Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy, et al.
So ... here's the deal ... this is a sequel fic ... I personally believe you should read "Eyes Wider than Before" (find the link on my profile) if you want to fully appreciate this story ... but ... I'll leave that up to you.
With that said, this fic (to me anyway) is like magic - or a magical, mystifying looking glass - hmm, it's hard to explain, but I know in my heart you will all enjoy it. Because it is a different view ... though a looking glass, a rose colored one.
The story is short compared to other stories I have written. It is dramatic without drama ... it is unique ... one of a kind ... but most of all it's calming and full of peace and love, but energetic and quite sussy at times too (the rating will change to M within the first few chapters).
There are just 12 chapters and you'll soon understand my rationale for that. It is a ficlet in terms of my usual stuff ... but ... it is special and I do hope you enjoy it AND tell me about it!
Oh and just in case you've never heard this song written by Johnny Nash in the 70's, but more widely known for the 90's release by Jimmy Cliff, go find a link and take a listen, lyrics below.
I Can See Clearly Now
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
I think I can make it now, the pain is gone
All of the bad feelings have disappeared
Here is the rainbow I've been prayin' for
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
Look all around, there's nothin' but blue skies
Look straight ahead, nothin' but blue skies
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,
I can see all obstacles in my way
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
It's gonna be a bright (bright), bright (bright)
Sun-Shiny day.
###
Chapter 1 – Sense
"I am your parent; you are my child."
Where there is light, there is life – though in this life, right here, right now – there are only senses, shades of gray and some even darker … black, simple, clean, yet fragmented and endless too … and then there are some that are light and even brighter still … and those … those are the special ones.
For those are comprised of life – the ebb and flow of the shadows – it's life, a shoal of movement … it's movement across an eddy … the destination still so unclear, yet perfectly aligned – so aligned it must fate or destiny or the magical stuff of star-crossed lovers – it's the stuff of the road not taken or the new direction en-route to the new life.
And inside this tiny new life, there are only soft sounds within those dancing shadows of darkness and light and life – there are coos of encouragement, melodic voices of reason, and the uncertainty of inexperience – but it's the shades of gray that are so captivating, some so dark and then others so light and even brighter still … yes, it's the shadows and the way they dance with the soft sounds that makes it all seem so surreal.
For I have arrived.
There are touches too – warm and delicate and gentle and responsive – for they mean something and somehow they transcend to mean 'everything', especially those caresses from the shadows of the brighter and even brighter still, for their touches are the most cherished of all – they are special – they belong to me, for they are my parents and I am their child.
I belong to them, and they to me … for all time.
###
Meredith smiled at Ruby – her dark green eyes fixed, quiet, alert – the glow from the hearth adding just another whimsical element to her serene beauty. Meredith's heart gave out, for she was still in quiet awe of the baby, so new and so instantly cherished above all else in the world.
And it was during these times of instant connection that Meredith could really gather a sense of their daughter – the wonder set deep inside her eyes, her spiritual calm and genius – she was amazing and had become the light of their lives since her birth only two and half weeks ago. Leaning over, she pressed a lingering kiss to the baby's head – she smelled like home, fresh and new and uniquely sweet – she pulsed her lips once, silently breathing her in and making sure of her all at the same time.
Pulling back, she smiled and grabbed the empty mugs from the table and stood, peering down at Ruby once more – safely situated on the middle of the coffee table, strapped securely in her bouncy seat, vibrating away – her eyes still alert, awake and mystifying. Meredith turned back to the task at hand and approached the sink, washing the mugs absentmindedly now she spied Derek and Owen out by the clearing near the water.
She dried her hands – ever-mindful of her new heirloom now – the stones sparkled brilliantly against the bright overcast light from the windows, she smiled and then shivered as she often did when she turned her back on the warmth of the hearth – the focal point of their home – the center of their living and dining rooms, their tiny acknowledgment of perpetual heat and reception. Righting herself, she leaned up on her toes and craned her neck to get a better view of the men and then she chuckled, watching the two surgeons debate about where a retaining fence should be erected along the water's edge.
All the while, Meredith argued that they had years to think about such things, but men would be men and when one particular surgical junkie was on paternity leave it seemed it was his posse's purpose to entertain those maniacal ideas, especially the ones keeping said surgical junkie up at night. In the end Meredith knew she would acquiesce, after all Derek was a daddy and if this was the daddy-ish thing he wanted to do first, then so be it (although her next recommendation would for him to hire a professional to do it).
She set the mugs on the drying rack and turned to find Cristina coming down the hallway – her friend looked tired, although she would argue she wasn't as tired as Meredith was – and to that point, Meredith herself wouldn't argue, for despite the apparent bliss of new motherhood, she was beyond fatigued. Blinking hard, she tried to hydrate her dry eyes as she smiled at her dear friend.
"You look tired," Cristina offered, stifling s yawn of her own. "How can you stay awake with the fire raging on like this? It's tiring, like eating turkey on Thanksgiving," she joked, sitting back down at her spot on the sofa.
Meredith sat down too and the women gazed at Ruby for a beat in time watching the baby with a keen eye, seeing now a spark of recognition before she slowly turned her head and looked straight at Cristina.
"Ruby really likes you," Meredith cooed, reaching out, she massaged the baby's toes through her footed pajamas.
"She's amazing," Cristina sighed with a soft voice she seemed to save for the baby. Her face softened too. "You'd think I would be able to come up with something more creative by now …," she mused, the worries of the world all but gone when she looked at her.
"But she is amazing," Meredith doted with a giggle.
"She is," Cristina sighed, reflecting now too. She bumped her friend with her elbow and gave her a sidelong glance. "I might have to say it again," she warned with a smirk.
"And I won't stop you, she was hard work," Meredith giggled, her cheeks pink already.
"I know she was," she smiled. "And I'm very proud of you Meredith Grey," she said sincerely yet again.
"Thank you Cristina Yang," Meredith answered, predictable tears crowded her eyes laughing while those tears retreated.
Cristina draped her arm along her friend's shoulder and squeezed, the women heard the men outside on the stone walkway now – their raucous laughter and backslapping only adding to the balance of testosterone and estrogen – Meredith giggled and shook her head, Cristina snorted and their eyes fell on Ruby again and just like that the baby was once again ensconced into the mix.
"Tell me she likes me more than she likes Izzie and it'll make my day," Cristina whispered after minute, reaching up, she set her hand along the baby's warm thigh and leaned forward, locking her eyes with the baby's quiet ones.
"I can't do that," Meredith admonished with a giggle, sticking her elbow into her friend's ribs. "She's too young to be jaded and play favorites," she added with a wry grin.
Cristina smiled and leaned closer to Ruby. "You know … I would have made a birthday cake for you too, if I knew how to bake," she kidded conspiratorially, her voice as soft as a whisper, maybe even softer as she ran her delicate surgeon's fingers along Ruby's even more delicate cheek.
Meredith melted inside, there was something so magical about seeing Cristina with Ruby – it was like they were soul-sisters or maybe it was this glimpse of Cristina as a child – Meredith of course had seen this look of wonderment before, any cool surgery could mystify the woman, but this – the softness, the humbleness, the quiet fortitude she reserved for Ruby – well, it just seemed to whisk her intensity away until all that remained was Cristina the woman, the surgeon (the Ellis Grey in her) somehow disappeared and it was remarkable.
Ruby sighed, shivering slightly. Cristina turned to Meredith who appeared a million miles away. She smiled at her friend, still completely amazed by her – so amazed she didn't quite know how to put her finger on it – all she did know was that she was born to be a mother and it somehow didn't surprise her at all now that Ruby was in the mix.
The baby sighed breathlessly again, breaking the spell on the old friends. "May I?" Cristina asked, turning the pulse of the seat off.
"Sure," Meredith smiled, looking on as Cristina unfastened the belt strap and lifted Ruby, cradling her in her arms.
The weather-stripping on the front door squeaked and time started to move again – a gust of cooler, fresh air breezed through the open doorway bringing with it a charge of testosterone – the women eyed each other as did the men as they came around the entrance way and smiled.
"Now there's a picture to get used to," Derek teased, his happy eyes moving from player to player, finally locking his eyes with Meredith's, she smiled in return, their secret line of communication open now.
"She's a natural," Meredith quipped, her eyes landing on Owen's for a beat. "Though I think it has more to do with Ruby, remember when Tuck was a baby and you had to watch him?" she teased relentlessly, her mind instantly wandering to a time when things in her life were so unsettled.
"Oh c'mon that was different!" Cristina defended. "Bailey was torturing me!" she cackled, her eyes softening around the edges when she made contact with Owen, taking in his more relaxed physique, for time away from the hospital, even a day and a half seemed to do wonders for the man.
"Something tells me it might have been the other way around," Owen teased from his spot.
"Oh you have that right," Derek chided with a smirk before he headed to the sink to wash his hands.
Owen smirked knowingly before he slipped his jacket off and hung it on a peg by the door, squirted his hands with some antibacterial gel and promptly sat down next to Cristina. The lovers leaned into one another, their fit comfortable, their relationship working very well for both of them – though maybe it was just them and their circumstances and the where and how of their meeting – Meredith would still argue that sending Cristina to work with Owen was one of the most insightful decisions he had ever made, though he would always counter with the one decision he would never regret: getting on that plane and flying into the unknown to meet Meredith in Darwin.
Derek sat down next to Meredith, he pressed a kiss to her temple and breathed her in – she smelled like home, like Ruby and burning wood and the sweet islands all rolled into one – yeah, she smelled like home. He held her close and felt her succumb to his heat and therein he once again realized there was no place on earth he would rather be than right here, right now. He ran his hands up and down her back; she stifled a yawn, swallowing it with a giggle. Derek met her eyes and decided she looked beautiful, albeit fatigued, she still blew him away with those green, endless eyes of hers.
Cristina held Ruby close, rocking the sweet baby in her arms as she spoke to her in a soft whisper. "Now, when you meet Bailey, don't be fooled by her 'mama bear' hugs, she can be the devil inside … has a real mean streak," she cooed, raising her eyebrow to Ruby's knitted one. "Don't look so pensive little one," she laughed. "She'll be nice to you, she'll love you and if she isn't … you just let me know, I can handle her," she whispered conspiratorially.
Ruby stirred in her arms and craned her neck back and away – Meredith looked on with interest as Ruby pressed her hand against the swell of Cristina's breast – the women found each other's eyes and everyone shared a laugh.
Cristina looked down to the baby. "You won't find what you're looking for there kid," she teased before she pressed a kiss to her baby temple and handed the bundle of love to Meredith. "That's our cue," she smiled tilting her head up, she met Owen's gaze.
###
Derek sighed and added another log to the fire, positioning it just adjacent to the two crackling pieces of wood already there – the log ignited, white hot-blue flames encased the whole fresh wood – porous pockets crackled and hissed, popping with life from the infiltration of heat. The fire came to life – wild, superfluous flames, orange with bright sunlit tips twirled up and around, up and around – the fragrant smoke wafted up the flue, swoosh, swoosh, up and out into the late afternoon sky. Everything was quiet save for the fire. Everything.
Derek shifted on his feet, standing now from his crouched position; he kept his eyes on the fire for a beat – he took a deep breath in, he loved this element of their home, the hearth, the center, the heart – it pulsed with energy and teemed with a life all it's own. The new heat lapped at his body and the raging fire became more manageable unto itself. He glanced down to his watch and considered the time and in that note, he headed to the kitchen to wash his hands.
Once at the sink, his eyes scanned the landscape down by the water – Owen was right, the retaining fence should start closer to the dock by about a foot, maybe two, leaving a little more room around Doc's resting place – a smile formed along his face and before he knew it he was thinking about their old trusted connector … so much had happened, but so little had changed, for he and Meredith, their connection was stronger than ever before.
He dried his hands and crossed the space to the fridge where he pulled one of his mother's pies out – convinced now that the famous moniker 'Shepherd's Pie' was named for her version of the comfort food delicacy – he set the pie down on the counter and set the oven to pre-heat, his mind and eyes wandering over the landscape outside now while he waited for the oven chime, calculating now, the timing would be perfect timing for his mother's arrival for an early dinner.
A stock image of her with the baby flew through his mind then and he held on tight, for there was nothing like seeing a grandparent with a new grandchild, especially when that new grandchild was (finally) of his own flesh and blood. And she had been wonderful to have around – for all of them – her voice of reason, her calm and collected way she handled Ruby (and Meredith and him too), well, it somehow reminded him that parenthood is forever and that his mother was his mother: special.
And busy, she really managed to keep herself busy in couple of weeks since Ruby was born and would likely stay another couple of week to make sure everything was settled with 'her boys'. And to that point, she headed out today with Mark – apartment hunting – and while the rest of the pack was curious to see how long it would take for him to ask Callie to move in with him, his mother believed they were already living together. Which pleased her and shocked everyone else – but she was firm, said she had a feeling about these things – to which Derek replied with a hearty cackle, 'where were those words about things like that before he married Addison'.
The oven chimed and Derek set the pie to bake, setting the timer for one hour and an automatic shut off. With his chores seemingly finished, he listened for Meredith, having retreated to nurse Ruby shortly after Cristina and Owen departed – she hadn't resurfaced – no doubt in his mind now that he'd find his girls asleep, and with that in mind he thought to join them, padding quietly down the hallway, a wry grin plastered to his face – Mark and Callie living together – his smile only widening when he stopped just inside Ruby's bedroom door and lost himself once again at the sight before him.
And like the many times he had come to see them this way already – tears pricked his eyes – Ruby lay at Meredith's breast, her magical gateways closed to the world, his woman also tired, her endless gateways also closed, for they were one unto each other – mother to daughter, daughter to mother – fantastic energy effortlessly flowing between them as they rested. And no, he still couldn't quite define the way in which he watched them transcend to this place of calm and necessary fortitude. But they did, over and over again.
He sighed and shifted on his feet, taking a step closer to see the speed of Ruby's suction – Meredith's heavy eyes popped open – her gateways crystal clear, though she looked at him through this new euphoric haze of hers he sometimes saw after she nursed the baby.
"Hey," she whispered, meeting his cloudless blue eyes for a beat as he came to lean against the armchair – he was tired too – she surmised before she kissed his perfect-fit lips.
"Hmm, hey … are you tired?" he asked softly before he glanced down and ran his fingertip along the baby's flushed cheek. Meredith smiled inside her daze and looked up, her eyes twinkled in the dim afternoon light, her hair both down and wild framed her face perfectly.
"Hmm, nap time," she mused, stifling a yawn followed by her breathless giggle, Derek pressed a kiss to her temple and she leaned into his innate heat, lean, lean, lean, her eyes laden with weight. "I think she's about finished," she whispered. "Do you want to take her," she sighed, gently easing the baby from her weak hold on her breast.
Ruby's eyes popped open and she stared Derek. He smiled and held her close. "Hi baby," he cooed, moving to change her diaper.
Meredith watched Derek change Ruby's diaper while she refastened her bra, reaching into the deep pocket of the armchair; she pulled out a new disposable breast pad and slipped it into place. Smiling as she eyed Derek, his back to her while he worked she marveled at his perfect ass and the flawless fit of his jeans and the way they hugged his trim hips in all the right places – even with sex off the table for the moment – he was sexy as hell and she could only smirk at her porny range of thoughts as she closed her eyes and listened contently to the man she loved coo and whisper with encouragement to their beloved daughter.
Derek finished changing Ruby's diaper and smiled down at her little cherubic face – crinkling his nose at her – he was smitten and already so amazed by how remarkable she was. Her dark green eyes met his ocean blues; he watched her focus intensely on his face now as he worked to fasten her pajamas back up, careful not to agitate the healing flesh of her belly button. Satisfied the snaps were aligned, he scooped the baby up and held her close, cradling her head with one hand and her tush with the other as he turned around and found Meredith, the dim afternoon light cascading down around her from the nearby window – and lost himself somewhere within the vast serenity lodged along her face – she was nothing short of an angel on earth.
"Let's take mommy to bed," he said softly, leaning down he pressed a soothing kiss to Meredith's temple.
Derek felt her shift in the comfortable chair; she tilted her head up, her eyes still closed. A small smile appeared along her face before her hand found the nape of his neck where she gently pulled him towards her.
"Kiss me," she whispered softly into his ear, pressing her lips to his flesh there, pulse, pulse.
And so he did, pulling away just enough to kiss her then with just the right amount of everything – eyes open now – they held each other inside the moment, losing sight of themselves for a beat of immeasurable time. Ruby sighed and the new parents smiled. Derek held his hand out for Meredith wherein she grasped his hand and pulled herself up, her legs like rubber bands, she righted herself.
"I'm dazed," she mused happily.
Derek chuckled, holding Ruby close as they entered their inner sanctuary – the rest of the world nothing but a figment here, breathing now, he took a breath of the sweet, familiar air and let it cleanse him as he released – he took another deep breath, this time his lips pressed to Ruby's baby soft hair where he breathed her in and found his peace of mind. He pulled the covers back for Meredith as she padded into the room after him, tipping her head up; she planted a sweet kiss upon his lips and slipped into the warmth and comfort of their bed with a substantial sigh of appreciation. Derek chuckled and leaned over to carefully deposit Ruby into the shell of Meredith's body. Meredith inched closer where the alert baby found her mother's shadowy face almost immediately.
Derek watched the encounter as he slipped into bed with them, still so fascinated by Ruby's quiet intensity, resting his head on the heel of his hand, he reflected and met Meredith's gaze for a moment where she smiled and so did he. He continued to watch, making note of Meredith's unwillingness to close her tired eyes on their love baby – for he knew she couldn't do it – as tired as she was, she couldn't turn her back or her face away from Ruby, not if the little life force was awake.
And then he truly smiled because in all the time Derek had known Meredith this somehow made her even stronger in his eyes – for even at the height of her internship, he had always marveled at her stamina and endurance – even more so considering the emotional duress under which she had operated during that time in her life … a time in their lives when the storm of 'them' raged all around them without recourse.
Meredith smiled softly when she caught him watching her – he looked tired, but sated and happy – new fatherhood had been good to him so far and if at all possibly mad her fall even deeper in love with him, for she wouldn't have believed it to be true, but now she knew, with Ruby's presence in their lives that anything was possible. Anything.
Small tears of happiness flooded her eyes; she rapidly blinked them away, focusing once again on Ruby's endless green gateways, pools of holy water, swirling and swirling … so magical and spiritual and somehow all-consuming. She looked up to find Derek's pensive eyes and watched them soften and crinkle around the edges, the long afternoon shadows adding yet another layer of depth she hadn't noticed before … and in that moment, she realized that maybe he had fallen a little more in love with her too. She smiled and found Ruby's eyes again, leaning down she pressed a lingering kiss to her soft baby skin.
"I love you," she soothed, their eyes transfixed with strong mother-daughter bonds still in the making. Meredith sighed and smiled – what more could she say – she mused silently, staring at Ruby still, quite unable to turn away from the baby's endless, green, hopeful, connecting eyes.
Derek inched closer and ran his fingertips along Ruby's left cheek, his side – he smiled when she reflexively turned her head and found his eyes instead – such a smart baby. "Hi baby," he whispered, watching the intensity by which she scrutinized his face. He smiled broadly. "Let's let mommy sleep," he whispered, darting his eyes up to meet Meredith's for a split-second before he engaged with Ruby again.
Meredith giggled and rested her head down on her pillow, moving her free hand to Ruby's thigh where she brushed her fingertips along Derek's, silently connecting, he moved his fingers along her heirloom ring, around and around he went as she finally closed her eyes and let sleep come for her because they were all okay, survivors of those storms that put them right here, right now – a new family napping together inside their enclave, nana on her way to see her latest miracle – and with one final sigh of satisfaction, the velvety darkness of deep, sated sleep came for Meredith and it was divine.
She listened to Derek whisper to Ruby, connecting with her – his joy evident with each passing murmur – for as tired as he was, he took care of his family. Because it wasn't about them anymore, for he was Ruby's father and her insightful lover and therein he knew she wouldn't just sleep if Ruby was awake and connecting … no, not yet, for she was too new to know or feel loneliness.
"Sleep baby," Derek encouraged softly, training his eyes on Ruby's as he leaned forward and kissed the bridge of her nose.
He pulled away and ran his fingertip back and forth, slowly, slowly up and down the small bridge – her eyes still locked on his – they stared at one another … still infatuated … still connected – slowly, slowly, slowly – he watched her eyes dip shut and the open once more and then he wondered if she too wouldn't stand for loneliness – he smiled, like mother like daughter – and therein he slowly, slowly soothed and coaxed the baby into a peaceful slumber and much like her mommy, she finally acquiesced.
"That's right baby … sleep," Derek encouraged, finally resting his head upon his pillow. "Sleep now, nana's coming for dinner," he whispered softly, watching with bated breath as his girls slept – the comfort of the Shepherd's Pie, evident in the air now, the fire crackled and popped in the distance – his eyes dipped shut. "Sleep … we'll always be here," he promised and he meant it.
###
The grayscale shadows of light and life become darker and darker still, but their life force is still there – omnipresent, so strong and meaningful and powerful it is all I can suddenly sense and feel – and within the energy of those disappearing shadows, my own portals to the shallow depths of my new world begin to close and I am once again alone, but not lonely. No, never lonesome.
For much like my time spent in the dark velvety underworld from whence I came – the reverberations, the cherished and familiar sounds of my shadows, those of my parents – are stronger than ever before, for I am with them now, not only in spirit but in body and mind as well.
Relaxing, I instinctively match the intake of the sweet, hot, woodsy air of my homestead into my body, my exhales also shallow as I let myself bask in the sounds of my parents as they dream and sleep, those peaceful sounds of their bodies as they too began to rest.
And as I drift off, the sounds of my new life are only more soothing as I hear in the far off distance, the familiar hiss and crackle of the family hearth I would grow up to love and appreciate and keep warm by, for it is also special, cohesive via a hot band of it's own wild shadows – and much like a heart – it has a life force of it's own making.
And so I let the sounds of my new life lull me off to a dark and easy slumber by which there are no forms of light and no forms of shadows, though my connection remains intact via small touches, simple caresses and words of love and appreciation – for it is their acute happiness I feel – and I can feel it even now, even when I am lost within my own sleepy world of dreams.
Yes, I can feel it, I can feel the power of 'them' – for I belong to them, and they to me – they are my parents for all time … whether I am awake or asleep, I am theirs and they are mine.
"I am your quiet place; you are my wild."
Chapter 2 to follow.
