I do not own Cheese In The Trap

SunnyStorms: Thank you so much for your help to make this story flow better and eliminate my awkward English. ^_^


She doesn't trust me. I can see it written all over her face. My girlfriend, whose naked emotion I can easily read like an open book. Sometimes, I wish I couldn't because it crushes my heart.

She embraces me tighter, burying her face into my back as I carry her to the hospital. I make a face, remembering that she admitted she was afraid (of me). It's the sad face I only allow when I am alone or when no one can see.

She was scared (of me) when I reached out my hand to her after I caught the thief. She flinched away just like last year at the beginning when she only looked at me with doubt and fear. Those eyes pierce through my heart like knives from time to time.

I have come a long way. I even thought I had earned her trust; apparently, I am wrong yet again. She's still afraid of me, just like the thief had said. I had hugged her, pretending not to notice the loud scream of fears from her body. Because if I did then I would have had to admit that she wanted to get away from me. I hugged her to assure myself that she was still mine. I won't let his prediction come true, the one that said she will leave me. But seeing her reactions, I can't ease the tight knots in the pit of my stomach.

Not for the first time, I let the matter go, pretending not to see her uneasiness. She doesn't want to talk about it, so I will pretend I did not see it, too. I don't have much choice because she has always feared me deep down, still not trusting me even after all this time. No matter what I do. For the whole year we were getting along so well, having good times, but as soon as something reminds her of the past, her fears resurface. How easily she comes to doubt me and becomes uneasy without listening to my side of the story, like believing in Nam Joo Yeon's words without consulting me at all.

I am sometimes exhausted, but it hurts to let her go. I know how sensitive she is, but why is it so hard to earn her trust, something In Ho could easily do? It's his specialty. He earned her trust, getting to her little brother and getting along well with her friends as if they had been buddies forever. How easily he was able to get the very thing I have tried so hard to obtain. He was my father's favorite. I hope Sul will never think of him that way too. I may not say it, but I am afraid of the possibility. That's why I have tried so hard to separate them.

Sul and I started on the wrong foot. I remember how surprised and disturbed she was the first time I offered to buy her food. How much she must have wished to be anywhere but near me, yet I pretended not to see it. Just like right now.

I have come a long way, transforming from an obvious enemy in her eyes to an acquaintance then to a friend. She opened up to me bit by bit until I finally could claim a place beside her as her boyfriend—something I never foresaw. Yet as soon as something brings up the past, she flinches with fear. Even if it is just for a second, all my confidence is destroyed. I am exhausted. They are like sand castles, her trust and my confidence, that crumbles at the touch of wind and water. But I will wait.

I listen to the breathing of the woman on my back. As long as she doesn't push me away and lets me stay by her side, as her boyfriend, her lover, reserving that place for me and me alone, I will pretend I did not see her discomfort.

Our relationship is like a sand castle, but I will rebuild it over again and over again, as often as it takes until it becomes solid and stable. It is exhausting, I will not lie, but I do not want to let her go. It has taken me my whole life to finally find someone like her, someone I can say with my whole heart that I love and respect.

It won't be easy to reach the place where I want us to be. I know it will take a long time, and often she will shoot me that distrustful look that makes my heart clench with pain. But I will wait. I will love her enough to make her love me back. Someday, I will make sure that it happens.