Prologue 1- Mom, I'm here
Death is so strange isn't it? You sometimes don't even know it's coming. The last thing that I remember is sitting in a bus. I don't think I remembered even how it happened. All I remembered was that time slowed down and stood still for a moment. Then there was a blinding light. After that, there was nothing.
My last thoughts before dying were a mix of, "Damn it, if I knew I was going to die, I would have been nice and walked the dog today" and "I wish I had slept with that guy when I had the chance, and not die a fucking virgin." For some reason, these were the things I urgently wanted to go back and change.
Then everything was dark. I experienced absolute nothingness. It wasn't something I could describe using words. After all, how can I convey, to my living readers, the absence of all sensation? I couldn't even think, or even experience the passage of time. It was truly nothing.
After a point, suddenly, my ability to think was returned to me. I had no body, but I could think so I thought a lot. Was it time for judgment? Was god real? Was he going to read out all my sins from a long piece of parchment? I had sinned a lot, from constantly picking on my younger siblings, to neglecting Dusty who was only ever nice to me (and I did not walk him, damn it.) Could I still be pardoned?
Or maybe my atheist cousin was right and there was no god. That would be very very sad, but I would prefer that to going to hell for all eternity. Maybe I may even be reincarnated like my weird Buddhist classmate told me I would be. It would be nice if I could be human again.
So, I promised to whoever was listening, "If I get another chance, I will fix everything so please don't send me to hell!"
And then, I suddenly got a response, "Well then it is your lucky day. I have a very special project in mind for you."
I was shocked into silence when I realized my mental space was invaded. It felt very uncomfortable, but it only lasted a fraction of a second. After that it was gone.
I began to hear certain things, like the sound of constant drumming, and the sound of rushing water. It never stopped. I was still blind as a bat (but bats aren't blind are they?) so I couldn't see anything. Neither could I move. I felt snuggly held close in a tight space. Once I got used to it, the sounds became kind of soothing. So I listened to it all the while I lived, trying not to go insane. I kept drifting in and out of a sleep, which was more like losing consciousness. As time passed (excruciatingly slowly) I started hearing more and more things, like the sound of a woman talking. I couldn't make out what she was saying, but I knew for sure she was speaking to me. But it was weird, she sounded so far away.
As more time passed, I began to understand, the woman was indeed speaking English, except she sounded so stiff and proper, like she was a character in those British movies set in the past. She sounded far more formal than any English woman I knew. Sometimes I heard her talk to other people, their voices were far more muffled than hers, and I never understood them. But when she spoke directly to me, she would say things like, "My sweet little angel" and "I love you so much"
I couldn't ignore the obvious connection I made, whenever the woman called me, "my baby." I supposed I really was her baby, except I couldn't move or cry. I hadn't figured out that part yet. And then one day, I heard the lady say, "you're coming out soon, my bundle of joy!" I found it a bit hard to believe I was in some woman's womb. I didn't know babies could hear so well.
Then, the "coming out" happened. It was incredibly painful. Plus, during the whole time, I heard the woman screaming so that was fun. I knew she was in labour, but I really wanted to scream at her to shut up. There were women around her, telling her to push. There were a lot of voices, some excited, some panicked. How many people did one woman need to give birth anyway? But I knew, the moment of coming out was close, and it was nearing. I felt strong muscles contract. I thought the force was going to break my skull. Thankfully it didn't. And then, little by little, my head slowly came out. I tried very hard to push away the thought that I was indeed, experiencing another woman's vagina. I almost wanted to cry.
And I did cry. The moment my head came out. I couldn't stop it from happening. I experienced more and more pushing until I finally plopped out.
"M'lady," a woman said as she held me, "it's a girl."
Then, I heard someone say, "Well let's hope the other one is a boy, or the master will be displeased."
I was handled by, I don't know how many pair of hands, cleaning me with warm water, the whole time while I wailed, trying to listen for another baby. According to the instructions of the women to push more, it seemed like another one was on the way.
Then, all of a sudden I heard it. Finally, the mother's painful vocalizations ended.
"Look, this one is a boy. You have indeed been blessed."
I scoffed inward at the differences in treatment that my brother and I received. I sure hoped it wasn't going to be a permanent thing. But something told me it was going to be that way.
I was finally placed in the bed next to the mother, whose face I couldn't bring into focus, regardless of how hard I tried. My vision was blurred. Soon enough, the still crying brother was placed next to me. I turned my head to look at him, but I couldn't see him either, which was too bad really.
Through the commotions of people bustling about, the boy and I cried non stop. I couldn't stop myself from crying. It was almost like my body did the crying on its own. I was so thankful being reborn, because now it meant, I could try living my life as a less shitty human. However, I had no idea what kind of a mess I had gotten myself into.
I will tell you more next time.
A/N: I'm trying to make this as historically accurate as possible and I have done A TON of research. This is my first fanfic ever, so I hope you like it.
