So-called Friendship
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Summary: Crona knew the truth of such frivolous things as friendship, and that was her undoing.
A/n: Angst, angst, angst. A mostly simple, short, themed character analysis.
Rating: Teen
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: The owner of Soul Eater is Atsushi Ōkubo. So-called Friendship belongs to me, Sakumie Tenshi. I gain nothing material by writing this and do it solely for fun.
Betas: N/A
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Friendships. Friends. People. These things were catalysts for sorrow in Crona's life. Since childhood she'd never had friends. She'd had only herself, Ragnarok, and Lady Medusa, and even those were questionable relationships. With herself, she'd never been able to cease the self-loathing and denial. With Ragnarok, he had been the closest thing to a friend, but he was quite the opposite, always abusing her physically and sometimes mentally with repetitive snide insults. Mental abuse was more Medusa's preferred skill. With Lady Medusa as her unusual mother who took a role more as an extreme mentor than anything remotely intimate, Crona had grown up craving to leave yet at the same time aching for approval and petrified at the thought of being alone. Abuse and loathing were far better than solitude. That's all she'd ever known. That's how she'd been raised, to feed upon her own fears.
Then she'd met Death the Kid. She'd never met someone as powerful as him that she'd been expected to fight. She'd never had a "victim" lecture her. She'd never had "the rabbit" run away with its life, until she met this Shinigami. He was the first to sprout a seed of questioning within her deranged mind that didn't coincide with Medusa's word; the word that was Life and Law. Initially, it was easy to bury that seed under everything she'd learned from her Witch mother.
But it was uncovered when she met the young Scythe Meister, Maka. The emotion in this person was notably different from "little Shinigami-kun". Whereas he'd been stern, this girl was fiery; a wild fire, determined to have her way but unaware of the ones she might burn in the process, only to burn even brighter from the embers of her mistakes. This girl was unlike anything Crona knew. There was a certain admiration she held for Maka as much as it unnerved her. There was also an undeniable attraction to such a confident, warm spirit. But she knew she couldn't let herself become a burden in this dear person's life.
These two previously insignificant people helped her see the world in a different way. But this new perspective was too much too soon. So she ran from it all; the new rules, the foreign smiles, the strange concepts of such useless things as love and morals and friendship, and they wereuseless. They were useless, and yet she wanted them. So running was the best option. Blocking out all the things she didn't know how to deal with was all she could do, because accepting these things made her question herself and the self-questioning never concluded.
Alone or not, she was maddened. Physically there, but her heart and mind elsewhere. Always alone. Forever isolated. That was something she thought no one could understand; not Maka, not Kid, not Ragnarok, not Medusa, and at times not even herself.
Friendship, what a laughable concept. It was genuinely funny to Crona. No matter how close she wanted to be with people, it was all too complicated and fleeting. There was no such thing as "friends forever" in her world. Most distanced themselves before knowing her, and those who learned the real her would surely leave. No one could handle her. Not Medusa, not herself. She had to be the first to leave. For years others had hurt her, but after depending on everyone but herself, she succeeded in binge the one to hurt herself. And that was the finale in the dependent girl's undoing.
Crona, complicated and naive with simple desires, was inevitably her own downfall. Crona, the murderer of "the little rabbit", had become the weak, helpless, terrified, dumb rabbit. Crona, the embodiment of both power and weakness, would continue to linger in limbo by herself.
So-called friendship was never truly an option.
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