his lust blown eyes. "Need you in me, need you so bad."
"Fuck yes." Puck scrambled up unto his knees, his fingers diving into his pockets to find the small packet of lube and condoms that he kept in his wallet. It never hurt to be ready. He tore open the edge of the packet with his teeth and slicked up his fingers, coating the digits evenly.
Pouring the rest of the clear fluid directly onto Kurt's puckered hole, Puck massaged the tight ring of muscle slowly, barely pressing the tip of his finger inside. When Kurt began to push back against his hand, Puck slid his finger into Kurt's tight ass. As heat enveloped his finger, Puck moved back up to claim Kurt's mouth as he thrust his finger in and out in a slow motion, relishing the slight drag and Kurt's moans of pleasure. Puck licked and bit at Kurt's full bottom lip, pressing his tongue inside his boyfriend's mouth and fucking him with his tongue as his fingers scissored him open.
"M'ready." Kurt moaned against his mouth. The words kicked Puck's pulse into high gear. He shifted to fit himself between Kurt's legs after hurriedly rolling on a condom, his mouth nipping across Kurt's white skin while his fingers stroked his lean chest.
Panting softly, Puck lined himself up to Kurt's open hole. "You sure, you want me to -?"
"Please, Puck, more." Kurt had wound both his legs around Puck's waist.
Puck needed no more encouragement, with a cry of need he plunged into Kurt's willing body. "Shit." Puck gasped out as he sank deeper into Kurt's hot, tight ass. He felt the sharp sting of Kurt's nails clawing down his back, hard enough to draw blood.
Kurt cried out at the sweet burn mixed in with the pleasure. He could feel Puck splitting him wide open. It was a strange sensation to have another person so intimately close to him, moving inside of him. Suddenly a thousand nerve endings that he hadn't even known existed in him were alive, each responding to the slide and thrust of Puck's movements.
Moving forward, Puck crushed their mouths together, swallowing Kurt's cries as he began to fuck into him, hard and slow. Each thrust sent Kurt's nails digging deeper into his skin. The blend of pain and pleasure were bringing Puck to the edge. He felt his balls draws up tight, he knew he was close. Angling his hips, Puck shifted inside of Kurt, searching for the bundles of nerves that would make him fall apart.
"Ah! Noah! Ohgodohgod." Kurt tore his mouth free from Puck's to fling his head back when Puck's cock grazed his prostate. "Right there, right there." He raised his hips to meet Puck's hard thrusts even as pin points of white light exploded behind his lids. "I'm coming! Don't stop, don't -" Kurt moaned long and low, his body pulled taut as he came, spraying hot come across Puck's abs and his own stomach.
Seeing Kurt lose it, his eyes bright blue and vivid in pleasure, pushed Puck over the edge. With a low grunt and Kurt's name on his lips, Puck collapsed forward pulsing his release into the condom.
"Baby, that was amazing." Puck kissed Kurt's neck, moving to get off the smaller man. "Love you so much."
"Mm." Kurt smiled up at him and closed his eyes.
After a few minutes, Puck poked him gently. "Kurt?" No response. "Baby?" Kurt had fallen asleep.
Chuckling softly to himself, Puck pulled out of his lover carefully and disposed of the condom. He had just settled back against the pillows when there was a knock at the door.
"Puck,we need you!" It was Quinn's voice.
Disentangling himself, Puck yanked on his discarded jeans and opened the door. "What?"
"Artie's having trouble breathing. I think he needs to go to the hospital!"
"Why can't you take him?" Though Puck felt bad for saying that, he really didn't want to be away from Kurt at the moment.
"We've all been drinking!" She sounded panicked. "Puck, please -"
"Okay, okay. Just let me grab my keys and we'll go." Puck gathered his clothes and belongings quickly. Casting one last remorseful glance at Kurt's sleeping face, Puck kissed him goodbye gently on the forehead before he left.
"Mm." Kurt snuggled closer to the warm heat at his back. Keeping his eyes closed, Kurt relished the moment. Even the beginnings of a hangover couldn't spoil his mood. Waking up with Puck was something he savored. Even though they hadn't been intimate yet they still often slept in each other's bed just to be able to share that closeness. "Morning, baby."
"Uh…Mornin'?"
That was Finn' s voice. "What the fuck?" Kurt shot up quickly, clutching the sheets around his nakedness. "What are you doing here, Finn?"
"I dunno." Finn squinted at the bright sunlight, his hair sticking up in all directions. He looked down at his nakedness and then looked at Kurt who was obviously naked under his cocoon of blankets. "Shit…I think we slept together."
"No!" Kurt shook his head adamantly. "No. I couldn't have slept with you! I'm with Noah, I love Noah."
"Well, technically only you would now for sure."
"What?" Kurt's mind was racing, the alcohol still inhibiting his thoughts. He struggled to remember what had occurred. The only thing he could recall clearly was talking to Artie at the table inside but after that, the whole night was chopped into bits and pieces. Kurt's heart stuttered to a stop. He did remember the pressing weight of a body on top of him, he remembered pulling him closer, asking for more. Oh god…it had been Finn?
"Well? Do you feel…sore or you know?"
"Sore?" Kurt squeaked, embarrassed.
"Well yeah." Finn tugged on his pants. "If we did , you know, fuck last night you should be able to feel it."
Kurt held his breath, offering a silent prayer before he shifted in the bed experimentally. A sob formed in his throat at the minor twinge of discomfort that accompanied the movement. "Y-yeah."
"Yeah you feel it?" Finn was starting to look green.
Devastated and unable to form words, Kurt nodded his head.
"Fuck!" Finn slammed his fist into the wall and Kurt jumped. "Puck is my best friend! He's going to kill me. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck."
"How do you think I feel? Puck is going to leave me for sure!" Dizziness assailed him. "I can't, he…once he knows -"
"Then don't tell him." Finn cut in.
"You mean lie to him? How can I keep something like this from him?"
"It was a drunken mistake, right? It meant nothing. If you tell Puck, I lose my best friend and I can promise you Kurt, he will never want you again!"
"He'll understand." His chest tightened. "He has to."
"Don't be stupid, Kurt." Finn pulled his pants on clumsily. "He won't forgive this. Deep down you know he won't. Then where will that leave you?" His voice was getting desperate. "Alone that's where! And for one stupid meaningless fuck!"
"Okay." Kurt agreed, scared. "We'll just pretend like none of this happened."
"Oh thank god." Finn scooped up his shirt, belching loudly as bile rose to the back of his throat. "You made the right choice." With that Finn shot out of the room, leaving Kurt alone.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
Puck arrived at Quinn's house at a quarter past nine. Artie had been held in the emergency room for seven hours before the doctors had found out that it was not his asthma acting up, instead Artie had had an allergic reaction to mango.
Nervous, Puck walked into the kitchen, his eyes immediately searching Kurt's out. The younger man looked like hell, his face haggard and his eyes blood shot.
"Kurt, are you okay? I left you some aspirin and water." Puck studied him, concerned. "Didn't you take it?"
"I did." Kurt looked startled, as if he hadn't even noticed Puck had entered the room.
"Baby, you still look sick." He brushed back Kurt's bangs, tenderly, pausing when he felt Kurt flinch slightly at the touch. "You have a headache?"
"Just a little one." Kurt moved out from under his hand. "I would just really like it if we could just go back to your house. I don't want to be here."
"Okay." Puck frowned, hurt. Why had Kurt moved away from him? "Is this about last night or -"
"Could you just take me home, please?" Kurt wouldn't even look him in the eye, Puck felt sick.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
The next couple of days were tense. Puck didn't know quite how to approach Kurt. The younger man seemed to be avoiding him half the time and the other half of the time he spent holed up in the guest room. Whenever Puck tried to start a conversation about their drunken night of sex, Kurt would blanch and find any excuse to leave.
One day, about three weeks after Quinn's party, Puck came home from job hunting and Kurt's pounced on him, kissing him fervently and passionately. When Puck had tried to break the embrace, Kurt had clung to him. They'd ended up fucking on the couch. After that, all talks about the night of Quinn's party were forgotten. Puck was just relieved that Kurt had gotten over them having sex early and had now decided to embrace a sex life with him
They were the happiest they'd ever been for two golden months. Puck found a job at a small accounting firm and Kurt had taken a job teaching a kindergarten class. It was all they had ever talked about, going back home to Lima after college and settling down. They'd find a cute house with a white picket fence - Kurt's words, not his - and in a couple of years, they'd think about starting a family. Kurt had already expressed that he was open to the idea.
Puck had been too happy to realize that all of his dreams were about to be shattered.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
"I'm sorry." Kurt whispered, head bent.
"Baby, you have nothing to be sorry for." Puck moved to touch the younger man, but Kurt moved away. "I know we didn't plan to have a baby so soon but I love you, Kurt, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We just get all of that a little sooner than we had planned."
"You don't understand." Kurt choked out, turning away. "I-I went to the doctors today. He said I was ten weeks…that means…the b-baby -"
"What are you trying to say?"
"The night of Quinn's birthday party -"
"Yeah?" Puck was anxious. He didn't like the look in Kurt's face. He didn't understand why Kurt looked so heartbroken.
"I slept with Finn." The words came out quietly but cut Puck in half.
The room was so silent Puck could hear the pounding of his heart. "You…you what?" He had to have heard wrong. Kurt wouldn't do that to him. They loved each other, they had a whole life planned. Puck must have heard him incorrectly.
"I'm s-sorry, Noah! I'm so sorry!" Kurt reached for him, eyes shining with tears. "I don't even know how it happened but it was a mistake. It was a stupid, stupid mistake. He was just there -"
"You slept with Finn." Puck's voice was lifeless, drained of all emotion.
"I didn't mean for it to happen." Kurt couldn't find the words he needed to defend himself. He didn't think there were any words he could say that would make this okay.
"Is that why you could never be with me? Because you were still harboring a high school crush on Finn Hudson?"
"You know that's not true." Kurt cried. "I love being with you, you have to know that."
"What because you let me have sex with you for the past month?" Kurt flinched and a thought occurred to Puck. "How many times did you let Finn fuck you? Were you planning on pinning his kid on me?"
"It was only once." Kurt sounded anguished. "You have to believe me. I love you."
"I don't have to do anything." Puck walked over to the nightstand and emptied the drawer out unto the bed. He picked out his watch and passport, along with a few other things.
"We can get past this, just try. I was drunk -"
"Get past it? You slept with my best friend! The two people who I trusted more than anyone betrayed me." Puck laughed bitterly. "It is taking ever ounce of self control I have not to hit you right now! And you think we can work past it? Fuck that. We're done, Kurt. We have to be."
"No!" Kurt hurried after him, watched as Puck yanked out his suitcase and began shoving his things into it. This couldn't be happening. "Noah, please."
"I can't …I can't speak to you right now." Puck rushed out of the room.
"Please don't walk away from me." Kurt pleaded, a tear running down his alabaster cheek.
Puck looked at him silently, his dreams mangled and destroyed around him. Every fantasy he'd ever had, ever happily ever after had featured Kurt. But the worst part of it all, the absolute worst part was that he still cared. "You and…Finn should be there for your child." It killed him to even say that. Puck didn't know how he was going to survive without the other man. He wasn't even sure he wanted to. "Goodbye Kurt."
Puck shut the door behind him, ignoring Kurt's sobs.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
It felt strange being back in Lima after all this time. Puck looked around at the vacant school lot, taking in the dusty streets and windblown leaves. Everything was always fresher in the country and he'd forgotten that, being that he'd lived in New York for the past two years. A frown touched his features as he remembered the circumstances. It wasn't often that he allowed himself to dwell on the past. It still hurt too much.
His phone rang, snapping him out of his reverie. Seeing his sister's caller ID flash across the screen, he picked the phone up with a smile. "Hey squirt."
"Where are you?" She demanded right off the bat. "You said your plane was coming in hours ago."
"Well, hello to you too."
"Puck, if you don't come home for my graduation, I'm never speaking to you again! I mean it! I swear, this is like the one thing-"
"Relax, Squirt, I'm in the high school parking lot." Puck moved the phone away from his ear as his sister screamed excitedly on the other end of the phone and he waited for few moments before bringing it back.
"You know my graduation isn't until tomorrow right?"
"I do."
"Then what are you doing at the school"
"Just thinking." Puck frowned, his gaze skipping over the row of dumpsters. He could almost see them, faint outlines of the kids they had been. He'd been so childish, throwing Kurt in the dumpster. All he'd really wanted was the flamboyant teenager's attention.
"Puck?"
"Sorry, spaced out for a bit."
"Well, get over to the house, will you? I can't wait to see how the city's been treating you!"
"Sure thing, squirt." Puck shook off old memories and started his little rental car.
"And don't call me squirt, douche!"
The line went dead and Puck couldn't help but smile. He had missed his sister for the past couple of years. He was sorry that he'd let his issues keep him away for so long. But it was time to face his past head on. Puck couldn't help but wonder if he would encounter Kurt, Finn and their child. No doubt they were one big happy family.
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
"Jordan, come on, Papa needs to have you dressed in five minutes, so be a good boy and cooperate!" The one and a half year old just smiled up at him, drooling slightly before he sprayed out his pureed peas all over the front of Kurt's white collared shit. "Jordan!"
"Ba-Ba!" The baby giggled, grey eyes alight with amusement as chubby little fists patted Kurt's cheeks.
Kurt stripped off his shirt with a sigh knowing he could never stay angry at his son for long. Throwing the dirty shirt in to the laundry room, Kurt unstrapped his son and hoisted him into his arms with some effort. Jordan was a little chubster, a big, happy baby.
"You leaving for the graduation, son?" Burt called out from the living room
"Yeah, in about twenty minutes," Kurt held out Jordan to his father. "Do you think you could watch him for ten minutes while I clean up and get dressed?"
"You know, you could always leave Jordie here with me." Burt offered, not for the first time as he held the baby. "It'd be no trouble and you know that boy loves Deadliest Catch. We could have a grandpa and grandson day while you go off with your friends."
"Dad, it's okay. I want to take Jordan with me." His dad worried about him too much.
"I just want you to have some time to yourself, you know? Doing it alone is hard work -"
"Dad, I'm fine." Kurt cut him off with a kiss to the cheek. Jordan squealed at this and promptly kissed his 'pop' on the cheek messily.
"Still, I'd like to beat some sense into that Hudson boy."
Pain went through him. "Dad." Finn had left in the middle of Kurt's pregnancy, leaving only a note explaining that he wasn't 'cut out for fatherhood.' Kurt had been slightly hurt because he had considered Finn to be his friend but in a way he had been relieved. Finn had been a constant reminder of a mistake he had made. Kurt loved Jordan with all his heart but he really didn't want anything to do with Finn even if he was Jordan's father. "I'm okay with it, really." What had hurt Kurt the most was losing Puck. Some nights he would wake up lonely and aching, staring up at the ceiling and wondering where Puck was. Was he alone? Was he with someone else? Did that person make him happy? Those nights usually ended with Kurt lifting Jordan out of his crib, laying the baby down next to him on the bed so he wouldn't feel so alone.
"You okay, Kurt?"
"Yeah, sorry, Dad, I zoned out for a bit."
"Well, did you decide whether or not I can take Jordan for the weekend?" Burt asked. "If all your old friends are going to be in town, I'd like you to take some nights out for yourself. It's not good for you to stay at home, all alone and cooped up with a baby." Kurt struggled not to roll his eyes. Burt had been upset over Kurt's decision to move to the small two bedroom apartment he lived in now, but Kurt had been adamant in his refusal to remain under his father's roof.
"No thanks, Dad." Kurt walked off quickly to change because he didn't want to be late for Chelsea's graduation. Puck's little sister had been a blessing to him. She had continued to be his friend and checked up on him even after he and Puck had split. Chelsea had been a lifesaver in the time he was pregnant and when he was a new father. Kurt owed her a lot, she could have abandoned him like everyone else had but she didn't. It didn't hurt that she was also very good with the baby. Most nights found the three of them curled up in Kurt's living room watching old movies.
It had been Chelsea who had suggested the name Jordan. They'd been reading through baby books Kurt had checked out at the local library and suddenly Chelsea had asked him if he'd thought of any names for the baby. Kurt, who had been nearly eight months at the time shook his head, slightly embarrassed. That was when she had offered up the name 'Jordan'. She had said the name was Hebrew. Kurt had loved the sound of it instantly. It was with a certain amount of sadness that he would watch her graduate today. He knew it was going to be the beginning of goodbye as the younger girl had been accepted to UCLA. Come September she would be hundreds of miles away and he would truly be alone.
Shaking away his sad thoughts, Kurt hurriedly drew on a light blue dress shirt and tan slacks. He grimaced at himself in the mirror. His style had tone down considerably over the years more out of necessity than a desire to change. Still, this outfit was dull even by the new dress code standards. Kurt opened a drawer and pulled out a dark blue scarf and pulled on a khaki vest; much better. He headed out of his room.
"Alright Jordan, lets get some clothes on you." Grabbing his wallet and car keys, as well as Jordan's diaper bag, Kurt emerged from his room. "Did you…" Kurt broke off, a smile on his face. Jordan was tottering around the room in his little Dockers and green dress shirt. Burt had obviously dressed him in his absence.
Kurt beamed, holding his hands out to his little boy. His son looked so precious. It was like a cruel twist of fate, the way Jordan seemed to take after Puck. The baby had the same dark grey eyes, and curly brown hair - Kurt's hair had always been straight as a pin - even the stubborn slope of his mouth was so much like Puck's. It made Kurt's heart ache.
"Papa!" Jordan pumped his chubby legs until he was doing a jagged walk/run into Kurt's outstretched arms.
Kurt hugged Jordan close, inhaling his sweet baby scent. He had never thought it was possible to love someone so much, hadn't known that a love so strong and staggering existed until the doctors placed Jordan in his arms for the first time.
"We'll be leaving now, Dad." Kurt slung the diaper bag over his shoulder. "Are you okay to let yourself out?"
"Yeah, you go on ahead." Burt turned back to the television. "I'll tidy up a bit before I leave."
Kurt opened his mouth to protest but caught sight of the time. He had to leave now or he was going to be late. But of course his dad had known that, Burt smirked at him. "Fine, Dad, you win, I'll see you later on."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
Kurt rushed as much as he possibly could in the midday traffic but when he encountered a two car accident that took out the two outside lanes of traffic, leaving only one usable lane he knew he would be severely late. He shot Chelsea a quick text to let her know that he was on his way then cranked up the air conditioner.
When traffic finally did start moving, Jordan decided to start wailing his head off no longer amused by Dora The Explorer music Kurt had been playing for him.
"Look sweetie, look at Barney!" Kurt shook the purple dinosaur in his face, trying to calm him down when the car stopped at a red light.
"No!" Jordan cried even harder, slapping his beloved toy away.
Jordan was generally a happy baby, he only cried when he was sick, needed to be changed or hungry. Sometimes he cried for attention but those cries weren't like the big messy tears currently going down his son's red face. Reluctantly, Kurt pulled his Toyota to the side of the road. The minute he lifted the baby out of the car seat and into his arms Kurt could tell, just by the smell, why Jordan had been crying.
Fifteen minutes later, Kurt had guiltily tossed the dirty diaper onto the side of the road and was on his way to the high school. When he reached the school the parking lot was as full as to be expected and he was almost an hour late. Squeezing into a non existent parking space on the school's lawn, Kurt finally stopped the car.
"Alright Jordan, Papa is very late so we have to hurry, okay?" Kurt talked to the baby while he unstrapped him from the car seat. Jordan just grabbed a handful of his hair and yanked hard in response. Kurt barely winced as he disentangled the little fingers from his disheveled strands, he was so used to this by now. His son was always pulling his hair, his ears - all the hanging parts of Kurt's body fascinated him.
Kurt set Jordan on the ground and then reached for his diaper bag but when he locked the car door and tried to pick up his son, the toddler struggled, kicking his legs out.
"Jordan, come on, let's go up-up!"
"No! No up." Jordan took off at a toddle instead. Normally, Kurt would find his son's determination cute but now it just ticked him off. Matching his pace to Jordan's little baby steps would slow him down considerably.
"Jordan!" Kurt ran after him, scooping his squirming son into his arms. "Be good for Papa."
"No! Marney? Marney?" Jordan's lower lip quivered. Marney meant Barney and Barney was several yards behind them by now.
Suddenly, Kurt remembered something, he'd packed cheerios that afternoon and if anything could make Jordan behave it was his favorite snack. Reaching into the diaper bag, he pulled out the plastic Ziploc and sure enough Jordan's tears dried up and he turned to look at Kurt longingly.
"You little faker." Kurt opened the baggie and Jordan immediately shoved his fist in. Kurt couldn't resist kissing his damp little cheeks before setting off to find a seat in the crowded stands. He was lucky enough to find a spot in the shade and settled down between an elderly couple and a teenage girl.
His phone vibrated. I'm in the next row, about to be called. Where you at crazy mama?
A smile spread across Kurt's face as he typed out his answer: Chelsea was something else. Just got a seat, I can see the stage perfectly. Got my canon so make sure you smile real pretty like and show me those teeth! I've got mega zoom : )
I'm gonna work it! Make sure you stay afterwards for pics! I need my chubby baby, plz.
Kurt grinned as he responded in the affirmative. He shifted Jordan on his lap, who was happily munching Cheerios, to take out his camera. Kurt focused the lens using the high powered zoom to get to the podium.
"Chelsea Esther Puckerman." The principle called the name and Kurt felt joy bubble inside of him at the sight of the slender blonde hopping across the stage amidst uproarious applause from her classmates. Kurt clicked furiously, taking numerous shots.
"Look at Che-Che, Jordan!" Kurt pointed towards the stage and his son followed, his little face confused.
"Che?" Jordan looked back at him but then Chelsea was walking off the stage and past them. "Che!' Kurt cringed at the volume and intensity of the toddler's voice, Jordan had a set of pipes on him.
Chelsea turned in their direction, her eyes searching before spotting them. She began waving like a maniac and Jordan waved back furiously almost punching the elderly woman to the left of Kurt in the face.
That one exciting moment proved to be too much for Jordan because less than ten minutes later, he was asleep against Kurt's shoulder, drooling against a burp cloth. At the end of the ceremony Chelsea texted him instructing him to wait at the entrance.
People were hurrying to get to their child or friend who had just graduated, that translated into a lot of rough shoves and briskness. Wanting to stay out of all that, especially with Jordan asleep, Kurt moved toward the wall but still managed to be jostled into a hard body behind him. The man let out a pained grunt when Kurt inadvertently stepped own unto his shoe.
"I'm so sorry…." Kurt turned around to apologize but the word dried in his mouth "Noah." His name fell off Kurt's lips, rusty and unfamiliar. Shock coursed through him. Chelsea had reassured him that Puck wouldn't be here today. Kurt's eyes greedily took in very detail of the other man. Puck had changed, he'd filled out. His chest was broad, muscles rippling beneath black dress shirt and dark, tailored jeans. There were no traces of his adolescent mohawk or shaved head, his hair was grown out and neatly trimmed and held in place with a little bit of gel.
"Kurt." Puck's voice was cold as he looked him over. "So this must be your child."
"Yes, this is my son." Kurt unconsciously held his baby closer. "Jordan."
Surprise flitted across the taller man's face. "Jordan?"
"Yes."
"Did you and Finn think that would be funny?" Puck's voice was tight, his face tense. "Was this all some sort of way to continue laughing at me?"
"I…I don't understand." Kurt had no idea why Puck was so angry.
"Sure you don't."
"What are you talking about?"
"Fuck you." Puck spat. "Don't pretend like you don't know."
"Know what?"
"Jordan's my middle name." The anger was gone from his grey eyes, replaced with a deep hurt.
"Noah I…" Instinctively, Kurt reached for him but Puck dodged his touch, turning to disappear into the crowd.
Kurt stared after him, frozen, clutching Jordan to his chest. He hadn't known that Puck's middle name was Jordan. When Chelsea had mentioned it, the name had just felt right to him. Kurt frowned, was patently obvious that she had planned the whole thing.
"Hey, Kurt! Did you see me up there?" The blonde was still as bubbly as ever.
"Chelsea, why did you assure me that your brother wouldn't be here today?"
"Uhhh…" Chelsea bit her lip, her hand twisting the green material of her robe nervously.
"Chelsea! Why would you do that to me?"
"I thought it'd be a good idea." She protested. "That Puck would see you and -"
"And what, be so disgusted with me that he'd walk away? Thanks for letting me recapture that great feeling of rejection, Chels. I really missed that." Kurt was fuming. "And the name Jordan - you never told me that was Puck's middle name!"
"You never asked!" Chelsea shot back. Kurt grunted in anger and turned away. "Come on, Kurt." She grabbed his arm, stopping him from leaving. "Don't go. I'm sorry, okay?"
Kurt studied her. She was giving her best pout and blinking luminous eyes at him beseechingly. She would be gone in a few months. Kurt really didn't have time to be angry with her. "Fine but never again Chels, promise me."
"But Kurt-"
"Chelsea."
"Alright, okay." She raised her hands in mock surrender. "I promise."
"Good." Kurt handed her the sleeping toddler. "Where's your mom? Let's get a couple of photos before I leave."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
"Noah? Noah!"
"I'm in here." Puck yelled from his bed. He could hear his sister storming through the house, her footsteps echoing loudly.
"Puck! Why the hell did you run away like that?" Chelsea was slightly out of breath, still clad in her yellow graduation dress but her high heels were in her hand.
"You mean you knew Kurt and his kid were going to be there?"
"Well yeah, I invited them both." Chelsea threw up her hands when Puck let out a stream of horrible curses. "Kurt has become one of my best friends and I love Jordan as well! Of course I'd want them there when I graduated."
"Are you shitting me?" Puck looked at his sister incredulously. "You're my sister! Kurt is my ex-boyfriend who, oh yeah, cheated on me with my best friend and got pregnant! "
"He was black out drunk, Puck! And he's sorry, believe me, he's still paying for that mistake."
"Didn't seem too tortured to me." Puck snorted in disbelief. Kurt hadn't changed one bit. The slender man still dressed impeccably, still wore those ridiculous little scarves that used to drive Puck crazy. Puck thought back to the graduation, his stomach clenched in want. Kurt was still the most beautiful person Puck had ever laid eyes on. Secretly, Puck had been wishing that if he did by chance run into Kurt while in Lima, he would be forty pounds heavier and beat down. He should've known. Even Kurt and Finn's son was picture perfect, from his tousled curls to his little rosebud mouth, he was a gorgeous baby.
"Well the past two years haven't been a cake walk for him. Finn left town while Kurt was pregnant, hasn't been back since. Kurt had to go through everything, and I mean everything, the pregnancy, the birth, the long nights with Jordan, alone."
"Finn just left them?" Puck was appalled because he had never imagined that scenario. Every scene that had played through his head was of Finn and Kurt as a happy little family.
"Just took off one day, far as any one knows. Kurt's had it pretty rough, doing it all alone."
"Good."
"Puck," Chelsea hesitated but continued on. "I….I shouldn't be saying this but I baby sit for Jordan a lot and one day while I was vacuuming, I found a box under Kurt's bed. It was filled with photos of the two of you, movie stub, notes…it's obvious that he still cares about you." She pushed away from the door and stepped into the room. "He'd kill me if he knew I told you this, but, the locket you gave him, he still wears it, never takes it off."
"I didn't see it." He had given the locket to Kurt on their three month anniversary, just before they had flown back to Lima and everything had come crashing down. Puck could see it all so clearly. The candlelight, the flowers and the romantic dinner for two, Kurt's eyes had shimmered with excitement and tears when Puck had slipped it around his neck.
"He wears it underneath all of his clothes. Always."
"Chelsea." Puck looked at the ground, afraid to let his sister see the pain in his eyes. "Kurt nearly destroyed me."
"You're both still hurting so much." The bed dipped to his right as Chelsea sat down next to him. "Isn't it time you made it stop? Isn't it time to forgive?"
"Is that why you tricked me into seeing him?"
Chelsea had the grace to flush guiltily. "You two belong together and need some time to work things out. That would never have happened with you in New York and Kurt living here."
"Finn's son...I'm not sure -" Puck broke off, shaking his head.
"Once you meet Jordan, properly meet him, you won't have a choice. He's the most loveable child on the planet."
"It's too hard."
"Give it a shot and at least talk to Kurt, maybe you'll get some closure."
His mind screamed no. Every shred of good sense Puck had within him urged him to book a flight back to New York as soon as possible. But a stubborn part of him, the broken part of him, whispered for him to stay. "Okay."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
Puck almost walked away twice. When Chelsea dropped him off in front of Kurt's apartment building he had taken one look at the slip of paper she had shoved in his hand - Kurt's apartment number was written neatly across it - and had promptly tried to re-enter the vehicle. Only to find the doors locked and Chelsea's shaking her head at him before she stepped on the gas and drove away.
The second time Puck had decided to bail was when the elevator came to a stop on the third floor. Kurt was the second apartment on the right. Puck had turned around to reboard the elevator only to find out that the janitor was collecting trash and had stalled the lift.
It wasn't like Puck was religious or anything but he believed in signs, and right now some higher power clearly wanted him to have a long overdue conversation with Kurt.
Puck rang the door bell twice before he heard rustling on the other side of the door. Kurt answered, wearing a large tee shirt and flannel sleep pants, his mouth opened in surprise when he was Puck.
"You're not my Dad."
"No…Kurt," Puck tried for a smile but failed. "Can I come in?"
"You want to come in?" Kurt sounded shocked that Puck wanted to go into his home.
"Can I?"
"Uh…yeah, sure." Kurt smoothed down his baggy shirt awkwardly as Puck entered the apartment. Puck could hear a childish voice singing nonsensical words. "We're in the middle of dinner, so..."
"I'll wait."
"Are you hungry? I mean, it's nothing fancy just mac and cheese but if you want -"
"Kurt, I'm fine."
"Yeah, okay sure." Kurt couldn't sop staring at him.
"Papa! Marney?" Jordan walked into the hallway but halted in his tracks when he saw Puck standing there. His little eyes went as round as saucers as he looked at the tall man. "Papa?" He stuck the end of his blanket into his mouth, gnawing, his little brow furrowed.
Kurt looked at Puck but the other man was frozen. "Hi sweetie, Papa's right here, okay?' Crouching down, Kurt held out his arms to the shy toddler. "Come on, sweetie." Kurt encouraged when Jordan didn't move, his gaze flicking back to Puck fearfully. "Jordan." Finally, after darting a quick glance at Puck, the little boy ran into his father's arms head first.
"He's not usually this shy." Kurt explained, coming to his feet. Jordan pressed his face against Kurt's chest, looking back at Puck timidly.
"Yeah." Puck didn't know what else to say, so he shifted his gaze down to his feet. Not wanting to face Kurt and his baby just yet. Puck missed the dark look that crossed Kurt's face.
"We have to finish dinner before bedtime." It was a dismissal. Not waiting for an answer, Kurt walked out of the room and into a small living room. A large T.V. was mounted against the wall and a purple dinosaur was singing with a group of kids about making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Kurt sat down on a black leather couch directly opposite of the television and reached for a small bowl that was resting on a tray.
Forgotten for the moment, Puck stood awkwardly as Kurt scooped what looked to be oatmeal into the toddler's mouth. Jordan, for his part, smacked against the spoon loudly and was still very much aware of his presence sneaking Puck sly looks every now and then. After ten minutes and three annoying songs, the bowl was empty and Kurt turned off the television and walked down the hallway. Unsure of what to do, Puck once again followed them to a tiny bathroom.
"Baf!" Jordan screamed, clapping his hands clumsily in excitement as Kurt stripped him out of his little shirt and cargo pants.
Bath time, as Puck observed, consisted of a lot of water being splashed around and a lot of laughter. A faint smile curved Puck's lips when Jordan kissed his little bath frog and forced Kurt to do the same. Looking at the child now, it still hurt but Puck was beginning to see him for what he was. A child, not just Finn's son and the reason Kurt and he had broken up, but as a bright little boy. Bitterness welled within him as Jordan squealed at the foam lather and he couldn't help but think this should have been his family. The beautiful, laughing toddler with bright eyes and his hair damp against his rosy cheeks should have come from their love but instead he was the result of a betrayal. It was ironic that Jordan looked nothing like his biological father.
"You're blocking me." Puck's eyes focused to find Kurt standing in front of him, Jordan wrapped in a towel. "I still have to read him a story and put him to bed so if you want to leave, it's okay."
He was giving him a way out, Puck could see the acceptance in Kurt's eyes. "No." Puck swallowed. "I'll wait."
"I don't know how long I'll be -"
"It's okay Kurt, I'll wait." Puck insisted. Kurt nodded his head then pushed past him. As they walked down the hall way Jordan peeked out behind Kurt's shoulder and smiled at him, little fingers waving goodbye. Puck stared, feeling emotion come unbidden into his heart. He found himself lifting his hands in response and he was rewarded when the boy's eyes lit up.
Puck had no idea how long he sat in the living room but it was long enough for him to figure some things out. It was time he stopped bitching about what should've been and seize the opportunity before him.
"Hey." Kurt was standing in the doorway, he looked unsure of himself. "Sorry, he gets excited whenever he meets new people. It took me almost twice as long to get him to sleep."
"We need to talk, Kurt."
"I gathered that." He moved into the room and sat down on the matching recliner on the opposite end of the room. "Listen, I didn't know that Chelsea had planned this…whatever it was and I'm sorry she roped you into an unpleasant situation."
"I was angry at first but now I'm just grateful."
"Grateful?" Kurt echoed, disbelieving.
"I've hated you for a long time, Kurt." Puck regretted the way his words made the younger man flinch. "I needed to hate you because I cared so much about you, and you betrayed my trust. When you told me about Finn…I… it almost killed me."
"I wish I could take it back." Kurt's eyes sparkled with tears. "But from that mistake came the most precious person in my life..."
"He, uh…he seems like a great kid." Puck could understand that but it still stung. "I'm not quite sure exactly what I'm doing here." He admitted blowing out a breath. "I just know that I still can't forget about you, even now, after everything."
"N-neither can I." Kurt confessed softly. "But that doesn't have to mean anything, Noah."
"It means something to me, Kurt." Puck drew in a deep breath. The next words were hard to say. "I want to try again, if you're willing."
"You can barely stand to look at my son, Noah." The younger man said sadly. "A relationship between us would never work."
"That's not true." Puck protested. "It's the opposite actually. I'm not going to lie and say that seeing Jordan doesn't hurt, it does, it fucking burns, but only because he should have been ours. I look at him and see so much of you…it's amazing. But it was something that was meant to be a part of both of us."
"I wish that every single day, Noah. You have no idea."
"Wishing won't make it come true. But if I stayed…took things slowly, maybe we could work things out, form a family with just the three of us. As long as Finn is out of the picture -"
"He is." Kurt interjected firmly. "He's never seen Jordan, he has no right to him."
"Is all of that legal?"
"Doesn't have to be, Jordan has my last name and I listed his father as unknown." A blush of shame colored Kurt's cheeks. "I'd rather the nurses think I was some slut then write his name down."
"You're not a slut, Kurt and if there's one thing I realized after all this time, it's that you never meant to sleep with Finn and you never meant to hurt me."
"I'd never hurt you on purpose."
"I know that." Puck coughed, he hated talking about feelings and things like this. It made him feel naked and bared. "I'm ready to stay with you, Kurt, at least give it a shot. I have a lot of vacation time and sick days piled up so I'll be here for awhile."
"So you're ready to be with me, with us? To be a father?" Puck could hear the hope in Kurt's voice, it was humbling.
"I…truthfully, I don't know, to both questions." Kurt nodded and looked away, tears glistening in his eyes. It killed Puck to see the hurt his words had caused the other man but honesty was the best way to go right now, Puck had to lay all his cards out. "But what I do know is that I'd like the opportunity to be a part of both your lives."
"Really?"
"Really." Puck took the last few steps to close the distance between them, his arms coming around Kurt to pull him in close. The scent of vanilla and lavender clung to the slight man and Puck hugged him tighter. It felt like he was finally home.
"I'm so sorry." Kurt voice was muffled against his shirt. "About everything."
"Sh." Puck soothed. If they were really going to move on into the future he didn't want to rehash the past anymore. "What's done is done. No more talk of the past."
"Okay." Kurt whispered, he pulled back his fingers still clutching the material of Puck's shirt. "Do you…" He trailed off blushing. "I mean, could I…."
Puck's gaze dropped down to Kurt's plush mouth. "You want me to kiss you?"
"If you want to. I mean, you don't have to or anything! I know we're going-" Kurt broke off on a contented sigh when Puck's firm mouth pressed against his. Their mouths brushed together, once, twice and then Puck pulled back.
Kurt brought his hand to his tingling mouth dazed. "That was amazing." He looked up at Puck shyly. "I haven't been kissed in two years. I was hoping against hope that you would come back, forgive me." Puck was speechless at the devotion he saw in Kurt's face, he wished he could reply with the same but it would be a lie. His life had been filled with countless one night stands and two failed relationships after Kurt. So instead of answering with words, Puck just drew him closer. Kurt snuggled against his shoulder. "I waited for you."
*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*'~'*
