Disclaimer: I own nothing
A/N: After taking a beating with the last update to Poison and Wine I started writing this, call it therapy if you will. The story behind this fic is actually quite long. If you can believe it, I came up with this idea way back when I started Lavinia (over a year ago) and I'd written various parts of it off and on. I always intended to write it and post it but for some reason other things came up (The Best Mistake, Poison and Wine, Secluded in Red to name a few LOL) but I finally found this old fic, dusted it off and decided to see if it would work (That and my friend threatened to beat me if I didn't post it). I hope you guys enjoy it.
House of Cards
Chapter 1: Make Your Own Pain
Teresa Lisbon was a far sight from what she used to be. She never thought she would be standing in front of a classroom at the Illinois Law Enforcement Academy lecturing people ten years younger than her. It felt more than a little strange to be doing this but she supposed it was something she would get used to. At any rate it was better than the alternative.
She did what she could to look like the instructor when she really wanted to be kicking down someone's door. "The manual says to follow your instincts, that you will be interacting with witnesses, other cops and lawyers," she began simply, "I'm here to tell you that it is wrong."
Lisbon ignored the raised eyebrows and continued. "In the new world of science and civilian relations, you won't just be working with other law enforcement. You might have to turn to anthropologists, entomologists, even civilians with special skills to help you with your cases."
"Like psychics?" One of the more rebellious officers offered and then snickered like a high school kid making trouble.
But she didn't flinch; at least she hoped she didn't. "Sure," Lisbon said evenly, "just don't expect to get your fortune read." There were a few good-natured chuckles that proved she was once more the one in control of this room. "Specialized doctors, archaeologists, even simple historians and collectors could have valuable insight into certain cases. You never know what twists will come and the evidence isn't always clear. To you a vase is just a vase but it could actually be motive if it costs twenty thousand dollars, you think you'll be able to recognize that with one glance?"
They looked a little iffy about her lecture but she pressed on. "And don't think that that because of all of this training it means you will see it all lay out like a puzzle. Cases don't work that way. You'll miss things, things that would be obvious to others."
She studied them and saw they all looked at least partially skeptically. "You don't believe me? That's all right, when I sat in those seats I wouldn't have believed me either."
Lisbon flipped to the next side and clicked to play the video. "Let's test your attention skills, count how many times the players in white pass the ball."
The video played and Lisbon smiled as she watched the officers with their eyes glued to the screen, some even moved their lips as they silently counted. Finally the video stopped and she turned to look at them. "All right, who counted fifteen?"
The majority of them raised their hands and she grinned. "Good very good, I'm impressed. Now how many of you saw the gorilla?"
Lisbon watched as they all slowly lowered their hands, looking at her and each other with bewildered expression. Finally the smart alec of the group said. "There was no gorilla!"
She grinned and started the video again. This time no one counted and sure enough a man in a gorilla suit lumbered across the screen, beat his chest and walked off. A few whispers followed as everyone felt a little stupid missing that. "Selective attention, tunnel vision, we all get caught on one tiny thing that we miss the big picture. That is why it is important to sometimes step back and let fresh eyes or another view point take a look…because we don't know what we are really missing."
One brave woman raised her hand and Lisbon nodded at her. "Does this happen to everybody? Not seeing the gorilla?"
Lisbon shook her head. "I had a friend who would have noticed it right away…but his mind was incredibly unique. He helped me solve hundreds of cases…and he wasn't a cop." She struggled immensely to hide her pain but she didn't know how much she succeeded. Not when she still lost her voice and wound up staring off, trapped in another time when she'd been happier and hadn't made quite so many mistakes.
That time was gone though.
She shook her head and turned back to her job. "But we should talk about how to accept help from outside law enforcement and how to manage it. Remember, this is still your case and you are still in charge."
Now she had their complete attention as she rambled on about negotiating with outside resources and the best way to have relations with civilian contractors and specialist. She knew none of them would ever have the same experience she did; after all there was only one Patrick Jane.
That meant they wouldn't make the same mistakes.
Lisbon's lunch break lasted another twenty minutes but she knew she was done with her sandwich already, she had done little more than pick at it but she hadn't had much of an appetite that day. Actually she hadn't had much of an appetite for the past six months but there was nothing she could do to solve that problem beyond somehow going back in time and stopping herself from making the biggest mistake of her life.
She toyed with one of the potato chips on her plate, crushing it into crumbs while her eyes remained focused on a young couple a few tables over. They had only just gotten their drinks and should have been focused on their menus but right now they were too busy giggling and kissing. From the shiny new rings on their left hands Lisbon guessed they were newlyweds and it was almost nauseating to see them so happy. A part of her wanted to hurl her plate at them. But she knew that they would learn soon enough, the shiny veneer of their marriage would rub off and all of that happiness would fizzle away. They would be miserable soon, no need to make it worse for them now.
"Small world isn't it?" Lisbon looked up to see Jack Harding, another instructor at the academy. They had spoken several times and he was pleasant enough.
"You mean running into each other at the deli across the street from the place we both work, yes I guess you are right," she said with a teasing smile.
He looked a little sheepish but that didn't dampen his intentions. "Is this seat taken or do you mind having company?"
She was caught off guard by that question. Sure she'd had meals with coworkers before but…it felt different this time. Still she shoved her insecurities aside. "No, it's fine."
"That's good," he said taking a seat, "because there are some questions I have been dying to ask you."
"Uh oh," Lisbon smiled, "what am I getting myself into?"
Jack grinned, "Well it does seem like our classes are in direct opposition to each other."
That confused her. "How so?"
"I'm trying to get the recruits to listen to authority while you keep telling them stories about how to get around it."
That actually did make her laugh. Jack was the fitness instructor; he was the drill sergeant barking at the recruits to do another set of pushups. She was just the temporary lecturer with an emphasis on civilian relations. "Well, working with a consultant for a decade taught me that sometimes the rule book needs to be thrown out the window."
"Can't argue with facts I guess," He replied, "your record speaks for itself."
"Yes and so do the hundreds of complaints that litter my desk."
He nodded his head and smiled, then leaned forward with a look of determination. "Actually there is a rumor going around but I honestly find it hard to believe."
"Oh?"
"Word is out that you were the head of the taskforce in California that finally nabbed Red John."
Her smile faltered at the name and it took a lot of strength to replace that façade with a small smile. "Well you know what they say about rumors…except this one happens to be true."
Jack's eyes lit up like an excited kid. "Wow! You were one of the agents that finally got him."
She nodded somberly. "He…uh died right in front of me."
"You're kidding!"
"Nope."
Now he leaned back to look at her shaking his head. "I just can't believe this, you're like a rock star or a super hero."
Lisbon laughed at that. "Oh that's not true."
"I'm serious. I mean I spent my life getting recruits to run ten miles while you were chasing down the psychopath that put Hannibal Lecter to shame."
She sighed. "Well when you spend your Saturday nights looking over old crime scene photos and waiting for the phone to ring with a new killing…teaching recruits how to do pushups seems like the better option."
Jack didn't say anything for a moment before stating. "Yeah, but I bet it felt good tackling a suspect when he tried to run."
She couldn't help but smile. "Alright, I'll admit to that."
They both shared a laugh before he dove right back into his hero worship. "But Red John, I mean, he was…is there a word that even describes him?"
"I can think of several," Lisbon replied, "But I still prefer 'monster'."
"No arguments here but I'm still trying to figure out how you catch someone like him. I heard he had eyes everywhere, followers high up in law enforcement, the FBI, that he was even playing a cat and mouse game with the CBI. Heck he even faked his own death. It must have been…"
"Frustrating," Lisbon interrupted him, "It was maddening to have to play a sick game with a serial killer. Especially when we didn't know all of the rules. He could get into the CBI and we had no idea how, it was always like he was ten steps ahead of us and we were constantly playing catch up. And I wasn't even his favorite playmate, I was just a blip on his radar, but he still loved to screw around with my team, you have no idea what it is like to feel helpless while someone else seems to be in control of everything."
She glanced up to see that Jack was staring at her with a mixture of awe and pain. She'd actually forgotten all about him somewhere in the middle of her rant about Red John. "I'm sorry," Lisbon told him, shaking her head with remorse. "It just get that way with him. Red John killed people I knew, hurt people I cared about…some very bad memories."
He was quiet for a while as the truth sank in. "How did you do it? How did you finally get him?"
She took in a deep breath and let it out. "Arrogance. That was his weakness and we found a way to use it."
"How?"
Lisbon smiled just a little. "You really want to hear this story?" He nodded his head and she brushed the crumbs off her hand before leaning back in her chair to begin.
"For years we had been playing his game, waiting for him to strike or trying to set traps based on getting in contact with him or trying to fool his followers. He always stayed a step ahead. Until we finally figured out a way to use his weakness…and it was so simple it was almost ridiculous."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
One Year Ago
Lisbon waited until the rest of the team had left before approaching Jane. He was in his normal spot, resting on his couch, eyes closed either in sleep or meditation. She hesitated for a while, unsure if she really wanted to disturb this peaceful setting. She knew how Jane got with Red John and the last thing she wanted to do was cause him more pain.
But she wasn't going to be able to let this go either.
"Jane?" she said softly but he didn't move so she tried again, "Jane?"
This time he opened his eyes and gave her a sleepy smile which she had to admit was damn sexy too. "Lisbon, here to lecture me or to talk?"
"Depends, did you do something that deserves a lecture?" The grin he gave her had her wondering if he was springing another surprise on her that she wasn't going to like. But she shook those thoughts aside. "Jane, there is something we should talk about."
He looked intrigued by her words, he sat up and his expression grew serious. "What's wrong?"
She still hesitated for a while, trying to decide where the best place to start would be. "Okay, I have these dreams about Red John sometimes. Usually it's the same. I'm on television and I say something…something that upsets him…and then I just know he's coming after me."
"I know," Jane said simply. Of course he knew that she would have nightmares like that. "But it really isn't anything wrong, it's natural that you would have nightmares about something like this."
"It's not the nightmares that I'm talking about," Lisbon explained, "I know it's coming from not being able to catch him and I've had this dream dozens of time but this time…this time something occurred to me." She made sure she had Jane's full attention now. "We never know where he is or what he will do…except for the few times someone has said the wrong thing, then we always knew who he would go after."
She watched as Jane's expression changed slowly from interest to realization and then something akin to fear. His eyes grew dark and he shook his head. "No, no, Lisbon. You cannot do something like this."
"But I'm right," Lisbon pointed out. "If I said something, he would go after me."
"He'll never believe you would slip up, he'll know it's a trap."
"Doesn't matter. His arrogance and ego will compel him to come after me. And he will do it, not one of his followers; we'll know that it will actually be him. It'll work."
"Yes it will work," Jane said standing up now, his voice was loud with anger. "But he will go after you! He will try to kill you! Don't you see? You'll be putting yourself right into his crosshairs and there is a very, very good chance that he will succeed!"
"I'm a cop, Jane. I know the risks and this is part of it."
"I don't accept it."
"You don't have to accept it. I don't need your permission, Jane. If we have a real chance of finally catching Red John without waiting for him to attack someone else then…then I'm going to do it."
Jane shook his head again. "No."
"You told me once that you were willing to sacrifice your own life to get to Red John."
"Yes I did," Jane admitted, "but I'm not willing to sacrifice you."
"This is my choice," she told him firmly, "and I'm going to take it."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
"So you got the idea from a dream?" Jack asked, bringing Lisbon back to reality.
She nodded her head. "Yes."
"And you went on television and insulted Red John."
"Yes, I did," she replied and closed her eyes for a moment as she remembered the exact words she said. "I think Red John is nothing more than a monster. He's destroyed so many lives…people I care about, all in his mistaken belief of bringing a better world. The truth is that he isn't all powerful, just a pathetic little man who cannot accept that he isn't really special at all."
"What happened after that?"
She opened her eyes and turned her attention back to the man sitting across from her. "Well, I was under twenty-four hour protection for two weeks, we had people staked out outside of my home for a while, just waiting for Red John to show up."
"Which he did." Lisbon smiled and shook her head, which really surprised Jack. "He didn't?"
"Nope," Lisbon replied, "he never showed up at my home, in fact we didn't hear from him at all. After a couple of weeks we called off the protection detail because we decided that Red John must have seen through the ruse just like Jane predicted."
"Then how did you catch him?"
She was quiet, setting her lips into a firm line as she gathered the strength to continue this tale. "Jane was right, Red John knew this was a trap. But I was also right; he couldn't let this offense go. He simply waited for the right opportunity to strike against me."
"When?"
She almost smiled at his eagerness. "A few weeks after my TV appearance. I was at the CBI, it was late, nobody was around—."
"How did he attack you inside the CBI?"
Lisbon shrugged. "I still don't know. But he found a way, he must have wanted to prove that none of us were safe, even the ones he loved to play with…"
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
Things had been strained between her and Jane after their talk in the bullpen a few weeks before. Beyond one last plea for her not to go through with her plan, Jane had barely spoken to her after that besides anything related to their current case. But she did catch him watching her every now and then with a painful look in his eyes. She could understand, he was afraid, afraid that she was going to be hurt by the madman who had already caused him immeasurable pain.
Lisbon was determined to fix this between them once and for all. Her plan hadn't worked; Red John hadn't come after her so in the end no real harm had been done. She decided to apologize to Jane for hurting him and hopefully get him to see her reasons for going against his wishes. Maybe things would be better between them after they hashed everything out.
The walk up to Jane's attic was quiet and somber. He wasn't on his couch which is why she assumed he was reflecting on his demons in his fortress of solitude. The attic was quiet too when she entered. "Jane?" she called out but received no reply, "Jane?" But his makeshift cot was empty and there was no sign of her consultant in the room. She was going to turn around to search for him elsewhere until she felt it, a chill running up her spine.
Then the cold blade of a knife was pressed up against her throat.
Her hand reached for the gun at her belt but the blade pressed into her skin, enough pressure for her to know that it would be so easy for her to die. "I would not reach for it, Agent Lisbon, I do not wish you to die just yet." The voice was muffled but soft and cultured, it made her stomach twist into a knot so tight she felt sick.
The intruder forced her to turn around roughly and she was face to face with him. She couldn't see his face at all; it was hidden by a grotesque mask and a dark hooded cloak. But Lisbon knew exactly who was behind it.
Red John.
It took every bit of her strength to keep from turning into a quivering mess. She still couldn't stop herself from shaking but at least she wasn't crying. She had been prepared to face him in her home…not like this.
"Ah, you are beginning to see the error you have made," Red John said, she could actually hear his smile. "Your false bravado on television was nothing more than a façade, a ruse to try and lure me into a trap. That was foolish, Agent Lisbon, you may be an excellent investigator but you are no where near my equal."
"It…it worked," she whispered, "You're here. You came after me."
"But where is your security? The rest of your team?" He actually laughed lightly then. "All you have done is cause more pain for the one person you were trying to help."
"I was trying to stop you."
"You were trying to save him, do not pretend that this was for anything other than a selfish desire to help the one you care about," Red John cut in.
He pressed the flat of the blade against her cheek, letting her skin mold around it but still he did not cut. "And ultimately, what have you accomplished? Now you will be dead and his rage will only increase, I very much look forward to seeing what Jane will do when he finds you dead."
"Why would you want to hurt him again?" She asked and immediately hated how pathetic she sounded.
"Oh no, Agent Lisbon, I'm afraid you are the one who hurt him. You sealed your fate the second you slandered me."
Rage flooded her system and it gave her the courage to spit in the devil's eye. "It's not slander when it's true, you are nothing but a pathetic piece of shit!"
He reached around her head and pulled her hair back as hard as he could, forcing her to bare her neck to his knife. "You're tongue won't bite as much when I cut it out."
Lisbon willed herself not to whimper, not to cower in fear as the blade seemed to come closer towards her. She was so focused on the knife that she almost didn't notice the sound of gunshots. She didn't know what had happened until Red John's grip slackened and he fell to the floor.
Then she saw Jane in the doorway with a pained expression in his eyes and a gun in his hand.
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
"So you didn't actually kill him?" Jack asked.
Lisbon shook her head. "No, I was the one who was saved."
He took that bit of news in for a moment before asking the obvious. "Do you wish it had been you who did it?"
She could answer that question honestly. "No, I'm glad it was Jane. He lost his wife and daughter, he suffered for ten years, out of everyone, he deserved that chance the most."
Jack smiled. "It is a good ending. A man goes on a quest for revenge and finally brings down the man who did it."
Lisbon nodded numbly. "Just like something right out of Hollywood."
He sat back in his chair and studied her for a while; so long that Lisbon actually began to feel a little self-conscious. Finally he said, "It must have felt amazing. To finally catch him after all of those years."
"Amazing," she agreed, "incredible, unbelievable, yes that does about cover it."
"Did you do anything to celebrate?"
She furrowed her brow and smiled. "You mean like get a cake and pop some champagne?"
"Well…yeah?"
She couldn't help but laugh and she shook her head. "No, it…it wasn't something to celebrate like that. I mean, yeah it was great but…so many people were hurt and killed during that time. I think what we all felt was tired and relief mostly."
"You must have done something. Did you get drunk and go crazy?"
Lisbon looked away, her gaze off across the room but her mind was flying to a year ago when she was at that crossroads of knowing that a quest was over and everything would change. "When something like that happens, you take a good long look at your life and try to figure out how you got there and what you are going to do now. That kind of feeling is even more intoxicating than any kind of alcohol and it pushes you towards impulsive and reckless decisions that can come crashing down around you…and then you just find more pain to replace the wounds you had finally mended."
She looked up startled and realized she'd actually said all of that aloud. Jack was looking at her with a confused look on his face; the poor man really had no idea what was going on with her life. She preferred it that way; she didn't want to advertise her mistakes.
So Lisbon did what she could to save face. She glanced down at her watch, "I have to go, lunch break is almost up and I have a lecture soon."
"Yeah of course," Jack agreed standing up, "Listen, thanks for telling me your war stories. They really are amazing."
"Oh I wouldn't go that far," Lisbon said, blushing a little at the compliment. "I'll…uh see you later," she said before walking away. She was a little eager to get out of there. Jack might have been genuinely interested in her previous career path but what it had really done was dredge up some painful memories of her past. Mistakes that she would prefer to stay buried.
Lisbon did what she could to calm herself down after the unsettling lunch but the memories were too potent. It was why she found herself on her knees in the bathroom, heaving over the toilet to rid herself of what meager sustenance she'd had. It wasn't the first time she'd wound up like this, probably why she was ten pounds under her normal weight. That and her favorite meal was coffee at the moment.
Finally she stood up and made her way to the sink so she could wash her mouth our and splash some of the water onto her face. She looked far too pale and tired but that wasn't new either, six months out of the California sun had robbed her of what little color she'd had.
The bathroom door opened and Jackie Tanner came in and immediately pulled out a tube of lipstick. She was the pretty one at the Academy, the one who had perfect blonde hair, dark brown eyes and impeccable grooming. She had a rather vapid personality to go with her looks but she was mostly harmless, not that Lisbon was hung out with her much to know otherwise.
"Oh, hey, Teresa," Jackie said, pouting her lips to reapply her lipstick. "How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," Lisbon replied, wadding up a paper towel into a tight ball.
"I saw you with Jack at lunch," she said coyly, giving her a sly look, "nice choice."
Lisbon flinched. "It's not like that. He sat down and asked me a few questions about my job in California. That's all."
"For now…"
She gave the other woman a curious look; Lisbon knew when someone was trying to play a game. "Why are you saying it like that?"
Jackie popped her lips and put the tube away before looking smug. "I wasn't supposed to say anything but Jack was asking about you yesterday."
"What?"
"Not like a stalker, he just wanted to know more about you, what your story was and, of course, if you were single or not."
Lisbon froze; the pain was swift and strong. She hated it, hated the reminder of her relationship status. Worse than any facebook page, not that she was even on that site. "What did you tell him?" It was stupid, Jackie didn't know, no one here did.
"I told him that as far as I knew you were," Jackie eyed her, "you are aren't you?"
"Well…yes," Lisbon said, practically chocking on the word, "but I…I don't know."
"Oh come on, he's cute, single and really sweet. If I wasn't married I'd snatch him up."
Lisbon did flinch now; the word married is what did it. "I'm just not here to date," Lisbon said simply, "I'm not even here permanently."
Jackie fluffed her hair and dismissed it. "You never know. Besides it doesn't have to be a relationship, you two could just have a good time together."
Yeah, that was what she needed. Casual sex with a coworker. That was what got her into this mess in the first place.
She shook her head. "I'm just not interested right now, I have too much going on."
But Jackie obviously didn't believe her. "Think about it, it can't hurt to go out with him once." She didn't stick around to get any more protests from Lisbon, just walked out of the bathroom with her face once more flawless.
Lisbon stared at the empty space for a while before she somehow stumbled out of the bathroom and made her way down the hallway to her small and temporary office. It was neat and sparse as opposed to the ones who worked full time but she did have a few papers littering the desk but no personal touches.
She sank down in the chair behind her desk like a sack of flour; she felt almost deadweight, as if she couldn't move at all. Words were drifting through her mind. "Married", "Red John", and "Mistakes". But the first one was the one that stuck with her the most.
So Jack wanted to ask her out. She should be flattered but all she felt was pain and guilt. She shouldn't be feeling that way, she had nothing to be guilty for…but she did. She didn't want to be here, didn't want to be having lunch with Jack and she really didn't want to be in Chicago teaching officers how to be cops…not when what she really wanted to was to be a cop.
She finally cradled her head in her hands and let the tears fall, not the first tears she'd shed over the past six months, but not the gut wrenching sobs in that hospital either. These tears were quiet crooning of the very unhappy but there was no way she could fix it.
Some things were just too broken.
Somehow Lisbon managed to pick herself back up in the privacy of her office, no one knew she'd broken down and even better, no one knew why. She got through another short lecture, this one a smaller class that was on more specific scenarios involving using outside resources for casework. Then she got the phone call from the head administrator, the woman who had first contacted her six months ago about this job opening.
Lisbon made her way to the office with a little trepidation. She had a feeling she knew what this was about. The six months were rapidly drawing to a close, her sabbatical was going to be over with and no doubt there were a few phone calls to and from California about this situation.
She wasn't ready to go back. She wasn't sure if she would ever be.
Barbara Hennings was in her office finishing up a phone call when Lisbon politely knocked on her door. She waved her in and hung up the phone after a pleasant goodbye. "Teresa, thanks for coming. How are you?"
"I'm fine," she answered as honestly as she could. "Still settling in I suppose, I'm not used to being a teacher."
"From what I understand you have done a very admirable job, the officers are all talking about your classes positively."
Lisbon shrugged. "That might just be from the crazy stories I use as examples."
Barbara grinned. "You're also exactly the kind of person they are aspiring to be. A state agent with high solve rate, the one who caught more than one big fish in the day. Volker, Red John and so many others."
She eyed Barbara. "You didn't bring me here to talk about my track record."
"No, I asked you here to talk about your future."
Lisbon settled into her chair and braced herself for this. "I know my sabbatical is up in a few weeks."
"And you must be anxious to return to California," Barbara said slyly, "But I'm hoping that maybe I can change your mind."
That caught her interest. "What are you offering?"
"A permanent position as an instructor here, good salary, full benefits and more," Barbara explained, "I have friends at the FBI who have heard about your work here. They are interested in extending and offer to be a guest lecturer at Quantico once or twice a year."
"The FBI?"
"It's not just state police that are having to work outside of law enforcement, the FBI needs to learn how to work with civilian contractors just as much as anyone else," she explained. "You'll get a lot of good exposure, eventually you could probably write your own ticket. And you know that this will last longer than chasing down suspects, and it's easier on the personal life."
Lisbon sat still as Barbara continued, oblivious to the pain her good intentions were causing. "It's a lot easier to have a family when you aren't having to get up at three in the morning to go to another crime scene. You could settle down, get some actual sleep at night. Not have to worry about what monsters will haunt you at the end of each day."
She finally looked up and met Barbara's eyes. "It's a very interesting offer."
"But you aren't going to take it?"
"I didn't say that," Lisbon explained. A year ago she would have easily said "No, thanks" but right now she was desperate to avoid going back to California. No, she wasn't a big fan of being a teacher instead of a cop but it would mean not having to face the mistakes she had made ever again.
A fresh new start. That was appealing.
"I'll have to think about it," Lisbon said.
Barbara smiled, clearly believing that she'd hooked this fish in. "Take your time."
She left the office feeling a little out of sorts. She wasn't entirely sure what she was going to do with her life at the moment but at least she had options. She wouldn't have to go back, wouldn't have memories following her wherever she went. She could live in a place where no one knew what a complete fool she had been.
Why not take it?
Lisbon opened the door to her apartment and was greeted by the sound of silence. That was what she was used to. She didn't mind, the pang of loneliness no longer affected her; all she wanted to do was put on her sweatpants and enjoy a beer…or maybe some tequila. And that is what she did; her ratty grey sweats replaced her work attire and she found a small glass for her nightly drink. But a knock at the door stopped her before she could take out her drink.
She stifled a groan and shoved the glass away before heading towards the door. She wasn't at all surprised to see her brother James on the other side. One of her brothers almost always stopped by or called nowadays to check up on her. "Oh wow, I guess Will had a late meeting today?"
"What is that supposed to mean?" James asked as he stepped into the apartment.
"Gee I don't know? Maybe that you guys are constantly checking up on me?"
"We are not."
She rolled her eyes. "Tommy stopped by this weekend, you called me yesterday. Will's wife brought over a casserole and Annie even called me this morning and I know I heard Tommy in the background telling her what to say."
James actually looked shameful now. "We're not really that bad are we?"
"Yes you are," Lisbon replied and grabbed the previously discarded glass to put it back in the cabinet. "I've been here six months; I think the settling in period has passed."
But that didn't put her brother at ease. "The 'settling in period'? I thought this was supposed to be temporary?"
"It was, I mean it is," She corrected but not soon enough.
James didn't look at all happy by that slip of the tongue. "You said that you were just taking a leave of absence, that you would go back when the class at the academy here ended…which is next week."
"Well…" Lisbon sighed, "They offered me a permanent position."
"And you took it?"
"No, I said I'd think about it." Then she shrugged, "But why not? It's a good salary and benefits."
His mouth dropped open. "But you are a state agent. It's what you trained for! Not a teacher behind some desk."
"I'm training people James, you know the same training you went through before you joined the CPD," Lisbon reminded him icily.
"But it's not what you wanted."
"Maybe I changed my mind."
James shook his head. "What about your team? You loved working with them. Are you just going to leave them now like this?"
That actually did make Lisbon pause and she closed her eyes to try and ignore the pain that welled up. She did miss her team. She missed a lot of other things too like the heat of California, the coffee from the rooftop café and the rush of finally solving a case. She missed all of those things.
But she couldn't go back.
"My team is fine. For one thing, they are all adults so they can take care of themselves." Lisbon replied, "Cho has been head of the unit before, they'll follow his lead and everything will be good."
"So that's it? You're going to move back here permanently?"
"Probably."
James nodded and was quiet for a moment, Lisbon turned around and pretending to be straightening things out in her cupboard. She thought that maybe the conversation was over but then James had one more card to play.
"What does your husband have to say about this?"
She froze like a puddle in winter.
How dare he bring that up? For six months her brothers had bent over backwards to avoid talking about her marital status, now James had done the unthinkable and slapped it in her face.
Screw it; she was going for the tequila.
Lisbon didn't look at her brother once as she pulled the amber bottle from the top of her cabinet. "I don't have a husband," she declared as she rummaged around for a glass.
If James was bothered by her choice of beverage he didn't show it, instead he seemed more surprised by her words. "You got a divorce?"
"I sent the papers last week," she explained and then downed the mouthful of tequila she'd poured. She turned around to see her brother looking at her as if she was insane. "What?"
"Don't you think this is a little rash?"
"Oh you've got to be kidding me!" She declared and slammed the glass down on the counter. "You said I rushed into a marriage—"
"You did rush into a marriage."
"—Now you are telling me that I'm rushing a divorce?" Lisbon continued, "I mean, what the hell?"
"I just think that you need to think things through, Teresa."
"What's there to think about? I made a huge mistake and it's over." She shrugged and took another drink.
James shook his head. "It's a bit more complicated then that, you are ending a marriage."
"I'm fixing a mistake."
"Are you sure this is what you want?" James asked.
Lisbon turned around to gape at him. "You want me to stay married to him? When I first told you about what happened you told me I had lost my mind."
"This isn't about me or my opinion on your choice of husband," James explained, "I just…I feel like maybe you haven't dealt with this." His voice was gentle and pleading now. "You moved out here without a word, you never talk to him, you never talk about him…I'm just afraid that maybe you are trying to bury your pain."
Lisbon tossed back another drink. "You know the best way to end the pain…cut it off," she said dryly, "this is for the best."
"Is that what he thinks?"
She scoffed at her brother. "Trust me, he doesn't want to stay married any more than I do."
"You asked him?"
"Don't have to," she explained simply, "I already know." She looked down at the glass in her hand, running her thumb over the rim.
James was quiet for a moment before putting a hand on his sister's shoulder. "Teresa…" he began gently.
"I'll be fine, James," Lisbon told him before he could continue, "It's over and that's that. Time to start over right?"
He studied his sister for a long while before nodding his head. "Okay."
She didn't look at him as he walked towards the door, her gaze now settled on the wall to her left. "James," she called out, still not meeting his gaze, "thanks for stopping by." Her voice had a cool edge that she couldn't seem to shake anymore.
James didn't say anything but she heard the door shut softly behind him. Lisbon poured a liberal amount of tequila in the glass and after a slight hesitation, poured a little more in before gulping it down. Sometimes a little self-medication was absolutely necessary.
Her head was spinning soon enough; she wound up collapsed on her bed staring at the ceiling. In her hand she toyed with the one relic of her marriage she had been stupid enough to keep: her wedding ring.
That was all she had…that and the memories.
Visions swam before her alcohol glazed eyes. Bright lights of Las Vegas, her simple white dress, the bouquet of fake flowers crushed in her hands.
And the wedding night.
She tried to stifle the memories of soft laughter and passionate kisses. She remembered how she'd felt so blissfully happy. "They'll think we're crazy," she'd told him to which he'd just smiled. "Then I never want to be sane again."
A tear slid down her cheek but she didn't brush it away. They had been crazy…or maybe just fools. Fools to think that after everything that had happened that maybe they would finally get what they deserved. That thought really was crazy.
Lisbon tossed the ring across and room and rolled over to bury her face in her pillow, the cloud of alcohol making the room tilt.
Her marriage was over and that was the end of it.
A/N: So Lisbon is married...well who's the lucky husband? (hint, if you know me it really shouldn't be that difficult to figure out)
In the next chapter as Lisbon continues to struggle with her life she gets a surprise visit from her husband, the reason for it may not be what you assume hehehe.
