Okay, so I don't think I'm the only one who has ever noticed that Otto has no luck with girls. And, as I learned for School House Rock, three is a magic number.

Enjoy!

"Tommy?" The substitute called.

"Here."

"All righty, then. The next one is-"

"PENELOPE NICOLE RICHARDS IS PRESENT!" Came a very loud voice from the back corner of the room. The substitute walked slowly to the red table, searching for the source of the sound, almost surprised to find the tiny girl who sat proudly at the edge of seat number sixteen.

NAME: Penelope Nicole Richards

AGE: Six

AFFILIATION: Questionable

CLASSIFICATION: Undercover Dragon Princess

"Penny, quiet down," said the even smaller boy sitting next to her. He, like the girl, had bright pink hair, but his eyes were blue and hers were a lovely brown. The little boy looked like he just wanted to go back to sleep.

"Are you two brother and sister?" The substitute asked, though he could have sworn he'd called the boy back in the "M"s.

"No, we just have the same hair color because-" The boy was cut off.

"I DIED HIS HAIR LAST NIGHT WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING! WITH KOOL-AID!" Penny screeched with excitement.

The substitute looked confused. They're not siblings, but she died his hair when...

"We go to the same orphanage. Penny, Tommy, and I," the boy explained, before pillowing his arms and dropping his head into them, about take a short nap.

"Otto, wake UP," Penny said, shoving her companion when the substitute walked away. "Didn't you hear what he said? He said that whichever team finished their picture first would get a prize. And I'm getting it."

On Penny's other side, Tommy rolled his eyes.

Together, the three of them worked in near silence for almost four minutes. That was before Penny told her story about stealing a packet of Kool-Aid from the cafeteria, and almost getting caught. But that was the thing; she didn't.

Penelope Nicole Richards, Dragon Princess never got caught.

In the end, they finished first, and got the prize. One chocolate bar each. Fun sized, but still.

Of course, it took less than seventeen seconds for dumb Tommy to wave it in Jimmy Newton's face, so Jimmy Newton tried to take it, so Tommy punched Jimmy Newton in the nose.

And so, Tommy got sent to the front office.

All through the first six minuted of recess, Penny was sad. Really sad. Really really sad. Really really really really really to infinity sad. But then Otto, who had tripped and scraped his knee, came back from the clinic.

"YAY!" Penelope Nicole Richards, Dragon Princess screamed, knocking over her formerly white-haired tablemate. "You lived!"

"Yes, I did," Otto said in his usual, not-too-excited-about-anything fashion.

They went and sat on the slide. The old, broken one where nobody played except Otto, because he was a little scared of the not-broken one. And, after a few minutes, they started holding hands.

It took less than four and a half seconds.

"OTTO AND PENNY, SITTIN' IN A TREE, S-N-O-"

And then all twenty-three of the other first graders stopped singing, as Penelope Nicole Richards, Dragon Princess, gave Otto Malpense a slobbery, apple-sauce infested kiss on the cheek.

"EEW!" The other children screamed, scattering. Luckily, though, the instructors called for lunchtime, and that was when all of the bad kids got sent back from the office, if only for half an hour.

"So, does this make you my girlfriend?" Otto asked as they sat down at their usual spot in the cafeteria.

"I dunno, I guess. I mean, YES IT DOES!" Penny said, loudly as usual, regaining her excitement when she saw that today, the cookies with lunch had pink sprinkles.

"Okay."

"WEELLLLL," Penny warbled. "I have to pee. So don't take any of the animal crackers I stole from Jimmy Newton, 'kay?"

"Okay."

That was precisely when Tommy Ransom came walking through the door. He sat down with Otto.

"I heard kids whispering on my way over here," Tommy began. "Something about you and Penny."

"Oh, yeah. Me and Penny were having a chat, and, to cut a long story short, we ended up sortof, well... kissing."

Tommy's eyes widened in surprise. "No way!" He whisper-yelled, while simultaneously reaching for an animal cracker.

"No, wait, those are Penny's!" Otto said, watching in horror as the elephant slid down his friend's esophagus.

And at that precise moment, Penelope Nicole Richards, Dragon Princess came out of the bathroom.

"HEY!" She said, more than mildly annoyed. "I had FIVE of Jimmy Newton's animal crackers, and now there are FOUR! Where's the other one? Otto!"

"No, it was-" He began.

"Well, that's okay. I guess I just can't be your girlfriend anymore," Penny said matter-of-factly, her nose in the air.

"No, it was Tommy!" Otto insisted.

"No, it wasn't," Tommy whined, wanting to stay on Penny's good side.

"Yeah it was!"

"No, it wasn't!"

Otto punched Tommy in the nose, and eventually both of them wound up the front office.

Boys were all over Penelope Nicole Richards, Dragon Princess.

So, how did you like it? You can tell me by pressing that little blue button at the bottom. Right there. Yup, that's it.