Toxic Perfume

Prologue-

This love has become an obsession. Like a obstinate addiction that would never quite go away. It eats away at me, slowly but steadily, crawling into my insides until I break down completely. Because loving him was an essential, and life itself would never be the same without this sensation. This feeling of utter despair and a vague fear, it made me wonder if I was really living inside a nightmare. It was irrational, but existing firmly.

Days after days, waiting for him to come back to me, come back to the place he was supposed to be hours ago. It makes me restless to think he was with someone else once again. It was a repetitive act of betrayal, and anger would overtake me every time I smell another's cologne on his body.

I suppress this fury and act oblivious, but self-control would only stretch this far. I wasn't a pushover, far from it. I would never allow this behavior to happen, times after times again if it were another. But he was different, he didn't need me the way I needed him. Not even a milli-fraction in comparison.

Losing him meant the end of my world. The world I envisioned, dreamed, had, has nothing but him as the lone essential. Because other matters become minuscule in comparison, and his every word, every action, would become the sole reason for this world's existence. I was his from the very beginning. To play, to use, and to shatter over and over again.

Often, in the darkness of my room, I imagined giving up. Letting him go would be so much easier, and this wound would eventually heal over time. His actions would no longer reach me, and thus make this pain cease in intensity. But it wasn't so easy to comply, because even subconsciously, he hold the ties to every string of my insides, twisting it and pulling at the fiber of my heart.

The firm and deep sound of footsteps resounding in the hallway signaled his presence. It was the sound of his footsteps alone that I can identify in an instant. It was a slow pace, deep and haunting.

When the door suddenly banged open against the thin wall of our apartment, I tensed and quickly searched for his form in the darkness. The familiar smell of alcohol and smoke grates on my nostrils, a piercing scent that drives me to the point of insanity every time.

"Naruto... Where have you been?" I ask him, my gaze were probably penetrating, because he looks at me with disdain, and I feel like dying.

He looked tired, and the dark circle around his eyes told me he hasn't slept in a while."Does it matter?" He shoved me away and moved for the bed. I didn't do anything as I stared at his back, broad and far, far away from me. The moon made our bed look strangely dismal, and the picture of him taking off his clothes gave me goosebumps. It was an uncanny feeling of dejection, like my existence was nothing but a nuisance to him.

"It's 2 o'clock." I said quietly, afraid to anger him. My eyes avoided his when he looked at me with indifference. This same, cold, indifferent stare...

"Go to sleep Sasuke." He didn't say anything else as his eyes slowly slid shut. All I can hear was the thumping of his heart, and the breaking of my own when I smelled the same cologne of another on his body. Musky, bitter, and the scent of betrayal...

This tear of utter torment was a daily necessity to maintain my self restraint. It was impossible to stay sane and still bare to smile that same carefree smile when my heart feels like it is being torn. By this devastatingly handsome man, and this haunting solace.

"Beep"

"Beep"

"Beep"

The red digital letters read 9:00. My hands felt like a thousand ton when I tried to turn it off with failed attempts over and over again.

The warmth beside me shifted, and I searched frantically for his body amidst the heavy blankets. When my eyes located the tanned perfection, and the golden locks under the covers, my heart jumped.

He opened his eyes, the stunning blue I fell in love with greeted me with annoyance. My face fell when he frowned and turned back to sleep, like I was the air, transparent and non-existent. I forgot the incessant beeping of the alarm clock beside me, and felt dejection well up inside me all over again.

"Can you please shut it off?" pause, "it's annoying." This level of impatience made me wonder if he's really talking to me. Because it sounds so foreign it's almost frightening.

"I'm sorry." It seems like all I can do is to apologize. This weak, indignant self I never thought existed in me before. Like a slave begging for forgiveness even though I did nothing wrong.

He ignored me and went back to sleep. My hands slammed on the snooze button, startling even myself by my outburst. He turned to look at me, with surprise and disdain on his flawless face. I looked away from his eyes, and slowly got up to get dressed.

Hours passed, and I flicked channel after channel on the 51-inch plasma screened TV located in the living room. I'm looking at the different colorful pictures presented before my eyes, but all I can see are blurred images of nothingness. The sound of the shower being turned on signaled his awakening, and hope once again filled me whole.

It was something I go through everyday, hoping he would change his attitude towards me even just a little bit. If things could go back to the way it were before, and I once again become his only, if I could do something to keep his heart securely locked, if only... Nothing I said mattered anymore, because this cold reality haunts me with the images of vivid clarity. Reality is always this somber, with bitterness and the magnificence of dreams in comparison.

When mist pour from the bathroom, and the fresh scent of shampoo hit my nose, I realized he was going out today. I vaguely remember him telling me about a conference meeting he had that afternoon, and I wince when I sensed dishonesty in his tone.

Which one of his lovers is he seeing today? I wonder.

When he walked out of the bathroom, with only a towel wrapped around his waist, I couldn't help but be blown away by his perfection all over again. His tanned skin, well rounded even in the most of areas that I become suspicious of the naturalness even myself, to his perfectly masculine form. Blond hair that almost looks gold in the sunlight, and the stunning blue eyes that contrast perfectly with his skin. Is perfection really non-existent? It was the question I'm faced with every time I marvel at his physics.

He strip naked in front of me, and begin getting dressed in his normal clothes. I watch him with pain, because it will be another to touch him. To ran their fingers through his locks, and to kiss that perfectly sculptured lips, and to break me from point one.

I bit my lips, so hard I can vaguely taste the metallic taste of my own blood. I watched with my blank eyes, as he sprayed his expensive cologne on his body, and ran his fingers through his hair to make the style. He looked just as good as normal, and sometimes I wondered how many people he's managed to tempt with that dazzling smile. My heart constricted when I remembered I will be alone once again.

"Naruto!" I called out to him as he was about to walk out the door, this desperation is probably laughable. "where are you going?" My voice sounds breathless, and with every intake of breath, the disdain on his face increases.

"Ah... I'm going out today. Don't wait up for me." He turned around to face me, even though he didn't answer my question. Slowly he turned his back to me and walked out, every step, it felt like I would lose him forever.

"I love you..." My voice never sounded this weak. It never sounded this powerless. But when his eyes would turn indifferent at the sound of my voice, I feel like no matter how much I call out to him, he would never answer. It felt like no matter how firmly I tried to hold on, he would break away somehow. To trample on my heart over and over again...

Naruto... I love you...

tbc...

A/N: I don't think I made Sasuke sound clingy enough, and Naruto wasn't the way I imagined him to be. If you like this, then I will put more angst in this.

I'll try to update soon, but quality is always more important. Gaara and Kakashi should appear in the next chapter, but who knows...