Jackson sat curled up at the head of Aaron's bed, while Aaron sat on the side, his feet touching the floor. He drummed the duvet with his fingers, feeling awkward – even though he'd talked more about his feelings in the past six months than he had done in the rest of his life put together, it still didn't come easily. But Jackson was determined that they were going to sort things out properly, and Aaron wasn't stupid enough to blow the chance he was being offered.

"If we're going to give this another go, we really need to talk," said Jackson, watching Aaron intently, as he so often did, in the way that made Aaron feel transparent. "I know it would be easier just to ignore everything and just keep going – but we both deserve more than that."

Aaron nodded soberly. But he didn't know what to say.

"You say that you need me," continued Jackson. "And, y'know, most of the time I love being with you. Heck, I even love that you're unpredictable. But – never knowing what's coming next isn't all peaches and cream."

"I know, Jackson. I'm sorry, I really am. It won't happen again, honest."

Jackson lent his head back and looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, considering what to say next.

"What won't happen again, Aaron?"

"I won't go off on one at someone like Mickey. I'll listen to what you and Paddy say – things always get a bit… I mean, I tend to get carried away."

"Ok." Jackson was quiet for a bit, and Aaron wasn't sure whether or not the conversation was over. He really just wanted them to put it behind them, and use the bed for something other than talking. That side of things was surprisingly easy now, considering how terrified he'd been the first time – it felt natural, and they didn't have to think too much. In bed together, it was obvious how well they worked as a couple. It was only when they were dressed that things got tricky… Aaron couldn't help himself; he smirked.

Jackson smiled back, although the smile didn't reach his eyes – when they were lit up with happiness, it filled Aaron with a joy which made him realise that Jackson wasn't just a fling. Jackson's happiness meant so much to Aaron… and yet he seemed always to make Jackson sad or hurt.

"I really am sorry, Jay," he said softly. "I hate that my actions hurt you. I don't think."

"That's what worries me." Jackson looked carefully at Aaron. "Look, Aaron. Everything's fine now – we're calm, and you're happy to talk things through. That's what a relationship should be like – well, I suppose an ideal relationship wouldn't have the things to talk through, but this is good."

"Yeah," said Aaron, smiling uncertainly.

"But look, Aaron. I never know when it's going to stop being good. When something's going to send you over the edge."

"I know! I really will try and keep my temper at bay, I promise. I've already said I won't go and attack Mickey."

"It's not him I'm thinking about, Aaron." Jackson bit his lip, and looked down. "I'm worried… I'm worried you'll attack me. When things stop going well – what's to stop you hitting me again? And keep hitting me?"

Aaron was taken aback. He turned round on the bed, tucking his legs underneath him and facing Jackson. He reached out his hand and touched Jackson's knee – it wasn't exactly intimate, but he wanted to make some sort of physical connection. Jackson didn't pull away, but he didn't show any sign that he welcomed it either. The idea of Jackson being hurt appalled Aaron – the thought that Jackson would be scared of it happening… it tore at him.

"Jackson! I wouldn't. I really thought we'd put the – y'know – the time in the pub behind us. I thought you'd forgiven me?"

"Of course I've forgiven you Aaron – do you think I'd be here if I hadn't? I've forgiven, but I can't forget – oh I wish I could!"

"I'd kill anyone who hurt you!"

In a single quick motion, Jackson had knocked Aaron's hand away, and jumped to his feet.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about!" Jackson said fiercely. He would have shouted, if Paddy and Hazel hadn't been downstairs – and almost certainly listening closely for any signs of discord. "Do you think I want a boyfriend who'd 'kill' someone for me? Do you? Maybe when I was fifteen that would have seemed really sexy – like a superhero out to defend me. Do you know what seems sexy now? A boyfriend who cares about what I want; one who will hold my hand in public; a boyfriend who doesn't flinch whenever I use the word 'boyfriend'!"

"This is all new to me Jackson…"

"I have been more than patient! Ok, this isn't easy for you. I get that. But there has to come a point where we are boyfriends, and not just a big experiment for you to see if you can cope with being gay."

"That's not what this is!" protested Aaron. "I do care about you. I do care what you want."

"Really?" said Jackson. "And what is it that I want, Aaron? Do you even know?"

Aaron couldn't answer. He realised that he couldn't answer. Of course Jackson wanted happiness and health, but who didn't? He hated violence; he liked beer… but what were his deepest aspirations and fears? Aaron felt ashamed of himself. He ought to know these things about his boyfriend. But that didn't mean that Jackson meant nothing to him… Aaron wanted to explain that it was Jackson he cared about. Jackson's personality. The kindness and the warmth and the humour which radiated from him. Aaron might not ask Jackson about himself enough, but there was nobody whose heart he knew better. But none of this came out. He couldn't answer Jackson.

"Exactly. I'm getting tired of it, Aaron. This relationship is all give, and no take."

Any other time, Jackson would have been the first to raise his eyebrows and laughed at that inadvertent innuendo. But not today.

"Fine." Aaron face became closed. "Fine. If you want to leave me, like everyone else."

Jackson, who had been looking away, turned upon Aaron angrily.

"Oh, who else, Aaron? Look around you! You've got Paddy who'll do anything for you, you've got Adam – there's Marlon, Cain, Zak – all sorts. Ok, you've had a rough past with your Mum, but how often does she have to apologise? How often does she have to prove that she loves you before you'll stop pitying yourself? It basically boils down to a rubbish relationship with your Dad, and you aren't the only one who can tell that story! Have you ever asked about my Dad? Have you ever even thought about it? Oh, you know what Aaron – I really wanted this to work. Despite everything, I believed I could see something amazing in you, behind all that hard man stuff. But I can't dig forever. Please… please just get yourself together, Aaron."

By the time Jackson had finished speaking, and left the room, his anger had obviously subsided into sorrow. Aaron was concentrating fiercely upon not crying, but when Jackson closed the door – gently, not slamming it – he could hold back the tears no longer. He buried his face in the duvet and wept.