No I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all that's waiting is regret
And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most
My heart had been broken; torn, ripped up, and bleeding. Stomped on and left behind by you, the woman who had first shown me love. Kagome changed that, she hadn't mended my heart, but completely healed it, as if it hadn't ever been broken. But then you came back…my heart knew I needed Kagome, but my brain wouldn't let go of your love, what might have been. I know in my heart of hearts that your betrayal and death had hurt, been agonizing, but leaving Kagome would kill me. I would always regret letting Kagome slip through my fingers.
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
After I woke 50 years after you pinned me to the tree of ages, I was… a shell of my former self, I thought I had found love. Someone to heal the hurt, to care for and protect, just as they would do for me. Only to find that stolen away from me.
I haven't ever felt this way before; with you I felt a cold passion, love like fresh snow, beautiful, sparkling, but cold, and something that would melt over time. But Kagome…her love is a bonfire that warms my heart and spirit. Now you're back Kikyo, you want me again, and part of me wanted you too… But now I now who I truly belong with.
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
I know how everytime I would run after you I would hurt Kagome…I almost drove her away for good. I know the turmoil in your heart, the remnants of our love, the bitterness, the dark, the ice…drowning in the despair of your own soul. I have felt it too. But I rose above it, and the woman I thought I knew would have been able to do the same. Everytime I would come to you, and you knew Kagome was there…weren't you just a little bit…pleased? Happy to know that if we could and would never be together, that Kagome would suffer, leave me for good. So that we would both know the pain you carried in you chest.
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
The ice you hold close to you chest, to stem the flow of blood from your hurt, it won't let you live and it won't let you die. You are frozen, you cannot move on forced to stand backwards in time, looking at what had happened. Agonizing over the mistakes. You can't stay like this forever Kikyo, I have to move on and so do you.
I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms
I have finally grown strong enough to…to…let you go.
I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are
We were so different, but we fell in love. But did you fall in love with me, or the thought of being free and having me…as a human. Did you want to use me as an excuse to use the Shikon no Tama, a way for someone to make an unselfish wish? I know you loved me, longed to be free of the Shikon Jewel, but you didn't love me enough to love me as a hanyou.
And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I would have missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back
Now I finally have wised up to the fact that Kagome is all I need, I'm glad I did before I chased her away. Even still I don't know how to tell her. But, Kikyo, I can't ever go back to you.
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
And who do you think you are
Running around leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Don't come back at all
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
Who do you think you are
You were loving, kind, strong, yet cold and prejudiced. I think I could have broken through your icy shell, but then again…maybe not. Even dead I still see the woman I use to know, past all of the bitterness, the wish to have us suffer with you, you still have love, and the drive to protect others. You have gotten colder, but I want to see you warm, the light in your eyes shining. But that light never could have shined for me, because we were both meant for others and other paths. You, Kikyo, are human. And I am only half, a half too little for you. But I have found someone that completes me, with her, I am more than a youkai, human, or even a hanyou. I am love, love fills me up, covers my skin, caresses my face, and heals my wounds.
I can't come back to you, Kikyo. I only wish you could feel this too.
Update from 2014: Ahh, the infamous song fic. Not sure why I ever thought that that was a good idea, but if you took the time to read this, my fourteen year old self thanks you! :)
Please comment and review if you feel the urge. Hopefully, I have improved since this was published, but constructive criticism is always appreciated!
