There's a girl there, swimming just outside of his memory. Blonde and green eyed, scowling mostly but sometimes smiling. He doesn't think he knows her- no, he knows he doesn't but she's there in his head, in his memories (his memories?) with her green eyes and sometimes smiling face and goodbyes ("don't say it, please"). He doesn't even know her name until he ends up screaming it in the middle of the night.

Wash doesn't even realize he's screaming until he's being shaken awake with North and York staring down at him questioningly. Wash blinks and tries to sit up. "Wha?" he asks, voice slurred with fatigue and a little hoarse, "S'happening?"

North and York exchange a glance and then look back at him.

"So hey," York starts, "Did you know you had this cute little quirk where you talk in your sleep? Except, replace 'cute' with 'mildly terrifying and concerning' and 'talk' with screaming'."

Wash squints at him. "Excuse me, what?"

"Who's Allison?" North asks.

"Who?"

"The girl of your dreams, apparently," York half-jokes.

"Someone you left back home?" says North.

Wash shakes his head, rubs at his eyes. His head hurts, a dull ache that's enough to be considered uncomfortable. "No. No, I don't know anyone like that. I would...remember...I think."

York raises a single brow and looks at North who only shrugs in response. Wash blinks slow, sees the image of blonde hair, green eyes and a frowning mouth behind his eyelids. "Allison," he says, voice pained but that's not his voice it's-

"Epsilon." Memory AI, makes sense. Not Wash's memory then.

Epsilon appears at the call of his name, a bright holographic blue that makes the Freelancers squint their tired eyes as they adjust.

"Yes, Agent Washington?"

"Was that-were you saying something just then?" Wash asks.

Epsilon flickers. "I...was remembering something. My apologies Agent Washington, Agent North, Agent York. I didn't mean to disturb you." Epsilon flickers again. Washington frowns.

"As long as you're fine..."

"I'm just..." He seems to dim a bit, "a little tired I think."

"Can AI even get tired?" York comments and North nudges him discreetly with his elbow. "What?"

"I'll try to keep things under control from now on," Epsilon says, "Good night Agent Washington." He blinks out of view and it's all dark again.

"So that was weird right?" York says after a while and North nudges him again, "Ow, What? We were all thinking it." North rolls his eyes and puts a reassuring hand on Wash's shoulder.

"Don't worry, it takes a while to get used to. Give it a couple days, everything will get back to normal," he tells him.

York snorts. "As normal as having someone else in your brain can get."

North gives him A Look and York puts his hands up in front of him, grinning as he backs up towards his own bed. North does the same.

"Try to get some sleep Wash," he says and then it's quiet. Wash lies down and stares at the ceiling. His head still hurts.


His head is actually killing him and Wash can barely tell what's real and what isn't. Who's memories are whose? His? Epsilon's? It feels like a fist around his heart, squeezing and squeezing and not letting go. His breath comes in quick, panicked breaths and he can't get enough air into his lungs. He clutches at his head and squeezes his eyes shut, flashes of memory and snippets of conversation play in his brain like a movie. The image of the blonde girl with the green eyes burns into his retinas. He will never forget.

"ALLISON," he yells (Wash? Epsilon? Who even knows anymore) and her name is the loudest thing in his mind.

ALLISONALLISONALLISONALLISON.

"Don't say goodbye" her voice, a quiet whisper amid the noise but he still manages to pick it out. The memories attack him again all at once;

Bright lights and surgery tables, pain and splitting his head open to tear his mind apart, the Counselor ("welcome to the world epsilon") all inquisitive and plotting faces, green eyes and lies and torture and ("she's dead and it's your fault, they're dead and it's your fault" "No NO") he screams because everything hurts but the pain doesn't stop because they keep splitting him up even though there's hardly anything left of him to keep breaking-

(I'm dying, Wash thinks amongst all the chaos, I must be dying)

-and then there's the Director.

"I hate goodbyes."

And Washington knows.


endnotes: this is like half canon half not but leaning more towards the not part. also, i was just going to leave this with just the one but then i got ideas