Warning - major crack fic ahead has been known to cause excessive drooling, dying of laughter, and stupidity.

To answer a few questions: Yes, this is after the Shukaku was extracted form Gaara, yes, Gaara can still freely control the sand, and yes Lee is totally oblivious to sex...at the beginning of the story.

Pairing- Gaa/lee some Kaka/gai and sasu/naru

Lee- age 21

Gaara- age 19

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Prologue

After being the Kazekage for nearly six years, Gaara decides to quit because the people of Suna still hate and fear him. That being said Gaara decides to move to Konoha where he at least has some friends and to get a new-ish start on life. Now back to reality...or so we hope...

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Chapter 1

"YOSH!!! GAI-SENSEI!!!!!!!" CRASH! Lee shouted as he broke down Gai's bedroom door.

"Hey...is that a new taijutsu move?" Lee asked, seeing Gai and Kakashi tangled up under the sheets of Gai's bed.

'I can not let Lee's flames of youth be extinguished by the truth.' Gai thought.

"Yes...it is a new taijutsu move to capture an opponent in an onsen. (hot spring)" Gai said quickly. "I just asked Kakashi over here to help me practice. Right Kakashi?" he said gesturing to Kakashi.

"Yeah, whatever." Kakashi said cooly "now get back down here." He said trying to get Gai back under him and on the bed.

"AHHHH KAKASHI!!!" Gai cried "YOU AND YOUR COOL WAYS!" Gai screamed as he started to cry dramatically.

"Alright!" POOF! pen and paper appear out of no where in Lee's hand.

"I shall take notes!" Lee said as he started jotting down as much information as possible.

"NOOOOO! It is not...perfected...yeah, perfected...I mean...NO, STOP!" Gai improvised while trying to get away from Kakashi when he realized that Kakashi was still in and straddling him.

"Then I shall go and perfect this new technique! I shall make you proud, Gai-sensei!" Lee shouted and disappeared with inhuman speed.

"Fuck!" Gai yelled, trying to pry himself away from Kakashi "You have got to let me go. I have to go stop him! PLEASE LET ME GO!!!!"

"No, you told me you wanted to 'practice' so you are going to stay here and 'practice' some more. Now come here." Kakashi said while teasing one of Gai's nipples. Gai moaned and shuddered at the sudden attention and gladly obliged and forgot about Lee.

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Meanwhile with Gaara...

'Damn Naruto and his fucking ramen, running off on me in the middle of our sparring match!' Gaara thought with hatred while striding down the Konoha streets. The sand around him swirled viciously in reply to the anger and the amount of chakra build up Gaara had from the unfinished match. 'I think i should take a break from his idiocy or else it might rub off on me. I know, I'll go to the onsen and relax.' Gaara thought with a smirk.

Later...

Gaara was in the onsen relaxing with a game of kill the bubbles. (Note: Gaara is the only person to whom you can have relax and kill in the same sentence with.) He found a particularly stubborn bubble. He poked it, it wouldn't pop. He swat at it...it wouldn't burst. He got pissed and finally pounced on it...only to find himself hanging upside down on the bubble. SPLASH! He fell into the water.

RAWR!... (when I say pissed that's an understatement) "SICK IT, SAND!" he shouted grinning in triumph. Only to find that the bubble had turned into many more.

It just so happens that at this time Lee decided to enter the onsen. As Lee entered, he saw Gaara in there. So he thought 'Who better to test out this new taijutsu on?'

Gaara didn't seem notice Lee sneaking up on him, as he was preoccupied giving death glares to the multiple bubbles. Then at the last minute, as Lee was about to pounce, the sand came up and grabbed Lee, spinning him around in the air and then levitating him upside down.

"What are you doing?" Gaara asked.

"Well, you see...I was..." Lee never got to finish, as he was dunked head first into the water. Repeatedly.

"going..." DUNK

"to..." DUNK

"practice..." DUNK

"a new..." DUNK

"Were you going to say "Practice a new 'ninjutsu' move?" Gaara asked, a little bit curious.

"No. It is a taijutsu move." stated Lee with his thousand watt smile. ...DUNK! Lee is held under for more than he should have been

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Meanwhile...in Gaara's mind...

'Should I kill the freaky bastard now...and mess with his sweet, delicious, red, metalic, blood...Blood...BLOOD!' thought a now hyperventalating Gaara. 'Or should I let him live and torture him slowly and painfully?' thought Gaara now sporting a cheshire grin. (AKA: means bad things about to happen. (AUTHORS NOTE: slowly edging away from Gaara...little bit further...RUN!!!!))

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Normal (or so we hope) point of view:

Gaara decides...to PLAY! chibi Gaara does happy dance (AKA: play means slow, painful torture.)

Sorry this chapter is such a cliff-hanger but we had to start some where!!

yes this was made by 2 people we call each other...

COOKIE DOUGH

and

LOLLIPOP

sadistic and twisted sex scenes to come in next chapter..don't worry there will be cute and cuddly ones too later on in the story but not while gaara is in charge now!!!...

NOTE: remember this IS a crack story...that doesn't mean we are ON crack it means that we write stories LIKE we are on crack, but are not. Just to clarify that... Next chapter coming soon!!!